Two Gents From Nowhere
Two Gents From Nowhere
Dominic & Phil
Two rootless gents—a transient Brit in Buenos Aires and a nomadic American in Los Angeles—laugh their way through stories about everything and nothing, obsessing over the minutiae of daily existence while striving to answer life’s big questions, like “Weren’t we younger once?” Conversations range in topic from the tawdry hell of approaching middle-age to the scandalous lack of air conditioning units in the Tower of London visitor experience—plus a smidgen of everything and a super-size dollop of nothing in between.
Episode 31: Do Catholics Keep Long John Silver's in Business?
The Two Gents tackle yet more life-and-death brain teasers, such as: Who took the 'world's biggest poo' on a plane that left cabin 'puking'?; What are langostino lobsters when they're not shrimp?; Does Prince Harry listen to this podcast (in a Waffle House)?; What is the etymology of 'chicken'?; Who is Coronation Keith and what other events does he plan?; Does Snoop Dogg wear Skechers?; What are random fruits?; Does the US only exist so as to not be France (and vice versa)?; and If a man casts his fishing line into a dry boulevard, is he still fishing? With a filleted Phil in Los Angeles and a discomfited Dominic in Buenos Aires.  Inquiries: [email protected]
May 18, 2023
51 min
Episode 30: Was the Coronation Quiche Tone-Deaf?
Following the lavish Coronation of a glum-looking King Chuck III, the Two Gents tackle a timely bunch of thought experiments, including: If a hot dog is eaten in a forest and no one is around to hear it squelch, does it make a sound?; Does "KC3" need to wear batting gloves when playing cricket?; If a truffle hog sniffs out a truffle does the truffle cease to be vegan?; Who was the first unsung hero to eat a lobster?; If a cow pats, what does a horse do?; Does the Stone of Destiny live better than we do?; If a blind dog can see with his nose, can he smell with his eyes? and more! PLUS, the return of Dominic's spectacularly unhelpful Spanish lessons. With a fajita-whiffing Phil in Los Angeles and a quiche-scoffing Dominic in Buenos Aires. Inquiries: [email protected] 
May 10, 2023
44 min
Episode 29: The Wet Sock Dilemma
The Two Gents return for Season 2 to tackle big questions such as: Which are worse: wet jeans or wet socks?;How do you pronounce “Herbs”?; Could Jesus walk on chemical agents?; What do you do if your car doors have no handles?; Can whistles stop crime?; How many times per day does a sane person roll their eyes?; Should one try on socks before purchasing them?; Are size 9-13 socks closer to size 9 than to size 13?; Why don’t socks come with user instructions?; More questions about socks. PLUS: the return of Phil’s dirty Costco obsession and Dominic’s deranged Spanish lessons. With Phil in Miami (he'll be back in Los Angeles next week) and Dominic in Buenos Aires. Inquiries: [email protected]
Feb 28, 2023
51 min
Episode 28: Acid Reflux with a Side of Disney World
Fresh from a dystopian family vacation to Disney World (or was it Dismaland?), a Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Broke Phil goes on an extended rant about his hellish experience in the Happiest Place on Earth™ (But he really did have a good time) as Dominic ponders whether or not to shoot himself. PLUS: Unnecessary detail about Phil’s Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), winsome memories of roleplaying with Dutch girls, the alarmingly massive growth of nudists in Britain, and the lamentable infantilization of society. ALSO: Which is the most overrated snack: churros or pretzels? With a bile-ridden Phil in Los Angeles and an au naturel Dominic Hilton in Buenos Aires. Inquiries: [email protected]
Dec 9, 2022
1 hr
Episode 27: How to Earn €1.5 Million and Save the Climate!
After two satisfied listeners donate a small fortune to the podcast, the newly-minted Two Gents discuss kidnapping threats, Aston Martins, Angela Lansbury, the market value of holes in the ground, Vegas, porcupines, roundabouts, Huckleberry pies, Kim Basinger, and wax dummies of King Charles III. PLUS: How do you pronounce “Van Gogh”? And which food items are best suited for hurling at priceless works of art? With a top hat-sporting Phil in Los Angeles and a big-pimpin’ Dominic Hilton in Buenos Aires. Inquiries: [email protected]
Oct 31, 2022
1 hr 1 min
Episode 26: A Complete Dog’s Dinner
In their most depressing episode yet—unfavorably compared to a poorly cooked Duck à l'Orange TV dinner—the Two Gents reminisce about the golden age of political sex scandals, when men wore Chelsea football kits with lace stockings, and women sold their sleazy, toe-sucking stories to the tabloids. ALSO: Should humans be eating pond scum and fertiliser run-off? Did Betty White get better looking with age? When did mopheads cease riding mopeds? Is it time to end the Virgin Mary’s monopoly on miracle appearances and embrace Boris Johnson’s likeness in Chicken Tikka Masala? And is Yanni a big pianist or just a keyboard player? PLUS: Phil sings “Believe” and “Turn Back Time” in an unmissable and uncanny impersonation of Cher. With a back-to-basics Phil in Los Angeles and a Trussing-it-up Dominic Hilton in Buenos Aires. Inquiries: [email protected]
Oct 24, 2022
58 min
Episode 25: Christie Brinkley Likes This Podcast!
Breathless after a digital encounter with the real world Christie Brinkley, the Two Gents turn their attention to everything from the art of terrible gifting to the important role of kebab pizzas in Swedish prison breaks. As Phil reveals his cunning plan to sell one of Dominic’s kidneys, Dominic wonders why he can’t pronounce Phil’s name properly. PLUS: What do bad decisions in your twenties get you?; Is a spanner just a spanner or is it a wrench?; Has the etiquette of eating hamburgers changed post pandemic?; and Why does anyone bother reading fiction? Plus, free wonga for chimney sweeps, disappointing Christmases past, and the time Phil got trapped in a cage in a cave in Ireland with no access to the gift shop or cafe. With a Yanni-loving Phil in Los Angeles and a Bjorn Borg-resembling Dominic Hilton in Buenos Aires. Inquiries: [email protected]
Oct 15, 2022
1 hr 2 min
Episode 24: Should All Statues be Sans Vêtements?
With Phil on the road, and Spotify confirming that there is nothing else like this podcast show, Dominic is forced to play host, with questionable results. In this week’s unmissable episode: Is Argentina the future? Should politicians stand around in Aviators looking at scenes of destruction? Can you live in a pitta bread? Was Harald Harefoot named Harald Harefoot because he had a hairy foot? Were the Salem witches sexy? And why does Dominic keep referring to our listeners as “readers”? Meanwhile, Phil gets a check from the IRS, and the Two Gents are joined on the line by a special guest from Mar-a-Lago. With an in transit gloria Phil and a bewitched Dominic Hilton in Buenos Aires. Inquiries: [email protected]
Oct 11, 2022
1 hr 1 min
Episode 23: An Ode to Black Rod
In this week’s jam-packed and highly educational episode: Should humans be compost? Why is everyone in LA hot and dumb? Is Bob Sacamano real? How do you pronounce PETA? When will women save the planet by banning men from having sex with them? How come Black Rod is a cross between Walter Matthau and Olympia Dukakis (with a little George Burns thrown in)? Was Edward Longshanks related to Sweyn Forkbeard or Harald Bluetooth? Was Braveheart historically accurate? And why oh why oh why do dogs eat poop? With a decomposing Phil in Los Angeles and a dogsitting Dominic Hilton in Buenos Aires. Inquiries: [email protected]
Oct 1, 2022
58 min
Episode 22: Did Cary Grant Shave His Armpits?
It’s the Two Gents from Nowhere, the only podcast that dares to tackle the big questions, like: Why did Dominic once nut-check former UK Prime Minister John Major with a briefcase? Are all famous people given tanning beds upon retirement? Should podcast hosts wear disheveled blond wigs? Who had the better name, Siegfried Fischbacher or Roy “The Horn” Horn? When is a hosepipe just a hose? How do you say, “Shohei Ohtani” in a Philly accent? And when will the new King Chuck III meet Phil’s heated demands to “put some damn air conditioning units in his tourist traps”? With a googlied Phil in Los Angeles and a sorry Dominic Hilton in Buenos Aires. Inquiries: [email protected]
Sep 18, 2022
1 hr 4 min
Load more