Luann is mad at mario for calling her countless. 

Ramona wants to be nicer to alex. 

Bethenny vs Jill 

Bethenny vs Luann 

Bethenny loves Ramona’s new hair. It’s short and sassy. Ramona says, “I think my hair was like Sampson and deliah.” It sounds like she was going to say goliath and then just stopped talking. 

Bethenny is going to fill Ramona in on Luann, but Ramona says she also had an issue with her on the boat. Ramona gets into it. Ramona says she was verbally raped by Jill and Luann. 

Bethenny tries to school Mario on calling Luann countless. Mario says, “I didnt say it to her!” Bethenny: “Right but you said it behind her back.” Mario: I didn’t say it behind her back, I said it and she overheard. 

Bethenny: Luann lost a husband and grew a penis. As Bethenny retells the story Ramona turns to Jason and says “She talks so fast I forgot how fast she talks. Ramona says she’s more relaxed now. Then she turns to Bethenny and goes “I’m sorry what?” Bethenny didnt even notice Ramona was missing from the conversation. 

They drink and go dancing. Ramona and Mario are literally on top of the bar. They had such a good relationship these two, what happened! 

OMG i got so excited the second Rosie showed up! 

Rosie talks to the kids. Victoria broke both wrists and Luann thinks she was trying to sneak out. Luann brings out tea. Luann tells Rosie, we miss your cooking. It’s too bad nora isn’t here or i was gonna have you show her how to cook. And Luann would’ve for sure put rosie to work. Remember last season when Rosie came back from the phillippines and Luann literally made her do laundry and said she was going to go play tennis? 

Luann on her new housekeeper: IT’s a lot of work to teach someone new. So it’s actually double the work. 

Luann tells Rosie that she’s divorced now and then Rosie left so her world fell apart. Rosie in interview says she worries about her. Rosie is so sweet. 

They actually have a really good relationship. For the most part Luann is pretty respectful of her. Rosie must know alll the dirt. Somebody find Rosie!! 

As they walk back in, Luann says, “So how do I look?!” 

Mario and Simon show up wearing the same white suit. Alex LOVES that ramona is being so nice to her. Ramona brought a wrap for Alex in case alex gets cold. 

Simon tells Ramona that she reminds him of a young cameron diaz. Alex in bite tells us that SImon said that. Kind of genius. Ramona: Did i invite you for monday, i forgot! 

Ramona: I had no planned on inviting alex and simon to my luncheon. Ramona: I dont think I told you! Things have been so crazy! Alex: Work has bene so crazy I’ve been in retail land and -- Ramona: ok. ANYWAY… and she tells them about her lunch 

Mario thinks Luann would fare better if she would get off her high horse. Mario cites that Luann called her crazy eyes… so THAT’S what mario is pissed about! Simon suggests that Mario call Luann now and invite her to make peace. 

You know, MArio and Luann had a good relationship. They both spoke Italian to each other! 

Jill is happy at Luann’s because Luann is a great hostess. Which housewife from this season would you want to host you? I think Luann for me, though she would criticize you. Bethenny would be too anxious. Alex’s kids… 

Luann plays Mario’s voicemail. Wow this is the season of voicemails! 

Luann still doesn’t want to go, and Jill won’t go if Luann doesn’t go. Jill calls Ramona on Luann’s phone and says she’s between a rock and a hard place. Ramona says that Luann is rude  (on speaker.) Jill: Try to understand that Luann is single and alone! Ramona says that Luann was screwing around when she was married, she always had men in her life. Jill interrupts: I can’t do this, I don’t agree with you at all. Jill yells at Ramona, Mario doesn’t have to apologize for being born, its just one thing he has to apologize for. 

My favorite is when Ramona and Jill go up against each other on other peopels behalves but really its about them wanting to stick it to each other. Jill in bite: If I had known Ramona was going to talk like that I never would’ve put her on speaker. LIARRRR. 

Jill tells Luann people have issues with other peoples marraiges when they have problems in teir own house. Could be true. Is this when Mario started cheating? 

Luann in bite: I was pleased with Ramona’s loyalty to me. So creepyyy. 

Luann tells Jill about the drinks she had with Bethenny and how Luann wanted Bethenny’s snark to stop. Luann says Bethenny started shaking because she was in the wrong. That’s not true! Luann says then Bethenny apologized. Jill doesnt know what will happen with bethenny. 

They do some playful flirting. They talk about words to describe Bethenny. Bethenny: Tortured. Damaged. Mentally disturbed. My god bethenny… so intense!! 

Jason says summer is ending and so they have to figure out the living situation. Jason says he wants to live together. 

Was Jason planning all his awfulness here? He seems harmless! I just don’t get it. I need a full character study. 

Bethenny cries to Jason because she’s so happy and the girl doesn’t get the guy and the job. 

Here is what they’ve done to each other: 

JASON: 

“Before a judge gave us our own designated days, there was no structure. It was outright mayhem. Jason would lay in the marital bed and not get out and stare at me. … He would blast the remote as high as possible. …He locked [Frankel’s dog] Cookie in the room multiple times. He locked Cookie in a storage unit until late in the night without telling me or my assistant Jackie. He would leave negative press about me on the counter and I would see it and throw it in the garbage, and the next day … he would take it out of garbage and put it there,” she said.

She also alleged that Hoppy would help Bryn get dressed and tell her, “I know you don’t want to go with Mommy.”

“Face-to-face contact was threatening and verbally assaulting. They were the more regular ones that would occur at the dentist or doctor’s appointments where we would both have to go to these appointments because Jason didn’t want to alternate, he wanted to be at all of them,” she said. “Jason would say, ‘You are so desperate and pathetic.’ He would say I looked ugly and old. He would laugh and whistle in my presence and make negative comments to me. There was a more threatening event at her school yard.”

Additionally, Frankel also took responsibility for her misconduct prior to their 2014 custody hearing. She admitted in court that she told Hoppy “you’ll never see your daughter again,” called him “white trash,” and splashed water on him while he was sleeping.

“I was able to get through to the mother to some degree,” Mosseri testified in Manhattan Supreme Court as Frankel and Hoppy’s heated child custody battle entered its fifth day of hearings. “I didn’t feel at the time that I was able to get through to the father.”

Ramona thinks that Jill will convince Luann to come, and that Luann made a mountain of a molehill. Wow she learned the phrase from last episode! 

Jill and Luann are cooking with the kids back at Luann’s. They’re clearly not going. Kelly comes over to Jill’s. HIEEEEEE!! Ramona didn’t invite Kelly to her party which is why Kelly is here. 

Kelly whispers that she has to talk to her. Luann: CAn’t it wait til after lunch? Kelly says something is happening tomorrow and I want you guys to know about it. 

Kelly says you know how we were talking about authenticity, and you know, I value your friendships and Luann I respect you. I am so incredibly true and genuine, and I want you guys to know beforehand… I was asked by Playboy for the 30th anniversary to be on the cover and do a 10 page story. 

Jill knows she has to be super supportive because her being unsupportive of Bethenny is getting her into trouble. Luann shows off her playgirl cover, which includes the article, “How to have an orgasm in your sleep.” Poor noel wanders over while the magazine is out. Jill: I’m coming to the party at the mansion! THAT’S why Jill is being supportive. 

BOBBY SHOWS UP TO LUANN’S

Jill tells Bobby that Kelly is going to be on the cover. Bobby says that he has every issue from 1969-1998. Kelly think sthat’s weird that bobby will be looking at her like that. Bobby: “I go down in the basement to look at them every once in a while. They’re in good condition.” 

BETHENNY AND JASON ARRIVE AT RAMONA’S

Bethenny asks Ramona who’s coming today. Ramona tells Bethenny that Alex and SImon are coming. Bethenny says “I have to deal with that.” So Bethenny ended up going with a logo other than Alex’s. Ramona suggests that Bethenny could’ve had Alex come up with more ideas which is a really good point. Bethenny just goes “IT just… no…” I think she just didn’t like what Alex did, or she didn’t want to pay her or something. 

Alex and Simon arrive. Bethenny says to Alex, I’m so grateful for all your work you did for me. Alex seems caught off guard. She didn’t expect Bethenny to cop to it. 

Outside Ramona makes a toast, ‘All right here’s to like… new friendships, old friendships… whatever!!” They discuss the situation. Bethenny doesn’t understand why Jill can’t be married for her. She gets choked up. Ramona says their stories differ dramatically. 

Play exchange between Jennifer and Bethenny. 

Bethenny thinks its hypocritical that Luann isn’t here because Jill has talked crap about Luann too. 

Alex tells Ramona she’s going to stop by Luann’s, and it’s not because they’re going to run away. Alex says they feel obligated, and Simon hasn’t seen Jill all weekend. (As if they’re THAT close.) Ramona is thinking, all th is effort i put into bringing these two on to my side, and Alex is STILL going to see her?? 

Ramona: We’re having fun, I didn’t want you to leave!! Which is such a lie. Alex LOVES being put in the middle. Mario tells her she has to decide which team to be on. Simon does nothing to help the situation. 

ACT FIVE

Alex calls Jill, it’s a small party, there’s no way we can do this gracefully without declaring war. I mean the strategy is interesting here, when the cast is split in half, who do you stick with? Obviously the side bethenny is on. 

Jill: Can you give me any gossip?!? Ugh JILL. And of course Alex discloses everything. Alex There was speculation you weren’t there because you didnt’ want to be around bethenny. Alex legit reports EVERYTHING. People pleasers are dangerous on these shows. They’ll betray anything to be liked.