Tonight's movie is “Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies.” The basic premise of this movie is that the Nazi Zombie thing has been overdone, so we’re going to set it in Austria and replace the Nazi uniforms with the most humorous of all the pants, liderhosen.
The movie opens with a hot shot American snowboarder pulling a wacky stunt where he boards down the mountain in his birthday suit, only to discover there’s a make-a-wish kid, complete with wheelchair waiting to meet him. The movie kinda goes downhill from there, and not just because they snowboard. It's a fairly standard zombie movie, except everyone is doing their best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, there's zombie deer, and the black people don’t die first. But that's because the movie was cast before the swapped out the nazis. Not a lot of black nazis.
Spoiler alert: everyone who wears liderhosen, turns into a zombie. At one point our protagonists try to escape the living dead by picking up a menu board and walking behind it, like they’re Mystery Inc. The plan falls apart when they turn around briefly and the menu slides away on the ice. The zombies then slip on the ice. The living slip on the ice. Robert Van Winkle is Vanilla Ice.
As the movie progresses the zombies become easier to kill, and get killed in increasingly absurd and comedic ways often involving the deadliest of all winter sporting equipment, the snowboard.
The biggest laugh however came halfway through the credits, as someone was credited for their role as “penis double.” I might leave that job off of my LinkedIn profile.
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool! Where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of shitty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the terror of tiny town, the last known survivor of Battlefield Earth, the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2 Electric Boogaloo
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