On this week's episode: Donald Trump will hold an election when he’s good and goddamn ready thank you ... Liberals make gun-nuts look like cowards by turning back a fascist government with leaf blowers ... And the Senate is worried that sending everyone a bootstrap is gonna make us lazy about bootstrapping a bootstrap.

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Headline Sources:

US Economy sees biggest GDP drop in recorded history: https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/07/30/896714437/3-months-of-hell-u-s-economys-worst-quarter-ever

Herman Cain is Dead of COVID-19: https://www.cnn.com/2020/07/30/politics/herman-cain-dies-coronavirus/index.html

Trump wants to postpone the election in November: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-53597975

Federal troops withdraw from Portland: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jul/31/portland-protests-latest-peaceful-night-federal-troops-withdrawal 

DHS was compiling intelligence reports on journalists and protesters: https://www.washingtonpost.com/national-security/dhs-official-whose-office-compiled-intelligence-reports-on-journalists-and-protesters-has-been-removed-from-his-job

The Senate's not in town as $600 unemployment benefits are set to expire: https://www.cnn.com/2020/07/31/politics/stimulus-negotiations-state-of-play/index.html

Lawmakers From Both Sides Take Aim at Big Tech Executives: https://www.nytimes.com/live/2020/07/29/technology/tech-ceos-hearing-testimony