Don looking for Eliza. Why are they on this trip? You can’t come on a cast trip and not give us any story. Eliza better actually be missing. 

Don finds Madison and Austen in bed. 

Everyone stumbles out one by one, no one can find Shep. They all got super high last night. 

Shep asks Austen and Madison if they hooked up last night. Am I watching the same episode as last week..? Didn’t this already happen? 

Madison says her mother said always sleep in the nude, and it only takes thre minutes. But she’s not laughing, she’s barely smiling. She’s always thinking something… 

Shep: it makes me sick watching them talk. What is he talking about?! In shep’s mind, Austen never cheated or had that weird threesome. In his mind, the narrative is Madison cheated on Austen and now they’re back together and shoving it in everyone’s faces. Sure, THAT Would be weird. But what austen did is 10 times worse than what madison did! 

HOLD UP. Craig and Madison leave together, and Madison wants craig to carry her. They’re going to the hot springs. Shep is drinking a beer. SO GROSS!! 

Kathryn comes out in a giant pink coat. Kathryn really likes to experiment with shades of red and pink, which is something she shouldn’t really be doing. Wasn’t the last time we saw Kathryn when she was swinging on that porch swing and was super upset..? She seems totally normal now. 

Austen tells Madison that this weekend has been great. The face she makes. What is she thinking about at any given moment?! 

Everyone else talks about Austen and say that he’s a momma boy and he just wants to be taken care of. 

Madison doesn’t want to be waiting for Austen at home late at night. She wants him to compromise. She has scissors tattooed behind her ear. 

Austen can’t give Madison what she wants…? What is so hard about this?? Austen isn’t ready to be a stepdad. So then stop talking to her!! Stop making this a thing!! That poor kid isn’t going anywhere, so stop messing with her like that. 

Madison piles in next to Craig. Do these two have a thing going on?? I thought Craig hated her. 

Austen goes into Kathryn’s room. “Your wardrobe has been spectacular this trip.” Has it? 

Austen is here to talk about the weed thing. 24 hours later… and she seemed fine all day. Is this a real thing? 

Kathryn: I didn’t want you all to have your night ruined. ...but you were super passive aggressive and got up and left. Kathryn: I started to remember how people treated me. ...but you sat and googled it. 

Shep walks in to the cabin: Madison: Shep, I was looking for you. Uh ohhhh… Madison wants to laugh because she’s depressed. 

Shep guesses she’s depressed because she wanted to get back with Austen. Madison doesn’t understand why Shep’s opnion matters so much. Madison: If Austen said he wanted to be with me, you would say dude fuck her, you need to come out with us and get laid by a bunch of bitches. 

Shep thinks Madison doesn’t want Austen to have fun without her. Shep: For someone who argues so much with Austen you sure do suck at it. Madison: You don’t scare me. 

Shep says he deals in facts. Madison says here’s a fact… and she drops a bomb. WOW. I am SHOCKED. She could’ve just said ‘I heard you gave someone we know chlamydia.” But she just THREW Danni in there. Mind you danni was the one who threw Madison under the bus about her instagram hook up, so Madison has been plotting in the shadows. Amazing. 

Danni denies it. Well now we know why they bothered featuring Danni this season. 

Danni is pissed and Madison doesn’t care. Madison: if it’s not true, that’s fine! Madison looks like she’s trying not to laugh. Danni and Shep’s protesting is not something I’m buying. Shep: I’ll just stay out of your way. YEP BECAUSE ITS TRUE!!! Shep: I told you I could argue you into the ground. THEN HE LEAVES!!! 

Back from commercial… they rewound ALLLL the way back to the chlamydia. 

Shep: Madison just fucked herself (in the other cabin.) Did she though? Shep is in crisis control mode and trying to make her look crazy before the chlamydia stuff comes out. Shep nervously chugs a beer. That’ll help. 

Austen comes out and can tell something just went down. Craig reveals what happened. Austen is like god DAMN IT!! Austen: Madison you will say anything to get.. Off of… the fire!! 

Austen storms out. Craig seems like he’s enjoying this. Shep tells Austen what Madison said but Shep is sooo guilty and pretending he doesn’t care. 

Kathryn comes out and asks what’s going on. Madison tries to tell Kathryn, Danni comes out without her mic. Madison tells Danni to go chainsmoke her menthols. 

Shep keeps tossing out: it’s not true. Shep leaves. Austen tells Chelsea this is the ONE side of Madison he doesnt like. Um Madison is vengeful adn reckless thats not just ‘onnnne side’ thats a whole separate personality 

Meanwhile Eliza is like dead on the couch. 

Austen comes to Madison, Madison says she has to defend herself because seh won’t d oit. Madison starts crying and leaves. 

This whole time Craig is splayed on the couch in the background. He hasn’t moved. This is so weird that they’re leaving at night. This never happens. 

Everyone’s back home. 

Oh yeah Craig was given a pillow challenge. 

Austen meets up with naomie

This combination feels weird… I’ve never seen them together one on one. Austen fills her in on the trip. 

Naomie tells austen if he explains himself to shep shep will forgive him. Who cares? It’s shep… 

MADISON WANTS TO SWING BY KATHRYN’S

Weirddd combo. This makes me uncomfortable. 

Madison feels bad for throwing Danni under the bus, but Madison thinks Shep is a bully. Kathryn thinks its cool that she stood up to shep. I love that Kathryn respects madison for this. 

They toast to not accepting bullshit. I kind of like this alliance. 

Austen comes over to Shep’s and brings beer. Ugh they drink so much beer. 

Shep is just a bloated dark circles around the eyes mess. 

Shep starts his speech about wanting to be a happy person, and how he wants to do that for other people. (You don’t.) 

Shep: Have you ever told her to shut the fuck up before? 

Shep: “What are the great virtues she possesses?” Wow Shep you’re so well spoken. 

Shep doubles down and says Madison belongs in a honky tonk bar. 

Shep: valentines day austen spelled butt stuff in rose petals and she said ok. WHAT SO MANY QUESTIONS

Why is ashley hanging arounddddd 

Cameran and Kathryn roleplay. IT’d be hilarious if Kathryn DECKED Cameron for playing ashley.