The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

Spencer and Tom explore the complexities of workaholism and its impact on personal and professional lives. Our conversation includes not only our personal experiences but also the intertwining nature of various recovery programs, offering a comprehensive guide for those on a similar journey. Understanding Workaholism and Recovery Programs Tom, a long-time member of both Workaholics... The post Workaholism and Recovery – 443 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

In the half-century since she began her journey into 12-step recovery on May 15th, 1972, Adrienne S. has navigated a path of immense personal growth and healing. Her commitment to sobriety and the principles of the 12 Steps have not only transformed her life but inspired her to share her experience, strength, and hope with... The post 50 Years of 12-Step Recovery – 442 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

Brenda W. shares her experiences, focusing on how the effects of being an adult child of an alcoholic shaped her past relationships. She candidly describes how her upbringing led her to choose romantic partners who were not self-sufficient, as she subconsciously believed she had to be needed to feel valued. Through Al-Anon and a journey of self-discovery, Brenda began to understand her ingrained behaviors, such as manipulating to meet emotional needs and building relationships on a shaky foundation of martyrdom and managing others. These realizations marked the beginning of her conscious effort to change her approach to dating and relationships. A New Perspective on Relationships Since joining Al-Anon, Brenda has learned the importance of selecting partners who are emotionally available and align with her values and goals. The program taught her self-awareness and encouraged a deeper understanding of her needs, allowing her to build healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Brenda also highlighted the role sponsorship plays in her recovery journey. Her sponsor, a consistent and reliable presence, has been instrumental in teaching Brenda how to trust and communicate openly—skills that she can transfer to her romantic relationships. The Role of Boundaries and Trust In recovery, Brenda has learned to establish and enforce boundaries, recognizing when situations make her uncomfortable and learning to communicate her needs assertively. Her experiences with her sponsor have shown her that assertive communication and trusting relationships can coexist, helping her to build healthier dynamics in her personal life. Continuing the Journey of Learning Brenda acknowledges that her journey is ongoing, with continued growth in navigating vulnerable conversations and setting boundaries. She points out that learning to ask for help and assistance is a significant part of her recovery process. Insights and Reflections The episode concludes with insights and experiences shared by listeners. Marcy, an Al-Anon member, recounts her journey of finding self-identity and prioritizing her own recovery before jumping into a relationship. Another listener emphasizes the importance of taking time to heal and understanding oneself before entering new relationships. In summary, “Dating in Recovery” looks at some of the intricacies of dating while in recovery, highlighting the transformative power of self-awareness, trust, and community support in building healthier relationships. We recognize that recovery is a continuous, evolving journey that can profoundly impact personal relationships. Readings and Links We read from Courage to Change, p. 363, Dec. 28 Upcoming topics An upcoming topic is Tradition 1, Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity. What is “common welfare” for you? Not just in Al-Anon, but in your family or workplace? How does unity support this? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email [email protected] with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Transcript Intro [00:00:01] Brenda W: After coming to Al-Anon and realizing that I don't have to continue the same patterns, I started looking for people that had actual compatibility with me and with m...

The journey of recovery is unique for each individual and couple. In this episode, we explore the 12 step program of Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA).  Recovery in Al-Anon and RCA Valerie begins by sharing her past, which is marked by a failed first marriage filled with addiction and legal challenges. Her journey into recovery began with Al-Anon in 2019, following a deteriorating relationship with her current husband due to alcoholism. The move towards RCA was catalyzed by a therapist who recommended they explore the program to improve communication and work towards healing. This came during a time when Valerie had made significant steps towards divorcing her husband. Initially skeptical, Valerie committed to RCA despite her reluctance, gradually discovering the potential of the program to transform her marriage. With RCA, she learned to address shared issues collectively, taking responsibility for her role in the coupleship, while also emphasizing the importance of personal recovery. Spencer notes that the 12 steps in RCA are tailored to address the unique dynamics of couples, shifting from individual recovery to a focus on joint healing and responsibility. He is struck by the gradual transformation that comes with consistent practice of the steps and engaging with the RCA community. The couple's sharing in meetings and service roles illustrates the significant parallel between RCA and other 12-step programs, where carrying the message of recovery to others fosters further growth and healing. For Valerie and many couples in RCA, the program has meant confronting deeply held fears and resentments, leading to profound personal and shared revelations. Valerie shares that these revelations facilitated the repair of her family dynamics, creating a harmonious environment for herself, her husband, and their adult children. Tools and Practices Valerie emphasizes several tools and practices that have been pivotal in their recovery journey. Key practices include calling meetings of two for open communication, establishing financial agreements to tackle sensitive topics, and leveraging safety guidelines to ensure respectful and productive interactions. Valerie highlights the significance of collectively working the steps and consistently practicing new tools in their coupleship. Conclusion Valerie and her husband’s journey through RCA reflects its power to support recovery as a couple. She advocates for RCA as a transformative tool for any couple seeking to restore commitment and intimacy. By embracing the 12 steps of RCA, they can continue to break the chains of familial dysfunction, experiencing recovery as a couple and transforming not only their relationship but also extending this healing to their families. Readings and Links We read from the book, Recovering Couples Anonymous, subtitled A Twelve-Step Program For Couples, pp. 39-40, p. 58, and p.55. The 12 Steps of RCA are avaiable online. Valerie also read an excerpt from Courage to Change, p. 191, July 9. Angelina read excerpts from the book Kinsey and Me, by Sue Grafton. (Note: We receive a small commission when you buy through this Amazon link.) Beth read an excerpt from the Al-Anon book Having Had a Spir...

Spencer and Eric explore Step 12, “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” We follow the reading on the step from the book How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics, interleaving it with our own responses to each paragraph..  Spiritual Awakening: A Personal Journey We reflect on the nature of spiritual awakenings, noting the deeply personal and often gradual nature of this transformation. Spencer highlights the varied pace at which individuals may experience this awakening—some may have a sudden realization, while others, like Eric, feel a perpetual yet evolving awareness of spirituality. Eric encapsulates this journey as living his best life, embracing the beauty in the mundane, and continuously pursuing greater wakefulness. The Role of Spiritual Principles in Everyday Life One of the central themes is that the principles of Al-Anon extend beyond addressing alcohol-related issues, but can apply in all facets of life. Eric says it is, for him, a way of life, suggesting that these principles foster patience, empathy, and understanding. He applies these in all interactions, from driving in traffic to managing personal relationships.  Al-Anon’s principles can provide comprehensive guidance, extending to aspects like financial responsibility and family life. Kate, a listener, shares how she applies program principles to her handling of finances, balancing self-support with prudent reserve, directly influenced by Al-Anon’s traditions and concepts of service. David, another listener, asks the question “What are these principles?” While we cannot provide a comprehensive answer, we do know that the principles include the 12 Steps, 12 Traditions, and 12 Concepts of Service. We also reference a set of principles or virtues as laid out in the Alcoholics Anonymous book 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. These include Honesty, Hope, Faith, Courage, Integrity, Willingness, Humility, Love, Discipline, Perseverance/Patience, Awareness, and Service. Sharing the Message: An Act of Service Eric and Spencer touch on the importance of sharing their experiences to aid newcomers. While initial participation in Al-Anon might be prompted by a crisis, growth within the program hinges on the willingness to carry its message forward. As part of our commitment, we both have engaged in service beyond personal recovery, through activities like podcasts and public outreach, aimed at connecting with those yet to discover Al-Anon. A Life of Promise and Hope As we conclude our exploration, we reflect on the unexpected opportunities and connections brought about by living out these steps. Eric’s narrative illustrates that, even after experiencing loss, one can chart new dreams and embrace life's changes positively. We hope that our discussion ultimately invites listeners to consider how Al-Anon’s spiritual principles can convert trials into triumphs, highlighting the program’s enduring promise of hope, transformation, and serenity for all its members.  Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics, Chapter 8, section “Step 12”, pp 63-65. We read an excerpt from Courage To Change, Jan 26, p. 26. A blog post on the principles or virtues in the AA “12 & 12” is here.

Step 11 of the 12-step recovery program suggests that we can improve our conscious contact with a higher power through prayer and meditation. Spencer and Sara share personal insights and experiences that highlight the transformative power of this step as part of our spiritual growth in recovery. Understanding Step 11 Our conversation is structured by reading and responding to the description of Step 11 from the book How Al-Anon Works. Step 11 says “[We] sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”&nbsp; Sara's Journey to Finding Her Higher Power Sara shared her personal journey towards understanding and connecting with a higher power. Despite being in recovery for over two decades, it wasn't until the last year that Sara truly felt a connection to a God of her understanding. This new relationship brought immense peace and clarity, transforming her approach to prayer and meditation, which she now views as synonymous with having daily conversations with her higher power. Diverse Interpretations of Prayer and Meditation Spencer and Sara both highlighted that prayer and meditation can take many forms and should be personalized to fit one's beliefs and comfort levels. Spencer noted that prayer need not be formal and reminded listeners that meditation doesn't have to be mystical or complex—it's about finding concentrated quietness and tuning out the noise of everyday life to listen for guidance. Personal Experiences with Spiritual Practices Spencer shared his experiences of unconventional forms of meditation, such as finding peace in nature and allowing moments of awe and gratitude, like watching a sunset, to serve as a spiritual practice. He emphasized that these moments help in relieving stress and tapping into a higher spiritual strength that facilitates serenity, acceptance, and gratitude in daily life. Challenges and Realizations Both Sara and Spencer described their past struggles with understanding and applying Step 11. Sara pointed out how her previous rigidity in beliefs made it difficult to connect with a higher power. However, the shift to a loving and trusting higher power allowed her to experience previously unimaginable goals, facilitating peace and acceptance in her personal relationships. We wrapped up by acknowledging that spiritual growth is not about rigid rituals but about embracing what genuinely brings one closer to their higher power. Spencer noted that letting go of specific expectations about prayer and meditation has enriched his spiritual journey, while Sara embraced the realization that she doesn't need to make spiritual growth difficult. Trusting in her higher power has led to a more spontaneous and peaceful existence. Conclusion Step 11 serves as a guide for those in recovery to continually seek a deeper connection with their higher power. This conscious contact brings about transformation, serenity, and the ability to meet life's challenges with courage and strength. We are reminded that spirituality is personal and evolving, and embracing our unique paths can lead to real growth and healing. Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works, pp 61-61, &#8220;Step 11&#8221;, in Chapter 8 The 12 Steps. We also read from From Survival To Recovery, pagea 227, and from <a href="https://therecoveryshow.

In the latest episode of The Recovery Show, host Spencer and guest Patrick B delve into the question, &#8220;Is Al-Anon really for men?&#8221; Both men are Al-Anon members, yet they wonder why the program largely features a predominantly female membership. The episode was recorded aboard a cruise ship following the AA International Convention, where Spencer and Patrick had a candid conversation about their experiences and observations. Understanding Men's Involvement in Al-Anon Patrick opens the discussion by expressing his curiosity about why only about 15% of Al-Anon members are men, despite men being equally affected by alcoholism, either as family members or friends of alcoholics. Through personal anecdotes, Patrick and Spencer highlight their encounters with male participation in Al-Anon meetings. They share that despite the visible male attendance at some meetings, women continue to constitute the majority.&nbsp; Spencer recalls attending meetings where the presence of men contributed to a healthy group dynamic. Patrick observed that meetings with a higher percentage of men often provide enriching sessions filled with experience, strength, and hope. Yet, he also notes that entering a predominantly female setting can make men feel uncomfortable due to stereotypes and traditional gender roles. Challenges and Cultural Norms The pair examines societal expectations, where men have historically been taught to be strong, self-reliant, and the primary problem-solvers—a notion that can deter men from joining groups like Al-Anon where sharing feelings is encouraged. Patrick reflects on his own hesitance to join until he reached a point of desperation. Spencer, too, shares his struggles in breaking away from societal norms of masculinity to embrace the supportive environment offered by Al-Anon. Exploring Solutions and Acceptance To address the imbalance, Spencer and Patrick consider how Al-Anon meetings can be more welcoming to men. They question if the structure or content within the program might unintentionally cater more to women, thus alienating male members. They discuss the existence of male-focused literature within Al-Anon, citing the men's newcomer packet (K-23), which includes brochures that address men's unique challenges. Patrick, reflecting on his recent experiences with meetings, has found Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) gatherings more balanced in gender representation. This observation provokes further consideration into how different recovery programs might naturally attract diverse demographics. Conclusion Spencer and Patrick conclude by emphasizing Al-Anon’s valuable impact on their lives and encouraging other men to genuinely explore what the program can offer. Spencer advocates for meetings to maintain resources like the men's newcomer packet and to foster an environment that is welcoming to all. Both men echo the sentiment not to leave before witnessing the personal miracles recovery can bring. Links Patrick had a copy of the Men's Newcomer Packet from Al-Anon. We spent a little time looking through it. Upcoming topics Coming are episodes on Steps 11 and 12. Please email [email protected] or call and leave a voicemail at 734-707-8795, with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Transcript

We are all human, and as such, are imperfect. Step 10 challenges us to recognize when we are imperfect, and to make amends when necessary. Nancy reflects on a recent experience that challenged her long-standing beliefs and provided a profound learning moment. She begins by recounting an incident that occurred while her son was visiting her and her husband. During the drive home, her dog unexpectedly leaped into her lap, causing her to swerve and damage a tire. Upon arrival, she fabricated a story about the tire spontaneously exploding, instead of admitting the truth. Nancy was overwhelmed with fear of judgment and her desire to maintain a certain image in front of her family.&nbsp; As Nancy shared the unfolding of her deception, she highlighted the role her past struggles played in her reaction. Fearful of appearing less competent, she clung to her false narrative, even after her husband expressed skepticism. Her story eventually crumbled under scrutiny, leading to an emotional confrontation at dinner. It was there that she finally admitted her dishonesty, apologized, and made amends to her family. Nancy's experience illuminated deep-seated character defects and the continuous work required to overcome them. She was reminded that despite years in recovery, imperfection is inherent to humanity. The relief and forgiveness she received from her husband and son emphasized the transformative power of amends.&nbsp; Meanwhile, Spencer shared a revelation of his own, reflecting on an interaction with a neighbor that left him uneasy. He recognized his impulsive condemnation regarding a local issue, inadvertently placing his neighbor in an uncomfortable position. The incident spurred contemplation on his motivations and the importance of making amends even when it feels uncomfortable.&nbsp; Both Nancy and Spencer's stories illustrate the role of Step 10 in fostering self-awareness and promoting honesty. By diligently inventorying their actions and motives, they acknowledged their imperfections. The practice of making amends, they learned, is not just about repairing relationships but also about understanding oneself and committing to growth. Both attest to the profound impact of journaling, viewing it as a powerful way to connect with their higher power and solidify their reflections. Writing allows them to articulate their feelings, confront their truths, and trace their progress over time. Ultimately, their stories are a testament to the strength found in vulnerability and the relentless pursuit of progress over perfection. Both Nancy and Spencer remind us that regardless of our time in recovery, embracing our humanity and committing to ongoing self-examination is key to spiritual growth and personal peace. Readings and Links We read from Hope for Today, June 21, p. 173. A listener sent a poem from Lincoln in the Bardo by George Saunders. (Note: if you buy through this link, we will receive a small commission for eligible purchases.) Upcoming topics We have upcoming episodes on Steps 11 and 12. How do you practice these steps in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email [email protected] with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Transcript [00:00:01] Spencer: Step 10 asks us to promptly admit it when we are wrong. How do we make this work in our life, in practice?

In 12-step recovery, Step 10 offers a framework for continuous improvement by encouraging individuals to take personal inventory and make amends when necessary. This step signifies the transition from initial recovery to an ongoing, lifelong commitment to spiritual renewal and growth. Understanding Step 10 Spencer and Pat engage in a thoughtful discussion. We recognize that Step 10 is not simply a maintenance routine but a vital part of ongoing personal development. For Spencer, the initial phases of recovery, Steps 1-9, helped him understand and address his more significant issues and lay the groundwork for transformation. However, he recognizes that Step 10 is crucial to preventing a recurrence of previous mistakes and nurturing continual growth. Pat shares her insights on Step 10, highlighting the importance of introspection and regular self-assessment. After progressing through the earlier steps, she experiences a sense of freedom and &#8216;lightness' by continually addressing her shortcomings. This step allows her to avoid the emotional weight of unaddressed issues, leading to an ongoing sense of empowerment and spiritual renewal. Daily Commitment to Healing Both Spencer and Pat underscore the importance of practicing Step 10 regularly. Spencer sees this as an opportunity for reflection and celebration of progress. However, he openly admits to struggling with establishing a consistent daily routine, noting that change does not happen overnight. He relates the step to maintaining physical health, drawing parallels to the commitment required for regular exercise. Pat finds that addressing issues immediately as they arise proves effective for her. She shares personal experiences where acknowledging mistakes and making amends has strengthened her relationships and allowed her to grow. Her approach underscores the essential aspect of compassion and self-honesty when practicing Step 10. ### Practicing Compassionate Self-Inventory Practicing Step 10 requires sincere self-honesty paired with kindness and understanding. Spencer appreciates the analogy of maintaining a &#8220;badly corroded automobile&#8221;—observing that it is about recognizing and addressing small issues before they become significant problems. This regular assessment ensures continued progression and prevents a return to old, detrimental habits. Pat provides further insight into this practice by recalling past workplace experiences where she saw conflict as an opportunity for growth post-Al-Anon. By focusing on personal accountability and the willingness to make amends, she embraces Step 10's message of relying on perpetual improvement rather than perfectionism. A Framework for Ongoing Growth Spencer adds another layer by outlining how practicing Step 10 encapsulates the first nine steps. Recognizing mistakes, seeking help, examining personal actions, sharing with others, and making amends all represent elements of the program distilled into this ongoing practice. This approach highlights that Step 10 empowers individuals to apply their entire recovery journey to daily life, maintaining personal growth and minimizing backsliding into past behaviors. Conclusion: A Pathway to a Fruitful Life Ultimately, Step 10 is a powerful tool for maintaining momentum in personal recovery. It allows individuals like Spencer and Pat to continue evolving, engaging in honest self-assessment, and embracing new opportunities for enrichment. By taking responsibility for oneself and fostering a compassionate practice of self-reflection, those in recovery can approach life with a sense of liberation and hope for a better tomorrow...

I want to thank a listener who pointed out that I had included Heather's story about amends to her Ex twice and left out the story about amends to her sister. If your podcast player has already downloaded that episode, please delete it and play this one instead. If you are listening on the website or your podcast player streams the episode instead of downloading it, you can ignore this update. If you listened to the incorrect version, and want to hear Heather's share, you can advance to 41:50 in your player to get it. My apologies. Yours in recovery, Spencer T