In this episode Dr. Tracy slows down one of the internet’s most popular relationship labels: weaponized incompetence. She names why the term resonates so deeply, especially for women carrying the mental load, and why it can feel like oxygen to finally have language for exhaustion, invisibility, and resentment. But Dr. Tracy also brings nuance to a conversation that often gets flattened. She explains that “weaponized incompetence” isn’t always rooted in intentional harm or laziness. Often, what looks like incompetence is tied to learned helplessness, gendered socialization, fear of failure, shame, conflict avoidance, and unspoken agreements that form over time. The “weapon” isn’t always intention. It’s the outcome: one partner becomes the manager, the other becomes the assistant, and resentment grows in both directions, just with different faces. LINKS FROM EPISODE: Build better connection and feel close starting today.⁠ ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Dr. Tracy's First Book I Didn't Sign Up For This Book RESOURCES Get Relationship Support ⁠Inside ⁠⁠Be Connected⁠⁠⁠ Order my new book! ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Want your questions answered on the show?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠⁠   ⁠⁠  Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to the podcast⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this short “From the Couch” episode, Dr. Tracy speaks to one of the most common pain points couples face around intimacy: one partner needs closeness to want sex, while the other experiences sex as the way they feel close. And when that mismatch goes unspoken, both people can start to feel rejected, pressured, and quietly alone even when love is still very much there. Dr. Tracy offers a simple framework that brings relief fast: there are two primary pathways to desire, spontaneous desire and responsive desire, and neither one is “better.” Spontaneous desire often starts in the mind and can feel effortless, but it commonly fades in long-term relationships, especially in high-demand seasons like parenting. Responsive desire, on the other hand, tends to emerge after emotional connection, affection, safety, and slowing down enough for the body to catch up. She explains why touch can feel like an invitation in one moment and like another demand in the next, and why that isn’t rejection, it’s capacity. The key shift she leaves listeners with is this: instead of asking “what’s wrong with us,” start asking “what conditions help my partner’s desire grow?” Because desire isn’t something you either have or don’t have, it’s something couples can learn to nurture together. LINKS FROM EPISODE: Free Guide 5 Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy RESOURCES Get Relationship Support ⁠Inside ⁠⁠Be Connected⁠⁠⁠ Order my new book! ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Want your questions answered on the show?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠⁠   ⁠⁠  Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to the podcast⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of Dear Dr. Tracy, Dr. Tracy D is joined by psychologist, professor, and sex researcher Dr. Nicole McNichols for a grounded, shame-reducing conversation about sex, desire, and what actually helps couples build a satisfying intimate life in the real world.Together, they unpack why so many people feel anxious, awkward, or “broken” when it comes to sex, and how much of that is shaped by cultural scripts, misinformation, and silence. Dr. Nicole shares how teaching a university-level sexuality course revealed just how hungry people are for accurate, compassionate education, not just about mechanics, but about autonomy, pleasure, and communication.A big focus of the conversation is what happens to desire in long-term relationships, especially in the parenting years. Dr. Tracy and Dr. Nicole talk about mental load, exhaustion, and the way many women lose access to autonomy and play after becoming moms, and how that directly impacts desire. They explore the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, why “just schedule sex” often backfires without the right setup, and how to think about pleasure as a cycle rather than a switch you’re supposed to flip on command.They also address common myths about female pleasure, including the reality of female ejaculation, and they challenge the pressure-heavy “how often should we be having sex?” conversation with a more nuanced, research-informed lens. The takeaway is clear: frequency is not a scoreboard, and pressure is a desire killer. Connection, novelty, communication, and a sense of entitlement to pleasure are where things actually shift. What You’ll Learn Why sex isn’t “dessert,” and why treating it like an add-on creates disconnection How shame and cultural scripts keep couples silent, even when they want more intimacy The difference between spontaneous vs. responsive desire (and why responsive desire is common in long-term relationships) Why planning intimacy can work, but only when you support the pleasure cycle and remove pressure How mental load and inequality at home can quietly erode desire What research actually says about frequency (and why those viral “average couples” stats are misleading) The role of novelty, communication, and pleasure in sustaining long-term sexual connection LINKS FROM SHOW Order Dr. McNichols new book. You Could Be Having Better Sex RESOURCES Get Relationship Support ⁠Inside ⁠⁠Be Connected⁠⁠⁠ Order my new book! ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Want your questions answered on the show?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠⁠   ⁠⁠  Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to the podcast⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this “From the Couch” episode, Dr. Tracy responds to a listener who’s been carrying the fallout of a painful postpartum season, where in-law boundary violations piled up and their partner didn’t protect them in the ways they needed. She normalizes how often having a baby is the moment extended-family dynamics shift, because your needs change, your limits change, and suddenly the old rules don’t fit anymore. LINKS FROM EPISODE: Order my new book! ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ RESOURCES: Get Relationship Support ⁠⁠Inside Be Connected⁠⁠ Want your questions answered on the show?⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠ ⁠⁠    Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠⁠ Ready to deepen your connection? ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. Join the⁠⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to the podcast⁠⁠ https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd⁠⁠ Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Dr. Tracy shares five small, daily practices that can shift the emotional tone of your relationship, especially once the “new year” dust has actually settled. She names what many of us feel but don’t say out loud: January 1 is not exactly peak nervous-system readiness, and real change usually starts after the recovery period. LINKS FROM EPISODE: ⁠⁠⁠Hello Fresh: a free ZWILLING knife (a $145 value on your third box). Visit: ⁠⁠hellofresh.com/tracy10fm⁠⁠ Annual Relationship Check-In Free on the Be Connected App - Apple  Free on the Be Connected App - Google Play Feel closer after the More Than Roommates Challenge https://drtracyd.mykajabi.com/morethanroommates Breaking the ‘New Year, New You’ Cycle with Dr. Meagan Gallagher Listen on Apple Listen on Spotify Feeling Stuck? - Free Guide to challenge your assumptions https://drtracyd.mykajabi.com/assumption RESOURCES Get Relationship Support ⁠Inside ⁠⁠Be Connected⁠⁠⁠ Order my new book! ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠ Want your questions answered on the show?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠⁠   ⁠⁠  Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to the podcast⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd ⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this short “From the Couch” episode, Dr. Tracy talks about a common relationship moment: you’re about to head out for the night, and your partner is clearly struggling. Bad mood, stressed, kids melting down, the whole thing. And suddenly you’re standing there in your jacket wondering if you’re allowed to still go. Dr. Tracy explains why staying home can feel like the easier choice in the short term, but becomes a problem over time when it turns into a pattern of self-abandonment. She reframes guilt as values bumping into each other (supporting your partner vs. nurturing yourself), and reminds listeners that guilt isn’t proof you’re doing something wrong. LINKS FROM EPISODE: My book: I Didn't Sign Up For This Mental Load: The Unpaid Invisible Work of Motherhood with Eve Rodsky RESOURCES: Get Relationship Support ⁠Inside Be Connected⁠ Order my new book! ⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠ Want your questions answered on the show?⁠ ⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠ ⁠    Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz: ⁠⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠ Ready to deepen your connection? ⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to the podcast⁠ https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠ Follow on Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd⁠ Follow on Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Dr. Tracy Dalgleish and Greg dig into something that quietly impacts a lot of couples: friendships and independence, especially male friendships in midlife and parenting seasons. They talk honestly about why it can feel so hard for men to maintain friendships, why guilt shows up when one partner tries to take time away, and how “defaulting to the kids” can become a relationship pattern that slowly drains both partners.They also unpack the tension many couples live inside of: the mental load is real, the resentment is real, and so is the cost when either partner loses their autonomy. Dr. Tracy shares real-life examples (hello, postpartum golf day) and offers a more nuanced lens: you can support your partner, prioritize your family, and still protect the parts of you that make you you. LINKS FROM EPISODE ⁠Hello Fresh: a free ZWILLING knife (a $145 value on your third box).Visit: ⁠hellofresh.com/tracy10fm⁠ 100 Questions to Deepen Your Connection https://stan.store/drtracyd/p/get-my-templateebookcourse-now-v1ke3 RESOURCES Get Relationship Support ⁠Inside ⁠Be Connected⁠⁠ Order my new book! ⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠ Want your questions answered on the show?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠⁠   ⁠  Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠⁠ Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to the podcast⁠ ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠⁠Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this short “From the Couch” episode, Dr. Tracy Dalgleish answers a question many couples know by heart: “Are you mad at me?” Inspired by a comment on a recent reel with Greg, Dr. Tracy explores why this question shows up so often and why it’s rarely about the moment and more about older wiring, nervous system threat, and the stories we learned to tell ourselves in childhood.Using a simple yarn analogy, she explains how our brains build repeated patterns (“neurons that wire together, fire together”) and how partnership can become the place where we gently rewire those patterns with secure connection. Dr. Tracy offers three practical, compassionate prompts to respond in a way that lowers defensiveness, increases emotional safety, and helps your partner share what they feel and need, not just what they fear. LINKS FROM EPISODE: Instagram Reel HERE Be Connected Relationship Support HERE RESOURCES: Order my new book! ⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠ Want your questions answered on the show?⁠ ⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠⁠     Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz:⁠ ⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠ Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to the podcast⁠ https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠ Follow on Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd⁠ Follow on Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Dr. Tracy Dalgleish sits down with Katie Wells, host of The Maximized Minimalist podcast and a leading voice in decluttering, to talk about what really keeps families stuck in overwhelm.Katie shares the emotional moment that changed how she saw clutter, why traditional “do more, try harder” organizing advice often fails, and the four types of clutter that require different tools. Together, they unpack the guilt that shows up around gifts, sentimental items, and identity-based clutter, plus how clutter can amplify mental load and stress at home.Katie also offers two practical starting points you can implement right away, including a “permanent donation station” and a simple daily clutter-audit habit. Her new book, Making Home Your Happy Place, is available to order now. LINKS FROM EPISODE: Grab Katy's New Book: Making Home Your Happy Place: A Real-Life Guide to Decluttering Without the OverwhelmVisit: https://amzn.to/4pGfkALHello Fresh: a free ZWILLING knife (a $145 value on your third box).Visit: hellofresh.com/tracy10fmNative Path Collagen Peptides: One clean ingredient, third-party tested.Visit: getnativepath.com/tracy Get Relationship Support ⁠Inside Be Connected⁠ Order my new book! ⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠ Want your questions answered on the show?⁠ ⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠⁠     Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz:⁠ ⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠ Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to the podcast⁠ https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠Follow on Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this From the Couch episode, Dr. Tracy Dalgleish explores why apologies often don’t land in relationships and what keeps couples feeling stuck even after saying “I’m sorry.” She explains how performative apologies, over-focusing on intent, and rushing forgiveness can minimize hurt and block true repair. Drawing from clinical experience, Dr. Tracy breaks down the role of impact, accountability, and emotional presence in meaningful apologies. LINKS FROM EPISODE: After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop Here RESOURCES: Get Relationship Support Inside Be Connected Order my new book! You, Your Husband, and His Mother Want your questions answered on the show? ⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠     Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz: ⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠ Ready to deepen your connection? ⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠ Build better connection and feel close starting today. Join the ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠ FOLLOW DR. TRACY Subscribe to the podcast https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd Follow on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd Follow on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices