It’s that time again bookend fans, where your boys Peter and Louis take it upon themselves to tackle chapters 17-19 of Sonic High School, even though nobody asked them too and frankly everyone would be happier if they just stopped.
This time Sonic is forced to thank a deaf lunch woman for her house breaking skills by putting his head inside her vagina and screaming. He follows this by head butting a crocodile’s penis to the point of climax, throwing a toddler into the semen then petrifying him with his balls. Oh, and they find out Charmy bee got killed. Back at high school, buoyed up with the good news of Charmy bee’s death, Tails and Cream have sex in a cupboard, whereupon he finds Amy’s golden wristband on his knob, leading him to theorise she is some kind of prostitute. Confronted with this information, Sonic goes to confront Amy, currently in detention and horribly emaciated.
Your bookends meanwhile discuss their controversial opinions on Pickles and food deconstruction for their removal, the victimless crime that is slagging off the deaf on a podcast, contacting SEGA to make Sonic’s ball problems canon, our relatives who fought in the great wars so we could make this piece of shit and the delicious meta nougat you can curate when podcasting.
We’re nearing the final stretch now! And thankfully guns are illegal in the UK, so at least for now suicide is harder than finishing Sonic High School!