Show notes
Episode #1199 What happens when the woman you married starts changing in ways you don't understand? In this episode of The TPM Show, Doug Holt sits down with Dr. Amanda Hanson, known as the Midlife Muse, for a conversation about supporting your wife through growth, perimenopause, menopause, changing desires, and the evolution of a long-term marriage. Dr. Amanda has worked with thousands of women, including wives of men in The Powerful Man community. She explains why one of the most valuable things a husband can do is stop assuming he knows what his wife needs and start getting curious. Sometimes she wants advice. Sometimes she wants help creating a solution. And sometimes she simply wants you to listen, witness what she's experiencing, and resist the urge to fix it. They also explore what can happen during midlife when a woman who has spent years caring for everyone else begins asking what she wants for herself. Rather than automatically interpreting those changes as rejection, Amanda encourages men to understand that their wives may be entering a new stage of identity and growth. Doug and Amanda discuss resentment on both sides of a marriage, the sacrifices husbands and wives make, emotional intimacy, appreciation, sexual desire, and why couples need to keep learning about each other instead of assuming the person they married decades ago hasn't changed. Timestamp Chapters 00:00 What men and women wish their partners understood 00:43 Supporting your wife's personal growth 02:09 Does she want advice or does she need you to listen? 04:29 Emotional safety and feeling seen, heard, and desired 05:40 Understanding your wife during perimenopause and menopause 08:43 Why husbands shouldn't take every change personally 09:49 Do you still know who your wife is today? 10:25 Building a new version of your marriage 11:48 Bringing fun and playfulness back into your relationship 13:42 Resentment, sacrifice, and the midlife transition 15:33 How couples co-create their relationship dynamics 18:47 Holding gratitude and grief at the same time 20:00 Why comparing sacrifices creates more resentment 21:46 Remembering you're on the same team 24:15 What men and women wish each other understood 25:09 Scales Free Training 26:11 The pressure husbands and fathers quietly carry 28:03 Why men also need to feel seen and appreciated 31:04 Becoming each other's counsel 32:48 How partners can help each other grow and heal 37:59 Why maturity changes marriage 39:04 Using gratitude to change how you see your wife 41:22 The difference between gratitude and desire for women 43:02 Staying curious about your wife's changing desires 44:22 Why sexual desire can change over time 48:52 Supporting intimacy through perimenopause and menopause 50:13 Dr. Amanda Hanson's work with women 52:16 How to introduce personal growth without trying to fix your wife 53:31 Where to find Dr. Amanda Hanson One practical place to start with your own marriage is Doug's Scales Free Training, which helps men identify what may be missing in their relationship and understand the steps for rebuilding love, respect, admiration, and intimacy: Connect With Dr. Amanda Hanson Dr. Amanda Hanson, known as the Midlife Muse, has helped thousands of women navigate personal growth, relationships, identity, desire, and the transitions that come with midlife. She also shares openly from the perspective of a woman who has been married for 30 years and has navigated many of these transitions within her own marriage. Explore her work and free resources: Website: https://www.amandahanson.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/midlife.muse YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@midlifemuse TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@midlifemuse Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/midlife.muse Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full conversation with Dr. Amanda Hanson on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Cm-nzEKv3dg The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders by developing the relationship, leadership, and personal growth skills that create stronger marriages and families.