Show notes
Are you calling everything a red flag in dating? Dating coach and therapist Michelle O'Connell joins host Madden to decode the difference between red flags, yellow flags, and green flags in modern dating. Learn why your nervous system might confuse healthy partners for boring ones, how past trauma affects your ability to recognize good partners, and the subtle patterns that show up months into dating - not on date three. This episode reveals why we're quick to label behaviors as red flags when they might actually be signs of a healthy partner, plus actionable strategies for dating with curiosity instead of fear.EPISODE TIMELINE:00:00 - Introduction: The red flag epidemic in dating culture03:15 - Meet Michelle O'Connell: From therapist to dating coach08:42 - Defining red flags, yellow flags, and green flags12:30 - Why we overuse the term "red flag" in dating16:45 - How fear drives our flag labeling21:20 - When green flags feel like red flags: The nervous system connection28:15 - Red flags that don't show up until months later35:40 - How long should you really give someone a chance?38:25 - Avoiding projection from past dating experiences42:10 - Final advice: Dating with curiosity over validationIN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:What actually constitutes a red flag versus normal human behaviorHow our nervous system confuses calm and safety for boredom in datingWhy people with trauma histories might push away healthy partnersThe sneaky patterns that don't show up until months 3-6 of datingHow past experiences shape our ability to "read the room" accuratelyThe difference between empowerment and being too rigid in dating standardsWhy taking things slow is crucial for spotting long-term compatibilityHow to avoid projecting past relationship wounds onto new partnersWhen to give someone more time versus trusting your gut to walk away"If you want a partner, you have to date. And when you date with a space and a mindset of curiosity and being open to all the different outcomes, you're going to have a better experience with dating. Don't date to validate your worth - date from curiosity." - MichelleCONNECT WITH MICHELLE:Michelle O'Connell is a licensed mental health therapist and dating coach based in Minneapolis, Minnesota. With over a decade of experience in trauma therapy, Michelle launched her dating coaching practice "Unstuck by Michelle" four years ago. She supports clients in building confidence, creating authentic dating profiles, identifying healthier partners, and developing mindful, intentional approaches to dating. Michelle brings a unique trauma-informed perspective that's both grounded and refreshingly real to the dating world. Michelle's Instagram: @unstuckbymichelle Michelle's Website*NEW* Michelle's TikTok: @unstuckbymichelleMichelle offers monthly dating support, beginning August 6, 2025. Please visit Michelle's website to find out more!STAY CONNECT WITH MADDEN:Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa