I'm a naturally growth-oriented person... however, I often find myself changing or "fixing" things that others think are a problem. What happens when I reorient to what's actually important to me?   The self-help industry will happily sell us solutions, whether or not the problem was actually bothering us before we heard about it.   Many of us feel like we're struggling alone. But not only are most people silently struggling, many neurodivergent folks feel that they're uniquely broken. It's such a common experience!   It's totally fine to choose to change something about your life. However, it can be helpful to check in with yourself to make sure it's really what you want.   The questions I offered around choosing to change something (and especially purchasing a self-help product): Is this actually causing me any harm? Is it harming anyone at all? If yes, is that harm actually meaningful, or am I mostly being harmed by the shame around it? If I changed this about myself, what might "better" look like? Is that definition or desire coming from me, or suggestions outside of myself? Is paying attention to this popular "problem" keeping my attention away from anything deeply important to me? If I didn't put time, attention, or money into this, what might I want to do instead? If I never changed again, would I (still) love and accept myself?   Here are the messages I need to hear: It's okay to take breaks from personal growth. It's okay to give up on changing things about yourself just because they might make other people more comfortable. It's okay to focus on what your body and mind actually want and need, whether or not those line up with messaging from people around you. I bet you're actually doing a great job with the circumstances you've been given. Even if you never change or fix another thing, I love and accept you.   Cross-posted from the AuDHD Flourishing podcast

Pasha Marlowe speaks brilliantly about how to navigate trauma in relationships as an AuDHD person.   Making it concrete, we both talk about a recent meltdown with our respective partners, and how we navigated those during and after.   This is a deeply un-shaming episode—we still struggle with relational trauma despite all the "work" we've done. It's okay to have a lot of needs in relationships. And we talk about how hard it can be to figure out what those are and communicate them effectively.   If your neurodivergent relationship needs extra support, Pasha is one of the rare practitioners who's ND, trained in family therapy, and works with couples!   Episode originally posted on the AuDHD Flourishing podcast.   Resources mentioned: Pasha's website Neuroqueering podcast and Mattia's guest episode @neuroqueercoach on TikTok @neuroqueercoach on Instagram Neuroqueer Heresies book

Nat Smith is a vulnerability coach, playwright, and connection witch. They're also my sibling, so you'll hear stories about our childhood. Nat has known they're ADHD for years, and only recently has been exploring the label autistic. One reason it's been a slow realization: they don't experience it as a disorder and don't need a lot of external support day-to-day. Because of that experience, we also touch on the "levels" of autism currently being given in diagnosis. Many Level 1 folks are never diagnosed. And while I would probably be labeled Level 1, I'm actually more Level 2... I've just managed to have family and partners meet my daily needs. Nat's perspective is incredibly helpful for anyone who wonders what autism looks like when it's NOT an obviously disabling condition. This is where the word "Neurotype" is so useful! Disclaimer:  And I would hope it goes without saying... every autistic person is different and has their own experience! Many if not most autistic people (and especially those who receive an official diagnosis) do experience autism as a disability for many reasons. Nat's experience does not at all detract from that! AND I feel it's important for more autistic people to be "out," even if they have a less common presentation.    Originally recorded for the AuDHD Flourishing podcast.   Resources: Nat mentioned Devon Price's book Laziness Does Not Exist and the article of the same name. Nat's Substack newsletter/articles Nat's Facebook AuDHD Flourishing newsletter

The idea of "potential" has been weaponized against neurodivergent and disabled kids. Today I dig into why I hate the concept of potential as it's currently used, what I propose we talk about instead, and many personal details of my own journey toward feeling like I'm enough. Feeling a deep sense of enough-ness has totally changed my life. And while we all reach that in different ways, neurodivergent community has absolutely been a part of my healing journey.   Love Your Brain July-Nov 2023 cohort (official last day to apply is Thurs June 29th... but also I understand the ADHD brain and we have a few days of leeway as the first group call is the week of July 7th)

Cross-posted from the AuDHD Flourishing podcast.    What are you proud of? It doesn't negate any of our challenges, but it was fun to focus on what I love about my brain for a whole episode.   If you'd like to learn more about Love Your Brain, here 'tis!

Cross-posted from the new AuDHD Flourishing podcast!   AuDHD women are often misdiagnosed, but Kristen's list is ridiculous and includes the word "histrionic" (which I didn't know you could even get in this century)! Her goal was always to build an awesome life instead of just being a compliant patient.   And thank goodness, because now she's out here teaching people how to give fewer fucks, raising a family, and making awesome content all over the internet.   Find Kristen at https://kristenking.com/   Love Your Brain is enrolling for July (and is 20% full as of posting this episode)

Thomas Henley makes amazing autistic content that educates, normalizes, and actively pushes back against stereotypes and stigma. This includes his podcast, Thoughty Auti - The Autism Podcast, on which I was recently a guest talking about AuDHD.  Thomas has made multiple decisions in his life to combat stereotypes, including months of backpacking, and becoming a world-class martial artist, both of which he talks about today.  We also touch on what some of the lingering stereotypes are! I highly recommend the autistic-affirming spaces Thomas has created around his content, which you can find at: Thoughty Auti - The Autism Podcast @thomashenleyUK on Instagram & TikTok Website: thomashenley.co.uk

Finally, an autistic therapist on the podcast! Danielle Aubin, LCSW, works with neurodivergent clients and has expertise in trauma.  We talk about why trauma is such a big deal for ND clients. And the title of the episode comes from Danielle's amazing take on why having safe therapy is especially important for ND people, and what that looks like.  If you're neurodivergent and in or thinking about therapy, this episode is for you!   Danielle's website Danielle's TikTok @myautistictherapist Danielle's Instagram @presenceperinatal Find a neurodivergent therapist in your state at ndtherapists.com

Bodies often hold subtle tension because our system is checking for cues of safety 3-4 times per second. "Orienting to safety" is a tiny, easy practice you can modify to your circumstances in order to tell the brain that it's relatively safe right now.  Doing this regularly over time has a cumulative effect. This episode brought to you by two people in two days telling me how helpful this practice has been to them! (In short, you look all around you, including checking exits, looking below/above/behind to tell your instinct-brain that there are no tigers here)   Learn more about how emotions are shorthand to get the body to take action in Episode 9, Feelings: Why??   Connect with Lilia for the June 8th Expressive Arts workshop, or to hear about future ones by messaging them on Instagram @flying_umbrella_studios

Unfortunately, we can't simply put in the "correct" input and get what we want out of our body. Bodies are complex systems.  And if you're disabled, your body may feel more like a slot machine!