This week our letter writer is coming from the other side of the table. After doing a lot of work to repair and understand their past, they are trying to let go of their shame at having traumatized other people. We talk about perpetrator trauma, good vs. evil, and what self-forgiveness actually looks like.

We talk to the letter writer about how to peel back the shame she feels when she goes back to an abusive ex so she can reconnect with herself and move on. We explain how this is in part a neurobiological issue, and what she can do about it in order to begin a new life.

The letter writer is facing a difficult decision. Stay in her marriage when her husband wants to be polyamorous, or leave and lose him entirely. We talk about the trauma of a profound lack of a relational home.

Our letter writer asks whether we are going to come out of these two years with PTSD. We talk about the difference between a clinical diagnosis of PTSD and experiencing trauma, collective trauma and how to cope.

We talk to the letter writer about his concern for his girlfriend, who is using her trauma as a weapon. Why do we sometimes enact our trauma at other people instead of heal it? We talk about over-identifying with trauma, the importance of non-violent communication, and coercive communication.

We meet our letter writer in the dark cave of guilt and shame. We shine the light on some very dark experiences of hers and try and redirect focus on the fact that she is breaking the cycle with her own children.

We rant a bit. Not at our beautiful letter writer, who is struggling to find herself amidst all of the self-help work she's been doing. We rant at the labels we stick on ourselves and the ways these labels limit and constrict our wild and beautiful lives.

Can prolonged psychological trauma cause physical pain? We help our letter writer understand some of the mysterious ways that trauma can impact the body.

We talk to our letter writer about how to reconcile a friendship with someone who turned out to be a perpetrator of sexual assault. Radical acceptance, grief, and the importance of the both/and are all themes.

We talk to our letter writer about why trauma can pop up ten years later, and what to do about it. We revisit the definition of trauma that we use: unbearable emotional experience that lacks a relational home, and we talk about the difference between simple and complex trauma.