When it comes to my grief and loss, rumbling with the guilt I feel when I think about how grateful, joyful, happy, and full as I am today, nine years after my brother passed away, is possible. And it guts me to acknowledge it. It doesn't feel fair that I get to be happy or find purpose in my loss because I'd give anything to have my brother back. Today, I want to talk about the joy in loss, the guilt and pain in my joy, what that means, and why it took me so long to put words to it.