The Topical
The Topical
The Onion
The Topical is the daily podcast from The Onion and Onion Public Radio, and the only podcast brave enough to ask: What if the news had sound effects? Join host Leslie Price each day as he barely scratches the surface of all the day’s top news stories. Journalism isn’t dead. It's using its dying breath to beg you to listen to The Topical. New episodes published every weekday by 5 a.m. Eastern time.
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The Final Episode Of The Topical
The Final Episode Of The Topical
Leslie Price returns from a months-long investigation to serve as host of America’s only daily news podcast one last time. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
May 20, 2021
15 min
Papa John’s Comes Under Fire For Cruel Treatment Of The Bulbous, Deformed Creatures That Lactate Pizza Sauce
Papa John’s Comes Under Fire For Cruel Treatment Of The Bulbous, Deformed Creatures That Lactate Pizza Sauce
Hear why PETA is coming to the defense of these over-bread monstrosities that exist for the sole purpose of having fresh tomato paste extracted from their many teat-like protuberances. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Feb 5, 2021
9 min
Scientists Warn Americans To Stay Away From That Bird
Scientists Warn Americans To Stay Away From That Bird
It looks dirty, and it’s doing a weird thing with its wings. Hear why it would be best if you just didn’t go near it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Feb 4, 2021
8 min
Nation’s Arborists Once Again Urge Congress To Lower The Age Of Consent For Trees
Nation’s Arborists Once Again Urge Congress To Lower The Age Of Consent For Trees
Hear why these arborists believe that if the fruit’s on the ground, it’s ready to pound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Feb 3, 2021
9 min
Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted
Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted
Plus, from royalty to recluse, we’ll sit down with a former prom king who now lives anonymously among the commoners. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Feb 2, 2021
9 min
Team Of Vatican Geneticists Successfully Clone God
Team Of Vatican Geneticists Successfully Clone God
It’s an awe-inspiring scientific advancement, but is it ethical? Hear why critics say these geneticists shouldn’t be playing God on God by making God. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Feb 1, 2021
8 min
Nation’s Hypnotists Announce You Are Now Under Their Command
Nation’s Hypnotists Announce You Are Now Under Their Command
Hear why, when they snap their fingers, you will make the sound a donkey makes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jan 29, 2021
8 min
Deer Shot By Obsessed Fan
Deer Shot By Obsessed Fan
Hear why authorities now believe the suspect stalked the 4-year-old buck for several hours before shooting him in the chest. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jan 28, 2021
8 min
Dept. Of Homeland Security: ‘Has Anybody Seen A Blue Folder?’
Dept. Of Homeland Security: ‘Has Anybody Seen A Blue Folder?’
Hear why scrambling DHS officials are calling the missing folder “no big deal,” but they would really like to find it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jan 27, 2021
8 min
Fun Toy Banned Because Of 3 Stupid Dead Kids
Fun Toy Banned Because Of 3 Stupid Dead Kids
And they weren’t even playing with it right. Hear why these dead children apparently thought it would be a good idea to ruin the fun for everyone else. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Jan 26, 2021
9 min
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