From something as simple as putting your headphones on to the decision to go no contact, guilt is an emotion that accompanies a wide range of experiences. It’s complicated and uncomfortable, especially when we start to feel guilty for doing things that are objectively pretty normal. In this week’s episode, we take a look at guilt as a moral emotion and trace it back to its roots. 0:00 Intro 0:44 Guilt, Standards and the Adapted Self 6:33 My Experience with Guilt 12:28 Every Moment is an Eggshell Moment 14:18 Perfectionism and Disappointment 16:22 Lacking Self-Trust 19:07 Bringing Others In 25:19 Reflecting on my Own Behavior 27:45 Healing 29:58 Guilt is Confusing 32:13 You Get to Decide! 33:37 Outro Support this channel for more content like this on PatreonEmotional but Hopeful Merch on ShopifyIt's Not Normal Podcast on YoutubeIt's Not Normal Podcast on SpotifyIt's Not Normal Podcast on Apple Podcasts Join the Conversation on TikTok All the other links here --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

The smear campaign, the narcissist’s attempt to tarnish your reputation, question your character, and destroy your image. Why do they do this? What tactics do they use? How should we respond? In this week’s episode we’ll tackle all of these questions to give you a better idea on what to do if you find yourself on the receiving end of this intense manipulation tactic, often referred to as large scale gaslighting. 0:00 Intro 0:39 What is a smear campaign? 1:11 The need for control 3:56 The image 8:28 The victim 11:28 Don’t take it personally 15:35 Isolation from support system 18:22 Projection 24:02 How to respond 25:58 You can’t reason with unreasonable people 30:00 Younger siblings 34:19 Stay true to yourself 35:30 Outro Support this channel for more content like this on PatreonEmotional but Hopeful Merch on ShopifyIt's Not Normal Podcast on YoutubeIt's Not Normal Podcast on SpotifyIt's Not Normal Podcast on Apple Podcasts Join the Conversation on TikTok All the other links here --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

The healing journey has been a constant ebb and flow of emotions. While some days, I feel like I can take on the world, others, it’s hard to find the motivation to do much of anything at all. Intrusive thoughts, perfectionism and hypervigilance are just a few of the unhealthy behaviors I developed throughout my childhood that are still a part of my day-to-day life. In this week’s episode, I offer up a realistic look at healing. Healing is progress, it’s movement. Hope can exist alongside overwhelming emotion. Chapters 0:00 Welcoming New Additions! 2:06 A Realistic Look at Healing 4:24 Intrusive Thoughts 11:51 Being Vulnerable in a Relationship 15:16 Asking for Help 19:38 Hypervigilance 23:22 People Pleasing 28:41 Establishing Healthy Communication 33:50 Being Hypercritical of Myself Support this channel for more content like this on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/bigsiscasey Emotional but Hopeful Merch: https://emotionalbuthopeful.myshopify.com/ Check out It's Not Normal Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcSeXcjZ04k&list=PLwPTtYn1GSUxszDBeKj97uaVSJO-v_VDN&ab_channel=It%27sNotNormal It's Not Normal Podcast on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/01wXLLBGxbbQHYQUHgZH9e It's Not Normal Podcast on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/its-not-normal/id1722371954 Join the Conversation on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bigsiscasey All the other links here: https://www.linktr.ee/bigsiscasey --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

A few weeks ago, I got an invite to be on In-Sight Exposing Narcissism - a podcast hosted by licensed psychotherapists Katie McKenna and Helen Villiers. I was thrilled to have the opportunity to speak with them and share my story. In this week’s episode, I talk about what it was like speaking to mental health professionals for the first time along with some additional insight on defensiveness, enmeshment and other topics we addressed.  If you haven’t already, check out Katie and Helen’s podcast,  99. It's Not Normal - An interview with Casey Smith Katie McKenna: https://www.tiktok.com/@katiemckennatherapist Helen Villiers: https://www.tiktok.com/@helenvilliersma Chapters 0:57 Anticipating Negativity 4:44 Validating My Experience 10:29 Toxic Positivity 16:13 Holding My ‘No’ 18:37 Breaking the Cycle 26:01 Direct Communication 27:34 Taking Responsibility --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Perfectionism comes in different forms. Whether it’s self, other or socially oriented, dealing with perfectionism can feel like a never ending cycle of unrealistic expectations followed by criticism and disappointment. Often a trauma response or coping mechanism, perfectionism often stems from being raised by an emotionally unskilled parent. In this week’s episode, we dive into everything related to perfectionism, it’s connections to narcissistic abuse and tips on how to fight it.  Chapters 0:11 Perfectionism  1:29 3 Types of Perfectionism 4:26 How It Relates to Narcissism 6:19 Conditional Love and Expectations 7:40 Perfectionism as a Coping Mechanism 9:48 ‘Overachiever’  13:36 Attachment Trauma and Unpredictability 16:24 Going Away to School 22:52 Posting on Social Media 26:00 Fighting Perfectionism --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

The TikTok that went viral: https://www.tiktok.com/@csmith0497/video/7284752825916132651 Expectations are one of the most damaging things to bring into relationships and experiences. So often, the expectations we carry with us can be traced back to the expectations that were placed on us throughout our lives. Letting go and living in the moment are helpful in healing. Chapters  0:00 Introduction 1:10 Where do Expectations Come From? 4:44 Hypervigilance 8:59 Going to the Beach 11:34 You’re Only Doing It For Me 13:06 If You Have to Ask 16:12 Deviating from the Plan 18:45 False Sense of Urgency 23:21 I Like Dark Chocolate 25:59 Voicing What I Want 28:53 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

‘You cannot heal in the same environment that made you sick.’ A self-protection strategy, setting boundaries in a controlling relationship dictates the behavior you are or are not willing to tolerate. Making the decision to go no contact is rarely an easy one. In this week’s episode, I explore boundaries, how I discovered them and how that ultimately led to my decision to go no contact with my narcissistic parent. 0:00 Intro 0:42 What is a Boundary? 3:48 Setting My First Boundary 5:04 Navigating Boundaries After I Moved Out 7:34 My Role and Responsibilities in the Family Dynamic 11:01 You Can’t Reason with Unreasonable People 12:54 The Stress of Interactions with Unresolved Trauma 14:22 Opportunities to do the Right Thing 19:29 The Emotionally Unskilled Family and the Start of my Healing Journey 22:20 My Decision to go No Contact 26:11 Tying Myself to an Uncomfortable Conversation 28:35 How Setting Boundaries Has Helped Me 29:47 The Ups and Downs of the Healing Journey 31:53 Developing My Sense of Self 32:54 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition in which an individual has an inflated sense of self-importance. Narcissists are extremely self-focused and approach situations from the viewpoint, ‘how does this affect me?’ Competitiveness, comparison and a lack of empathy are characteristics of a narcissist that prevent them from sharing in the excitement and joy surrounding your own personal accomplishments. In this week’s episode, I discuss everything from winning the science fair in elementary school to traveling the country for the first time as a young adult, the differences in the reactions and support of my narcissistic parent and how I’ve managed to maintain positivity and happiness around personal accomplishments. 0:00 Intro 0:44 What is Narcissism? 1:05 My Early Accomplishments 1:40 Prioritizing Myself 3:00 Contrasting Accomplishments 4:45 Realizing That I Don’t Have to Wait Around 7:34 Narcissists Lack of Empathy  10:19 Starting a Business on my Own 13:17 Mocking Your Personal Achievements  17:38 Why Can’t You Just Be Happy For Me? 19:50 Having Trouble Trusting Your Gut 23:18 Healthy v. Narcissistic Relationship 26:22 Speaking Negatively About Others 28:42 Recognize the Behavior 30:02 It’s Not Personal 31:35 Set Boundaries  35:47 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Happy Holidays! The decision to go no contact is rarely an easy one. Feelings of sadness, guilt and even isolation are common and can be especially hard to reconcile around the holidays. This year marked my first no contact Christmas, and, while it was upsetting at times to no longer be partaking in family traditions I had cherished throughout my childhood, the distance also gave me peace of mind. In this week’s episode, I get into everything from how I was feeling and how I managed the more negative emotions that surfaced to how I’ve adjusted my expectations of the holiday season and how I plan to redefine family traditions for me! Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:17 Our Unconventional Approach to Life 5:09 Conventional Celebrations 7:00 The Value of Family Traditions 10:47 Adjusting to Changing Traditions 26:53 Misconceptions of Narcissistic Parents 29:56 Letting Go and Redefining 33:48 Optimist Based in Reality 37:37 Being Thankful for Where I Am Now 41:41 The Plan for Next Year 46:19 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support

Growing up in a narcissistic family, you are often exposed to unhealthy behavior. Whether through observation or participation, it’s not uncommon to subconsciously integrate those same toxic traits into your own life. Through recognition and forgiveness, we can unlearn these negative behaviors and redefine our life and relationships.  Chapters 0:00 Intro 0:27 Arguments 5:19 Closed Family System 8:45 My First Relationship 11:19 Red Flags 12:58 Mimicking Behavior 13:56 Direct Communication 15:37 Trust Issues 18:36 Control + Dependence 20:08 Hypervigilance 27:24 Recognition 30:08 Perspective from the Moms at Work 37:46 Willingness to Change 43:07 Starting from Zero 45:49 Numbness 49:00 Forgiving Past Version of Yourself 52:22 Outro --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/itsnotnormal/support