S2 EP 53: When Your Heart Lands Somewhere In the Middle Abby Mathews, Melanie Parish and Kemlo Aki Download Abby's spent years writing this book, and through various drafts the one thing she never wavered on was the age and grade of the readers she was writing for. But in this episode, she finally realizes and accepts that it's elementary kids, not middle school kids, that she wants to write for. Sometimes at the end of a book, you feel a whole wide range of emotions - one of those is definitely "what happens next?" After each of her submissions, Abby always knew what to do next - write the next chapter, edit the next chapter! And now? Now what? Kemlo says this is totally normal, and Abby agrees that the next step is another Manuscript Audit to figure out where the dropped threads are. She needs to pick those up, carry those through the rest of the novel, and cut some chapters because her word count is a little high. “I feel like my whole first draft was figuring out what the story was - and then I went back and made it whole. Now, I have to figure out what pieces are unnecessary.” — Abby Mathews Kemlo's advice for dropped threads is to recognize when you're barking up the wrong tree. If you can't make the thread work, if you really don't like it for some reason, if you really feel like you're shoving it where it doesn't fit - maybe that's a sign it doesn't belong at all. Sometimes the best solution is to remove it and see what the book looks like without it. Abby also mentioned some of the "nonverbal feedback" she got while reading her book to a group of third-graders is making her second guess the threads in her "problem child" chapter four. Kemlo asks her if it would be worthwhile to read to an older group (more towards the MG readers she was initially writing for). Here's where it gets tricky - Abby's taken the "romance" out of her book, and her character is still 13 - where, in fact, does her book fall in regards to the age of her readers? Is she changing her mind about writing for upper middle grades? Kemlo agrees that many aspects of her book, especially the humor, would play really well with the younger middle-grade readers, specifically the 4th and 5th grades. She thinks Abby could make her protagonist a little younger and have the whole thing work perfectly. This won't require a huge amount of re-writing. “It’s not necessarily changing so much as discovering what has been true all along, and seeing it for the first time now...which is cool.” — Kemlo Aki

S2 EP 52: Change, Change, Change Abby Mathews, Melanie Parish and Kemlo Aki Download IN THIS EPISODEThis week, Mel finds her own mistakes - the fuzzy pronouns, the over-generalities, what Kemlo calls "the curse of knowledge" - giving too little information on the page because it's all in your head. It might be clear to you, but it's not clear to the reader! Experienced editors will find these things on their own, and it's a good sign when you can read through your own work and pick out common missteps in a first draft. For Mel, this tends to happen in scenes with lots of action - which she happily works hard on - but the little things get forgotten about and need to be filled in later.Mel's protagonist is having seemingly contradictory thoughts - she's made the decision to leave her brother in order to help save him and other characters in the book, but she keeps thinking of abandoning her plan and returning to her brother. How do these motivations play out, and do they make sense for the character? It can work, but Mel needs to spend more time fleshing out the decision process for her protagonist. The conflict needs to play out in her thoughts, not just her actions.  “You have the first and the second bit, showing her thoughts and what she’s feeling, but not why it matters - once you get there, you’ll be all set.” — Kemlo Aki Can you include bad weather to ramp up the tension, as Mel has done in her chapter? Sure, as long as it's not the only thing that's ramping up the tension, and as long as you show the characters' reaction to it. Things like weather or descriptions of surroundings can add to the atmosphere (no pun intended) - as long as it's enhancing the scene, and not the only thing your characters are dealing with (unless it's a book about a storm, or a hurricane, etc). “Message of the Week: we want to be seeing change, change, change - not just externally, but changes in her as she’s affected by everything.” — Kemlo Aki That's what our readers want to see - how does the story change the characters? Or not? Sometimes our characters are stubborn and refuse to change despite what we throw at them, and that's interesting too - we just need to know why it matters to them, and it will matter to us. Show us what's at stake and what the characters are wrestling with. Mel's got a character that comes back at the end when everyone had given him up for dead, and while that's fine, Kemlo suggests he take up more space in the story before his appearance. This doesn't necessarily mean he's got to appear sooner, but he's got to be on the other character's minds before he shows up. Make some references to him, show that the characters remember him, show that he mattered so that when he shows up the reader remembers who he is. 

(Pun Intended) S2 EP 51: Mel Nails Her Sex Scene Abby Mathews, Melanie Parish and Kemlo Aki Download Melanie gets her turn in the time-looping barrel this week (finally!). In the first part of her chapter, she was interrupting the narrative with some unhelpful backtracking. It wasn't moving the present story forward. As Jennie Nash says, "things were happening...offstage". Mel thinks she was attempting a flashback, or trying to work some offstage information into the narrative, but it stood out like a sore thumb. On the upside, the back half of the chapter went swimmingly, and all Kemlo had to do was say "Hey, you want to fix that first half of the chapter? You know that stuff you did in the end of the chapter? DO THAT."Turns out, the time-looping half of the chapter was newer, and it was being integrated into first-draft work. Things have to unfold in sequence - you can't go back and forth, back and forth, with no consistency.Mel admits she was super stressed out about her sex scene and just wasn't focusing on the rest of the chapter! But all's well that ends well, and the chapter ended well. Kemlo was happy with how the scene went, and it makes sense for the characters and where they're at in the plot. Does it matter that it's more of a fade-to-black than explicit sex scene? No, because this isn't romance - other genres are more forgiving. There are certain expectations for sex scenes in romance novels that don't exist in the same way in other adult fiction. So, how did she do it?  "I had everything I needed in the chapter except the actual sex scene - every other part of the chapter had been drafted so many times! I admit I left it until the last minute, but it worked!"  Shoutout to MomWrites favorite romance writer Michelle Hazen, (@michellehazen on Twitter, michellehazen.com - UNBREAK ME and other novels at your favorite indie bookstore, online, or where ever fine books are sold) whose advice and support is always appreciated! More of Kemlo's advice centers around what the reader needs to see about what Mel's protagonist knows and expects in the rest of the chapter - things that make scenes stronger include more of the protagonist's decision-making process, as well as the side-characters and what they're up to, what their objectives are. Let them wrestle with their choices like we wrestle with ours in the real world. Remember, they're all living out their own story too, and while it's challenging to maintain these threads to the end of the book, your reader wants to know what happens to all of these people, and you want your reader to want more of this, more of them, more of your story.

S2 EP 50: The One Where Kemlo Knows the Future Abby Mathews, Melanie Parish and Kemlo Aki Download IN THIS EPISODEListen to the preview to find out why...if only we'd known then that spending all your time at home and not going out wasn't actually the best thing ever. We hope everyone is safe and healthy out there. This week, we talk about wrapping up Abby's story in a nice little bow. This might be Abby's last submission for this draft, but it's not ending in the same place her first draft ended! What will need to happen to convince Abby's protagonist to come back to the real world, instead of staying in the book world forever? Kemlo advises Abby to put in some scenes to connect her protagonist more to the real world - highlight friends, family, etc. - all of the reasons she might want to come back. We also need to see her protagonist mend her friendships - both with Ralph and with Logan. We need to see her learning what she's meant to learn about friendship, and how to make and keep friends, and how to treat your friends. The growth that needs to happen is multifaceted and involves the protagonist accepting herself, and the consequences of pretending to be someone you're not. The message we're looking for has to come full circle from the problems we read about at the beginning of the book. Abby and Mel have three more deadlines - can Abby wrap this up in that amount of time? In her next round of revision, Kemlo advises her to plant more seeds for change within her characters. “I really thought that my first draft was going to be the biggest milestone - and then I finished and realized there was SO much more work to do in revision...” — Abby Mathews It's true, revision is a beast! But really, isn't it supposed to be, a little bit? You're taking the blob of clay that came out of your brain that definitely resembles a story, and slowly chipping and molding and shaping it into something not only the reader will enjoy, but that you will be happy with as well. “Sometimes seeing what you don’t want can be as helpful as seeing what you do.” — Kemlo Aki

S2 EP 49: The Magical Power of Solitude Abby Mathews, Melanie Parish and Kemlo Aki Download IN THIS EPISODEMel's chapter 17 benefits from the magic of alone time this week, and that - plus not being exhausted! - made for a well-rounded chapter with an active narrative voice. But Mel was able to fight against her old nemesis, "show where your characters are at emotionally," and we're counting that as a big win for today. Mel's been working on this book for a really long time. She says it's hard to immerse yourself when you have a lot of years-old pre-conceived notions of what your book "should" be like, and it's easy to doubt yourself along the way. It's important to remember that anything, anything at all can be changed. Your finished product might look nothing like the idea you started out with, and that's okay! It doesn't have to. Mel has a process question for Kemlo - should her characters duck at the sound of a gunshot? What's the realistic thing to do here? Kemlo's gun-loving neighbors have desensitized her a little bit, so her reaction might not be the average reader's reaction. Kemlo suggests Mel show her protagonist imagining what the threat could be, and speculation from the other characters to paint a clearer picture and give the scene more context. Remember - in a first-person story, you're seeing everything through the eyes of your protagonist.How does Mel reconcile the fact that this thread of her protagonist's new job, which was a main driving force in the beginning, has kind of... faded away? Should she cut the whole thing or try to beef it up? Kemlo advises her to review the manuscript, only taking the view of enhancing that aspect, and find the place in the story where Mel's protagonist finally comes to terms with how the whole thing is falling apart. Her profession can still be and should be, a part of who she is and how she thinks, and she has both personal and professional concerns that need space to play out. Kemlo also suggests Mel show this through her secondary characters - those secondary characters know the professional side of her and what she was hired to do. What are their expectations, and how do their opinion of her and her role change as events play forth? Mel needs to show her protagonist's role changing through the eyes of those secondary characters.  “The thing that made me happiest about this chapter - other than the fact that you made it so much better - is that you like it so much better.” — Kemlo Aki Showing how your character relates to their world is an essential skill, one that takes time to get right. Listen to Kemlo read where Abby gets it right to hear how little details mean so much, and convey so much information in just a few lines. Be careful, however, in the overuse of this device - this time, Abby gets warned about using too many questions. Asking a specific or open-ended question can pique a reader's interest and get them wondering about what's next. But peppering them with too many questions can be overwhelming and confusing. “Any good writing craft or technique is one that is used sparingly.” — Kemlo Aki Watch your use of filter words, too - there's a lot you can cut without losing meaning. Words like "felt," excessive adverbs, etc., are often unnecessary and should be on the chopping block unless you really need them. The same goes for dialogue tags - there are a time and a place and appropriate use, but try to distinguish the speaker that doesn't end in "he/she/they said," either via description or action. Of course, it's not a hard and fast rule, and it's worth your time to review these in your editing process and see if you can mix it up.

S2 EP 48: Pacing Abby Mathews, Melanie Parish and Kemlo Aki Download IN THIS EPISODEThis week's discussion revolves around the pacing in Abby's middle-grade novel - and all about what she did right. (Plus, it's six months in the past, so enjoy this trip to October 2019, a simpler time.) How difficult is it to show the emotional layer in middle-grade lit without slowing down the pacing? VERY, as it turns out - but this week, Abby gets the gold star from Kemlo. Word choice plays a big part here. Words like "chattering" and phrases like "a normal person" convey an opinion about what the protagonist thinks about someone without coming right now and saying it. It's a way of showing backstory, a mini-flashback. “It’s a way of sharing the knowledge your protagonist has...because all we want is to know what she knows so that we can feel like we’re inside her head.” — Kemlo Aki Showing how your character relates to their world is an essential skill, one that takes time to get right. Listen to Kemlo read where Abby gets it right to hear how little details mean so much, and convey so much information in just a few lines. Be careful, however, in the overuse of this device - this time, Abby gets warned about using too many questions. Asking a specific or open-ended question can pique a reader's interest and get them wondering about what's next. But peppering them with too many questions can be overwhelming and confusing. “Any good writing craft or technique is one that is used sparingly.” — Kemlo Aki Watch your use of filter words, too - there's a lot you can cut without losing meaning. Words like "felt," excessive adverbs, etc., are often unnecessary and should be on the chopping block unless you really need them. The same goes for dialogue tags - there are a time and a place and appropriate use, but try to distinguish the speaker that doesn't end in "he/she/they said," either via description or action. Of course, it's not a hard and fast rule, and it's worth your time to review these in your editing process and see if you can mix it up.

S2 EP 47: Words Matter Abby Mathews, Melanie Parish and Kemlo Aki Download This week, Kemlo gives Abby some advice on a little thing that becomes a big thing... And it gets personal! “Am I a weirdo? Because I do that little thing?” — Abby Mathews Abby wrote a scene where Logan's parents show up for the first time, and actually modeled Logan's mother after a mom she knew in middle school. She doesn't remember the mom's husband's name because they always called him...Daddy. Team Mom Writes debates whether this is a weird thing, not a weird thing, or not even a thing at all. Abby was trying to paint this family as a sweet, loving family that her protagonist views as more normal than her own situation. Kemlo says she wants to see a change in Bernadette in this chapter, but it seems like she's giving up on her friendship with the character of Logan. Is she writing him off because she thinks he's betrayed her, or does she think it's not worth it because she's competing with Claire - regardless, how does it show up in the scene later on? Abby needs to shore up her protagonist's motivations in this scene, let the reader know exactly where she's coming from, and drive these points home to give us a sense of what she's expecting or planning to do. Abby forges on to the next chapter, feeling that the things she needs to change only involve adding a line here, a line there. She wants to get to the end of this second first draft! There are still things in there that need to be fixed, but they can be fixed on the next go-around. Kemlo says there are no big red flags concerning her, and it's fine to save these for next time. Abby wants to keep moving forward - that's her motivation. Kemlo kept asking for more, more internal thoughts for this chapter - surprising Abby, who thought there was already so much going on. But Abby's learning that if you put in too much, you can always take it out. “It’s going to feel like too much to you as the writer because your brain fills in the blanks...it doesn’t mean you have to repeat yourself, it means you have to say something new. Expound on it, develop it in some way. We want a little bit more specific than that. That’s how you get the sense of movement, of change. We want to see change at not only the plot level but internally as well.” — Kemlo Aki When you write for kids, you have to write it "snappy" - you have to keep their attention. But it doesn't mean it needs to be quick - you need to be concise. Capture emotion and plot. Easy, right? HA. None of it's easy, but because (say it with us friends) writing is iterative, you'll likely get a few chances to get it right during the editing process. 

S2 EP 46: Knitting Together a Giant Quilt of Pain and Death Abby Mathews, Melanie Parish and Kemlo Aki Download IN THIS EPISODEAbby's recently returned from the Author Accelerator Maine retreat, which was a powerhouse of writing breakthroughs. There was laughter! There were tears! There was motivation! Coaches got to work one-on-one with writers and got down to the why of each writer's novels, and how to get that down on the page. This week, Mel's convinced as her edits are moving forward, her book is actually getting worse. She'll open up the later chapters of her book and be horrified at the number of changes that need to be made - she can't stop finding things to dislike. It's not even remotely where she wants it to be, which is somewhat to be expected, but it's terrifying. Kemlo says not to worry; it doesn't mean the book is getting worse - Mel is just getting better at editing.  “When you first start revisions, especially if you’ve never done it before, you don’t know what you don’t know...after you’ve done 17 chapters, you see layer upon layer of problems, and that can seem discouraging.” — Melanie Parish Kemlo reminds us that at the end of Mel's book, she's pulling together a lot of threads that have been going this whole time - everything is going to come to a head in the next few chapters, and it's hard. It's hard for veteran writers, too. It's hard to keep all the plates spinning, and it gets exponentially more complicated the further you get along in your novel.  “It still boils down to one central idea: getting down what your protagonist is thinking and feeling on the page. As you keep going along, keep asking yourself why. Why? What’s the nuanced, specific thought or thing that’s making her feel that feeling? Let’s get into her head and feel what she’s experiencing in that moment.” — Kemlo Aki Do writers all struggle with the same things? Does everyone have "a thing" they continually struggle with?  Kemlo says: "It feels like you're going over the same thing, over and over again, but think of it as a spiral. It seems like you're going it over and over again, but you're actually in a different place. You're closer to where you want to be."  You'll eventually get there, and as you progress, you might be traversing the same land, but you know the land better this time around. Mel thanks Kemlo for making specific suggestions on strengthening scenes. It's important that you know where the scene is going, but during editing, try to make it more than it already is. Whatever it means, make it mean more of it. Not only is Mel trying to show what's changed in her characters, but she also has to show what hasn't changed - what lessons her characters still have to learn, and may not learn, before the book is over. We want to see them making sense with the cards they've been dealt - or not! One way to demonstrate this is to show a character remembering something that had happened, but remembering it a different way, looking at it through whatever new perspective they've now acquired.

S2 EP 45: The Curious Case of the Spaghetti Jar Incident In the Night Abby Mathews, Melanie Parish and Kemlo Aki Download OK, so it didn’t happen at night. But it was curious. IN THIS EPISODEThis week, Abby takes her edits into overdrive. Listen to the first 5 to 10 minutes for her process in taking Jennie's edits from the first draft and incorporating them into her revision. Mel's working on her edits from her last chapter, and Kemlo said she needs to work on tension in her scene based on what she has in her Two-Tier / Inside Outline. They're small fixes - there's a lot going on in the scene, but the decisions on her protagonist's shoulders do not feel hard. The reader needs to see some push and pull, instead of "upsetting things" that her characters get pulled through. “There should be some sort of internal conflict, there should be a struggle - let’s make it more difficult for this character to decide what to do.” — Melanie Parish Not only that, but Kemlo says we need to know WHY it's hard, and the prose needs to reflect the tension and plot lines need to reflect the Two-Tier / Inside Outline. Kemlo's recommending that she work on an outline for the chapter to tighten up the scenes. The Inside Outline is especially useful for chapters with many scenes, locations, and purposes, and Mel used it to delineate by location. In that scene, she made a point for each character and where their story is going. She says it helped highlight was missing in the scenes and clarify motivations.  “Show us what she’s hoping for, and what she’s fearing - that is what we need to move the story forward.” — Kemlo Aki Mel checked out a bunch of thrillers from the library for reference, and Kemlo advised her to pay particular attention to the things she wants to work on in her own novel - what the characters are thinking, feeling, anticipating, and fearing/avoiding. Sometimes it can be helpful to see how another writer balances the internal/external aspect in character and plot development - either in a finished book or a work in progress from a friend. This week's book rec: Deep Work, by Cal Newport.

with Dawn Ius S2 EP 44: Thriller Conventions Abby Mathews, Melanie Parish and Kemlo Aki Download IN THIS EPISODEContent warning! Wear your earbuds if the kiddos are around!This week we welcome Dawn Ius to the podcast! Dawn is an Author Accelerator book coach, the author of three YA novels (Anne and Henry, Overdrive, and Lizzie), and the managing editor of the online magazine published by The International Thriller Writers organization, The Big Thrill. We ask Dawn: What are the conventions in thrillers, and specifically, around sex scenes? Does a sex scene make a lot of sense in a thriller? Ask yourself these questions if you're wondering if you should keep that sex scene in your thriller or suspense novel:Is there justification for the scene? Is it necessary? Dawn points to the work of Lee Child, who only put things in his books if they're absolutely necessary to move the plot forward, so ask yourself the following questions: Is it necessary to the scene? Does it reveal something about character, or ratchet up the tension? Is it serving the story in some way? Male/female dynamics are common and understandable in detective novels and mysteries and it's often a popular way to write a subplot in that genre. “The same rules apply for sex as for violence – in 90% of the cases, less is more. It doesn’t need to be gratuitous.” — Dawn Ius Books to check out as good examples of romantic suspense: Nora Roberts and Sandra Brown. In a lot of these authors' books, it's more about the build-up than the act itself. In a similar way one lays out a thriller or suspense novel, these novels are laid out in the same way: a series of scenes, increasing in tension, with the pay-off scene at the end.  If you ratchet up the tension, reward the readers by the end of the story. This is true for both suspense/thrillers as well as romantic suspense. In regards to the less is more concept, Dawn recommends:    “If the imagination can do the work, it’s almost better - most times - to let it do that.” — Dawn Ius In thrillers, there's a bigger emphasis on active voice. You don't want passive sentences, and you want tense, tight, crisp dialogue. Everything you do in normal storytelling must serve the suspense portion of it. In a thriller, the question you're always coming back to is, "What does your character fear?" Open with an action scene - we need to get right into the story and find out what exactly is happening with the protagonist. We talk about Dan Brown's novels and how they reinvigorated the genre in terms of exciting readers.  “The other component of thrillers that people don’t often think about, and this is in regards to Dan Brown’s novels - a really good thriller always teaches the reader something...thriller readers are almost always excited about learning something new.” — Dawn Ius