Poppy’s story feels incredibly important to tell and I am really grateful that she has entrusted us with it. In the UK today, it is estimated that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss during pregnancy or birth (source) yet, loss is usually only talked about behind closed doors. Poppy has been strong enough to share her story which includes giving birth to Daphne, her second baby, who was still born at 35 weeks. In speaking about the hardest days of her life, I know that Poppy will help other mothers who have lost babies feel less alone and she also shares valuable resources that can help any mothers out there who are dealing with grief. When you lose a baby, they are still your baby, they are a part of you forever and they never leave you. We hope that by giving Daphne’s story a home, it in some very tiny way lets her live on. TRIGGER WARNING We talk about a lot, including loss and still birth:A beautiful, straight forward first pregnancyWanting the picture perfect dreamy natural birthUnderestimating the pain involved in labourThe influence of the prep course you choose to go onFundamentally disagreeing with the idea that “You’ve failed” if you’ve not had the fairy lights, birth pool, no pain medication birthThe fear of going into the unknown and not knowing how far the pain will goSettling into the rhythm of contractions and working out the best positions and coping methods over the hours of labourA practical partner getting you through the many wobbles of “I can’t do this”Oxytocin drip to advance labourSleeping in between contractionsSickness with pethadin injectionAsking for an epidural, too lateThe perfect first hour holding your new babyNew and unexpected depths of loveA wonderful surprise at being pregnant againSecret “lockdown” pregnancyNoticing at 34weeks that baby isn't kicking“I’m sorry”Realising your baby no longer has a heartbeatBeing sent home to wait for a phone call, knowing your baby is dead inside youA weirdly “normal” labour in a bereavement suiteInto surgery to remove the placentaCuddle cots and memory boxesWonderfully compassionate bereavement midwivesFollow up support and care at hospitalThe grief poolFeeling like a new mother, without a babyI need a babyGetting pregnant again quicklyThe daily and constant anxiety having lost one babyMaternity leave after a still birthThe innocence of life being infallible, taken awayA beautiful, quick third birthA day in family life todayA hilarious encounter with a tower of scotch eggsThe people and organisations who have helped manage grief and their lossAdvice for mothers who have lost babies, from someone who is living it too

Emily has had a whirlwind ten years. From relocating her whole life from Hertfordshire to the Midlands in order to live with her partner, to having three babies under five, to being made redundant whilst pregnant with her second child, to becoming self-employed and learning to juggle childcare as well as the very different needs of her three beautiful children. Emily has it all going on and she’s somehow managing to keep it all together without day to day support from family, who live on the other side of the country. We talk about her three c-sections and what her secret is to staying afloat.In this episode we talk about:Moving to the other side of the country and having no family nearbyBeing made redundant and becoming self-employedThe fear before bedtime, not knowing what type of night you’re going to getTaking it slower and more gently third time roundTrying to relax while there’s chaos around youHoping and trying to get pregnant then feeling sad when it becomes a realityFinding it tough when friends aren’t in the same stage as youThe experience of prior pregnancies giving you more confidence in your judgements and knowing when to worry vs notBuying other parent friends through NCTWaters breakingBeing induced but nothing happeningAn emergency c-sectionNot eating for 26 hoursAsking for morphine!Being discharged a few hours after a c-sectionA lockdown pregnancy and birthThe unexpected joy of having no visitors in hospitalA hole in uterus after the first c-sectionPainful post labour contractions with third babyInfected c-section scarTrying to rest and recover whilst having a toddler jumping all over youWhat to be careful of after a c-sectionBeing tempted to rush recovery and it always being a mistakeLife post third c-sectionThird child born at 38 weeksFeeling so much more confident third time roundStruggling to introduce a bottle at four months following breastfeedingLearning to feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of family or in publicThe constraints of breastfeeding and wanting more than an hour to yourselfIntroducing one bottle in the evening and breastfeeding the rest of the dayWhen your career stalls and your partners carries onBeing made redundant while pregnant with second childSuper grannies rallying round to help with childcareCatering to three children with very different needs

The highest highs, the lowest lows. The elation seeing a positive test, followed by the terrible grief of miscarriage. Trying to become pregnant again, yet unable to accept the fact when it happens. A physically healthy twin pregnancy, filled with anxiety. Needing help, but not wanting it when it arrives. Instagram vs the reality of life with newborns. The torture of two cries and having to decide who first. Wanting to do it all yourself and the guilt when it is impossible. Feeling entirely in love with your babies, yet wondering “why did we rush this”? Meg’s journey to motherhood is full of the contradictions and inner conflicts that are relatable to so many mothers. Together, we dive into them all and discover how Megs is navigating them all with her two beautiful boys.In this episode we talk about:A stressful eight months trying to conceiveFirst ever panic attackLosing a first baby: the deep and enduring griefThe role of social media in shaping unrealistic expectations inducing unnecessary stressA very quick second conceptionStruggling to accept the second pregnancy after prior lossChose to live in ignorance as long as possible as a coping mechanismFinding out there were two heart beatsHigh intensity cognitive behavioural therapy due to high levels of anxiety and disbeliefTwo weeks miscarriage leave from workHeart burn and acid refluxBecoming proud of your stretch marksWeight gain post birthStruggling with the idea of a caesarianWhy the anaesthetist is your best friend during a c-sectionWhen baby is taken to intensive careHolding both babies for the first time, at three days oldTube feeding and jaundiceThe car journey home on a sunny Easter SundayTaking it day by day, nappy by nappy, feed by feedEnvy of those with one babyA brutal reality checkBreastfeeding and pumping for twinsNeed help so badly but finding it so hard to see someone else looking after your babyThe torture of hearing two cries and having to choose

As a mother to three grown up children and now granny to three grandchildren, Nia has well over thirty years of mothering wisdom, insights and experience to share with us. Ever wondered what it was like trying to prepare for birth before the internet? Or simply how to survive 30 years of parenting in one piece? This one is for you. We talk about:First trimester agoraphobiaThree great epidural experiencesLaughing so hard your waters breakBack to back posterior baby positionPethadin as pain reliefThe critical role a birth partner can play during a crisis momentBirth with forceps and an episiotomyScary first toilet experienceDischarging yourself from hospitalBreastfeeding struggles and guilt when it doesn't workGetting pregnant three months post birthSlipping two discs at 8 months pregnant and with a toddlerA positive, “textbook” inductionHow to cope with a newborn and a toddlerA surprise third babyThe importance of being sewn up properly after birthThe juggling act and personal impact of choosing family over career

To anyone out there who thinks you might want to have kids one day but worry how you might do it whilst successfully running and growing your own business — this episode is for you. No one is saying that it is easy, but Izzi’s story demonstrates that it is possible to have a really positive pregnancy and birth experience whilst juggling the demands of running a business. We talk about:fertility worries and polycystic ovariestraveling the world for work until late in pregnancystaying active as a way to feel strong physically and mentallygetting back from a traditional medical ward to the birthing poolthe power of the midwife in shaping your birth experiencethe difference in culture between a labour ward and birthing centrean almost silent and peaceful birthing pool experiencea stressful post birth bleed, placenta delivery and stitching upthe first night alone with babyhow to share responsibilities when breast feedingthe process of bonding with baby

In today’s episode, Jennie and I discuss a surprisingly simple conception after some initial infertility fears and three rounds of egg freezing. Jennie talks about her reasons for choosing a home birth and how to cope when the plan doesn’t unfold as you imagined it would. Her partner wasn’t able to join her in the ambulance for the emergency transfer to hospital. But upon arriving at the hospital, Jennie’s daughter was born within 20 minutes, and she found the hospital team of midwives provided her incredible support.Breastfeeding wasn’t straightforward to begin with, but Jennie powered through the initial struggles to reach the point where she fed her daughter for 2.5 years. Jennie’s daughter was also born at the same time as a second baby - Jennie’s business and we unpack some of the challenges and coping mechanisms that have been useful while navigating the journey to motherhood and self employment at the same time.

In today’s episode, Kelly and I discuss how an IVF procedure really happens. Three letters that hold so much weight for so many women, after years of hope and failure. The IVF process comes without a rulebook, a clear timeline or a defined process. The delicate balance of criteria that need to align can be a huge mental burden. Kelly’s journey does have a happy ending, but that doesn’t mean that it was a textbook procedure. She shares her journey with infertility, the difficult decisions that she and her partner were faced when her first (NHS funded) round did not work, despite a promising start. We also talk about the value of effective pain relief in labour when energy levels are low. Kelly’s walking epidural allowed her to get the rest she needed to push her baby out without intervention.

As one of 12 herself, large families are nothing new to Clare. Maybe it’s no surprise therefore that she takes the rollercoaster of being mother to her own five children, all in her stride. Join us as Amelia and Clare discuss what she has learnt from five pregnancies, five births and looking after five babies. We also tackle the impossible question of how to balance your own personal needs as a woman who has intelligence, talents, ideas and ambitions - with the needs of your children. Spoiler alert, it’s not easy!

Rachel talks about her journey from midwife to mother. Rachel had supported hundreds of women through pregnancy and birth before experiencing it for herself. It might be tempting to think of this as the best possible preparation, but the reality for Rachel was that every challenge she experienced was magnified by guilt that she didn’t intuitively have all the right coping mechanisms to hand. After struggling to conceive, Rachel was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and treated for hypothyroidism. The first 20 weeks of her pregnancy were a daily struggle with chronic sickness. Her labour was incredibly fast and she was able to have a water birth surrounded by her trusted team of midwife colleagues. Breastfeeding struggles meant that the start of motherhood was an anxious time, and we talk about the very real grief and trauma that come with a breastfeeding journey that doesn’t go as planned. Rachel’s experience is a reminder that every woman’s journey is different, and sometimes it’s just not possible to prepare.

Kate felt a real difference between the physical versus the mental pregnancy experience. Physically, she felt amazing. On the other hand, her mental journey ebbed and flowed. Looking back she feels like she has now blocked out the tough parts, but she was very anxious at times, having had a miscarriage start of the year.Amelia and Kate talk miscarrying at work, managing fear and worry when pregnant after a first loss, a scare at 20 weeks, the days that feel like an eternity when you go "overdue", labour using a tens machine and a birthing pool, the Dutch care system with kraamzorgs, centering and champagne, the challenges of getting breastfeeding working as well as the emotional labyrinth that is the decision to stop.