Gather 'round, now everybodyLet me tell you a story 'bout Hollywood's shame (ooh-yeah)Where terrible actors and scripts collideOh, what a mess it is on the other sideSaw the lights, camera, action, beginBut all I got was a movie that plunged in a spinFrom the first scene to the credits that rollOh, Hollywood disaster, you've taken its toll (ooh-yeah)Silver screen cesspool, bad movies galoreCan't help but wonder, what the hell were they making these for?Oh, throw in some cliches, a shark, a predictable plotIt's a trainwreck, I tell you, it's all they ever got------------------------Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool! Where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of shitty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the terror of tiny town, the last known survivor of Battlefield earth, the one of many, Allen Smithee!