S2E10 So I got my first tattoo! Boom! It was going to be perfect and then suddenly it wasn’t because… the tattoo artist wasn’t there. It was a scheduling miscommunication and what unfolded next was all meant to be. January 22, 2006 could’ve been my last day. But a miracle stepped in (I not exaggerating) and on January 23rd I woke up to the first day of my life (channeling Bright Eyes). There have been so many moments since where I have thought “I would’ve missed this”. But thank God, I stayed. Thank God, so many beautiful moments have since.

S2E9 I feel like I get all of my best ideas/realizations when I am driving, cleaning or in the shower. Notice how I didn’t say “sitting”. Maybe that is because I don’t do it often out of some very western inability to be still. Life seems to be throwing me endless curveballs. I don’t know if that will ever stop. But I am finding that God is showing up in even the smallest details. To me, Beauty my proof that there is a divine, ever loving God. This is my strength and my peace in the midst of so many storms. I hope you find comfort in this episode. Feel free to follow me on instagram @mariehasfeelingspodcast and to check out my program website: mindfulwarrior.info :) I am taking new clients and would love to journey with you. Sending big hugs! -marie

“Quick discloser: I don’t like underwear” and also- October was so intense!!! It basically started with me accidentally (basically) mooning my kids’ karate class, followed by things like a grief retreat, a drive by shooting that ended with a bullet hole in my van. And then there was the wedding of one of Nick’s dearest friends. It was beautiful and heartbreaking all at once because Nicholas wasn’t there. I’m relieved to be in November and grateful to share my newest episode with you. Xoxo.

S2E7 In this episode I don’t filter, because motherhood doesn’t come with one. It is raw! I always wanted to be a mom. Had anyone told me what pregnancy and labor are ACTUALLY like I would’ve been too terrified to even try! But I was blissfully unaware of what was waiting for me. It was so worth it! But there was so much (and still is) that I could’ve never prepared for- including what it feel like to not sleep a full night for, well- years. Or cabbage leaves actually do help with engorgement. Google it. I didn’t predict that I would feel so much of everything. Motherhood is a collage of wonder and terror, beauty and ugly, chaos and calm. It calls you on to be the best version of yourself, which in turn, forces you to confront the worst. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Not for the perfect waistline, not for the most exciting trip or the fanciest house… not even for a full night’s sleep. It is the greatest gift I have ever received. One that I treasure with all of my ever expanding heart.

When I said that they could “stop by” I didn’t expect them to actually come. I was 19 and it was a “Minnesota nice” thing to say… I often reflect on what happened over that course of time. One little comment turned into a week that was part Wes Anderson part SNL when it comes to measurement of weirdness. It haunts me in a funny and not so funny way when I am about to engage in new social experiences. How weird am I? What sort of person must I actually be to have a track record of attracting such… characters? Ok, so I am getting ready to go to an ice cream social for my kids’ school and I am suddenly flooded by self doubt when it comes to making friends! I want to be likable. I want to be “the cool mom”. But let’s get real! I am not. As I type this, I have a stain on my shirt and it’s from me, probably dribbling coffee on myself somehow. I don’t know when. And I don’t know how. And that is the problem!! Anyway… you’ll have to listen to this masterpiece to get the full story. Buckle up, baby and enjoy 😉

Missing my brother is a regular part of my day. It’s like brushing my teeth or going to bed at night. Missing him is part of breathing in and out. Just the way loving him was. Just the way loving him is… I am preparing for the 10th anniversary of his death- August 6th is tomorrow. I am preparing and reflecting and feeling as much as I can handle. And against my better judgement- I am sharing my journey with you.

Trigger Warning! About 2 weeks ago I found out that a harmful and dangerous priest has recently had his facilitation of abuse labeled as “poor judgement”. He has been given a parish to be in charge of in Minneapolis, MN. It is absolutely unacceptable and If ANYONE describes the coverup of clergy sexual abuse as “poor judgement” again, I will lose it! This priest is Father Kevin McDonough and was responsible for protecting Fr.Michael Keating, the priest who abused me as well as countless other clergymen including Fr Curtis Wehmeyer. This Information threw me into a tailspin of painful memories and triggers. But I didn’t let the pain win. I felt the fear and I did it any way. The details of this episode are very personal. I share with you what facing the flashbacks, fear and pain felt like. How I fought through it. And how I found joy in the end!

Ok, it is time that I admit to you all that I love MMA- Mixed Martial Arts.  I just can't help myself.  I am learning how to be in my body.  And I mean to really embody my human experience.  I didn't realize how important staying "in my body" was until I realized that it was something I had to fight for...  As much as I love a beautiful vinyasa flow, I can not deny the fighter in me and this is the year that I decided to embrace it. I am taking my love of yoga, breath work and mindfulness and walking where else, but into a Dojo to learn Roufosport Kickboxing and Jiu Jitsu! It has only been a few months, but as you can imagine, I've had a lot of feelings about it.  Enjoy!

Regardless of how progressive we have gotten as a society, mental health is still very taboo. I have PTSD and that diagnoses seems to be the umbrella that covers all of the mental health struggles I have faced over the years. I don’t want to scare people away, but I also don’t want to hide the fact that mental wellness is a daily journey for me. I would much rather talk about my gluten sensitivity or tell you that high cholesterol runs in my family. The truth is though, we are all so much more than one aspect of our story. We are many pages in a huge book! If can stop defining myself by one chapter in my story, maybe I will have the courage to allow people to see and love all of me.

The day I was flicked off by a driver near my house threw me into an identity crisis. I wanted to be understanding, maybe they were stressed, maybe they had an emergency, maybe, maybe, maybe... next thing I knew I wanted to roll down my window and cream out a litany of really, um.... not nice things. What does it mean to be a nice person? A kind person? A good person? Who am I if I am both awful and wonderful? What does it mean to be scared and brave? In this episode- I explore it all. And recall the life changing lessons my brother Nicholas taught me to move through the tension of shadow and light.