This Complex Life

In today’s episode, I chat with Shannon Molloy, a journalist and author whose latest book, You Made Me This Way, delves into the impact of childhood trauma and the resilience needed to overcome it. I'm excited by this guest because Shannon's insights into trauma and resilience are both profound and relatable. I like his book because it provides a raw and courageous exploration of personal and societal issues, making this conversation both enlightening and inspiring. This episode covers a deeply moving topic that's often hidden behind closed doors and only shared with a therapist or a trusted loved one. By sharing Shannon's story, I'm hoping to destigmatise this often taboo and difficult subject.In this episode, we discussShannon explains how storytelling can humanise and address difficult topics. He believes that "when you put humanity back into a topic like child sexual abuse or mental health, you bring the community along with you, and that's when you can affect real change."Shannon shares his journey in confronting and writing about his trauma. He candidly discusses the challenges he faced and the realisation that he is not alone in his struggles. "The suppression of it, I mean, and then, you know, the more I spoke to him, the more I looked into the topic, the more I realised that I'm not unique."Shannon highlights the injustices faced by men who carry the burden of untold stories. "There’s a real injustice in that, and I don’t think it’s an accident that, this is the way things are. It enraged me that there’s a not insignificant number of men walking around with this enormous burden on their shoulders, and they, for so many reasons, feel like they can never tell anyone."Quotes- "You're not broken. You're not a deviant or in some way defective. This is a scientific reaction to the most unspeakable hurt inflicted on you as a child. This isn't your fault." - Shannon Molloy- "There’s a real injustice in that, and I don’t think it’s an accident that that is the way things are. It enraged me that there’s a not insignificant number of men walking around with this enormous burden on their shoulders, and they, for so many reasons, feel like they can never tell anyone." - Shannon MolloyAbout Shannon MolloyShannon Molloy is an award-winning journalist and author with more than fifteen years' experience working for major media outlets spanning print, digital and publishing. He began his career at Fairfax in Brisbane as an award-winning news reporter and has since covered property, business, entertainment and human interest. He spent seven years working for News Corp as an entertainment reporter and feature writer, then as News Editor of news.com.au. He is currently the News Editor at realestate.com.au.Shannon was the 2020 recipient of Journalist of the Year at the Mumbrella Publish Awards. His debut book, Fourteen, a memoir about growing up gay in regional Queensland, is a critically acclaimed bestseller that was turned into a sell-out hit stage production and is now being adapted for the screen.Shannon also contributes to various charity organisations and founded the annual Clare Atkinson Memorial Scholarship for journalism at The University of Queensland.Resources Mentioned  📖 You Made Me This Way by Shannon Molloy ✉️ https://www.shannonmolloy.com.au/ Information for support services related to childhood trauma and sexual abuseLifeline AustraliaWebsite: www.lifeline.org.auPhone: 13 11...

Navigating Conflict and Embracing VulnerabilityIn this special Mens Health Month episode, I’m joined by John Flanagan, an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and certified Gottman therapist. Today, we’re focusing on important aspects of men's mental health.We break down myths about men and emotional expression, explore the importance of creating supportive environments, and share practical advice on how to talk about feelings. We also explore how conflict can strengthen relationships and why validation is key to effective communication.Key PointsDebunking Myths about Men’s EmotionsJohn challenges the idea that men struggle to talk about their feelings: "I think men are very capable of engaging in conversations about what's going on in their world and inside them. It's not about a genetic flaw; it's about creating environments that encourage such conversations."Creating Supportive EnvironmentsWe discuss how to foster spaces that encourage men to share their emotions and feel safe doing so.The Role of ValidationUnderstanding how to validate someone’s feelings without agreeing with them: "You can validate and be connected or be right and be alone. Validation is about acknowledging the person's experience."Conflict as a ToolDiscover how conflict can help you understand your partner better and strengthen your relationship.Practical AdviceGet actionable tips on fostering better communication and emotional expression, including the use of open-ended questions and creating safe spaces for emotional conversations.Repairing RelationshipsLearn why making repairs after conflicts is crucial and how to do it effectively.Community SupportExplore ways to find support in your community, even outside of therapy.Featured Quotes"I think men are very capable of engaging in conversations about what's going on in their world and inside them. It's not about a genetic flaw; it's about creating environments that encourage such conversations."John  Flanagan"You can validate and be connected or be right and be alone. Validation is about acknowledging the person's experience."About your guest John has an extensive history working with and supporting individuals and couples since completing his Bachelor of Social Work in 1988 and later a Masters in Gestalt Therapy and certification in Gottman Couples Therapy.John is one of the first two Certified Gottman Couple Therapists in Australia - and only two Australians to hold the title of Certified Gottman Couple Therapist, Advanced Clinical Trainer and Consultant. Not only does John provide the accredited training for all of the Gottman Levels in Australia, he also facilitates many other trainings to professionals, key note speaking to groups as well as being a co author of '365 Simple Ideas to Improve your Relationship'John regularly has clients seek his services from all around the world.ResourcesGottman card deck app - on smartphoneBooks 7 principles to make marriage work by John Gottman8 Dates bookJohn Gottman, PhD and Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD. Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams, MDCome as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life  Emily NagoskiFight Right How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman and Dr. John Gottman...

In this episode of This Complex Life, I chat with Simon Rinne, a lived experience therapist who specialises in men's mental health. Simon shares his personal story with obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, anxiety, and burnout, offering a unique perspective on the challenges men face when dealing with mental health issues. Simon and I explore how depression differs between men and women, societal and cultural factors, and the importance of supportive environments.Key Topics Discussed:1. Simon's personal journey with mental health and his passion for helping others.2. Differences in how depression manifests in men and women.3. Societal and cultural influences on men's mental health.4. Common signs and symptoms of depression in men.5. Barriers men face in seeking help and how to encourage them to seek support.6. The impact of depression on daily life, relationships, and family dynamics.7. Practical strategies for couples to support each other through mental health challenges.1.      Simon on societal expectations for men:         - "Thinking back to those days, the keywords that come up for me, particularly for guys, is the suck it up, you know, culture in Australia."2.      Simon on the role of anger in men's depression:        - "Anger is the one that comes to mind and, you know, whether it's family, domestic violence, or it's just, they just feel angry with the world. Maybe they're having workplace issues or relationship issues and anger is, is, is the culturally accepted way that guys know how to deal with this stuff."3.      Simon on the importance of finding the right therapist:        - "Whenever I speak to someone, I say interview your therapist or do some research on your therapist before you go in there. Because if you go in there, oh, there's a psychologist, or they're a mental health social worker or counsellor, whoever, and they're not interested in male depression, why are you in there?"Follow Simon Rinne:- Website: https://mindful-men.com.au)- Mindful Men Podcast: Available on all major podcast platforms.Get the full show notes and transcript here Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

If you've ever wondered about the real reasons behind addiction or how to navigate social pressures around alcohol, this episode is for you. In this episode, I chat with Tara Herster, a psychologist specialising in addiction and substance use. Tara breaks down common myths about addiction and offers practical strategies for managing substance use, dealing with social pressures, and exploring sober dating. Her insights challenge the traditional views on addiction and provide a fresh perspective on coping mechanisms and building authentic connections without relying on substances.In This Episode, We Discuss:Understanding Addiction Beyond the MythsAddiction isn't about weakness or moral failure; it's often a coping mechanism.Tara's path from high school to addiction specialist.Addiction Isn't a DiseaseAddiction as a learned behaviour for dealing with stress.Tara's experiences in an inpatient psychiatric hospital.Practical Strategies for Managing Substance UseThe HALT method: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (plus Hydrated and Health).“Anytime we are engaging in something that we don’t necessarily want to do though we just find ourselves doing it in a mindless way it’s because of HALT.”Navigating Social Pressures Around AlcoholStrategies for handling social pressures.“I appreciate, I’m just not drinking today,” or “I’ve got antibiotics.”Sober Dating: Building Authentic ConnectionsTips for dating without alcohol.The FRIES acronym: Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.“You attract what you put out,” and “Building connections without substances can lead to more authentic relationships.”The Sober Curious MovementExploring life without alcohol.The trend among younger generations.Quotes from the Episode:Tara Hurster:“Anytime we are engaging in something that we don’t necessarily want to do though we just find ourselves doing it in a mindless way it’s because of HALT.”“Addiction is not an illness. It's not a weakness. It's not a disease. It is something that people have learned how to most effectively and most efficiently solve the problem of their experience.”Resources Mentioned:Alcohol and Drug Information Service: 1800 250 015, ADIS WebsiteConnect with Tara Hurster:Website: Tara ClinicInstagram: @taraHursterIf you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share it with your friends. Don't forget to subscribe for more insightful conversations on This Complex Life.Get the full transcript here Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

In this episode, I address a heartfelt question from a listener, a 62-year-old father who feels disconnected from his teenage daughters. He is eager to understand their changing interests and how to maintain a meaningful relationship despite feeling sidelined. I provide insights into adolescent development, effective communication strategies without emotional pressure, and the importance of evolving from a managerial to a consultant role in parenting.Themes:Adolescent Development: Understanding the normal shifts in behaviour and interests as teenagers seek independence and form their own identities.Effective Communication: Strategies for engaging teenagers in a way that fosters connection rather than conflict, including the use of open-ended questions and avoiding criticism.Parental Role Adaptation: Transitioning from manager to consultantKey Takeaways:Understanding Adolescence: It's normal for teenagers to seek more peer interaction and explore personal interests as part of their development.Communication Techniques: Utilising less critical and more curious approaches can help maintain a connection with teenage children.Role Adjustment: Parents can adapt their roles and approaches as their children grow, moving towards a consultative role that respects the child's growing autonomy."As parents, your job shifts from being a manager to a consultant as your child grows." — Marie"Effective communication is about curiosity, not criticism." — MarieSIGN up for Connected Teenshttps://marievakakis.com.au/courses/connected-teens/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

In this episode of "This Complex Life," I speak with Dr Lucy, We delve into the profound relationship between our mindset, eating habits, and overall well-being. Dr. Lucy, a dedicated medical practitioner and co-founder of Real Life Medicine, sheds light on the importance of understanding the psychology behind our eating patterns and moving beyond diet-centric approaches to foster a life filled with joy, energy, and health.Whether you're struggling with diet culture, seeking sustainable health solutions, or curious about the psychological aspects of eating, this conversation might be just what you needThemes:The Psychology of Eating: Exploring the impact of mindset on our eating habits and how societal pressures and diet culture contribute to our food choices.Beyond Dieting: A discussion on why focusing solely on weight loss is not the answer and how Real Life Medicine approaches health and well-being.Empowerment Through Knowledge: Understanding the role of processed foods, stress, and emotional well-being in our health journey.Key Takeaways:Mindset Matters: Our psychological state plays a significant role in our eating habits, influencing both our food choices and our relationship with food.The Fallacy of Diet Culture: Dr. Lucy highlights the limitations of dieting and the importance of focusing on overall health rather than just weight loss.Navigating Stress and Emotions: The conversation uncovers practical strategies for managing stress and emotional triggers that affect our eating patterns.Featured Quotes:"When you understand why you eat, that's the biggest piece of the puzzle." – Dr. Lucy"Processed food steals the joy of real food." – Dr. Lucy"Eating is not a team sport; it's an individual pursuit." – Dr. LucyAbout your guestDr Lucy is passionate about health. She helps women who have tried every diet under the sun optimise their health and achieve long lasting weight loss by improving metabolism and managing mindset so they can reduce the effects of chronic disease, have more energy and confidence and stop living life on the sidelines.She was an “expert dieter” and an “expert emotional eater”. She developed obesity, fatty liver and pre-diabetes. As a medical doctor, this was mortifying.  She has completely abandoned traditional dieting and embraces a real food lifestyle.Dr Lucy is a medical doctor, a lifestyle medicine physician, and is trained in many facets of psychological medicine including hypnotherapy.She runs online holistic health and weight programs with her colleague Dr Mary Barson. They have now helped thousands of women reclaim their health. They are both very real and relatable and embody their company name - Real Life MedicineRead the full transcript hereMentioned Links and Resources:Website https://www.rlmedicine.com/ The 12 week Mind Body Rebalancejoin the  wait listhttps://www.rlmedicine.com/12WMBR Free Ebook Weight Loss is all about Hormoneshttps://www.rlmedicine.com/weightloss-ebookFacebook https://www.facebook.com/reallifemedicineInstagram...

In this episode, I address a listener's question on how to support a daughter through the trauma of sexual assault with sensitivity and without adding to her burden. Themes:Responding to Sexual Assault: Understanding the significance of a supportive response and how it can influence a survivor's recovery journey.Practical Tips for Support: I discuss tangible steps and strategies for supporting survivors, emphasising autonomy, safe spaces, and the importance of consent even in familial interactions.Navigating the Healing Process: Insights into the healing journey, acknowledging the uniqueness of each survivor's experience and the importance of patience and personal care in recovery.Key Takeaways:Believe and Support: The paramount importance of believing the survivor and offering unconditional support, understanding, and empathy.Empowering Autonomy: Strategies to empower survivors by offering choices and respecting their autonomy in the healing process.Self-care for Supporters: The necessity for supporters to seek their own support, recognising the impact of secondary trauma and ensuring they are well-equipped to provide sustained assistance.Featured Quotes:"Your support is crucial, and you can support them by believing them, being a good listener, and never blaming them." – Marie Vakakis"Approach with care and allow as much autonomy and choice as you can." – Marie Vakakis"Listen actively and with empathy, allowing her to express thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment." – Marie VakakisMentioned Links and Resources:1-800-RESPECT: A national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service for Australians.https://aifs.gov.au/resources/resource-sheets/mandatory-reporting-child-abuse-and-neglecthttps://fullstop.org.au/get-help/our-servicesThe Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

In today’s episode, I dive deep into the heart of self-growth and relationships with the return of esteemed guest, Dr. Jenny Brown. Join us as we explore her work on emotional maturity, based on her book, "Growing Yourself Up. How to Bring Your Best to All of Life's Relationships"Together, we uncover the nuanced ways our personal development influences and is influenced by our relationships. Dr. Brown shares enlightening insights into achieving autonomy while fostering meaningful connections, grounding her discussion in both personal experiences and Bowen Family Systems Theory. This conversation is a must-listen for anyone seeking to navigate the complexities of self and relationships with grace and wisdom.Themes:Self-Growth and Relationships: We delve into the symbiotic relationship between individual growth and our interactions with others, shedding light on the crucial role of self-awareness.Bowen Family Systems Theory: Dr. Brown demystifies this theory, making it accessible and highlighting its significance across the various stages of adult life.Navigating Autonomy and Connection: A closer look at finding balance between independence and relational ties, and the continuous journey towards maturity.Key Takeaways:The Journey of Self-Reflection: Understanding our impact within relationships is key to our personal and relational growth.Lifelong Maturity: Dr. Brown reminds us that maturity is not a destination but a journey, offering growth opportunities at every life stage.Strategies for Family Dynamics: Practical advice on maintaining one’s self in the midst of family pressures, particularly during festive seasons.Mentioned Links and Resources:Growing Yourself Up by Dr. Jenny Brown – A key resource for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of themselves and their relationships through the lens of family systems theory.Past interview with Dr Jenny Brown - Episode 78 https://marievakakis.com.au/building-stronger-parent-child-relationships-a-conversation-with-jenny-brown/ About your guest Jenny BrownDr Jenny Brown has been working in the field of child and family mental health and family therapy since the 1980’s. She has been a trainer and supervisor in the field in Australia and internationally for over 20 years. Jenny is Emeritus Executive Director of the Family Systems Institute Sydney, which she co-founded in 2004. She currently directs the Family Systems Practice and the Parent Hope Project (manualized interventions in child mental health). She is a clinical member and supervisor for the Australian Association of Family Therapy and, in 2018, received the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy award for distinguished contribution to family therapy in Australia. In 2022 she received the annual research award from Bowen Centre for the Study of the Family in Washington DC.Connect with Jennyparenthopeproject.com.au; thefsi.com.auThe Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

In today's episode, the tables have turned as Jodi Green interviews me, discussing some of the differences between coaching and therapy.Key Insights:Coaching vs. Therapy: We discuss the distinctions between coaching and therapy in supporting folk with ADHD. We explore the differences and similaritiesImpact on Relationships: Addressing the ripple effects of ADHD on personal connections. From executive functioning challenges to time blindness and rejection sensitivity, we explore how these factors can influence the dynamics of relationships.Trial and Error in Therapy: Embracing the journey of self-discovery and experimentation. Highlighting the importance of building trust, recognising individual needs, and fostering a supportive environment for clients to voice their preferences.About your guestJodi Green''I believe in people with ADHD. I am here to be your coach and cheerleader as you find the sweet spot in your life, with ADHD in the mix. I am a certified ADHD Life Coach, and over the last 6 years I've helped hundreds of people living with ADHD. Personal and professional experience mean I know it's not easy, but I think I've figured out the perfect mix of support and coaching (IMHO!). If you are willing to believe in yourself, and want a partner to walk with you along the weekly ups and downs towards your goals, I'm your girl.''https://www.adhd-id.com.au/adhd-coach-melbourne/Connect with Marie The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/