We Should Talk About That
We Should Talk About That
Jessica Buchanan and Jessica Kidwell
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NYT bestselling author of Impossible Odds, Jessica Buchanan, along with fellow writer Jessica Kidwell, attempt to unpack the uncomfortable topics that nobody is talking about, but definitely should. With intention to hold real, authentic, conversation about EVERYTHING, the Two Jess(es) bring their humor and a healthy dose of self-deprecation to the table as they unpack issues relating to PTSD, grief, imposter syndrome, body image, middle age, the plight of the working mom and more.
Guns, School Shootings, and Our Aching Hearts with Public School Teacher and Sensible Gun Laws Advocate, Kellie Healy
Jess and Jess have felt lost, forlorn, broken-hearted and out of words this last week. Shocked and encompassed soul crushing grief, along with many other Americans, TTJ(es) had to sit in the muck of shock until they came to the same conclusion: We HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS.One of the best things about building this WeSTAT community is so many are willing to sit in the space of uncomfortable conversations, and so, this past Saturday morning, Jess and Jess sat down at Kidwell's kitchen table, turned on a microphone, and invited their friend, Kellie in to share the heart-wrenching story of her own brother's homicide by gun violence in 1990. Her brother was on the way to living the rest of a beautiful life when he was shot point blank, in an Arbey's parking lot while grabbing a late night sandwich with friends. He bled out before the ambulance could even get to him. Kellie recounts her grief is not of just losing her brother, but also that four lives were lost that night- all three of the assailants were apprehended and put in prison- they were also high school dropouts and had fathered children in their teens. As a reaction to her grief, Kellie has dedicated her life to drug and gun violence prevention with staggering success, and is now serving as a special education teacher at a Title I public school.This is out of the ordinary for Jess and Jess- it is raw, and you will notice background noise as their lives are moving in the background of the recording (dogs and kids!) but it is a conversation that feels necessary in a time when we have nothing left to say. Because we have a lot of work ahead of us- and we have to do it together.Meet Kellie:Kellie lost her brother to gun violence in September 29, 1990. She left her career in advertising to start a nonprofit organization called The Boston Coalition Against Youth Drug Use and Violence. Using her contacts from the advertising agency she was able to bring together the leadership in the private and public sectors to develop a multi-tiered plan for the city. She was lured to Washington, DC in 1995 to help communities across the country build coalitions to address drug use and violence. Working with the Dependent of Justice she helped develop a safe gun storage public service announcement with The Ad Council that was nominated for an Emmy. She raised $1M to create a one-hour TV special produced by ABC News called “The Power of One” which featured five people across the country who were making a difference in their communities to reduce drug use and violence. Since 2012, Kellie has been working in the public schools. Her bother’s killers, who were all 17, had easily accessed a gun but had also all dropped out of school. Kellie is currently working as a Special Education Teacher with at-risk kids at a Title 1 school because she wants to help kids, no matter their challenges, to stay in school. She is an active member of Moms Demand Action and an outspoken advocate for sensible gun laws.Support the show
May 30
1 hr 1 min
Getting Past You and Me So We Can Get to US with Family Therapist and Founder of Relational Life Institute, Terry Real
There is no redeeming value in harshness- nothing good can come from this, that loving firmness can't do better. This is foundational to the work that internationally recognized family therapist, Terry Real, presents to so many of his clients. Whether it is to your partner, or yourself, practicing loving firmness is what can bring us to a place of US, moving us past individualism that separates us from each other, ourselves, the world. In US Terry, reveals how  individualism and patriarchy poisons our most intimate relationships. but offers this excellent news: warmer, closer, more passionate relationships are possible if you have the right tools. In this episode, Terry shows people how to stop working on themselves as individuals and start working on their relationship as a couple, brining opportunity for relationship saving vulnerability and a deepening intimacy that is worth fighting for.Meet Terry!Terry Real knows how to help people create the connection they desire in relationships. An internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author, and the founder of the Relational Life Institute (RLI), Real has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and fellow therapists. His groundbreaking, bestselling book, I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, established him as one of the most respected voices in the treatment of men and male depression. His expertise on men’s mental health and relationship issues have been featured on Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20/20, The Oprah Winfrey Show and in The New York Times, among many others.Real is passionate about showing how the toxic cultures of individualism and patriarchy have seriously damaged our interpersonal relationships. Despite living in a world interconnected by globalization and technology, we are all more disconnected and isolated from each other than ever before. In his practice, Real works with couples on the brink of disaster; he sees how individualism and patriarchy poisons our most intimate relationships. The excellent news: warmer, closer, more passionate relationships are possible if you have the right tools. In US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Goop Press), Real shows people how to stop working on themselves as individuals and start working on their relationship as a couple. Neurobiology shows that the mind exists in a social context, and couples co-regulate one another’s nervous systems. But it’s hard to get that delicate dance right if you, like so many people, grew up without adequate emotional support. The techniques you developed to survive a dysfunctional family as a kid—the very skills that probably bring you success in your career—will torch your relationships. US—the culmination of four decades of Real’s clinical practice as well as teaching and writing about relationships, trauma, gender, and healing—is a groundbreaking guide to a new science-backed skillset. One that will allow you to get past your knee-jerk reactions and tap into your wiser, more collaborative self. Real shares the stories of couples whose relationships have been saved by these skills and pans out to the cultural landscape that reinforce our dysfunction. Using psychology, history, and stories of couples who have entered his office, Real helps readers move beyond their traumas and stressors and shift from thinking in terms of me and you to a different consciousness. The consciousness of us. If you and your partner are backed into separate corners of “you” and “me,” this book will show the way back to “us.” Thanks to our sponsors!https://arSupport the show
May 23
48 min
We Should Talk About Changing the Game in Youth Sports with John O' Sullivan
John O' Sullivan is the founder of Changing the Game Project (https://changingthegameproject.com/) an organization that was created to ensure that we return youth sports to our children, and put the ‘play’ back in ‘play ball.’  In this episode, John talks with Jess and Jess about the real need to provide the most influential adults in our children’s lives – their parents and coaches – with the information and resources they need to make sports a healthy, positive, and rewarding experience for their children, and their whole family.  John explains that parenting and coaching young athletes is an art, not a science, and how we need to look at sports as something that should be child led and fun, not an extension of our own self worth and accomplishments.At a time when recreational sports have reached a competition level that is unprecedented. John implores parents to allow space for actual enjoyment, not accomplishment, for our kids. Meet John!John O'Sullivan is the Founder of the Changing the Game project and host of the Way of Champions Podcast. He is the author of 2 #1 bestselling books, Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High Performing Athletes and Giving Youth Sports back to our Kids, and Every Moment Matters: How the World's Best Coaches Inspire Their Athletes and Build Championship Teams. John consults with organizations across the globe, including the US Olympic Committee, USA Swimming, US Soccer, Ireland Rugby, Australian Rugby League, and many others, and his work has appeared in TedX Talks, CNN, ESPN,Outside Magazine, The Boston Globe, Huffington Post, and many other outlets across the world.Thanks to our sponsors!\https://artherapyinternational.org/https://www.ttrsir.com/eng/associate/279-a-3012-4043609/lyssa-sewardhttps://www.jessbuchanan.com/copy-of-coachingSupport the show
May 16
52 min
We Should Talk About Mothering as Essential Labor and the Need for Social Change with Author Angela Garbes
Angela Garbes is the author of the now-classic Like a Mother and her new book, which grew out of her New York Magazine cover story (about how the pandemic was disrupting women’s lives) went viral and was shared by everyone from Melinda Gates to Elizabeth Warren. Angela didn’t want to write another book about motherhood. But during the pandemic, when school and child care center shutdowns left her with nothing to do but mother, she witnessed all her frustrations and racing thoughts about the state of caregiving in America show up in newspapers, on the radio, and in Zoom conversations. During this time, many people came to understand—for the first time or with renewed urgency—that American life is not working for families. Angela's next book, Essential Labor, maintains that mothering is not limited to the people who give birth to children; it is not defined by gender. While “mother” is an important identity for many women who still provide the majority of care to children in America, no one cares for children entirely on their own. The pandemic revealed that mothering is some of the only truly essential work humans do. Without people to care for our children, we are lost. Garbes explores our history of care and how we got to where we are today: a wealthy country with an invaluable work force of women, most of them brown and black, performing our most important work for free or at poverty wages. Jess and Jess have so many questions for Angela- and she has answers....but in typical WeSTAT fashion, there are some incredibly vulnerable moments in this conversation as the three women explore what work is, what mothering is, and how we marry the two.**Angela's book, Essential Labor, goes on sale May 10, 2022. https://www.amazon.com/Essential-Labor-Mothering-Social-Change-ebook/dp/B09C64HQWWThanks to our sponsors and check them out for more information:ART International: https://artherapyinternational.org/Seward Group: https://www.sewardrealtygroup.com/Soul Speak Press: https://www.jessbuchanan.com/coachingSupport the show
May 9
52 min
A Conversation on Fertility, Creating Art and Recycling Pain with Bestselling Author and Podcast Host, Elizabeth Day
Marisa and Jake are a perfect couple. And Kate, their new lodger, is the perfect roommate—and not just because her rent payments will give them the income they need to start trying for the baby of their dreams. But no one is truly perfect. Kate doesn’t seem to care much about personal boundaries and can occasionally seem overly-familiar with Jake. But Marisa doesn’t let it concern her, knowing that soon Kate will be gone, and it will just be her, Jake, and their future baby.Conceiving a baby is easier said than done, though, and Jake and Marisa’s relationship is put to the test through months of fertility treatments and false starts. To make matters worse, Kate’s boundary-pushing turns into an all-out obsession—with Jake, with Marisa, and with their future child. In her quest to find out who Kate really is, Marisa might destroy everything she’s worked so hard to create—her perfect romance, her perfect family, and her perfect self.When Elizabeth Day set out to write MAGPIE after her own experiences with IVF and miscarriages, she noticed that stories of fertility and the struggles women go through to become mothers weren’t represented in accessible literary fiction. With this novel, Day discusses topics of IVF and motherhood, all through a fast-paced, page turning summer read.Jess and Jess get the chance to talk to this ever talented author about what it means to navigate the tumultuous and unpredictable world of fertility and what it means to create something lasting, bringing forth into it's existence when there might have only been absence. Meet Elizabeth!Elizabeth Day is an award-winning author and broadcaster based in the UK. Her chart-topping podcast, How to Fail, is a celebration of the things that haven’t gone right. Guests have included Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Gloria Steinem, Andrew Scott, Lily Allen, Mabel, Kazuo Ishiguro, and Malcolm Gladwell. It won the Rising Star Award at the 2019 British Podcast Awards. Elizabeth is the author of the novel The Party, which was published in the US in 2017. Support the show (http://www.paypal.com)
May 2
49 min
We Should Talk About The Science of Stuck and How to Get Unstuck with Trauma Therapist and Author, Britt Frank
Britt Frank was a drug addict (she's smoked meth out of lightbulbs!), love addict, codependent, borderline personality disordered, clinically depressed, eating disordered and anxious hot mess of a human—despite having degrees and lots of letters after her name, she knows what it’s like to be stuck. In this episode, Britt sits down with The Two Jess(es) and explains the process of how celebrating the tiny little "yeses" in our every day is what we need to focus on as we decide we are ready to move from stuck to thriving. She also drops a truth bomb, which is super hard for Jess B to hear. Meet Britt!Britt Frank, MSW, LSCSW, SEP is a clinician, educator and traumaspecialist. She speaks and writes widely about the mental health myths thatkeep us stuck and stressed. Britt received her BA from Duke University andher MSW from the University of Kansas, where she later became an award-winning adjunct professor. She is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner andLevel 3 trained in the Internal Family Systems therapeutic model. Britt wasa primary therapist at a drug and alcohol treatment center, an inpatienttherapist at a children’s psychiatric hospital, and now owns a privatepractice. You can find Britt on Instagram @brittfrank or on herwebsite www.scienceofstuck.com. Support the show (http://www.paypal.com)
Apr 25
52 min
A Conversation on Gun Violence with "Last Day" Podcast Host, Stephanie Wittels Wachs
The Two Jesses, prior to this conversation with Stephanie Wittels Wachs, would have both told you guns are bad. Full stop. But Stephanie has traveled from Montana to Atlanta in search of answers- and they have left her with more questions, and an anger for the system that has pitted us against each other, in a place with zero social net to take care of those who need support with mental health.Throughout the interviews Stephanie holds with the families who have been changed fundamentally by a gun ending the life of their loved ones, she wonders about the purpose of a gun- and whether or not the gun, in and of itself, is fundamentally bad. An important conversation, clarifying, and really smart. Check out Stephanie on https://lemonadamedia.com/show/lastday/ to learn more about her work around the opioid epidemic, gun violence and how we can help support the mental health crisis that is taking place in America.Support the show (http://www.paypal.com)
Apr 18
50 min
We Should Talk About WHY there are NO Girls on the Internet with Podcaster Bridget Todd
Award winning podcaster, Bridget Todd, sits down with The Two Jess(es) to talk about how marginalized people show up online, and how disinformation (purposely spreading incorrect information to further one's agenda) and misinformation (spreading inaccurate information with no intention of causing harm) is really a racial, gender, justice and democratic issue. Bridget created her critically acclaimed podcast, “There Are No Girls On The Internet” to explore how marginalized people show up online in response to the lack of diversity in conversations around social media platforms and misinformation.  There is no shortage of conversation points as Bridget shares openly about her own experiences with dis- & mis- information as a woman, and particular a woman of color.  Bridget shares about what it means to be a good steward of the internet and how critically important it is to us as a society to slow down, take a beat, and ownership considering what could be true and what could be false, and how we share both with our communities.Meet Bridget!Bridget Todd is a frequently cited expert, trainer, and speaker on combating disinformation, conspiracy theories, and extremism online advocating for social media platform accountability. Creating safer digital experiences for women and other marginalized people as well as celebrating and amplifying marginalized people’s contributions to tech and the internet is what caused Bridget to create her critically acclaimed podcast There Are No Girls on the Internet to explore how marginalized people show up online in response to the lack of inclusion in conversations around the internet. Support the show (http://www.paypal.com)
Apr 11
45 min
Now What? The Real Story Behind Rebuilding, When Life Has Fallen Apart, with Podcasters Jen Hoffmeister and Tesha Gibbon
Jess and Jess sit down for a REAL and authentic conversation with the Canadian version of...THEM! Jen Hoffmeister and Tesha Gibbon, co-hosts of the Now What Podcast share their own experience of loss, grief, and the deep pain of loneliness that comes with being a human. In response to people not knowing what to say or how to support them, Jen and Tesha started a podcast meant to highlight vulnerability and hold space for those who have had to figure out how to rebuild their lives after tragic loss or trauma. An honest conversation, as always- informative, sensitive and necessary. Jen and Tesha have a good thing going! Check them out at https://www.nowwhatpod.com/Support the show (http://www.paypal.com)
Apr 4
43 min
Finding Your Unicorn Space and Why You Should Give Yourself Consistent Permission to be Unavailable with NYT Bestselling Author of "Fair Play": Eve Rodsky
According to studies conducted throughout the course of the pandemic, mothers were able to complete ONE hour of work during lockdown, as opposed to their male counterparts, who were able to complete THREE hours of uninterrupted work.  New York Time's Bestselling author of Fair Play and now, Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too Busy World, Eve Rodsky, is working to change society, one partnership at a time by coming up with a new 21st-century solution to an age-old problem: women shouldering 2/3 or more of the unpaid domestic work and childcare for their homes and families.In this episode, The Two Jess(es) sit down with Eve and talk about how WeSTAT has been the Unicorn Space that has saved them, one they didn't even know they needed. Together with Eve, they talk about the unapologetic carving out of sustained time to pursue creative work- and how it is THE way to keep from languishing in the deluge of the daily grind of motherhood life. Meet Eve:Eve Rodsky transformed a “blueberries breakdown” into a catalyst for social change when she applied her Harvard-trained background in organizational management to ask the simple yet profound question: What would happen if we treated our homes as our most important organizations? Her New York Times bestselling book and Reese’s Book Club Pick, Fair Play, a gamified life-management system that helps partners rebalance their domestic workload and reimagine their relationship, has elevated the cultural conversation about the value of unpaid labor and care. In her highly anticipated follow-up, Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World, Rodsky explores the cross-section between the science of creativity, productivity, and resilience. Described as the ‘antidote to physical, mental, and emotional burnout,’ Rodsky aims to inspire a new narrative around the equality of time and the individual right to personal time choice that influences sustainable and lasting change on a policy level. Rodsky’s work is backed by Hello Sunshine—Reese Witherspoon’s media company whose mission is to change the narrative for women through storytelling. Rodsky was born and raised by a single mom in New York City and now lives in Los Angeles with her husband Seth and their three children.Love all this free content??? Become a Patreon Supporter!Support the show (http://www.paypal.com)
Mar 28
48 min
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