Me inviting my grief to the table and saying, “You’re welcome here too.” In this episode I discuss the intense experience of my ego death. Although it was far from a “linear” experience I was (fortunately) able to receive the lessons from the experience. I strongly believe we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Which, to me personally, means that I am going to LEAN IN. This is where my ego played a huge role in that I thought I could truly will it to be different. I thought I could somehow be at this enlightened state of consciousness and be free from any suffering. I, often times, cursed God wondering- “WHY ME?!” Until I realized that as a parent myself, I could never stop my child’s suffering. I could however be there with open arms, compassion, kindness, and love. I came to know that the Diving/ God was with me in all of those moments. How powerful it was to hold space for the pain also, because I believe it is the catalyst for my healing. Now, that is not to say you NEED it to come from a psychedelic experience! That is just how it showed up in my journey, and I’m not going to be sorry about (or for) that. I do touch base on this being an ancient medicine and it is not to be trifled with though! Not trying to dilly dally too much over here, but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t powerful. But it admittedly can feel like a sales pitch nowadays. As if it’s some shiny new car everyone is trying to convince you that you need. For me, it made me realize the spark of the divine within myself was ignored for far too long. The miracle(s) were happening right in front of my eyes, all around me, but I was too egotistical to be reminded of God in those moments. I so badly wanted to believe I had a firm grasp on things- only to stop holding on so tightly. I shattered my entire belief of who I thought I was. It was terrifying. Eye opening. Unbelievable. It was also incredibly beautiful. I encourage to you listen. I am very aware it might sound a bit “woo woo”, and that’s ok. I talk about stripping away all of the “BS” and just getting back to the basics. Inviting that child like nature back in, of knowing very little, but incredibly curious along the way. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/carissa-oswald/support

So relieving to discuss this topic. While I want something like this to be more readily available, and be more “mainstream”, I’m not entirely sold on the entire idea. However, it is so helpful, it’s hard not to think about it. Cannabis helps quiet the noise but psilocybin makes you ok with it. Your reactions are just bubbling under the surface, as per usual, yet micro dosing just truly helps you deal with it. It connects the fucking dots so to speak. I go into what my experience looks like, and how I like to describe it to others. This is taking psilocybin with INTENTION. Not attempting to feel intense effects. Just because the propaganda and bad stories you’ve heard make it sound scary- doesn’t mean it is. Dive in with me!! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/carissa-oswald/support

Actually knowing that I was raised in survival mode was eye opening. Learning what a dysregulated nervous system is in depth. I could under-react or overreact at any given moment, it happened all the time, and I could never seem to “act right”. That’s what I told myself. Can you just act right? Once I dove into this it all made so much sense. It is definitely more then just relapsing into old behaviors. THEN PSILOCYBIN ENTERS THE CHAT. As someone who has been incredibly open about my mental health struggles, I’ve also been open with my experience on prescription drugs. Too often therapists, or even doctors, wanted to just prescribe me things without getting to root of the problem. Nothing has ever been as effective as micro-dosing. It doesn’t just quiet the noise (which can still be needed, at times) it made me ok with the noise. It connected dots along the way. It was a shower for my soul. I do not need it everyday, and the effects last. No side effects, and an insane amount of clarity. Come along for the ride with me. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/carissa-oswald/support

Doesn’t the title just say it all?! It is disheartening that we avoid so many difficult topics. “Don’t talk about religion, politics, or money!” I can’t help but think, “Well, wouldn’t it be better if we COULD talk about these things?” We should be taught that it is possible to discuss hard topics, and a way to do it respectfully. What an idea! The problem is everyone wants to be the expert, or the teacher, and no one is willing to be the student. “The man who knows something knows that he knows nothing at all.” We have also been taught to rush to the finish line (we LOVE instant gratification- don’t we?!) and, most importantly, be the victor. We must win! We must show that we are more intelligent, capable, cunning, and RIGHT! It is sad. Truthfully, there is more to be gained from just shutting up and listening for a moment; rather than eagerly waiting your turn to speak and decimate the opposing side. It takes a lot to shut down your own ego and listen. Particularly when it’s something you don’t want to hear. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/carissa-oswald/support

Discussing my journey with post partum anxiety, which I didn’t even know existed. Yay! It was a journey for me. Through therapy, and reaching out to other Moms, I found out I had Post-Partum anxiety. Constantly worried about my child in the worst of ways- to the point that it was extremely unhealthy. I woke up at all hours of the night to make sure she was breathing. I consistently had intrusive thoughts about the safety of places or the lack there of. I’m my mind at least. It was physically and mentally draining and I can’t thank my therapist enough. My partner helped but at a certain point I needed a professional. No shame in that, and you are NOT alone! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/carissa-oswald/support

When you’re so open about you’re relationship, people will ask about it. I get it. One thing I can say, as a woman and friend, is that your “picker” isn’t off. You don’t have a knack for choosing assholes. For too long we’ve chalked up habits as mistakes. This person has shown us who they are time and time again. Yet we somehow still convinced ourselves to settle for breadcrumbs. I’m not at that point in my life right now, but trust me when I say I get it. The “buts” always get you. But he has so much going on. But I was being kind of dramatic, and it triggered him. Also, news flash, if he has to call you “crazy” after you merely asking for the bare minimum- RED FLAG. Full stop, sis!! You’ve already heard me say this shit- relationships are hard. The bottom line is you are a choice. You, and your time, are so incredibly valuable. If someone isn’t valuing you from the beginning stop the fucking “buts”. But nothing. A man that values these things, will show up. They will consistently choose you and actively change. PERIOD. Stop being a Mom to a grown ass man. Everyone has baggage at this point in their lives. Show the fuck up or get out!! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/carissa-oswald/support

Listen, I’m not saying I hate school, but I’m not saying I don’t hate it either. It’s fine. Everything is fine. Talking about the gut wrenching reality all Moms face that very first day of school. From what I understand, no, it doesn’t get easier. Cue my long and dramatic feelings towards the entire situation! So many people tell you to value “those days” and “they won’t be that young forever”! To which we all collectively give one large eye roll. Then it finally happens, where you do just that, and you wish for “those days” to be back. At least I did. The days are long but the years are short. Fucking hell, it was all true. Then there I was- blubbering in my car alone. SOBBING. Uncontrollably. If that is you, or if that will ever be you, just know it will happen. Know that a lot of the other Moms are feeling it too, but know you’ll also be so damn proud with every milestone. Hang in there, Mamas! It is so fucking hard to watch them grow, but a joy as well. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/carissa-oswald/support

How many of us who want to homeschool have heard THIS. This exact line! First of all, I am weird. So, thank you random person not living my life for telling me my future!! Appreciate you. Seriously this is the most archaic view of homeschooling there is. Not to mention, I don’t want my kid to follow the crowd. I want them to go against the grain and learn to think for themselves. If that makes them “weird” to you- bring on the effing weirdness baby!! At the end of the day if you choose a more traditional route for school, or homeschool, it is our jobs as a parents to fill in the gaps. However, I think we can all agree education hasn’t been our highest priority as a country. They have pushed college since I was a kid completely diminishing very talented children, because those kids don’t thrive in an academic setting. Let’s rewind a little bit also. At three years old we all learned by playing, and experiencing. I think I can handle that part at home. In no way am I knocking school!! I LOVED learning. I was obsessively reading Shakespeare at ten! My Mom would save up her tips so I could lose my mind at the book fairs. We love school. But that doesn’t mean it is the best option for every kid, and it honestly might not be for mine either. But I’m going to try every avenue, and see what truly fits for our family. We also do not value teaching our children to be self reliant humans. How to make their own meals, grow their own food, and learn a couple of trades along the way. I think we’ve spent a long time trying to coddle everyone. For fucks sake most of my generation can’t sew on a button, or grill a damn chicken. Not my journey and I’m not sorry for that. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/carissa-oswald/support

I think a lot of my generation, and probably generations before us, can relate to a variation of this saying: “Well, I am not your friend- I’m your parent.” Let’s be real there is some damn truth to that. I will ALWAYS have to enforce boundaries, guide my child, and be a parent. I just don’t think that means I can’t have a meaningful friendship with them as well. The most important social circle that we seek acceptance from, is our parents/family. If I am trying to models my behavior to help her own emotions, then I kind of want to give her an example of what a good friendship looks like. All of our children are going to have a crash course on friendship once they are in school. That is fair to say, right? But it’s more than that. When it comes time to make decisions do you want your kid(s) to immediately think, “I could NEVER confide in my Mom- she just wouldn’t understand!” Or would you rather them think, “I am going to tell my Mom because she would know how to help me through.” I know what you’re thinking, and yes, teenagers can be turds! There’s a high probability she will do some dumb shit! But at the end of the day she will know her parents will listen. That we will have compassion and not immediately reject her for her mistakes. We will have clear and strong boundaries…but will also hear her out. Be in her corner. We all often speak of leading by example as parents. So, to me, it makes perfect sense that I’d strive to be a great example of a genuine good friend. Take a listen, and tell me what you think! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/carissa-oswald/support

Listen, this episode is all over the place. From Miranda from Sex in the City (the movie) forgiving her husbands infidelities, to Ariana and Tom, then back to my own relationship! Could you forgive someone who cheated? Does this automatically negate someone’s hood character, and being an overall good person? In some instances is it forgivable? Could YOU forgive your partner if you led a pretty damn good life together? What’s the difference between a habitual cheater and a mistake? I know what you’re thinking: FUCK THOSE CHEATERS. And I honestly MOSTLY agree!! Just listen and tell me what you think! I think there IS a difference. If you led an amazing marriage for thirty years, and they cheated once, does that just throw away thirty years? This one was tough for me yall. Tell me your opinions and participate in this one. Have you forgiven a cheater and gotten burned? Or maybe you forgave them and they proved they were IN IT, and just a complete asshole in that moment? Let me know what you think on this one. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/carissa-oswald/support