In preparing for their annual reverse New Year's Eve party at the Omaha Bugle in which the consumption of champagne begins three days before the ball drops in Times Square and ends exactly at midnight on New Year's Eve with a traditional stomach pumping at the local hospital, Adam and Jeff consider the boasts of the Chinese Communist Party that it will soon bury the United States based upon China's long-term double-digit economic growth rate.  They point out that China, which has enjoyed an average 10 percent annual growth rate in GDP for more than three decades, has stumbled in recent years with its published growth rate barely above 2 to 3 percent per year.  Leaving aside whether these government statistics are even accurate, Jeff criticizes the so-called "declinists" who have almost gleefully projected that China's GDP would continue to grow at double digit-rates for the foreseeable future, thus setting it up to displace the United States as (to use the language embedded in today's political science scholarly literature) the "numero uno bandito" in the global economic system.  He characterizes the analysis of the declinists--who are among the most dour people you could ever meet--as being inadequate at best because their projections are nothng more than straight-lines extending outward for decades.  Unfortunately, the declinists (who would make misery expert Robert Malthus, by comparison, appear as enthusiastic as  a cruise ship activities director) fail to take into account the fact that the Chinese population is projected to drop by at least half and perhaps as much as two-thirds by the end of the century--thus cutting severely both the number of workers available to produce all of this stuff and the number of consumers able to buy all of this stuff.  In short, these projections are delusional fantasies and China's economy will likely contract severely over the next several decades because there will not be enough people around to buy all the goods that it would need to make in order to overtake the economy of the United States.  

Having both dug themselves out of various piles of consumer debt over the years,  credit experts Adam and Jeff turn their attention to the massive $97 trillion in debt weighing down the global economy.  Adam points out that even though the United States has 1/3 of the world's debt totaling $33 trillion, it has accumulated most of this debt over the past four decades.  Jeff believes that our policymakers are suffering from "dissonance" in that they cannot comprehend the scope of the debt burdening the country and so they are unable  to do anything to rein it in.  Jeff's alternative theory is that those very same policymakers are utter morons who do not seem to care when this spiraling debt loop is going to end.  Adam points out that the world's top three economies--the United States, China and Japan--are collectively responsible for nearly two-thirds of all global debt whereas there are many economic powerhouses such as Peru and Denmark that have no debt at all (even though Denmark makes very tasty sugar cookies in bullet proof tins).  Jeff believes that the United States blew a golden opportunity to pay down its debt during the previous decade when financing costs were near zero percent.  Unfortunately, our overlords saw the low interest rates as a wonderful opportunity to shift the government printing presses into a higher gear.  The fact that the U.S. dollar is the global reserve currency has given the United States an unlimited checkbook whereby it can spend itself into oblivion.  Indeed, the annual debt service of the U.S. debt is projected to exceed $1 trillion per year by 2030--an amount that exceeds even the value of Jeff's private collection of  tasteful oil paintings featuring nude portraits on black velvet backgrounds.

Adam and Jeff marvel about  how a Georgia jury managed to come up with a $148 million defamation verdict against Rudy Giuliani for exercising his right of free speech because the jury employed an innovative method of piling on duplicative damage awards over and over again in order to show that they do not like him very much.  Jeff wants to hire that jury to sit in on the numerous defamation suits that he and Adam are typically subjected to on an ongoing basis.  In  turning to the  Ukraine War, Jeff wonders  if the goal of policy makers is merely to bleed Russia to death, as opposed to trying to secure a victory that drives Russian forces out of Ukraine for good. They also wonder about how much longer our own hollowed out defense industries can continue to supply the Ukrainian military with arms.  Adam and Jeff also offer an update on the exploding popularity of the newly chartered Omaha Bugle National  Bank & Trust, which is paying people not to bank with the bank in order to further augment the bottom line and build a bank that is too big to fail in record time. This popularity is also been aided by the fact that the Bank of Lithuania handles all check processing matters for depositor at the OBNB&T which means that it can take months for the checks to clear, thus enabling depositors to live a lavish lifestyle for months on end until their checks are finally processed.

Although the Nobel Committee once again inadvertently omitted them from the list of candidates for the Nobel Prize in Economics, Adam and Jeff persevere in their efforts to educate and entertain the general public about all things financial.  They consider the inflation that has been experienced by the United States over the past two years.  They also discuss how all administrations try to spin any news about rising prices in the most positive way for their own political purposes.  Adam cannot understand how the Consumer Price Index (CPI) can only be 4.1% as proclaimed by the Biden Administration's lackeys when nearly every component of CPI has doubled, tripled or even quadrupled in the past two years.  Adam and Jeff note that inflation can be eliminated immediately if one drops such things as food, rent and utilities from the CPI and instead substitutes items that have not changed greatly in value such as construction sand and brussel sprouts.   Adam complains about recent increases in his home electricity bill but Jeff points out that Adam is probably receiving premium electricity and not low-grade ethanol electricity as one possible explanation.  They also consider a recent article by David Stockman which claims that the purchasing power of the dollar has fallen by 45% since the year 2000 due to the printing of money; a phenomenon that is reflected in exploding prices for everything from housing to cars to the food that tastes good (but not brussel sprouts). 

Noted non-banking experts Adam and Jeff continue describing the steps they will take to build up a bank that is too big to fail.  They regard their lack of banking experience as a solid plus and believe that through innovative contrarian actions, they can build up a bank that will be so huge that the federal government will be too terrified to let it go under in the next economic downturn lest it pull down the entire banking system.  New programs designed to fatten the bottom line include a never ending debit card that enables customers to avoid the unfortunate stigma that can occur when they are standing in line at Walmart and are unable to get their debit cards to work.  Another innovative program is one in which the bank pays its customers $25 for each bounced check.  The bank also offers a revolutionary "lifestyle enhancement" program due to it having hired the Bank of Lithuania to process each of its customer's checks by hand, resulting in a delay in presentment of the checks that can go on for months or even years.  This nearly endless float enables those with even the most modest of incomes to live like kings because their checks--regardless of the amounts--will not be presented for payment for a very long time.  Jeff also describes the highly successful program in which numerous advertisers have paid a premium so that they will not be mentioned in any way on the Omaha Bugle Global News Network.  This has inspired the even more ambitious program of paying people not to bank with the OBNBT which is only serving to compound the extraordinary rate of growth that the bank is now experiencing.  Jeff and Adam are somewhat concerned that their lack of experience running banks into the ground will put them at a disadvantage relative to the hotshots that have managed to run the country's largest banks into the ground over and over again but they view themselves as quick learners and expect to enjoy great success in their new banking endeavor.

Adam and Jeff talk about the views on inflation espoused by their pretend friend, David Stockman, the budget director for the Reagan Administration.  Like the brain trust of the Omaha Bugle, Stockman is not particularly enthusiastic about the way in which "Bidenomics" has caused inflation to spike throughout the economy, pushing prices up on almost everything at a rate not seen since the  late 1970s.  Adam and Jeff are also puzzled how the official CPI rate as announced by Biden's Press Secretary, Karine Jean-Pierre, has remained at 4.1% when nearly every component of the CPI has doubled, tripled or even quadrupled since that triumphant day on which Joe Biden was wheeled into office.  Jeff points out that the CPI depends on the types of constituent goods in the index as well as the time period being considered and can, of course, be easily manipulated by government minions who are always trying to paint even the most failed economic policies in a bright shining light.  Jeff and Adam agree that the CPI can be reconstituted to show virtually no inflation overnight by dumping such luxury items as food, rent, and utility costs and substituting in their place other essential items such as steel bars and playground sand.  Although they acknowledge that it is difficult to live on playground sand, one can always buy some seeds and make a nice vegetable garden.  The bigger issue, of course, is that inflation is always the result of too much money chasing too few goods:  Stockman points out that the purchasing power of the dollar has declined 45% since 2000 due to an average annual increase of 13%+  in the money supply over the past two decades.  Unfortunately, no one in the Washington bubble seems to understand that massive inflation is bad and ultimately harms the most vulnerable members of society including those broadcasters at the Omaha Bugle would would like to make friends with David Stockman.

The Omaha Bugle's senior correspondents, Jeff and Adam, announce that the Omaha Bugle Global News Network is establishing a new kind of bank that will ultimately take a very unorthodox path to grow very big very quickly and thus become "too big to fail."  Once the Omaha Bugle National Bank & Trust or OBNBT (pronounced ob . neb . ta) opens its doors, it will offer CD and savings accounts rates that are far above its competitors while throwing in gifts to new depositors such as toasters, flat screen TVs, and thirsty cotton robes monogrammed with "OBNBT", making it that perfect Valentine's Day gift.  As the goal is to build the bank to a collossal size in a very brief time and thus ensure that it will be subsidized by the federal government forever, the OBNBT will also seek to acquire other banks--but only those banks that are spiraling into bankruptcy.  As such, the OBNBT will be a contrarian financial institution with the goal of becoming the black hole of the American financial system and thus so important that the government will never let it go out of business but instead subsidize it to the tune of billions and billions of dollars.  For example, Adam points out that the bank will utilize "blue-lining", an innovative technique whereby blue lines are drawn on maps around communities that boast well-to-do-consumers who are likely to pay their loans back.  However, the bank will avoid those areas like the plague and seek borrowers who are not interested in making monthly payments at all but who consider loan defaults to be a badge of honor.  Moreover, Adam states that borrowers will be evaluated based upon a proprietary inverse credit score standard; the lower the score, the better your chance for approval.  Because many banks have failed with career bankers at the helm, Adam and Jeff, who have absolutely no banking experience at all, will guide the fortunes of the OBNBT but will make sure that they get their performance bonuses paid in cash (not bank stock) ahead of time--just in case things go sideways with the Department of Justice and the FBI.

Noted experts about everything, Jeff and Adam, consider the factors that caused several would-be challengers to America's global preeminence to ultimately fail.  The Soviet Union in the 1950s and 1960s, Japan in the 1980s and 1990s, and China in the 2000s and 2010s, all burst onto the scene with supercharged economic growth rates coupled with increasing populations.  From there, it was only a matter of time before the "declinists" (the Debby Downers of the American political and media establishment) decided that they could extrapolate the growth rates of each of these prospective rivals out 20 or 30 or even 40 years to conclude that the American economy would be lapped by two or three times and ultimately sink to the status of a second-tier power. Unfortunately, the real world, as Adam and Jeff are quick to point out, invariably gets in the way of these neat projections and the ambitions of the newest bully on the block (most recently, China) invariably run aground.  Jeff points out that you can project any country's growth rate out to infinity so that even tiny tourist hotspots such as Liechtenstein could eventually overtake the United States's economy if it continued to grow at a faster rate for enough centuries.  

The Omaha Bugle continues its efforts to carry the torch of Western civilization by sitting down with retired Brigadier General Chris Eddy, who is running for Congress against incumbent Debbie Wasserman Schultz--well known for her innovative hair styles and her inability to keep up with her laptop.  Chris states that he is running on a fiscal responsibility plank because the growing national debt is now increasing by nearly $2 trillion per year.  Chris believes that the biggest issues are the lack of leadership and trust in government which stems from the inept mismanagement of the economy by our Washington D.C., overlords.  Jeff asks Chris about how we can get more weapons for the same dollars and rebuild our Navy before it gets eclipsed by the principality of Liechtenstein.  They also talk about the fact that the massive shipments of weapons to Ukraine have left American weapon stocks dangerously low--which President Joe Biden was happy to point out to all of our potential adversaries.  Chris also criticizes costly open-ended government mandates such as unrealistic appliance efficiency ratings which are little more than blatant power grabs by all-knowing, heavily-credentialed federal bureaucrats.  Because the interest on the federal debt is now threatening to exceed the annual defense budget, Chris believes that the United States must get its fiscal house in order if it hopes to continue being able to project power across the globe.  Otherwise, it will soon find itself unable to respond to the aggressive actions of nasty adversaries such as China and Russia.  Chris also politely declines Jeff's request to be made emperor of Florida if Chris gets elected to Congress--which probably means that Chris will not be visiting the studios of the Omaha Bugle anytime soon.

In the hopes of saving the United States from the clutches of the highly-degreed overlords who know very little about actual governance and appear to be completely devoid of common sense, Adam offers additional policy positions for his benevolent dictatorship.  In short, Adam explains how he would end our dependence on foreign oil, pursue a foreign policy that avoids costly nation-building in places where nations do not exist, modernize our national infrastructure, and limit graft and corruption in government to a few of his closest advisors.  Jeff points out that if Adam is inclined to dole out a few states to his allies, then Jeff would like to have either Montana or Wyoming since those are the states the house America's land-based ICBMs.  That way, Jeff can deal with any problems created by those ornery Canadians before they become unmanageable.