On Attachment

How do you find self-compassion when everything is falling to pieces? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We'll talk about why self-compassion can be so hard to access when we're in a challenging season, the mistaken belief that self-compassion removes accountability, and how we can start to cultivate more kindness and self-validation when we need it most. ResourcesFree resources for healing anxious attachmentSubscribe to my YouTube channel

In this episode, I’m sharing how I personally approach nervous system regulation in a way that feels simple, realistic, and actually sustainable, rather than overwhelming myself with endless tools and protocols. We talk about focusing on the foundations — like sleep, nourishment, movement, and creating a supportive home environment — while also being mindful of what we don’t do, like overscheduling or saying yes from pressure. Subscribe to my YouTube channelFree resources for anxious attachment

Understanding Your Avoidant Partner: New CourseMany people find themselves trying to decode confusing or inconsistent behaviour, wondering whether it reflects avoidant attachment or a lack of interest — but in early dating, a lack of clarity is often the clearest signal in itself. The more meaningful question is why we stay engaged in dynamics that leave us feeling uncertain, rather than stepping back and asking whether this meets our needs. ⁠Subscribe to my YouTube Channel⁠Explore my free resourcesFollow me on Instagram

In today’s episode, I’m walking you through how to navigate the first 30 days after a breakup in a way that is supportive, grounded, and deeply healing.This initial period can feel overwhelming — full of grief, anxiety, confusion, and emotional swings. And while it’s natural to be in survival mode, there are small but powerful ways you can support yourself through this time rather than getting swept up in the chaos.I share a practical roadmap for what to focus on (and what to avoid), so you can move through this chapter with more intention, self-respect, and care.We cover:Why the early days after a breakup can feel so destabilisingThe two common nervous system responses: anxiety and shutdownHow to create a supportive, calming environment for yourselfThe importance of maintaining basic self-care and routinesWhy boundaries (especially no contact) are so importantThe impact of screen time, social media, and ruminationHow to approach this period with intention rather than survival modeBeginning the process of reconnecting with yourself✨ Free break-up training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up

In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re talking about how to cope when your ex seems to have moved on soon after your break-up — and is now in a new relationship that appears to be working.This can be an incredibly painful experience, especially if you’re still grieving the relationship. It often brings up comparison, self-doubt, and questions like “Was I the problem?”In this episode, I unpack why this situation feels so triggering, what’s actually going on beneath the surface, and how to shift out of rumination and back into your own power.We cover: Why seeing your ex move on can feel like “salt in the wound”The different ways anxious and avoidant people process breakupsWhy your ex’s behaviour isn’t a reflection of your worthThe illusion of their new relationship “working”How new relationship energy can mask underlying patternsThe impact of comparison, rumination, and self-doubtWhy focusing on your ex keeps you stuckHow to set boundaries and reclaim your energyResourcesFor free resources on break-ups and anxious attachment, click here.Check out my break-up course Higher Love here

In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there something genuinely not right in this relationship?When you’re used to second-guessing yourself, it can be incredibly hard to know whether your fears and insecurities are coming from your own patterns—or from dynamics that would leave anyone feeling unsafe or unsettled.In this episode, I explore why this question is so difficult to answer, the role of self-doubt and emotional invalidation, and how to find a more grounded, balanced perspective. I also share some clear examples of behaviours that are likely to create insecurity in any relationship, regardless of your attachment style.We cover:Why “is it me or them?” is such a common source of ruminationThe role of self-doubt and self-invalidation in anxious attachmentThe middle ground between dismissing your feelings and being led by themWhy relationship dynamics are almost always co-createdExamples of behaviours that are objectively difficult to build a secure relationship aroundHow inconsistency and unpredictability activate anxious attachment patternsThe importance of zooming out and looking at the big pictureWhen anxiety is a signal of deeper relational misalignmentResourcesFree training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment & Feel Secure in Life and Love

In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re exploring a common question: is it ever a good idea to be friends with an ex?While staying connected can sometimes feel comforting after a breakup, it’s not always supportive of healing or moving forward.In this episode, I share some key considerations to help you assess whether a friendship is a good idea, or whether it might be keeping you stuck in old patterns, attachment, or hope.We discuss:Why the desire to stay friends after a breakup is so commonWhen friendship with an ex can work—and when it’s likely to be harmfulSigns you might still be emotionally attached or holding onto hopeThe role of boundaries, space, and healing after a breakupHow to assess whether a friendship is aligned with your long-term wellbeing👉🏼 Register for my free breakup training here

In today’s episode, I’m unpacking why I don’t give the common advice for anxiously attached people to simply avoid avoidant partners.While it might seem like a straightforward way to protect yourself from painful relationship dynamics, this approach is often overly simplistic — and can actually reinforce the very patterns you’re trying to move away from.We explore the nuance that often gets lost in attachment conversations, including why not all avoidant individuals are the same, and how reducing people to labels can limit your capacity to form meaningful, healthy connections.I also share a more grounded and empowering approach to dating — one that centres discernment, self-trust, and clarity around what you truly want and need in a relationship.Explore my website + free resources here.

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m responding to a question I hear more often than you might expect. Someone has done a lot of work on their anxious attachment patterns, they feel more grounded and secure, and now they find themselves with very little interest in dating or relationships.I talk about how this can sometimes be a natural pendulum swing. When you have spent a long time orienting around other people, trying to be chosen, accommodating, and overextending yourself, it makes sense that there would be a period of pulling back. For many people, that space allows for a real sense of peace, self-expression, and reconnection with who they are outside of a relationship.At the same time, I explore how this experience can come from different places. For some, it reflects genuine contentment in their single life. For others, there may still be a protective element underneath it, particularly if being in a relationship has historically meant losing themselves.This episode is about understanding what is actually driving that shift, so you can move forward in a way that is aligned with what you truly want, rather than simply reacting to your past patterns.

In this episode, I’m joined by therapist, bestselling author, and boundaries expert Nedra Glover Tawwab for a powerful conversation on what it really means to have healthy dependency in our relationships.So many of us find ourselves swinging between two extremes — overgiving, people-pleasing, and losing ourselves in others… or shutting down, becoming hyper-independent, and struggling to let anyone in.But what does the middle ground actually look like?Together, we explore the spectrum between codependency and hyper-independence, and how both patterns — while protective — can ultimately leave us feeling disconnected and unfulfilled.This conversation goes beyond romantic relationships. We talk about friendships, family, community, and the importance of having a diverse support system rather than expecting one person to meet all of our needs.We also unpack:Why “healthy dependency” isn’t a weakness, but a fundamental human needHow codependency and hyper-independence develop as adaptationsThe role of boundaries in creating sustainable, respectful relationshipsWhy over-focusing on the why behind someone’s behaviour can keep us stuckHow to stop over-functioning in relationships and recalibrate your energyThe importance of having multiple sources of connection and supportWhy doing the “uncomfortable thing” is often the path to secure relationshipsNedra shares practical, grounded insights on how to move away from extremes and towards more balanced, flexible, and connected ways of relating.If you’ve ever struggled with asking for help, felt resentful in relationships, or found yourself stuck in the same relational patterns, this episode will give you a clear and compassionate framework for doing things differently.Connect with Nedra Glover Tawwab:InstagramWebsitePurchase her new book, The Balancing Act