What if the hardest thing that's ever happened to you didn't have to be another trauma?In this episode I'm joined by one of my own clients, Naomi, who shares her deeply personal story of discovering she carries the BRCA1 gene mutation - testing she undertook in her 40s, in light of her Mum sadly passing away with cancer at age 47. We talk about her decision to undergo preventative surgery, learning to disappoint people without guilt, navigating years of secondary infertility, and finding an unexpected sense of empowerment through one of the hardest seasons of her life.Naomi opens up about faith, family, building a support team, and the small shifts in perspective that changed how she moved through fear, including the moment that reframed everything for her: what if this isn't just another traumatic experience, but a life changing and positive one?If you've ever faced a health crisis, a hard diagnosis, or a season that felt like it was taking more than it was giving, this conversation will stay with you.For tools, courses and resources, and to check out my brand new app to support your wellbeing - head to charlottecummings.nz.

There's a concept I use with many of my clients, and I've never actually spoken about it on this podcast until now. It's called preferred futures, a concept from narrative therapy.It's about getting clear on two things: where your life is actually headed if nothing changes, and where it could go if you make the changes you've been thinking about. In this episode I walk through exactly how I use this with clients, including:getting honest about where you're headed if nothing changes how this clarity can help you how to build a clear picture of the future you actually wantthe stories you're telling yourself that might be holding you back from itwhat you need to truly believe, not just repeat, for that future to feel possibleThis one applies wherever you're at right now: relationships, work, health, or just the general shape of your life.If today's conversation gave you something to think about my brand new Mind You app takes these ideas further with tools, courses and support you can come back to whenever you need. You can find out more at charlottecummings.nzIf you found this helpful, please do follow the podcast, leave a review, or send it to someone who needs to hear it.

Do you ever know exactly what you want to say at work - but find yourself second-guessing it, softening it, or waiting for the “right” moment to speak?Communicating confidently at work isn't just about having a strong voice or being the loudest person in the room. It's about knowing your value, understanding what gets in the way of speaking up, and learning to contribute without constantly questioning yourself.In this episode of Mind You, I explore the patterns that can make workplace communication harder than it needs to be - particularly for women. She looks at the social expectations that shape how women are perceived, the “unbearable feelings” that can sit underneath our reluctance to speak up, and the subtle ways we can minimise our own ideas before we've even given them a chance.You'll learn how to:recognise the patterns that hold you back in meetings and conversationsstop using language that unintentionally minimises what you have to sayreframe communication as making a contribution, rather than winning an argumentget clearer about what you want from your careerthink about how you want to be perceived - and how you want people to feel around youback yourself and communicate from the value you bringBecause confident communication isn't about becoming someone louder or more forceful.It's about being willing to take up your space and trust that what you have to say matters.

For many of us, we have to tolerate more attention than we'd naturally like, and it's scary as heck. Our jobs require it. Our goals require it. And the freedom we actually want is sitting on the other side of learning to cope with being seen. Stanley Henry from Attn Seeker joins me to unpack the psychology of visibility, personal branding, and why attention might be one of the last assets you can still build from nothing. He also shares what it takes to do relationships well when you're a high-functioning person juggling a business, a brand, and a full life - proof that success and a strong relationship aren't mutually exclusive, they just take real intention.In this episode, Stanley shares:Why no one cares about you nearly as much as you think, and why that's freeing rather than harshWhy your harshest critics are always your friends and family first, not strangers onlineWhy chasing "authenticity" online is the wrong goal, and what actually builds trust and connection insteadHow he and his wife use AI to manage their calendar, finances, and household so the mental load doesn't fall on one personHow to build a relationship that can keep up with an ambitious lifeThe sliding door moment that changed the direction of his whole lifeWhy he believes you can't half-commit your way to a big outcome - you have to give it a full goWhether you're building a personal brand, growing a business, navigating relationship dynamics, or just curious how AI can genuinely support communication at home, this conversation with Stanley Henry gives you a practical, honest look at what it takes to be seen. You can find Stanley (if he and his team haven't already found you!) at attnseeker.com and @stanleychenry or @theattnseeker

I sat down with Petra Bagust - honestly, she is the best ad for midlife. Through this chat, Petra gives us all the wonderful reasons why midlife is the good bit.We talk about her ADHD diagnosis, which came after her son's, and the months she spent grieving every theory she'd built to explain herself before that. We get into what actually shifts once you understand your own brain, the difference between legitimising yourself and needing someone else's permission, and the "manic and panic" cycle that used to run her days.Then there's menopause, without any of the doom and gloom. Petra's having more fun getting dressed in her mid-50s than ever before, and she tells me why. We talk about the ten years it took her to build what she calls a portfolio career after leaving breakfast TV, and the Esther Perel line that changed how she sees her 26-year marriage: most of us have three or four marriages in us, we just choose to have them with the same person.If you've ever wondered whether you need a formal diagnosis to change how you treat yourself, or you just want someone further down the path telling you you've got great things coming, this one's for you.In this episode:Petra's ADHD diagnosis and why she doubted it at firstThe "manic and panic" cycle and how she interrupts it nowMenopause, self-compassion and the male gaze disappearingReinventing herself after TV, and building a portfolio careerWhy marriages change shape and what to do about it

Janelle Brunton-Rennie became a widow within a year of her husband Kurt first finding a lump. She had a newborn baby at home, and no warning that losing her spouse to cancer was about to unravel her whole life. New Zealanders who've followed Janelle's story over the years will know pieces of this. In this episode, she courageously takes us back to all of it, and beyond.The hospital corridor where a doctor asked if her husband had a will. The anger that nobody tells you is part of grief, and the gym sessions that became her only outlet for it. The small rituals, sunrise, espresso, stillness, that carried her through years one and two of grief when nothing else could.We also talk about what came after. Rebuilding trust in yourself when you've had zero control over the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Making peace with a worst case scenario before you know the outcome. And what it actually takes to let love back in without losing who you became through grief and loss.This one is gut wrenching in places, and takes some genuinely unexpected turns into faith and spirituality.In this episode:Janelle's story of becoming a widow and losing her spouse to cancerThe anger stage of grief nobody prepares you forThe daily rituals that rebuilt her sense of self after lossRebuilding self trust after losing control of everythingFaith, surrender and what "making peace" actually meansLetting love in again after grief

Amy Luttrell lost her Dad suddenly at 32, with a newborn at home and a thriving wellness business to run. Eleven months later, her Stepfather died and her Mum nearly did too. She kept functioning. She kept showing up. And then her body said enough.In this episode, Amy gets completely honest about what it looks like when a high-achieving woman hits actual rock bottom - the shame of feeling broken while being the person others come to for wellness, the marriage hanging on, and the moment when she thought life would be easier if she wasn't around.She also talks about what brought her back, what she had to let go of, and why slowing down completely is what sped everything up.Content note: thoughts of life ending are discussed openly in this episode. Please listen with attentiveness to where you are at, and what is helpful to you. Find Amy at amyluttrell.com or on Instagram @amyluttrell_coaching.

Spiritual abuse is one of the most misunderstood forms of harm there is. And it might be exactly what you've been trying to name.In this episode, I'm getting into a topic I know many of you have been waiting for. After my episode on "when faith gets messy" became one of my most downloaded ever, I knew we needed to go deeper. So today we're talking about spiritual abuse: what it actually is, what it looks and feels like from the inside, and what healing can look like on the other side.This is a topic I come at from multiple angles. I'm currently completing my PhD in sociology, researching the experiences of women who have left Gloriavale, a high-control fundamentalist Christian community in New Zealand. I'm also a licensed Private Investigator who works on cases of institutional harm, and a therapist who has seen many clients navigating this kind of trauma. So when I say I get this issue from a lot of different angles, I mean it.In this episode we cover:What spiritual abuse actually is and why it's so hard to name in the momentHow power, scripture, and religious authority get used to control and harmThe difference between a healthy faith community and a high-control oneThe lasting impact on your mental health, your sense of self, and your ability to trust your own thoughtsWhat healing actually looks like, including rebuilding agency, reconnecting with your own voice, and giving yourself permission to step awayGreen flags to look for if you're navigating faith communities going forwardIf you've ever walked away from a religious group feeling like something wasn't right, or if you've spent years wondering whether what happened to you was "bad enough" to matter, this episode is for you.You don't have to have all the words for it yet. Sometimes just hearing it named is the first step.Find more support and resources at charlottecummings.nz

Is your relationship feeling a little flat? Like you used to laugh more, go on proper dates, and actually enjoy each other's company, but somewhere along the way life just got in the way?In this episode of Ask Charlotte, I'm answering a listener question that I hear all the time: how do we have more fun in our relationship?I cover:Why fun doesn't just happen and what to do about itHow to figure out what you both actually enjoy (and why one person's preferences might be quietly dominating)The alphabet dating idea my husband and I used early on (and why I think we need to revisit it)Why scheduling fun is not the enemy of spontaneityThe "micro fun" moments that build connection without needing a whole night outWhat to do when conflict, stress, or a packed schedule is the real barrierI also share some of what the Gottman Institute's research says about the ratio of positive to negative interactions in happy relationships, because it's a game changer for how you think about the small stuff.If you've been meaning to prioritise your relationship but keep letting it slip, this episode is your nudge.Send me your questions anytime at charlottecummings.nz, and if this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs it.

Some days you just hit the wall. The noise, the need, the relentlessness of it. You love your kids and you are completely done. This episode is for you. I'm joined by Zazi, a speech and language therapist, child development expert, MMA fighter, and mum who gets it. Zazi has built a community of parents who are done pretending they've got it all together, and she brings the kind of practical, no-guilt wisdom that actually helps. We go deep on why overwhelm isn't a character flaw. It's a nervous system response. Why your child melting down after school isn't bad behaviour. Why so many women are reaching their 30s and 40s and finally understanding their own brains for the first time. And what you can actually do when you're at the end of yourself and your child still needs you.We cover:The 8 senses and why the three you've never heard of are driving your overwhelm and your child's meltdownsInteroception, proprioception, and the vestibular system explained simply and why they matter more than emotions for nervous system regulationPostpartum rage, sensory overload, and the mental health struggles that don't look like depression or anxietyADHD in women, why it gets missed, what diagnosis can offer, and what you don't need a diagnosis to give yourselfNeurodivergent parenting strategies that work whether or not anyone has a formal labelWhy your child isn't being naughty. Every behaviour is communication, including the meltdown at the checkoutScreen time, sensory regulation, and what to actually replace screens withThe "blame your systems, not yourself" reframe that will stay with youWhat to do in the moments when you're completely over it and your child still needs youThis one is for you if:You find yourself ragey more than sadYou're touched out, noise-sensitive, and visually overwhelmed by the state of your houseYou've wondered whether you might be neurodivergent and you're not sure what to do with thatYou're holding it together on the outside and quietly burning on the insideYou just need someone to say: this is hard, you're not failing, and here's something that might actually help"Every behaviour is communication.""Blame your systems, not yourself.""You've got this, even when you quite clearly haven't."Find Zazi:🌐 zazi.co.nz📱 @zaziplays on Instagram🎙️ You've Got This podcastFind me:🌐 charlottecummings.nzIf this felt like it was for you, share it with the Mum who needs it today. And subscribe so you don't miss what's next