In this episode it is August 6th, 2023 and I am out for a walk trying to make sense of my pain. I literally talk to you as a way to calm my inner storm and I think it helps. Quick spoiler alert- there is no quick fix to my distress and I have no answers- but there is grace. Thanks for being here with me. Sometimes, that is all we need. Xoxo

I don’t really know how to describe this one 😂 If you can relate to some of this, God bless you. I cover a range of topics from how I regularly terrify my husband to grief and loss and the Beatles. I also ignore my better judgement and disclose one of my most embarrassing stories. Enjoy!

bell hooks said it best “love is a verb” and I am on a journey to take her advice and follow her lead. I like to think that I have come a long way from how I loved when I 21 (dating two guys at once wasn’t a shining moment for me) marriage, true love, loss and birthing 3 babies sure rubbed the shine off of whatever romantic comedy I thought I would star in but I am all the better for it. ❤️

Last year I felt drawn to the word “capacity” as a focus point for how I wanted to approach hard things. I was tired of being swept away by even the smallest emotion and felt that growing my capacity for distress was the best next step. I didn’t realize that 2022 would hold so many capacity growing opportunities for me. This year, I feel like “breathe” is what I am supposed to lean into. Breathing through what is hard, resting in breath, finding nourishment and gratitude and ah-hah! Capacity! I am excited to be recording again after my unintentional sabbatical. And I am so grateful that you are here! Xoxo, Marie

So I got my first tattoo! Boom! It was going to be perfect and then suddenly it wasn’t because… the tattoo artist wasn’t there. It was a scheduling miscommunication and what unfolded next was all meant to be. January 22, 2006 could’ve been my last day. But a miracle stepped in (I not exaggerating) and on January 23rd I woke up to the first day of my life (channeling Bright Eyes). There have been so many moments since where I have thought “I would’ve missed this”. But thank God, I stayed. Thank God, so many beautiful moments have since.

I feel like I get all of my best ideas/realizations when I am driving, cleaning or in the shower. Notice how I didn’t say “sitting”. Maybe that is because I don’t do it often out of some very western inability to be still. Life seems to be throwing me endless curveballs. I don’t know if that will ever stop. But I am finding that God is showing up in even the smallest details. To me, Beauty my proof that there is a divine, ever loving God. This is my strength and my peace in the midst of so many storms. I hope you find comfort in this episode. Feel free to follow me on instagram @mariehasfeelingspodcast and to check out my program website: mindfulwarrior.info :) I am taking new clients and would love to journey with you. Sending big hugs! -marie

“Quick discloser: I don’t like underwear” and also- October was so intense!!! It basically started with me accidentally (basically) mooning my kids’ karate class, followed by things like a grief retreat, a drive by shooting that ended with a bullet hole in my van. And then there was the wedding of one of Nick’s dearest friends. It was beautiful and heartbreaking all at once because Nicholas wasn’t there. I’m relieved to be in November and grateful to share my newest episode with you. Xoxo.

In this episode I don’t filter, because motherhood doesn’t come with one. It is raw! I always wanted to be a mom. Had anyone told me what pregnancy and labor are ACTUALLY like I would’ve been too terrified to even try! But I was blissfully unaware of what was waiting for me. It was so worth it! But there was so much (and still is) that I could’ve never prepared for- including what it feel like to not sleep a full night for, well- years. Or cabbage leaves actually do help with engorgement. Google it. I didn’t predict that I would feel so much of everything. Motherhood is a collage of wonder and terror, beauty and ugly, chaos and calm. It calls you on to be the best version of yourself, which in turn, forces you to confront the worst. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Not for the perfect waistline, not for the most exciting trip or the fanciest house… not even for a full night’s sleep. It is the greatest gift I have ever received. One that I treasure with all of my ever expanding heart.

When I said that they could “stop by” I didn’t expect them to actually come. I was 19 and it was a “Minnesota nice” thing to say… I often reflect on what happened over that course of time. One little comment turned into a week that was part Wes Anderson part SNL when it comes to measurement of weirdness. It haunts me in a funny and not so funny way when I am about to engage in new social experiences. How weird am I? What sort of person must I actually be to have a track record of attracting such… characters? Ok, so I am getting ready to go to an ice cream social for my kids’ school and I am suddenly flooded by self doubt when it comes to making friends! I want to be likable. I want to be “the cool mom”. But let’s get real! I am not. As I type this, I have a stain on my shirt and it’s from me, probably dribbling coffee on myself somehow. I don’t know when. And I don’t know how. And that is the problem!! Anyway… you’ll have to listen to this masterpiece to get the full story. Buckle up, baby and enjoy 😉

Missing my brother is a regular part of my day. It’s like brushing my teeth or going to bed at night. Missing him is part of breathing in and out. Just the way loving him was. Just the way loving him is… I am preparing for the 10th anniversary of his death- August 6th is tomorrow. I am preparing and reflecting and feeling as much as I can handle. And against my better judgement- I am sharing my journey with you.