The final episode, is Costs involved in my family building. I worked for 15 years in London before being able to start my surrogacy process. My ex-husband was paying for the renovation of our home, so I took it upon myself to pay for the IVF and surrogacy, and we both agreed on that. I always wanted to end up with more than 1 child and we decided to have twins as I could not afford to go through the surrogacy process twice. We still managed to enjoy life. However, there were moments when it was hard, witnessing people close to me, getting pregnant naturally. Of course, I was thrilled to see the pregnancies happening, and yet I was gutted. I was very aware of how long it had taken to get to that point. And I wasn't going to spend, just to spend. I had to find a way to justify what was non-negotiable, what was a waste, and what was an investment? As 2 gay men, having a family through surrogacy. I wanted a guarantee. When the children were born, I will be recognised as their parents and I will be able to return home without any complications. Although with this protection and guarantee, came at a price. When I chose my IVF clinic, they offered for me to make 1 payment that covered all the medical fees for the process. The IVF clinic fees included: The sperm testing. Egg donor screening. Her injectable hormones. The egg retrieval, and embryo creation. It also included the surrogate screening. Medications needed to prepare her uterus. And the embryo transfers until she got pregnant. Now, I'm going to tell you what the IVF clinic fees did not include: Did not include the compensation for either the egg donor or Surrogate. Testing on the embryos for sex selection, which would have been an extra $4,000 to do.  I try to find a way to save on this part of the process. But with how complex this all felt to me. I thought that the best option would be to go for the fixed price to remove any anxiety.   Knowing that it was all taken care of and I could just focus on the process. The final cost was about 25% higher than their pay as you go program and it costs me $53,000. Unlike with the clinic, the surrogacy agency did not allow for a fixed price program. This part was where I should have paid more attention. The surrogacy agency told me to expect to pay about $125,000. In my head, I thought that amount included the surrogacy agency and the IVF clinic fees. But the reality was this $125,000. I was just for the agency fees, the surrogate compensation, and health insurance, and it also included all the legal fees.  To recap these confusing numbers. The IVF Clinic fees: $53,000. The Surrogacy Agency and Non IVF Clinic fees: $145,000. Total amount, under $200,000.  I paid any bills with my credit card as it gave me air miles. That I then collected to be able to fly to the us for the 20 week scan.  My ex had an ex that owned a house in Sedona, Arizona. Yup. Let me repeat that. My ex had an ex who had a house that we stayed in. Yeah. Sedona is close to where the babies were born and we stayed in his house for a month. This was an expense that I had not budgeted for. As I was told, we were staying there for free. But we actually ended up paying $12,000 in cash for it. But it needed to be done as we needed a place to live whilst we were in the U.S. And so we flew back to the UK. A tip for me. Just use Airbnb.  So there you have it. Thank you for listening to my story from start to finish of having twins born via IVF and surrogacy in the United States. Every surrogacy story will be different yet the process remains roughly the same. Our aim through @IVFDADDIES is that after listening to series one, You can ask specific questions to better understand how to make this process work for you. This is your family and it must be the best process for you. We really hope that we've inspired you to take the leap into having a family through IVF and surrogacy. Remember, you can always reach out to us, and Thank you. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ivfdaddies/message

On the 17th of January, 2012, two of the six embryos that had been made were transferred into her. It was what I had dreamed of for as long as I could remember, and yet I also knew that it might not work. The next day, my surrogate flew home to Arizona. On the 20th of January, a nurse called. I remember exactly what she said.  Don't get too excited, the blood hormone level is 199. Which is a very early indicator that you might be pregnant. We will do another test in 7 days to confirm the new levels.  I burst into tears, I was stunned and thrilled. It seemed to have worked, And yet a little voice in my head asked. Why did she say not to get too excited?  The level she was talking about was to do with HCG. Or human chorionic gonadotropin, which is a hormone released by the body when the embryo implants. And if the number increases, it shows that the embryo is growing and the transfer has worked.   A week later, I received another call and the HCG had risen and it continued to rise, and before I knew it, the six week scan was upon us. This was the real test as this is an ultrasound where the nurses look for a heartbeat.   By this stage, I was back home in London, and then at 10:00 AM, Arizona time, my phone rang.  My heart nearly stopped. The ultrasound showed two very quick and strong heartbeats, which meant Twins.  Everything I had hoped for and dreamed of was happening. The 20 week scan was one that I was not going to miss. This is the anatomy scan to check to see if the babies were growing correctly, and where I could find out the sex of the twins. When we entered this scan room, the technician asked if we wanted to know the sex of the twins, which was answered very quickly, yes, please. And very excited, she said, You're having a boy and a girl. More tears. How incredibly exciting the dream was coming true. For my twins, I randomly had a friend who is an obstetrician in Phoenix, and we agreed to work with her.  Why did I want to work with my friend?  I had an inherent feeling of not being accepted as I was gay, and therefore I was concerned that we would be treated differently because -gay dads, in Arizona, having a surrogate birth. I voiced this to my friend, she said there would be no issues at all and she gave me comfort that it was all going to be okay.  The surrogacy agency is also involved in making sure that the team around the babies who deliver, register and deal with all of the hospital finances know that this is a surrogacy arrangement, which ensures no additional worries.  The agency arranged a private room for us. That was next to where the surrogate would be, so that we could be just us as a new family in our room, and to be there for our surrogate, for whatever she needed in her room.  What a weight lifted from my shoulders.  Living in the UK and not seeing the weekly changes as the babies were growing was hard. Sometimes it felt like it wasn't happening, and it was only on paper that someone somewhere was pregnant with my children. Finally at 37 weeks on the 12th of September, 2012, we were all in the hospital in Phoenix. And after a scheduled C-section. At 5:28 PM and 5:30 PM. My miracle twins, Alexander, and Liliana made it into this world. The most magical moments of my life.  I pinch myself every single day that this was possible. My children know, it took a lot of people  and a lot of love to bring them into this world.  Five questions to ask.   1. Is your contact with the surrogate too little, too much or Okay.  Find out if she thinks the same.   2. If you have an experienced surrogate, find out what she liked. And didn't like from her previous surrogacy pregnancy and follow her lead on this.   3. Does the hospital where your baby is going to be born, have a history of dealing with surrogacy cases.  4. Is your agency in touch with the hospital to make sure that everyone is aware of the surrogacy arrangement.  5. Does the hospital have a private room for you? For before and after the birth. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ivfdaddies/message

On a personal note, this is a difficult episode for me as I wish that I could have done this, where I live here in the United Kingdom. However with the legal situation and the challenges around surrogacy within the UK. At the time, I was lucky enough to be able to go to the United States, to create my family. In USA, I had a dedicated coordinator at the Surrogacy Agency, that told me it would normally take about eight months to receive a surrogate to profile. To my surprise, 6 weeks later, a surrogate profile popped into my inbox, filling me with a lot of emotions, of course most of them were happy feelings, and I would be lying if I didn't mention, that I was also anxious. As advertising to find a surrogate in the UK is illegal, I was worried about how they had found someone so quickly. I had been expecting a longer wait, so receiving this profile a lot sooner than the estimated 8 months, a lot of things were going through my mind. Mainly: had they sent through the first profile they could? Had they curated the match? The profile contained high-level information about her and her family as well as insight into why she wanted to become a surrogate. The one thing that caught my attention and made me really like her profile was, that she had a friend who had been a surrogate to help a couple have a family, and thought, that it was an amazing thing to do. As after reading her profile, I was filled with excitement. And it was such a wonderful feeling as I could already imagine holding my babies. Working with an agency included a video call for us to get to know each other. Something that would have made me happier, was, if the agency had been on the call to moderate our conversation, as that way, I would have been less nervous asking questions. I don't know if this was the agency's protocol. As we both needed to approve each other. Were they letting us have an uninfluenced conversation on a genuine level? I was nervous as to this point. It was all still a paperwork exercise, and then the minute her face came on the call I felt relieved. She was so smiley and had a lovely persona that shone through the screen, which just made me understand what an amazing human being she was to even consider carrying someone else's babies. An hour after our call, I got an email from the agency saying that she loved our conversation and that she was thrilled to be our surrogate. Like egg donors. Surrogates need to be medically screened. And this is where the agency stepped in again, to work with the IVF clinic. Even though the agency is in Boston, the clinic in Connecticut and the surrogate in Phoenix, they've arranged all the logistics for her to fly to the clinic for a one day in-person visit. This visit involved a full physical examination drug, alcohol, and blood tests, checking her uterus to make sure that everything was optimal for a pregnancy. Although the screening sounds very invasive, it can empower people about their own health. With the clinic visit over and all the medical screening done, she flew home, and two days later, the agency sends me an email confirming that she had passed the rigorous testing. The clinic did a great job on coaching her as to what to do as she was doing this at home. They checked in with her every week to see how she was doing on an emotional level, and she was physically supported by a pre-approved local doctor who checked how her uterus lining was growing. After finishing a month of treatment. The agency arranged for her to fly to the IVF clinic two days before the embryo transfer. Questions to ask yourself: 1) Are you mentally prepared for a surrogate profile to come into your inbox any day after you sign up? 2) Have you got some questions that you would like to ask your surrogates? 3) Will you fly to the clinic to meet the surrogate for the embryo transfer? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ivfdaddies/message

To find a surrogate, you either go independently, which means through online groups, the majority of which are on Facebook, a family member or a friend; or you go through a surrogacy agency. The unknown of what I was doing was a lot. Now that I know more -aside from reputation-, my top five criteria for agency selection are: 1. Matching time to find a surrogate. The timeframe to be matched with a surrogate should be one of the first filters in deciding which agencies to talk to. There will always be more people looking for surrogates than surrogates available. And within agencies, there is a big difference in waiting times. If time to match is of importance, then you can work with an agency that will have surrogates with a higher base compensation than other options available. So timeframe directly correlates to costs involved within the process. 2. Costs. Make sure that you have a clear and comprehensive picture from the agency on all the expenses related to the journey and when payments are due, you. They can't give you a fixed price due to variables outside of the agency's control. Meaning the price could increase. My agency gave me an estimated budget for the entire process of around 200,000 us dollars, which enabled me to budget accordingly. For example. They broke their fee of $28,000 into three parts. Which were paid. Upon signing the agency contract. Upon matching with a surrogate and the final installment when the surrogate was medically cleared. This helped me to spread out the total amount into bite sized chunks. As explained in episode six, you will need an escrow account into which the whole amount must be deposited before your surrogate gets pregnant. 3. Do you want twins or a single baby? 12 years ago, due to lower success rates. Agencies, we're happy for Surrogates to carry twins as clinics would transfer two embryos with the aim of getting to one baby. Since I always dreamed of having two children. And I couldn't afford to do this more than once. I opted for twins. Nowadays. Agencies we'll aim to avoid twins. And we'll suggest one surrogate per embryo transfer. Which makes sense. As I didn't realise the more babies a surrogate is carrying in one pregnancy, the higher, the risk. 4. How much of the process can the agency do? Some smaller agencies will only match you with a surrogate. Well, some larger agencies can offer you additional services. Always looking at ways to provide peace of mind. I chose an agency that provided additional services, such as travel, logistics, payments, and psychological evaluations. All to minimise the amount of people involved. And to make it easier and smoother. 5. What are the agency's thoughts on termination? Another reason I felt comfortable with my agency. Was that they included surrogates that were open to the option of termination. This for me was very important as I did not want my surrogate to be in a situation where her health was at risk. Keep in mind, there are agencies that do not support termination. Four questions to ask: 1) Do you want to use an agency or to go independently? 2) Is waiting time of importance to you. 3) Have you compared the costs between agencies? 4) Have you discussed termination? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ivfdaddies/message

Egg donor legal contracts, and payments. Talking about my dream to have children and putting the building blocks in place. Suddenly, I'm in the mental space of having to be explained clauses in a contract, making everything seem transactional, and that was not something I was expecting. One of the things I did not mention in the previous episode, is that when I chose my egg donor, I had to sign a legal contract with her. The agency found me the egg donor, but legally, I had to sign a contract directly with her. The agency explained to me that they would present two independent lawyers. The first lawyer would write a contract that included information such as how much she would be compensated for the donation, what type of contact I would have with the donor, And most importantly, who had the rights and responsibilities for the eggs. The second lawyer would then review all this information with the egg donor to make sure that she was legally informed. This process normally takes up to two weeks to complete. Anything with legal contracts in a foreign country petrifies me. And in my mind, I did not want to end up in a conflict over who had responsibility for my children, arming me with confidence that in the US, being both legally protected, with the requirement for me to pay for both lawyers, was the right decision to make. In another episode, I will have a conversation with a US lawyer to better understand the complexities of the contractual obligations. How to pay your egg donor. Legally, this must be done via an account where money is put up front so that everyone knows you have sufficient funds to cover the egg donation process. This is called an escrow or trust account where you authorise a third party to make payments on your behalf. What scared me about using an escrow account was having no control over how and when payments were made. However, this account is covered by a U. S. government guarantee. or a financial bond in case of theft or fraud. With all of the uncertainty and things not in my control, my brain was telling me to be careful, but because of the financial safeguards in the US, my gut kept reminding me I had made the right decision. As an example, The agency had arranged all of the logistics for the travel around the egg donation. My donor lived in Colorado and had to get an overnight flight to New York for her egg retrieval. I had arranged with the agency a private car service to drive her to Connecticut, two hours away from the airport, where the clinic was based, to provide her with peace of mind. When she arrived, the car was not there. Unbeknownst to me, because of the efficiency of the US system, and having in place mechanisms to protect donors, she called the agency's emergency contact, who provided an immediate solution, she was told to get into the first available taxi to go to the clinic without worrying about the cost. That said, instead of the pre arranged 140 car service, the taxi cost 411, which I was happy to pay as everything had been done for me. This highlights a pro of the escrow process. The donor was covered, and she arrived smoothly to the clinic for the egg retrieval. If you enjoyed this episode and would like to learn more about IVF and surrogacy, then please subscribe wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, please share and follow our social media handle @IVFDADDIES. We are here to answer any questions and to guide you through this very personal process. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ivfdaddies/message

12 years ago, the ability to find quality information on egg donation was limited. And I had no idea what I was doing. I spent many hours going through endless profiles of egg donors from different agencies online. Each presented their donors in a different way. Making it very dehumanising and complicated to understand. Choosing my donor, were around costs, and type of relationship with the egg donor. Key Points Discussed: Anonymous Egg donor. Semi-known Egg donor. Known Egg Donor. Costs. Pros and Cons on working with an Egg Donor Agency. Risk of working with a First time Donor. Experienced Egg Donors. Medical Screening. AFC, AMH, and STIs. The least expensive way to find a donor. Is to work with a family member or a friend. Pros and cons of using a friend or family member In my opinion, the best option to keep costs down is to work with an IVF clinics, donor database. They have no agency fee. , donors have been pre-screened and generally the egg donors live close to the clinic. All of which can save you possibly up to about 30% of the cost of making your embryos. Pros and cons of choosing. Through your IVF clinic. Pros. No agency fees. Donors are pre-screened and costs are minimized. Kahn. There is a limited amount of donors as the clinic will only recruit close to the clinic. Unlike with surrogates, finding a donor through your clinic, doesn't have a conflict of interest as there are very specific medical data required to be an egg donor. And so that, you know, from the start, whether the donor is a good candidate or not, This medical data goes into her profile alongside educational and genetic history. And a lot more information so that you can make an informed choice. I looked at the photos and her profile and my donor is very Percy. However, I also noticed how handsome her brother and father were. So I knew that she was the great choice for me. At this point, I have my sperm and egg donor. And that was the part when everything lay within the hands of the clinic. All I could do was wait. It was emotional and unsettling. As the decision-making was no longer mine. When I chose her. I didn't really think about the impact of her being a first time donor. Making me question. If she. Had understood. What she was getting herself into. Especially with the injections or the effect that the medications would have on her. And if the expert grows successfully. After 11 days of injections, they retrieved 12 eggs that were then fertilized. These were grown in the lab. And on day five, I found out how many embryos were going to be frozen. This was another few days of an emotional roller coaster, because one thing I had not understood. Was that every day they're in the lab. The number of embryos drops. I was terrified that all this time emotion. And effort would end up with me having no embryos. From the initial 12, it dropped and dropped. They thankfully on day five, there was a total of six embryos for freezing. Why were the embryos frozen? There is no difference in success between fresh or frozen embryos. So the clinic focuses on the egg donor to maximize the number of eggs to retrieve without having to worry about the logistics around the surrogate. By freezing embryos. You get the option to do an embryo biopsy or PGT a pre-implantation genetic testing for. Aneuploidy. Which is where a few cells are biopsied from the outer cells of the embryo. And open up to see the number of chromosomes inside. If there are 46. Then the embryo is deemed chromosomally normal. Why do PGT a. Two main reasons. Number one. Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester due to a chromosome abnormality. So, although PGT does not guarantee a pregnancy. It does minimize the risk of a miscarriage. Number two. By looking at chromosomes, you can tell if they are X, X, Or X, Y so you can tell this X. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ivfdaddies/message

My Sperm Deposit Experience. Talking about this now takes me back to some uncomfortable memories, and that's why it is so important to have this episode, even though I'm as red as a beetroot talking about this now. I realised that I had no guidance on how to do my sperm deposit. No one explained the steps. It was a taboo subject. And when I was finished, I still had no idea if I had done it correctly. And this is why. Let me paint the picture for you. When I got to the clinic, I walked in and felt as if all eyes were on me, knowing what I was about to do, go to a room and have the worst masturbation of my life. After what felt like hours, a staff member shouted my name to the world, gave me a plastic cup, and led me off to the collection room. I asked if I needed to fill it up, and they said no. Once is enough. Just get the sperm into the cup, don't get it on the rim, don't pick it up off the floor, don't take any from your hand or anywhere else. Just keep the sperm that shot into the cup as sterile as possible. I entered the room. There was a single bed covered in that crinkle paper you find in hospitals, a TV and CD player, and a rack of porn magazines. Knowing that someone else had been in here 10 minutes earlier doing the same thing as me, felt gross. I also expected to find some form of lube in the room, but to last there was none for a circumcised penis. It's a sandpaper moment. As lube can have spermicide in it, and saliva can have bacteria, so neither are allowed. The day before, I had manscaped to make sure that no pubes were to fall into the cup. However, now I know that the lab can just remove them if one happens to fall in. You must not ejaculate for between two to five days before the deposit. I had thought, the bigger the load, the better. But it's about quality, not quantity. So no more than five days. Then, I came in the plastic cup, and instead of being relaxed, I was worried about the quantity in the cup. Was it too little, or was it enough? I left my sample in the room for the nurse to take for testing. Then, Back out through the waiting room, looking at the ground, avoiding eye contact, and as quickly as I could, I left the building. A completely different walk of shame. The clinic froze my sperm in five separate vials and sent me the results two days later. One vial is for embryo creation and the rest is kept as a backup. Since they provided one year of sperm storage in their fees, It was a no brainer to keep it there. A year later, I started to pay a monthly storage fee, which I was happy to do. Because I just didn't know if in the future, I would be able to produce good quality sperm. And this gave me peace of mind. If you enjoyed this episode, and would like to learn more about IVF and surrogacy, then please subscribe wherever you listen to your podcasts. Also, please share and follow our social media handle, at IVFDADDIES. We are here to answer any questions and to guide you through this very personal process. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ivfdaddies/message

Chapter three, success rates. In the last episode, I spoke about how important it is to understand a clinic's success rate. To me, the most logical one on which to gauge a clinic is the live birth rate. As this is the result that we all want, to bring home a baby. And this is why understanding the rates that we are told is so important. IVF clinics generally combine pregnancy rates with their successful transfer rates. When in fact what you need to understand is how important the difference between the two is and why. To make it less complex, the moment an embryo implants into the uterus wall, The cells start to release a hormone into the blood called HCG, human chorionic gonadotropin. Post embryo transfer, the IVF clinic will do two blood tests and a vaginal ultrasound. The first blood test confirms the presence of HCG. Indicating a successful transfer, and the second will show the evolution of this hormone level. Then, a key difference. The vaginal ultrasound, or the heart beat scan, gives a confirmation of pregnancy. Confused? Totally understandable, because I was too. Back when I did this, clinics would implant two embryos, with the aim of a single baby, with a higher likelihood of having twins. Improvements in technology and an increased understanding of the whole process has led to higher results, so most clinics today will only do a single embryo transfer. As a perfect example, I am a father of twins. Two embryos were transferred and twins were born. So this is the equivalent of a 100 percent successful embryo transfer, pregnancy, and live birth rate. If two embryos had been transferred and a single baby born, then you would be right to assume a 100 percent success rate. But you now know that this is a 100 percent successful transfer rate with a 50 percent live birth rate. Very different things. So, instead of, like me, just relying on CNN to choose your clinic, You can see why success rates are important. IVF clinics have a very similar methodology around embryo creation, but their results can differ drastically. So how can you check the data? First, every US clinic must report their success rates to either SART, the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology, Or to the CDC, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, which allows you to compare against the national average and against other IVF clinics. Second, ask the clinic for their published success rates. When a clinic is open and transparent about the way they calculated their numbers and they are willing to share the methodology, Then you know that is a good clinic. Remember though, choosing your clinic is not just about effective treatment. It is about a team effort with compassion, exceptional emotional support, and a thorough understanding of the whole process. Three questions to ask at this point. Question one. What are the clinic's successful transfer and live birth rates? Question two, have you compared your clinic against other clinics and against the national average? Question three, is your clinic open about how they calculated their results? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ivfdaddies/message

The steps in the surrogacy process. The first thing that crossed my mind when starting out was where can I do everything in one place? That way I could have a single point of contact and delegate all of the logistics to them. In fact, this does not exist and after extensive research I realised why. Due to conflicts of interest within the process, You must have independent people working for you in their specific areas of expertise. For example, if a clinic is finding you a surrogate and then also medically approving her, how do you know whether she is the best candidate for you? With this independence between the people, they are working in your best interest. The three stakeholders in the process are Number one, the IVF clinic Number two, the surrogacy agency Number three, the reproductive attorney The IVF clinic looks after the three parts that make a baby Sperm, egg, and uterus And all of the medical aspects around these three things Your surrogacy agency will do all of the non medical work around the surrogate Your reproductive attorney will ensure that everyone in the process is protected legally. These three stakeholders become the team around you. They work together as your eyes and ears to ensure that your goal of having a baby is done effectively and efficiently.   Choosing your IVF clinic. 12 years ago, I felt lost. I knew one couple with a family through surrogacy and compared with today, there was very little access to information online about how to work with an IVF clinic. The one thing I had seen that resonated with me was a CNN documentary about two men who had a surrogate baby. Knowing what I know today, I would have done more due diligence. as using only two sources of information and going with the first thing that crossed my path is something that I would not recommend. The aim of today's episode is to simplify for you how I would choose my IVF clinic by highlighting my top five selection criteria which are doctor, success rates, experience, costs, and donors. Number one, the doctor. Do you like the doctor on a personal level? Did they give you the confidence in their ability and their knowledge around surrogacy? When you speak to the doctor, you should get a feel for who they are and how their clinic is run. If they inspire you, then that is always a great starting point. Number two, success rates. These are key to understanding how good a clinic is and there are two numbers on which to focus. Successful transfer rate. And live birth rate. As this is such an important topic, I have made a whole episode deep diving into it. Number three, experience. How many surrogacy cycles does the clinic do every year? Have you heard about the clinic whilst you've been doing your due diligence? What is their online reputation? IVF involves a lot of teamwork. And although the doctor is key, the rest of the team also helps to make for a successful outcome. Number four, costs. Talk to the finance team and get the full picture on all of the costs involved. What are the payment options? Are you able to access any fertility benefits? As cost is one of the most important and complex topics, I have a dedicated episode on this. Number five, donors. Does the clinic have an in house egg donor database with donors that you like? If these egg donors are pre screened, then you know they are viable candidates for an egg donation and therefore you can move forward quickly with them. Those are my top five picks of things for you to focus on, but please do not use this episode as your only frame of reference. I would suggest that you get opinions from professionals too. If you would like to know more about anything in this episode, then please ask in the questions section. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ivfdaddies/message

If I look back at 2011 when I started my family building journey, I really do not remember what the catalyst was in changing from a life with no children to wanting to be a father, but it felt right then and it feels even better today. This is my account of the decisions that happened along the way. I have structured this so that you gain unbiased information at each step. That way you can make right decisions for you at each junction in the road to parenthood. After all, this is your family and you should be able to make it in a way that works best for you. A little bit of terminology now. Intended parents, or IPs, is the wording used for anyone that intends at some stage to become a parent through the surrogacy process. Thanks. Within the surrogacy world, there are two different types of surrogacy journey that you could pursue. Traditional surrogacy or gestational surrogacy. In traditional surrogacy, the woman carrying the baby is also the woman that provided the egg. I did not want to do this as I wanted to make sure that there was a clear delineation between us and that the child was always considered mine. In gestational surrogacy, the woman carrying the baby has no genetic link to the baby, and this is the option that I went with. Once you have decided on which type of surrogacy journey is right for you, the next decision will be about in which jurisdiction you will undertake the actual process. There are various countries in which surrogacy is allowed. and each has a different legal and cost implication. In the United Kingdom, no third party is allowed to make money from a surrogacy arrangement, and so there are no commercial surrogacy agencies, only a limited amount of not for profit organizations. Also, Neither surrogates nor intended parents are allowed to advertise that they want to go through a surrogacy journey. Another factor that made me uncomfortable is that in the UK, birth mothers have the right to change their mind about giving up a child up to six weeks post birth. This gave me anxiety. As I had heard of a couple who had a gestational surrogate, remember, there is no genetic relationship with the surrogate. And after the birth, the surrogate decided that she wanted to keep the baby. The couple then had to pay child support, because under UK law, the birth mother had legal rights. In my opinion, the United States is the global benchmark and gold standard for surrogacy, as all parties are legally represented And there is a tried and tested legal framework that protects all of the people within the process. All parties must have had a psychological assessment, which is a very important ethical aspect for me, because I knew that at every step of the way both the egg donor and the surrogate were empowered to stop the process if they wanted to. I chose to work with a surrogate in the United States. Questions to ask at this point. If surrogacy is for you, will you pursue a traditional or a gestational surrogacy? In which jurisdiction will you proceed? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ivfdaddies/message