Today we’re dishing up a deep dive into the viral Malfoid gender-bent-Draco-Malfoy fan art trend from the Harry Potter universe and why it resonates so strongly. The discussion covers cultural appropriation of the art, comparisons to the earlier Bowsette phenomenon, and theories on its appeal including tsundere archetypes and character reinterpretations.

Our conversation also explores hypothetical wizarding world issues like declining magic rates, selective breeding concerns, goblin alliances, and broader demographic patterns. Along the way, we chat about AI tools for creating comics and animations, Western media’s handling of certain character tropes, and a jocular series of hot takes on the Harry Potter lore.

Anyway, enjoy Malcolm’s original song, hahaha!

Show Notes

@dies_IRL posted a Malfoid video on X and it got 18K likes, 1.4K retweets, and 520K views, noting “I didn’t put a watermark because it would lessen my experience watching this on loop as I am doing now.”

Malfoid as a Perfect Fan Character

@AngelPoltava on X: Attention! This is a thread of actual quotes from the Harry Potter books of fascinating interactions between Harry and Draco.

I will be attaching artworks of “Draco Malfoid” to each one.

* >be me >“Draco Malfoid” art on the timeline >has been shipping Harry and Draco (Drarry) for almost a decade >has a mental image of Draco as the girl of the relationship

* “I’d take you on anytime on my own. Tonight if you want.” — Draco to Harry

* “He is so smart, wonderful Potter with his scar and his broomstick.” — Draco “You’ve told me this at least a dozen times already.” — Lucius Malfoy replying to Draco

* “You’ve picked the losing side, Potter! I warned you! I told you you ought to choose your company more carefully, remember? When we met on the train, first day at Hogwarts?” — Draco to Harry

* “Manners, Potter, or I’ll have to give you a detention.” — Draco to Harry

* “Hey, Potter! Potter! How’s your head? You feeling all right? Sure you’re not going to go berserk on us?” — Draco to Harry

* “You wait. I’ll have you.” — Draco to Harry

* “We’d better get our robes on.” — Draco Harry was so busy staring at Malfoy he did not notice Goyle reaching up for his trunk.

* “Missing your half-breed pal?” — Draco whispering to Harry

* “Don’t kill him! DON’T KILL HIM!” — Draco yells at Crabbe and Goyle who were aiming at Harry

* “You’re getting a bit obsessed with Malfoy, Harry.” — Ron to Harry

* “You’re going to take Malfoy’s advice instead of ours?” — Ron to Harry, furiously

* Malfoy’s hand, covered in sweat, slid instantly out of Harry’s. Malfoy was screaming and holding Harry so tightly it hurt. Harry tried every variation of ‘I need to see what Draco Malfoy is doing inside you’ that he could think of… He fell to his knees besides Malfoy.

* Harry and Malfoy barely inclined their heads, not taking their eyes off each other. For a split second, they looked into each other’s eyes, then, at exactly the same time, both acted. Malfoy’s fingernails scrabbled the back of Harry’s hand hopelessly.

Why Does This Work So Well?

One of our friends pointed out that “JK Rowling wrote all her characters like women because that is what she knows (Harry is an even more extreme example), so it is very easy to imagine them as gender swapped””

@DumbMarketing noted that “The Malfoid discourse has taught me that the “bully/rival that the MC slowly wins over via bravery and charm” thing is nearly a universally appreciated trope by men. It is also extremely based.”

@Templarpilled on X added: “I believe that Malfoid also represents a desire for a sincere right-coded woman among the chuds. The sundress tradwife larp has completely discredited itself at this point. Still, the sensitive young man yearns for someone who would share his beliefs”

The Bowsette Similarity

Malfoid is a trend very similar to the Bowsette trend, in which people reimagined (via art, cosplay, songs) Bowser as a woman.

The Malfoid Backlash

Far leftists and especially trans activists are very angry, largely because:

* JK Rowling Bad

* Changing a character’s gender sometimes gets appropriated by trans people as being trans coded

* They feel betrayed by artists—the people on THEIR side, who are playing into the trend

Episode Transcript

Malcolm Collins:I’ll move this to the beginning because we... I need to go on a racist rant about wizards too late. Oh, no. No. Right away. No. You wanna

Simone Collins:thought we were just gonna talk about female Malfoyd,

Malcolm Collins:I’d have a podcast, a Harry Potter world podcast, where I’d be talking about declining birth rates among people with magical ability and decreasing magic rates, and this is gonna have major... Just in terms of the architecture and transportation of the wizarding world. Think about the danger that the average citizen’s going to be in a a few hundred years if we don’t begin doing the selective breeding.

Simone Collins:Malcolm Collins and the methods of demographic collapse.

Speaker 3:Right.

Malcolm Collins:And this is where it makes sense for us to work with the goblins for now at least. Because the goblins do actually... I mean, all conspiracy theories aside, in our world, they run the banking system, which has enormous amounts of power. Right? And they are banned from having wands, which to me feels genuinely unfair.

Simone Collins:It’s a little weird.

Malcolm Collins:And this is where magic becomes one of our greatest strengths. If we can create magical wounds, okay, which Oh. Obviously, the technology exists, we could easily move to 10 kids a year per couple. It’s about getting enough of us together right now, right, who can commit to this. And then in ten, twenty generations, whatever is left of the rest of the wizarding world is not gonna have any power. Right? So why deal with them?

Speaker 17:System. All of Gringotts, you can’t have missed them. The war, the war, or have you forgot? Because I can promise you they have not. They’re not afraid to pick mates by blood. We pick ours by feelings, and it could be a dud.

Speaker 18:Hunter. Read my stats. Read my stats. Magic runs in families. Those are facts.

Speaker 17:Check the spell curve. Find your dot. You’re above the mean. I mean, you’re not. I don’t hate goblins. You know that. You’re straw manning me, you rat. Per capita potter, let me explain the rate, not the total. Use your brain.

Speaker 18:Don’t say correlation,

Speaker 17:please. Outliers, appear with

Speaker 18:ease, Potter. Read my stats. Read my my stats. The magic ones and families, those are facts.

Speaker 17:Check the spell curve.

Speaker 18:Find your dot.

Speaker 17:S**t. I circled yours. I forgot.

Simone Collins:Hello, Malcolm. I am very glad to be speaking with you today because a bunch of people online are having an aneurysm about Malfoyd fan art. Basically, fan art of the character Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter, but as a girl, largely because a lot of people object to anything related to JK Rowling going viral because she is a bad person. And, also, when you get to gender bending art, it often gets posted to trans communities and, like, trans people want to, like, appropriate it as, like, well, if it’s gender bending, that’s trans. But it’s not. But they’re trying to make it. They’re appropriating it. It’s just like cultural appropriation trans edition. And then they’re extras.

Malcolm Collins:They do that with everything. They will say there are trans people in any creative work that anyone

Speaker 5:has made.

Simone Collins:Yeah. It’s it’s a good way

Malcolm Collins:of this character is obviously trans.

Simone Collins:Yes. But this is the trap. It’s a trap because it’s a JK Rowling character, and JK Rowling is the trans devil. I mean, that is to say the devil to trans people.

Malcolm Collins:The trash community keeps eating itself over this, which is hilarious. So we’ll be focusing on that.

Simone Collins:And did you see the the video, the Malfoy video that Dies IRL posted on x? No. Put it up put it up on Okay. Just so you know, people really like this. I don’t know exactly why, but it got 18,000 likes. It was seen 520,000 times, and it was posted, like, very recently. K. Here. And, actually, I think the the creator was going to... That is to say Dies IRL commented on this. I didn’t put a watermark because it would lessen my experience watching this on loop as I am doing now. And everyone’s like, yes. And that... That’s the thing is that there’s something about the idea of Malfoyd that is so deeply appealing to people. And let me give you, like, the introduction that I got. He’s just a Sundry character. It’s so cute, though, and it’s so perfect. It’s it’s more perfect than you can you can really imagine. Here’s a thread sort of introducing, of actual quotes from the Harry Potter books of fascinating interactions between Harry and Draco where Malfoy makes so much more sense. They include Malfoy fan art in it, so you can also get a little picture of that.

Malcolm Collins:But what are the quotes? Read them.

Simone Collins:Yeah. I’d take you on any time on my own tonight if you want, Draco to Harry. I mean, come on. He’s so smart. Wonderful potter with his scar and his broomstick. Draco. Literally a quote from the book, by the way. Yeah. I mean

Malcolm Collins:Oh my god.

Simone Collins:You’re saying it sarcastically, but you... You’ve told me this at least a dozen times already, Lucas Malfoy, replying to Draco. You’ve picked the losing side, Potter. I warned you. I told you ought to choose your company more carefully. Remember when we met on the train, first day at Hogwarts, Draco to Harry. Manners, Potter, or I’ll have to give you a detention. Draco to Harry. Hey, Potter. Potter, how’s your head? You feeling alright? Sure you’re not going berserk on us? Draco to Harry. You’ll wait. I’ll have you. Draco to Harry.

Malcolm Collins:Oh my god.

Simone Collins:We’d better get our robes on. Draco. Harry was so busy staring at Malfoy, he didn’t notice Goyle reaching up for his trunk. Missing your half breed pal, Draco whispering to Harry. Filth. Don’t kill him. Don’t kill him. Draco yells at Crab and Goyle who are aiming at Harry. I love I love this.

Malcolm Collins:I’m crying for that, Malfoy.

Simone Collins:You’re getting a bit obsessed with Malfoy, Harry. Ron to Harry. Oh. You’re going to make Malfoy’s advice instead of ours, Ron to Harry furiously. Malfoy. Malfoy’s hand covered in sweat slid instantly out of Harry’s. Malfoy was screaming and holding Harry so tightly it hurt. Harry tried every variation of, I need to see what drug... Great... Draco Malfoy is doing inside of you. You could think of he fell to his knees beside Malfoy. Oh my gosh. This goes on this goes on for a while. Oh, no. This is the end.

Malcolm Collins:I now have my mission. I want to see if our comic system can make a sexy Malfoy art. And I... If if it works, I’ll post, like, the first page here and the rest will be on

Simone Collins:Oh, sweet summer child. Well, actually, I know you can because I know what the girls have done with their obsession with... Let’s see. Harry Malfoy s**t on TikTok, and you will realize... I’m gonna share the screen now. You’ll realize I love the video . Very hard at this.

Speaker 16:Yep. You can now use our FAB to... With an API or by yourself, make NSFW or SFW comics. it’s better if you’re doing SFW comics to do it with a vibe coding harness, like Claude Code or something like that. But even cooler than that, I worked our music video system into Claude Code. So if you have the Artfab API, which is really easy to get, you just create an account, and then you click on the thing that says, you know, give me an API number, and then you give that to your cloud account. And you say, put this in cloud.md or your Grock account and say, put this in that file you see every time you start up, and it will be able to use it. And, what it will help it do is very inexplicit... Inexpensively create, fully animated music videos, which I made the video at the end of this Wiz, the Malfoyd video. and it ended up costing, if I was a user, only around $50 to make, which is incredible because usually a SkyBrowse video would cost, like, hundreds of dollars to do. but you can use it for stuff other than that. I’ve been using it to make in game cinematics. I’ve been using it to make in game animations. I’ve been using it to make character animations. I’ve been using it to make three d model downloads. It’s just incredible, the stuff you can do with it now.

Simone Collins:Very, very hard at shipping the two, making AI art in which they, you know, embrace

Malcolm Collins:Oh, they’ve been doing this for years. God. Only just learned about this.

Simone Collins:Look. Look. Already already, they’re they’re noticing the Malfoy. Malfoy’s picking up in Harry Malfoy’s ship. They’re they’re getting there. Like, they... They’re realizing that they don’t have to make make it gay. It could be it could be whatever they want it to be. But, no, you can absolutely make this. You should absolutely make this. I’m 100% insecure.

Malcolm Collins:Do well right now. You know what?

Simone Collins:Actually, you really you really need to do this. Never mind. Yes. So please do this. Actually, I’ve I’ve changed my stance on this.

Malcolm Collins:Gotta get it done before the Sabbath.

Speaker 4:Gotta

Simone Collins:Why does this work

Speaker 4:so well?

Simone Collins:Yeah. Before... Oh my gosh. I don’t know if y’all have time to do that, but you can try. you can also just

Malcolm Collins:do it on Simone, you underestimate me.

Simone Collins:Oh, yeah. I guess it’s before sundown, and I’m showering and doing dinner for the kids, so you’re free. Why this works so well? Best explanation that I was given actually was from one of our friends who pointed out that in his words, JK Rowling wrote all of her characters like women because that is what she knows. Harry is even more extreme example. So it’s very easy to imagine them as gender swapped. And I think that he makes a really good point that Malfoy is a girl. all of the characters in Harry Potter are girls, and that’s kind of the problem. But then, like, once you switch everyone to a girl, suddenly it’s like, oh, why does this work so much better? Like, this is weird. But it kind of does, actually. the more I thought about it, the more I was like, every... Even Hagrid. Every single character to me in Harry Potter makes more sense as a girl. but other people have their own theories on x. At Dumb Marketing noted that, quote, the Malfoy Discourse has taught me that the bully rival, the MC slowly wins over via bravery and charm thing is actually a nearly universally appreciated trope by men. It’s also extremely based. And he’s making the point that you’re making, Malcolm. Also, Templar pilled on x added, I believe that Malfoyd also represents a desire for a sincere right coated woman among the chuds. The sun adwife LARP has completely discredited itself at this point. Still, the sensitive young man yearns for someone who would share his belief. And

Malcolm Collins:And supremacy and superiority and genetic realism. Wait. Is this is this what she represents for female people? Like, well, yeah, these f*****g mudbloods get into our school, in our women.

Simone Collins:I know. If she were, like, in the non wizarding world, she’s, like, walking around with a copy of the bell curve clutched to her chest. This is so bad.

Malcolm Collins:That’s what I need is a bell curve Malfoy.

Simone Collins:No. I’m trying to get

Malcolm Collins:Harry into, like, hey. Have you read this book?

Simone Collins:Oh, Jesus. You you chose the wrong company, Potter. But it’s... And and a thing that makes a lot of these arguments also more valid is the earlier Bowset trend where people were taking the Super Mario character Bowser and gender bending her into a cute female Bowser who’s just kind of, like, kind of tomboy, but also pretty, like, tsundere and, like, kind of... I don’t know. It... I’m gonna play a clip from the song that you really love that everyone really loved that a bunch of artists stitched together about Bowsette. Because it’s really cute.

Malcolm Collins:For people who are unfamiliar with the lore around Bowsette, because people need to understand horny lore, horny science

Simone Collins:Oh, no.

Malcolm Collins:Is they released... They being Nintendo, released a power up for... I wanna say it was a peach... Or not peach, a toad toad where you would wear a crown and it would turn you into something that looked like a woman. Right? Like, suit. And then if you were like, wait. What if Bowser wore this crown? Would he turn into a woman? And, of course, the idea of Bowser as a woman would be, like, gothy and sundry and a a little aggressive. And I think a lot of guys were really

Simone Collins:And we’re also very tomboyish, you know, to to tie back into the perpetual theme of our podcast, the tomboys. Tomboy supremacy. Here’s the... Here’s a little bit of the song. You want me to repeat it? Anyway, you get it.

Malcolm Collins:But you could also see why a lot of trans people love that original one because it’s literally a guy transforming into a woman. whereas with Malfoyd, it has always been just a woman.

Simone Collins:Oh, I see what you’re saying here. Right. So maybe, like, trans people jumped on that gender betting because, literally, it was the act of transforming a character that was continuously male through the game dynamic into a female. Whereas what we’re talking about Malfoyd is, like, the alternate universe where Malfoyd was always Malfoyd, was always a girl, born a girl. Yes. Oh, okay. I see I see this. Okay. One of my favorite

Malcolm Collins:self owns in the trans community is somebody like... And you shouldn’t be posting her because she doesn’t even masculine enough to be a a trans woman. And everyone was like, to me. Or it was... That she’s too pretty to be a trans woman, I think, as they said something like that. And we’re like, well, that’s certainly telling on your community.

Simone Collins:Yeah. Do you wanna see some of the blue sky anger about this?

Malcolm Collins:Obviously, that’s what everyone is here for.

Simone Collins:Well, here’s what one trans person put together. Beautiful work of art here. it’s a picture of Malfoyd that they... I think they... Yeah. They they used markers on paper saying, Harry, let’s kill lord j mold j k... Wait. Lord j mold j Everything

Malcolm Collins:with them is kill. Together. Right? Like, this is exactly where they go always. First, murder.

Simone Collins:Because trans women are women. Yeah. What’s up with that? What... Why why are we killing people? Why why is this necessary?

Malcolm Collins:Even even on our podcast and Simone, you know, when there are groups that really do cause massive negative externalities for society, so even even Simone here is like, well, you know, we should just sterilize them or something, which trans people already do to themselves. Thank god. Right? Like, imagine how dangerous it would be if they could breathe.

Simone Collins:Yeah. Here’s, here’s another another thread on Blue Sky. I’m a make it bigger so you can see it, where, someone writes, Malfoyd poop gets a block from me. Basically, anyone who posts anything as Malfoyd, they’re going to immediately block them, which seems to... It’s that classic leftist thing of, like, I will not communicate with anyone who vaguely disagrees with me, and they’re just all so angry about it. And then here’s another one. And this ties into kind of the AI fight that’s being had right now. It sucks so much seeing artists I respected throwing their credibility over a... Away over a trend that doesn’t even have the substance to back up the kind of bigotry it’s framed by.

Malcolm Collins:So damn disappointing. Everybody wants a racist wife, and that’s what Malf oyd represents. A waifu that is... That would that would genuinely be like, look. This is an actual... Like, sit you down and be like, look. I know that this is an unfair or inconvenient thing, but the reality is if we keep breeding with mudbloods or non wizarding people What? The amount of magical people and the amount of magic that they have is going to decrease over time, which will have a major ramifications. It’d be like, do you understand what would happen to a giant building like Hogwarts if the magic wasn’t regularly maintained? Do you understand what... That... Stairwell, for example. Right? Do you know... Or these spaces that are bigger on the

Simone Collins:Oh, actually, no. Hold on.

Malcolm Collins:I mean, I know. Happens to all these kids when one of those spaces ends up collapsing? Because, I don’t know, five hundred, six hundred years from now, nobody has magic, right, or they don’t have enough magic to use this stuff. This is existential that we pay attention to genetics when magical peoples are breeding.

Simone Collins:I actually... So

Malcolm Collins:worst case scenario, suppose we don’t. You know who doesn’t breed a lot outside of their own people? Do you know who doesn’t in the Harry Potter universe?

Simone Collins:The the... No. Who?

Malcolm Collins:Who? Goblins. Oh. Goblins don’t breed outside their species much.

Simone Collins:Well, yeah. I guess... Yeah. Because you got you got, Hagrid, who’s half giant. so there was some mixed love there.

Malcolm Collins:But goblins have gone to war with the magical people before. They control the world’s finances, and they would absolutely... You’re actually playing with them as a primary enemy during the, like, civil war between them and the wizarding people, and it got so bad that they weren’t allowed to have wands anymore, that that’s a a law setup. so, but ew. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. People are actually having humans stop stop... Become less magically powerful. Do you know what the goblins are going to do to No.

Simone Collins:No. No. Check this out.

Speaker 4:This out. Marcus Washington.

Simone Collins:If Slytherin gave Quidditch scholarships to black dudes.

Speaker 4:And to Travius. And to Travius Jones. They’re our first American students and our first muggles. Muggles? I don’t know what Muggle mean, but y’all sound a mad disrespectful right now. How old are you? 12, 13 next month. Many people have found that this specific species of Muggles group group of Muggles is extraordinary athletic. They’re gonna get us out of this losing streak. What they do? Even know magic? Hell, yeah. We know magic. The greatest point guard of all time. Yeah. Model my game after him. He beat AIDS.

Malcolm Collins:Do you even know Quidditch?

Speaker 4:This is not a muggle spooks. Hey, man. You talking crazy, but we here because you trash. You watch your mouth. Get that on my face. You don’t know what I’m with, bro. And we’re the character Colbain. We just trying to get this NIL money and dip. Alright? You’re talking to me about some broom deal. Okay, Swiffer. Get that money. How you gonna play this game? Sure. Yeah. There’s three hoops that you score on.

Malcolm Collins:Are we hooping?

Speaker 4:Oh, that’s right. What? Sure. Sure. Yeah. There’s two chasers. There’s two beaters. Oh, he a beater for sure. He’s a beater. And and to win, you just... You catch the snitch. Snitch. Snitch. Snitch right now. You snitch out. Yeah. That’s the spirit, Paul. Moving up one very important detail. What? You have to do all of this while flying 50 feet in the air. I bet they can’t even summon their brooms. Up.

Simone Collins:I bet they can’t even summon their broom.

Speaker 4:Man. See? Then y’all gotta be crazy. That’s why y’all keep losing. 50 feet of the air. Don’t even wanna do the little things. Up. Alright, boys. Let’s let’s get out there and win. This is going to be a bloodbath. Let’s go, bro. Bloody brilliant. What’d I say? I told you we was gonna cook. It was like Ron and d Wayne. When I just hit you with that. See, hey.

Malcolm Collins:Was real magic right there. Hee hee.

Speaker 6:On Mumsy.

Speaker 4:Yeah. A spectacular win, gentlemen. 800 to zero. I believe you’re the first Quidditch players to ever have... What would that be? To to dunk the ball in the hoop. It was it was fantastic to watch. Yeah. We did that. I’m also pleased to announce a new addition to the coaching staff. Please welcome professor Cerver Stipe.

Malcolm Collins:I am...

Simone Collins:I’m just saying. There’s there’s worlds in which you would introduce other muggles. Thought about it. People thought it would be awesome. I understand. I understand. But, yeah, what... You’re looking up Goblin Wars, I take

Malcolm Collins:I’m trying to find... There was a great AI video that did this with goblins and Harry Potter, and it was just

Simone Collins:I didn’t... I don’t remember the goblin. You didn’t even read the books. How do you

Malcolm Collins:know about the goblin wars of Harry Potter? Because they’re the main point of the game, which you didn’t play, Simone.

Simone Collins:Oh, the game. I forgot. Literally, I thought this this might be the one video game that I could enjoy. The one video game because I love the Harry Potter universe. And I found it so oppressively boring. I, like, literally Okay. Simone borrowed

Malcolm Collins:your computer or something.

Simone Collins:A thing a thing happened. Hogwarts hot take. Good lord. What is this gonna be?

Speaker 3:Hot take is probably that goblins are basic running society. I mean, who runs Gringotts? Goblins. The daily prophet? Goblins.

Speaker 7:Everyone calling the fat lady the fat lady is body shaming and we should call her something nicer like the woman in the painting who is slightly heavier than other people but that’s okay or something... I don’t know.

Speaker 3:Listen. Literally, entire Ministry of Magic have gone to Gobland every year to pledge allegiance by kissing some sort of sacred goblin wall cooked beyond belief, mate.

Speaker 7:That’s insane.

Speaker 8:My hot take is that gingers are more oppressed than black people. Blimely remember the whole gingers got no souls thing. Daddy, hell. Imagine saying that about a black guy. I mean, when you think about it,

Malcolm Collins:ginger is just an anagram of Nick.

Speaker 3:I want an early life check on professor snake too, by the way. I know he’s got a goblin grandmother. If you get sorted into Hufflepuff, that means you’re gay. But... I’m sorry. It

Malcolm Collins:does does.

Simone Collins:I love you. Mean, it’s literally... Hufflepuff.

Speaker 4:Oh. Hang on a minute. I’m just saying that you yourself are a Hufflepuff, ain’t you?

Speaker 3:Did I stutter? Well... Nah. But did I stutter though? How can goblins think they’re the chosen ones when I’m the chosen one? Like...

Speaker 6:They’re moving staircases, ain’t it, fam? They’re a health and safety hazard in it. Man’s nearly fell to his death on the way to Pulsions class. Them is mad tings.

Speaker 4:Thank you for your time, professor Snake.

Speaker 9:I hate to say it, but Quidditch is broken.

Speaker 3:I mean, what’s the point of the beaters and the quaffle and all of that, and the seeker can just catch a snitch and automatically win the game? Seekers need to be nerfed. Not even joking. Goblin’s been genociding the house elves for the past two years now and anytime a member of the Hogwarts staff so much as mentions it, they lose their job. No. They’ve definitely got Dumbledore on the Umbridge files.

Speaker 7:Well, I’m a Hufflepuff so...

Simone Collins:The Umbridge files.

Speaker 4:I don’t

Speaker 7:think we’re actually capable of having a hot take. My hot take

Speaker 3:is is that people under pronounce their p’s. I’ll be surprised if you actually post this. Ministry probably take it down anyway. Yeah. My hot take is that it’s perfectly normal to have three 10 year olds visit your hut in the middle of the night and... I shouldn’t have said that.

Speaker 4:Cedric Diggory deserved to die.

Simone Collins:My hot take is that we need to address the wizarding world’s declining population by encouraging more intermarriage with muggles.

Speaker 4:Dumbledore’s a war criminal? Dumbledore’s army was a Exactly. Paramilitary recruitment child soldiers. Like, knowingly let a 12 year old fight a basilisk for sick. He should a 100% be an Azkaban for war crimes, not even joking like.

Speaker 10:My hot take is that war crimes aren’t actually that bad. People just always want to find something to complain about. It’s like, who cares?

Speaker 3:You know? Don’t pack up the lobbying the entire Ministry of Magic for f**k’s sake.

Speaker 7:Hot take. Oh, I actually have one. We should just get rid of Slytherin House. That might sound kind of bad, but, like, name one non evil Slytherin. You see, you can’t, can you? Slytherin House is basically just like a radicalization pipeline for the Death Eaters. I’m sorry.

Simone Collins:Voldemort was kind of based actually, like...

Malcolm Collins:They control the death eaters too,

Speaker 3:you know. I mean, all that gold in Gringotts Bank and Voldemort never thought about nicking it. Come off it, mate.

Speaker 5:So love potions have this kind of cutesy and whimsical reputation, but when you actually think about it, they’re basically magical roofies. I think the ministry should ban them. Yeah. Especially after all of the allegations that came out about Gilderoy Lockhart.

Speaker 6:My boy Gilderoy didn’t do nothing wrong, mate. It’s a witch hunt, literally.

Speaker 7:My heart take is that we should bring back Umbridge as headmaster because we need more women in positions of power. I mean, for goodness sake, Dumbledore is just another old straight white man.

Speaker 4:Hang on a minute. Dumbledore’s gay, isn’t

Malcolm Collins:he?

Speaker 7:Oh, really? Guess that about either’s out then. So, yeah, fair enough. Dumbledore can stay.

Speaker 9:So ironic that Harry Potter became the world’s biggest Nethbo

Speaker 3:baby the night his parents died. I’m pretty sure it was You Know Who That Got Cedric to, and I am not talking about Voldemort.

Simone Collins:I’m sorry, but

Speaker 7:the Cedric Diggory tribute song actually slaps like...

Simone Collins:Everyone has an opinion, apparently. why is it just like Animal Farm?

Malcolm Collins:No. But I... Eva, the point I was making is that, like, if I lived in the Harry Potter universe, there’s actually, like, an existential reason to be concerned about out marriage.

Simone Collins:Oh, for... Ugh. You’re you’re a Slytherin. You’re a Slytherin. You’re a Slytherin.

Malcolm Collins:Obviously, I

Simone Collins:would be

Malcolm Collins:giving speech. I’d be... I’d have a podcast, a Harry Potter world podcast, where I’d be talking about declining birth rates among people with magical ability and decreasing magic rates, and this is gonna have major... Just in terms of the architecture and transportation of the wizarding world. Think about the danger that the average citizen’s going to be in in a a few hundred years if we don’t begin doing the selective breeding. Right? And, obviously, I know I’m not gonna convince the council. Right? So what I’m talking to you, my podcast listeners in the Harry Potter Oh,

Speaker 4:no.

Malcolm Collins:It’s not about convincing the council. Okay? It’s about getting enough of us together right now, right, who can commit to this. And then in ten, twenty generations, whatever is left of the rest of the wizarding world is not gonna have any power. Right? So why deal with them? Why why take them seriously? Why try to convince them? Why try to save them? They’re not even gonna be able to keep their buildings operational or their transportation systems or anything. Right? And so then what we can do is... In the meantime, of course, that that puts us at odds with the wizarding council and many people in the wizarding world with a lot of power. So we need to recruit allied groups that also might be on the back foot right now. Right?

Simone Collins:Malcolm Collins and the methods of demographic collapse.

Speaker 3:Right.

Malcolm Collins:And this is where it makes sense for us to work with the goblins for now at least. Because the goblins do actually... I mean, all conspiracy theories aside, in our world, they run the banking system, which has enormous amounts of power. Right? And they are banned from having wands, which to me feels genuinely unfair.

Simone Collins:It’s a little weird. Yeah.

Malcolm Collins:Yeah. So let’s get together. Okay? Let’s let’s let’s build an alliance to take down the rest of the wizarding world that doesn’t even care about breeding.

Simone Collins:Legit. If if the whole Slytherin contingent had had allied with the goblins instead of just... I don’t even know what they were doing. I guess they had this messiah complex around

Malcolm Collins:what the space is. You don’t have enough people. Right? And this is where magic becomes one of our greatest strengths. If we can create magical wounds, okay, which Oh. Obviously, the technology exists, we could easily move to 10 kids a year per couple. And when you begin to, through magic, automate caretakers for those kids, you could raise them at scale while simulating wide scale parental effects.

Simone Collins:Could just use a time turner to personally take care of all of the children.

Malcolm Collins:well... Or you could use a time turner to fast age them or whatever. Right? Like, if I used it to personally take... Wouldn’t that, like, age me?

Simone Collins:I don’t think it ages. Oh, I can’t remember.

Malcolm Collins:I don’t know if that’s realistic for every family. I think it’s probably easier to just automate things in your house, like the brooms and stuff like this and the... But you automate a

Simone Collins:childcare teddy bear or something. Missus Weasley did this. She had a lot of very fun parenting.

Malcolm Collins:And you know right now who’s breeding like crazy? The Weasleys. Okay? That... Do you do you know They were

Simone Collins:into multiple Weasleys. A pure blood family still.

Malcolm Collins:A pure blood family? Simone, they might be a pure blood family, but I have seen their hair and their skin

Simone Collins:Oh, wait. And they

Malcolm Collins:didn’t very Irish to me, if you know what I’m saying. They seem a little allied with some groups that we probably

Simone Collins:I hate you so much. I I I like the kids smudge my

Malcolm Collins:Is this actually the podcast in the alternate Harry Potter world?

Simone Collins:To zero. We’re back

Malcolm Collins:to zero. Hate that. I was talking about the Weasleys.

Simone Collins:He was walking about... They seem a little Irish.

Malcolm Collins:The Weasleys are little coding, Simone. Come on. Anybody can see it.

Simone Collins:Oh my god. Look. Look. You’re you’re missing it anyway because, quote, unquote, Mudbloods who were magical still had more magic than Squibs who are pure bloods but didn’t have magic. The point isn’t the presence of a line or a lineage. The point is the presence of magic. You would want to pursue muggles who were magical.

Malcolm Collins:Well, yes. Yeah. I I said a eugenics program. Right? Like, you need to breed the best magicians.

Simone Collins:This is great. Fantastic. Okay.

Malcolm Collins:this is this is Yeah. What... Simone, realistically, right, if we’re going

Simone Collins:Oh, for the AI, pick up the sarcasm in my voice for the transcript.

Malcolm Collins:It would be... Okay. And a... Hold on. Is is magic genetically linked in the Harry Potter universe? Let’s see. Okay?

Simone Collins:Well, it it appears to be genetically linked, but then you you just randomly have magical muggles. Well But then there doesn’t seem to be a genetic correlation because you can have an entire family go forever.

Malcolm Collins:Magic is an inherited hereditary trait in the magical universe. It’s passed down through generations. Yeah. Absolutely. So so you you you say, oh, well

Simone Collins:Hermione was a very powerful witch, and yet

Malcolm Collins:I’d like to point out the argument that you’re making right now, Simone. Okay? You are saying to me that because sometimes a person born to two nonmagical

Simone Collins:Oh, I know. You’re going reversion to the mean. It’s Aren’t you?

Malcolm Collins:No. I’m not doing reversion to the mean. It’s literally just like you’re making the argument that because sometimes, occasionally, somebody with great magic is born to two parents without great magic, that that doesn’t mean it’s not predominantly hereditary. And that if you accounted for that to try to maintain the level of magic in wizarding society, it would eventually... Or very quickly collapse. And we have seen this with all sorts of other traits. You can’t just say because this trait sometimes doesn’t go... Yes. And sometimes two very magical parents have a non magical child. All of us have seen this in our friend groups. But... Okay? But that

Simone Collins:Oh god. This feels like such a third rail conversation about wizard racism. I don’t even know where to go here.

Malcolm Collins:I I need to... I’ll move this to the beginning because we... I need to go on a racist rant about wizards too late. Oh, no. No. Right away. No. You wanna

Simone Collins:thought we were just gonna talk about female Malfoyd, and now it’s just wizard racism all the way down, and I don’t know what to do.

Malcolm Collins:It’s not racism, Simona. I... If if I was in the Harry Potter universe, we would need to seriously treat the the issue of declining rates of magic within the various peoples. It’s a major part of the transportation architecture and economy. If it collapses, it just because sometimes two non magical people have a magical kid or a magical family has a non magical kid, that doesn’t mean it’s not hereditary. And that in mass, if we ignore this, it’s not going to put us in a really bad position long term.

Simone Collins:Okay. Okay.

Malcolm Collins:If I had a podcast for the Harry Potter universe, it’s immediately what I would do in the Harry Potter universe. I’d be the Slytherin podcast. You know, it’s like every morning. Hey, guys. Like, how’s it going out there?

Simone Collins:Yeah. You would you would have a... You would have an ongoing column in the daily profit. Although, I guess that

Speaker 4:that Yeah.

Malcolm Collins:And I’d be like, look. Is it... I don’t hate... I don’t I don’t think you should use the word mudblood. I think it’s derogatory. I don’t have any animosity towards nonmagical individuals or races. The the only point I am making is that if we do not maintain the magic of our bloodlines, it’s going to have catastrophic effects in the long term. We won’t even be able to make basic technology that our society is built upon. People will will go to attractions that have no idea how they’re made. It’ll it’ll be exactly like that Muggle movie Idiocracy.

Simone Collins:Oh my god. Okay. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Fantastic. Okay. Right. Continue. People like Malfoyd because Malfoyd represents what people actually want in a relationship. People don’t want, right, a butler. They don’t want a servant that they’re married to. They want someone they can respect. And I think the reason why people like the Sundae Arc take is it’s a woman who’s... Who has her own agency and her own desires and and and motivations in life who happens to like someone

Speaker 4:else.

Malcolm Collins:You suck. Okay. That’s not why.

Speaker 7:Well, it’s because it’s

Malcolm Collins:gonna break her. There’s no reason. Simone, if you’re a guy, guys who like to be dominant and the majority of guys like to be dominant don’t want to dominate a weak woman, generally speaking.

Speaker 4:They want

Malcolm Collins:to dominate a dominant woman. They want

Simone Collins:Oh, okay. So sunday is hard to get without being an annoying snob. Well, this

Malcolm Collins:is hard. It’s a woman who knows her value and who has confidence and who, you know, you gotta you gotta... You... You’re you’re actually... It doesn’t mean it... And I think we actually see this in a number of archetypes that we see in, comics and stuff like this

Speaker 4:Okay.

Malcolm Collins:Is anybody who has a preference for dominance or submission in relationships also has a preference for dominance and submission in partners. And the default assumption is is that dominant people like submissive partners, and the submissive people like dominant partners. But the reality is, I believe, that that probably about 50% of the time, the exact opposite is true. This is where archetypes like don’t toy with me, missus Nagataro, come from, where it’s a girl who is, like, basically, throughout the thing teasing and belittling a guy, but who is very otherwise quite a submissive character. Right? She’s very diminutive. She’s very small. She’s very sweet... Cute. That’s, like, her whole character thing. Right? Because that, I think, enhances the psychological effect of the submission for guys that are into that. I think a lot of guys who are into to being submissive might extra enjoy to, like, a short diminutive girl. Right? Whereas... And it is obviously some guys prefer, like, the big whatever. but from what I’ve seen, generally speaking, if you’re looking at tomboy and joy... Joyers, that that category of men, they’re generally fairly dominant males in their in their preferences. And I think that that’s what’s being... That’s that’s what it is. It’s not... You you might have missed it there. No. No. No. No. I... We’ll we’ll see.

Simone Collins:Well, I don’t know. I’m not a dude into what... Whatever this is. But now we need to

Malcolm Collins:talk about why Western media has completely slept on the tsundray archetype.

Simone Collins:Well, have they... Mean, like... So, I mean, I have to ask based on your description. Hermione Granger is a very assertive person. Why is

Malcolm Collins:why is she not enough?

Simone Collins:Is so whiny. Okay. So Sundaray is awesome because people like it. It’s it’s it’s assertive, but not not a Karen. Assertive, but not whiny. Is that it?

Malcolm Collins:Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she, you you know that Malfoyd would be a a very based woman. Right? You know? I just... She’d come on my... But she’d come on our podcast. We can even simulate her with our living avatar system.

Simone Collins:No. We could make him... Oh, we could make him Malfoyd living avatar. Should I do that this weekend?

Malcolm Collins:Yes. Okay. Yes.

Simone Collins:Oh, okay. Well, anyway, back to this. Why are tsundere archetypes absent according to you from popular media. And and... Because then there are plenty of assertive women who, like Not really. The only time I really see them is in lesbian relationships. No. No. Like, there’s this one show that’s, I think, somewhat popular called Wildcards that I started halfway watching recently.

Malcolm Collins:Well, I’ve never seen it, so I can’t make a judgment on

Simone Collins:But in it, a female con artist befriends a policeman, and they do detective work together. And it’s so cute. And she’s, like, you know, the, like, assertive, like, I’m gonna try everything, and he’s the Gus of, like... You know, she’s the Sean, and he’s the Gus. But she’s not Sundae. Like, she doesn’t hate him.

Malcolm Collins:So that’s the thing that’s

Simone Collins:missing. Okay. So you’re

Malcolm Collins:saying I’m saying it doesn’t happen. So if you go to gay western stuff, there’s two pretty obvious examples of it. Okay. There is Owl House. The the main female love interest is a gay woman in very soon gray. And then if you go to the She Ra reboot, the main female love interest in gay and...

Simone Collins:What? Are these all kids cartoons?

Malcolm Collins:Yeah. Gay kid cartoons. Yeah. That’s, you know, normal Disney stuff these days. Normal Netflix Disney.

Simone Collins:Okay.

Malcolm Collins:You gotta you gotta have your underage girls kissing in a children’s cartoon.

Simone Collins:It’s so funny that, like, the cartoon that men actually liked was My Little Pony. And

Malcolm Collins:I’m gonna be honest. A lot of people, you can you can talk down about some things. I thought that she were a reboot. Oh, you did? I thought Owl House were both very good shows.

Simone Collins:Oh, they apparently have a lot of male fan service from the way you’re describing it.

Malcolm Collins:No. It’s female fan service. It’s for their gay writers.

Simone Collins:No. Because female fan service is is gay gay, like, dudes gay, not women gay. That makes it extra stressful. For... They don’t wanna watch it.

Malcolm Collins:There where somehow women thought they were owning the chuds by putting gay chicks in everything. Put a chicken in and make her dad.

Simone Collins:Sense to me. That is that is for no one but dudes. No one wants that. I don’t know anyway. I’ll tell

Malcolm Collins:you I’ll tell you what happened. Okay? I’ll tell you why it’s not in western shows because it doesn’t work with the girl boss character. Right? It doesn’t work with the hypercompetent, always awesome woman.

Simone Collins:Because a woman... Because I guess the problem with Tsumday is that they do still like the guy. Right? The the... Whoever they like. Is that Yeah. They No. Because, no, plenty of plenty of assertive female characters really like the guy. I just... Yeah. The the disdain though is what’s unusual. Right? You just don’t see people dripping with disdain.

Malcolm Collins:Yeah. Oh, sorry. What what was it? Do... You don’t see... Well, no. They they don’t start this way because it would be like a a failure on the woman’s part. Right? Like, it would be something that she’s doing wrong. That... That’s the thing is that a... The... And the second thing is it codes more like a booze in western shows. A big thing about tsundere character that they’re often violent. I mean, in owl house, she tries to kill her. And and She Ra, she tries to kill her. So they... Even when it’s for some questions

Simone Collins:What is... What are... Oh my gosh. We need to get more nineties kid shows in the mix because I think the kids are gonna start getting tired of stuff. Did you watch Wishbone as a kid? I was thinking we should find Wishbone.

Malcolm Collins:no. So so these are shows. I would show them. Okay. We’re gonna we’re gonna go do

Simone Collins:Not Wishbone? You didn’t watch Wishbone.

Malcolm Collins:I don’t think it’s a good show to show children. Okay?

Simone Collins:Why? Because it teaches them about literature. No. It’s good dog. It’s a cute dog.

Malcolm Collins:It’s like reading rainbow or something. Right? Like, no. Reading rainbow is cute. You can you can... Walking with dinosaurs, walking with monsters, that entire series would be really

Simone Collins:good for kids. Yeah. I’m gonna write this down.

Malcolm Collins:I’m taking notes. The Real Adventures of Johnny Quest. That’d be very good

Simone Collins:for kids. Yes.

Malcolm Collins:Okay. Why not Okay. The Original Adventures of Johnny Quest. Okay. The, what are what are some other, like, super science shows? Come on. We got... We had some

Simone Collins:People in the in the comments, help me out here. Help a mother out. Nineties science and

Malcolm Collins:In in military shows. We... They already do a lot of GI Joes. They like GI Joes.

Simone Collins:But talk about gay theme songs or anything that’s gay. I still can’t get over that song. It’s They

Malcolm Collins:like they like Ghostbusters and cartoon Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters. And Ninja Turtles. I don’t think you show them a lot of Ninja Turtles.

Simone Collins:I... Because I don’t like Ninja Turtles. I find

Malcolm Collins:it impressive. Well, then power rangers, we... They do a lot of that as well. Though, I think they

Simone Collins:And magic school bus, of course, but we’re running out of... You know? They’ve seen

Malcolm Collins:a lot. Outside of

Simone Collins:Well, I’ve got the real adventures of Johnny Quest and walking with dinosaurs to start, and that’s a great start. I’ll start there. That’s me for a week.

Malcolm Collins:You know what I shared that was really good was you you... The Scrooge McDuck, the reboot, but that’s on Disney.

Simone Collins:Duck Jaws. Yeah. Disney ruined everything. I... The the children understand that they’re the bad guy, and that we don’t wanna give money to the bad guy. Whenever they ask me, I’m like, no. You don’t understand. Like, Disney betrayed children. Now they only want to sell to rich people. And they’re like, why would they do that? Why would they only want to sell to rich people and not be there for kids? And I’m like, well, because the rich people have all the money, Octavian. And Octavian’s like, there. What is he? I wanna throw a book at them. He doesn’t mean this metaphorically, like, in legal terms. He just literally throws books at people when he’s angry. Anyway, I I just... I don’t know. I don’t know why this trope... I... It’s really... I mean, obviously, it’s a Japanese trope because the name for it is literally Japanese. I guess, like, there’s not an English word for it. Let’s see what happens when I try to translate t s u n d e r e. So it it combines which is aloof, prickly, or standoffish with lovey lovey or affectionate. So it’s... There is no word for that. That’s true. It’s it’s it’s not capable of... Come on. Give me a try.

Malcolm Collins:It’s not... But there’s not a word for what?.

Simone Collins:Yeah. They they can’t... There’s no word for it. I guess if we were to make it... Because they’re combining in Japanese with we need to do, like, Irritable lovey. Mad love. No. Angry standoffish lover. Nope. There’s no there’s no good portmanteau for sunday in English. Cold lovey. Aloofer. Aloofer? Like, a aloof lover? No. Hostile. Love you hostile. No. Sorry. Can’t help you there. But, anyway, I don’t know. I mean, you you said you had some thoughts and analysis here. Why? Why is this absent?

Malcolm Collins:Why is what absent?

Simone Collins:Why is sunday absent from American popular culture?

Malcolm Collins:Again, it’s it’s about girl bosses and women not being able to write it and the rise of the tsundere archetype happening during that period and it looking a little abusive from American standards. Like, girls are allowed to try to kill girls, but, like, when a girl tries to kill a boy, I think a lot of Americans

Simone Collins:That’s country song trope. No. I I disagree. But it’s only men who broke up with them, not men who they’re in love with. So the stalker People would

Malcolm Collins:be like, oh, that’s toxic behavior. I mean, I guess it’s it’s okay when gays do it, but,

Simone Collins:you know, no. But you like that. You like toxic? Like I... It’s Have you ever had a crush on a real soon... Oh, yes. You have.

Malcolm Collins:Not a real Sundre? No. Not really.

Simone Collins:I can think of one.

Malcolm Collins:Aloof? Oh, yeah. But she was just crazy hot. That wasn’t because of her attitude. Her attitude was a big Oh,

Simone Collins:but also, I guess maybe she was just aloof aloof. She was just Sun Sun. She wasn’t.

Speaker 4:But...

Simone Collins:Yeah. Well, I’m delighted by the Malfoy trend. I like it on its own. I just think that Malfoy makes more sense as a girl. And I think that’s why people were shipping Harry and Malfoy from the very beginning because it’s cute and romantic, and they don’t need to be boy boy. They can be whatever you want them to be. But, also, I really think that it’s spot on to say that JK Rowling wrote characters that were all girls, and she just made some of them male because it would be really, really weird if Harry Potter were like the My Little Pony universe and males are, like, weirdly largely absent from everything, which is really funny. But, yeah, I I hope that this trend grows. I hope that, like, with the Bowset trend, we see a lot of Malfoyed cosplay, and I’m pretty sure we will. Because I showed you, there is just a ton of Bowsette cosplay. Women jumped on that real fast, especially if they were on OnlyFans, and then they extra fast jumped on it. So I’m ready for it. I like it. I think it’s a great development. I love that it broke to containment and made it all the way to Japan, thereby angering the Blue Sky people even more because now there’s even more fan art and even better fan art that is very in favor of Malfoyd. So It’s good. I’m happy. This is wonderful. The blue... The the crystal is shaking as as the anger within it grows, but they’re still staying in the crystal. It hasn’t really broken containment out of blue sky. I’m not seeing any meaningful Malfoyed hate outside of

Malcolm Collins:Outside of the outside of the trans people? Outside of out

Simone Collins:of outside of the crystal, outside of blue sky where they’re all locked away, contained. It’s just positive Malfoy love. And I love you too. And I’m glad you love me even though I’m not... It’s. That I was just immediately, you know, immediately in love with you.

Malcolm Collins:Well, I like, you know, the Yandere thing, and you’ve always really pulled that off quite well. You’re pretty obsessive in your devotion.

Simone Collins:Okay. Great. This is true. Wonderful. I like her because she’s like a little puppy that just

Malcolm Collins:does whatever you tell her to and endlessly loves you no matter what you do or say and wants your approval. That’s that’s what I get in a relationship. I don’t know what the rest of you guys are getting.

Simone Collins:It’s true. It’s true. Yeah. Well, you know, everyone understands that you’re, like, way out of my league. I think people could have that if they went below their league, which you did.

Malcolm Collins:I mean, you’re in my league now. You’re pretty... Because you’re a

Simone Collins:big deal now. Because you made... You engineered that very intentionally. Because at first, you were like, I’ll slum it. And then you’re like, this is actually

Malcolm Collins:maybe deeply uncomfortable. Somebody. There’s no point in letting them just flounder. Oh my god.

Simone Collins:I hate you so much. Yes. We’ve started and finished with I hate you with every fiber of my being. I love you so much. I can’t even say that together. I have to say I love you.

Malcolm Collins:Okay. Bye. Thank you, my beautiful love slave. You are amazing, and I appreciate the work you did on learning about fem... Boy... What what is it? Like, female, Arthur 33 Draco? And I will see if I can make a comic based on that with them aged up, obviously, so they’re not

Simone Collins:kids. Oh gosh. Right. Yes. Please do that.

Malcolm Collins:I feel like we’re losing this race. Right? Like, anyone can develop this stuff now. We’re not... We have it. We haven’t put it out there yet.

Simone Collins:And it’s so seamless and easy. Yeah. So astroturfing is necessary. Plus, you’re just doing it a service because it costs tokens to make these, and you’re sparing people the tokens.

Malcolm Collins:Oh, I found a way to make it much cheaper. Yeah.

Simone Collins:Yeah? So that’s good.

Malcolm Collins:The MAWA converter to videos. And the comics are finally working, the not safe for work comic creator, which can make whole scenes with consistent characters throughout. They go, like, twelve, twenty four pages, then put them together into a comic, and it looks really good and can do basically any not safer work scene possible.

Simone Collins:Or safer work. Right? Well Oh.

Malcolm Collins:That would require significant retooling. We do have a safer work version of it. I just haven’t worked on it that hard. Okay. Because it it will have to work very differently. It... It’ll be a lot better when it’s working, but the problem is the not safe for work engines have significant limitations to them that the system was designed around, like, only having one full character on screen at

Simone Collins:a fair, just asking an LLM to make a comic work so well. I guess there’s no demand, so maybe don’t waste your time on that. It’s a product that nobody needs. What they struggle with is what you made. So... Okay. I guess. It’s fine.

Malcolm Collins:Okay. I love you, Simone. You are fantastic. And I guess I have a sod sod steak, and we haven’t gotten the Worcestershire sauce, so we won’t be able to make Diane.

Simone Collins:I’m sorry. Do we really not have Worcestershire? I will dig deep. And if we do, then I’ll make it for you tomorrow night with the steak. But tonight, I’ll just make normal, and then you can compare. Do you want the steak with fries or with nothing or with something else, like the green beans that you got from Trader Joe’s? Or Fries. Okay. Korean fries.

Speaker 3:Should have

Malcolm Collins:it. Either type of fries work for me.

Simone Collins:I used up all of the sweet potato fries. So No.

Malcolm Collins:Well, they were really good. We should get more.

Simone Collins:Good. Because those are easy to get, unlike the Korean fries, which I believe we completely cleaned out of that store. So the entire shipment they got from South Korea has been pilfered by the Collinses. We’ve ruined we’ve ruined fries for this entire region. This is our true crime. No one will recognize it, but that’s the real one.

Malcolm Collins:They are so good. They are really good. Better than any restaurant fries I’ve ever had.

Simone Collins:They... Well, they look like deep fried fries. I think they might be if you

Malcolm Collins:look closely. All fries are deep fried. What do you

Simone Collins:No. But they look like they have an additional crust.

Malcolm Collins:Yeah. You mean twice fried?

Simone Collins:No. Not exactly.

Malcolm Collins:That’s a technique. You’re aware of that.

Simone Collins:I am aware of double frying fries. Yes.

Malcolm Collins:Okay.

Simone Collins:But these look different. Maybe there are some method of double frying that’s even better, though. So who knows? Anyway, I shall get into it. Pull up my notes here. Derp derp. Okay. You ready?

Malcolm Collins:Alright. You gotta you gotta start with the the line.

Simone Collins:The line. The line. This is a trope that I’m incapable of embodying. I am not tsundere. I’m not yondere. I’m not, like, I’m not

Malcolm Collins:a men You’re pretty Yandere, if I’m gonna be honest.

Simone Collins:Deep down, but that’s only triggered by very bad things that should never happen. I think most women are that. But what do

Malcolm Collins:you want? But... Oh, it’s The classic tsundere line goes like this. It goes, it’s not like I like you. Baka.

Simone Collins:That’s how you do

Speaker 4:it, Simone.

Simone Collins:No. They always say it like, Baka. So you gotta say it. You say it so funny. Yeah. I can’t. I can’t I can’t even... Like, I can’t

Malcolm Collins:Yes. You can. It’s called acting. You gotta get the audience.

Simone Collins:Okay. Get in get in frame. What is my motivation? My motivation is I’m angry at the boy. It’s not like I’d like you, buccas. I sound like I’m being a chicken. Buccas. Does not work when I say it.

Malcolm Collins:Okay. I can’t go into it now. I give you permission.

Simone Collins:Thank you. Oh my god. I hate you so much. I hate you. I hate you, really. I don’t hate you with tsundere style. I just you with every inch of my being. Okay.

Speaker 13:System. All of Gringotts, you can’t have missed them. The war, the war, or have you forgot? Because I can promise you they have not. They’re not afraid to pick mates by blood. We pick ours by feelings, and

Speaker 14:it could be a dud. Hunter. Read my stats. Read my stats. Magic runs in families. Those are facts. Check the spell curve. Find your dot. You’re above the mean. I mean, you’re not. I don’t hate goblins. You know that. You’re straw manning me, you rat. Per capita potter, let me explain the rate, not the total. Use your brain. Don’t say correlation, please. Outliers, appear with ease, Potter. Read my stats. Read my my stats. The magic ones and families, those are facts. Check the spell curve. Find your dot. S**t. I circled yours. I forgot. What do you think holds this castle high? It’s spell work, Potter, and spells run dry. The rooms too big for their own walls fold flat as paper tents and halls, and anyone in them will be crushed flat. This is about more than a stat. Brooms drop from the sky like stones. Mid match, you count the broken bones. The wards go dark, the muggles see a castle where a ruin should be. The healers can’t regrow a bone. The prison doors swing wide alone.

Speaker 15:That’s not a theory.

Speaker 14:That’s a date. In one or two generations, it will be too late. It’s not like I drew this chart for you. I had spare ink and nothing to do. It’s not like I saved the seeds by mine. The rest were taken. It’s fine. It’s fine. So marry well and have a brood. Not me, you idiot. Don’t be crude. Stop smiling, Potter. I’m not red. It’s dungeon light. I said drop dead. Potter, read my stats. Read my stats. Magic runs in families. Those are facts. Check the spell curve. Find your dot.

Speaker 15:It’s not like I like you. I do not. Baca.

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