Episode 6 – The Life After Death Podclass – Reframing Regrets Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass I just wish I would have done more for her and told her how much she meant to me. This is what Anna told me about her friend, Sarah. Anna and Sarah knew of each other in High School, but it wasn’t until many years later that they connected on Social media. In 2013, Sarah posted that she was diagnosed breast cancer. Anna reached out and after a few get-togethers they were fast friends. In February of 2019, Sarah learned thatfter six-years in remission, her breast cancer had come back and it only brought Anna and Sarah closer together as friends - despite Sarah living in Florida. By mid-year, Sarah was having trouble breathing. After some tests, her oncologist told her that the cancer had moved to her lungs. After an infection affected Sarah’s lungs and the antibiotics caused more issues, and with Sarah’s mother, brother and Anna in hospital room, the oncology team came in and shut the door. A discussion that was supposed to be about the next medication to treat the virus, instead turned into a discussion about Sarah’s end of life. Anna returned a couple of days later. Sarah was at that place of resolution, and Sarah wanted to talk about it. When Anna was about to leave after this wonderful day with her friend, she said - “I'll see you in a couple of days?” Sarah replied “we’ll see.” But, for the next 4-days, no one outside of the family was allowed to see her. It upset and made Anna Angry that she couldn’t talk with her friend or hold her hand. Late evening on the fourth day, Sarah’s brother texted Anna to let her know that Sarah had slipped away. Regrets and guilt are probably second in line to the sadness that you feel when you lose a loved one. Why is that? Guilt is an emotion that is telling us something specific. It’s telling us that we have to reframe our regrets and guilt and TAKE ACTION. 2 years ago, I was coaching a woman, I'll call her Lynn. And, Lynn told me that she lost her husband 30 years ago. To make matters worse, she still felt like she was on day 1 in terms of her grief. Emotionally, she felt as though she lost her husband just yesterday. I asked Lynn to think about if the situation was reversed. “What if you had passed away Lynn, and your husband was still here? Would you want him to continue to live his life? To be happy? To be guilt-free? Without hesitating, Lynn said, “Oh yes!” If you’ve lost a loved one: • Identify what your guilt is telling you. What are you telling yourself? • Determine what you are going to do about it. What will you be doing differently from now on? • Put the new action into practice right away. How will you remind yourself of this often? If you’re supporting someone else: • Help your friend or family member to reframe their narrative. • Use examples from your own reframing experience to help them see what’s possible. Guilt is such a powerful emotion, we do have the power to change our thoughts about it. We cannot turn the clock back. But, we can move forward and let the guilt go. And that’s ok. Let's continue to walk together. Email: [email protected] Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

Episode 1 – Introduction to The Life After Death Podclass Download PDF companion: https://www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass The loss of a loved one usually comes when you least expect It, and it’s never easy no matter who you are. Those first couple of weeks - they feel like a blur. After losing my daughter Zoi in early 2014 to suicide, I felt like I was in the “blur”. When I Look back on that time, I wish I had some clue of what to expect. I found out pretty quickly that I was woefully unprepared for this. I felt like I had been placed at the edge of a dark abyss without my permission. This was the abyss of grief. I want to share with you how you can lead yourself and others through the first 8-days after loss. Why 8? Life does go on and love never dies – it goes on forever. I’ve dedicated the next 8 episodes in this series to address your early grief journey. In each episode, I’ll share with you some personal stories, the lesson I learned and the tool you can use right away to help you, or others. • Surviving the Shock • The Emotional Roller Coaster • You’re not alone • Choosing to Survive • Reframing Regrets • Asking the Questions • Closing the Gap Between Love and Loss. • What’s Next? When we lose a loved one, it’s important to remember that we don’t have to do this alone. And, if we have the right tools to help us navigate the first few days of a loss, we will have a better chance of getting through the longer grief journey and getting back up. Take notes, teach what you’ve learned here and share this Podclass with others. Let’s walk together. Email: [email protected] Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

Episode 4 – The Life After Death Podclass – You’re not Alone Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass The impact of losing a loved one is so profound, it leaves us feeling like we’re alone in our grief. It may be that The ONE person who you want to talk to about this, or to walk with you through this, may be the one that you’ve lost. And while it may feel like you’re alone, others have been on this journey and can walk with you on yours. A few years ago I attended a men's leadership and storytelling event in Florida. One component of this event is a storytelling session around a campfire in the evening. I was leading one of the campfire circles that night. Each person in the circle told the story that they had been working on all day. When we got back to me, I told my story of losing Zoi. One of our fire pit member David sat with his head down and by the time I got to the end of my story, he was openly crying. Once everybody had left, the workshop leader, Scott, let me know that David lost his stepfather Bill just a few months prior. I went over to David and just sat next to him. I knew the pain he was going through. We started talking and by the time the conversation ended David knew he wasn’t alone any longer. When we lose somebody, our ability to be able to come together and support other people is not only built in, it’s a necessity. So when we do find ourselves in that position of feeling very much alone, what is it that we can do to help us connect with other people that get it? If you’ve lost a loved one, which of these connections do you feel most aligned with? • Family and friends. • A grief counselor or a grief coach. • A grief support group in your local community or online. If you’re supporting someone else: Ask your friend or family member the following questions: • How can I help you right now? • What do you need from me right now? • How are you doing? (ask this often) Everyone needs something different and what may work for you, may not work for others. That’s why it’s good to know your options – to know you’re not alone in this. Let's continue to walk together. Email: [email protected] Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

Episode 9 – The Life After Death Podclass – What’s Next? Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass We can’t change what happened, but we can change what happened next. 9 days after Zoi died, my house emptied out. My friends and family had to get back to their lives. And for the next several weeks, my life felt as fluid as my thoughts. It didn’t take very long to realize that I had no idea what my next steps were, and I felt really unprepared for what lie ahead. I had so many doubts about the future and I was afraid. Any attempt to do normal activities and my energy was drained instantly. I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive this but I believed that was a light on the other side of this darkness. I just didn’t know how to get there. My mindset had to be reframed. I couldn’t change what happened. I could only change what happens next. I was sad and with as heavy as my heart was, this new normal felt like a dream. And, none of it was going to make any sense whatsoever until I moved. I had to take the first step and then committed to the next. 6-years later, I realize that no one could have walked this journey for me. It taught me that others can walk it with me though. We don’t have to traverse the abyss without a plan and a guide to help us through – that’s someone who can prepare us as much as possible for what is up ahead on our journey – both good and bad. Because of my guides, I found a way to get up and live beyond my loss, and I don’t want another person to have to walk their journey of grief alone or without a guide - to help them understand what’s going on now, so they can explore what’s next. If you have lost a loved one, I invite you to find your guide for the next part of your grief journey. Who represents the most relevance in your life right now to help you survive this? And if you’re helping someone who lost a loved one – BE the guide for them. Walk with them, hold space for them, Help find them to find the resources THEY need. Ask them how they are doing in the days, weeks, even months later. It will go a long way with them and they will know you genuinely care. Thank you for listening to this Life after Death Pod class. If this pod class helped you , Please message me and let me know what impacted you the most and share this Pod class with your family, friends and others who need to hear it. You have what you need to get through the first 8-days after your loss. You’re not alone. I get it. I’ve been in the same place you are right now and I know it’s not easy. I’m always updating my website with new, practical resources for navigating grief including my book “A Sherpa Named Zoi. How to walk through grief and live with intention.” You can find the link to my website and my email address in the show notes below. I know this time is very difficult for you. So, let’s stay connected. Message me with more topics that you’d like me to cover and I’ll bring in my team of experts to help you when you need it the most. I’m Eric Hodgdon. I’m not a PhD. I’m a DaD… I’m Zoi’s dad. I’m a guide and I am building a system to help people get up from their sudden setbacks. I know what this journey means to you. imagine being able to lead yourself throught the next 8-weeks of your journey not be led by the grief for months and even years later. So, Let’s continue to walk together. Email: [email protected] Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

Episode 7 – The Life After Death Podclass – Asking the Questions Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass When we lose a loved one, we ask a lot of questions. We focus on Why when it’s important to focus on what. By the time my friend Cory was 11, a few important things had happened in her life. The US NAVY issued orders for her family to move from Meridian, MS to Brunswick, ME and she had already been through 15 of nearly 30 surgeries to repair her bilateral cleft lip and pallet. Cory was always excited about seeing new places, but there always was that one kid.... On one particular spring day there was an opportunity to be outside and so Cory and her younger brother Scooter ran to the basketball court. A boy who was a few years older than Cory, who also lived in Navy housing like them, was standing at the other end of the basketball court with his friends. “Hey! What are you doing Bubble lip? This is my court.” His name was Billy. He called her bubble lip again. In a flash Cory landed on Billy with all 4 feet and beat the snot out of him. After, she got up and ran like hell back home and to her garage, and leaned against the 1958 Ford pickup truck and she doubled over crying. “Dad, I don’t know why they make fun of me. I tell them why I look the way I look, but they just keep making fun of me! It’s just plain mean!” “Well Honey, maybe you’re asking the wrong question.” “What happened?” “What are you going to do about it?” …and honey, you’re my daughter, I love you... What do you need from me?” Well, 10-years later Bud died. My friend Scott who I shared the story about losing his dad, in Episode 2 – Surviving the Shock, is Scooter. When her dad died, Cory was faced again with asking “Why”, or asking “What.” If you’ve lost a loved one: • What happened? I lost my loved one. • What am I going to do about it? • What do I need to do right now to make it to the next hour and the next day? If you’re supporting someone else: • Ask your friend or family member- What do you need from me? • Ask your friend - How are you doing? And, ask often! • Ask with intention! There are a lot of other questions you may be asking right now. Write those down too and know that the answers to a lot of those will come in time. Being resilient doesn’t mean you have it ALL figured out. It means that you’re consistently working on it. The most important question you can ask of yourself in the early days of loss is “What do I need to do right now to make it to the next hour and the next day.” Let's continue to walk together. Email: [email protected] Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

Episode 5 – The Life After Death Podclass – Choosing to Survive Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass Sometimes the hardest part of losing a loved one, isn’t the loss itself, but whether or not we will survive the loss. I was reminded of why survival was so very important very soon after Zoi died. in the many handwritten letters that I received from her hospital friends, it seems that on more than one occasion, Zoi was the first person to come up to them because she could just tell it was their first time at an adolescent unit. She would hug them and say, Hey, I'm Zoi. There's nothing to be afraid of here. it's really not that bad. And by the way, when those counselors aren't looking…. You can draw on the walls. I don't think Zoi fully understood the impact that she had on her new friends at the time, but she clearly helped them to choose to survive. Surviving your loss IS a choice. And, choosing to survive is something you must recommit to - If not daily, then hourly. A couple of weeks after Zoi died, one of her friends came to see me. Her name is Beth and Beth met Zoi through some mutual friends. At that time Beth was struggling with her own survival. She felt like she didn't want to continue on and she was very candid when she told me “You know, I was planning on ending my life too. But, when I heard that Zoi took her life, I realized that I didn't want to take mine any more. Beth was actively choosing to survive. If you’ve lost a loved one: • Every morning, choose to survive. • 5-10 reps of the lower body breathing exercise (Episode 3 – The Emotional Roller Coaster) • Movement – physical movement or move your pen in a journal. • Stay hydrated If you’re supporting someone else: • Show up with intention to be supportive in whatever way your friend or family member needs you. • Ask yourself - What can I do to make them feel safe and supported right now? • Ask yourself – What would I want someone to do for me in this moment? It's been six years since I lost Zoi. I did survive it. but as much as survival is necessary, it should be temporary. You can survive this too. We all can. Let's continue to walk together. Email: [email protected] Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

Episode 2 – The Life After Death Podclass – Surviving the Shock Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass Getting the news that a loved one has died, hits you in a way that is indescribable, but there are ways to navigate the news to not only help you, but also help someone who did just lose a loved one. When I was 19-years old, I was in year 2 of a 2-year degree program at a small college in Northern Maine. My buddy Scott, who’ve I’ve known since the fourth grade, made the decision to come up to the same college that year. We shared an apartment, we even had some of the same classes. A week or so before classes end for the year, the school celebrates “tech day”. This is for all of the students to kind of cut loose and celebrate the hard work that they've been doing all year long. I took off with some friends for the morning. When I came back to campus, I saw Scott walking by himself. I slowed down, rolled down my window and said, “Hey man, what's going on?” Scott didn’t look over, but simply said “I'll talk to you later!” I go back to my apartment and our roommate Ben asked “Hey, did you hear the news?” “what news?” “Scott's dad died.” The news that a loved one has died is going to hit us like a ton of bricks. It is going to bring us to our knees and it’s going to make everything a blur for a while. I call it a blur because it seems like your brain shuts down. You’re trying to comprehend where you are, what's going on, and what to do next. About eight months after Zoi died, I received a phone call on a Saturday from a number I didn't recognize. On the other end was Deb. She’s a good friend of Emma. Emma’s daughter Sarah had shared some time in the hospital with Zoi. Deb was calling to give me some difficult news. One of Emma's other daughter’s had taken her life earlier that day. I was processing a little differently. I didn't shut down. I actually went into a mode of how can I help. Deb relayed that Emma asked if I would be around her a lot through this because of how I dealt with losing Zoi only eight months prior. Despite the news, I knew what it was going to be like in that moment in time. • If you’ve lost a loved one: o What do you need from others right now? • If you’re supporting someone else: o What do you need from me right now? The news of losing a loved one can be devastating, but we can lead ourselves and also make a positive impact early on with those we love and care about. Let's continue to walk together. Email: [email protected] Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

Episode 3 – The Life After Death Podclass – The Emotional Roller Coaster Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass Emotions have helped humans survive for hundreds of thousands of years. And, when we lose a loved one, our emotions can overwhelm us. What if they don’t have to? When I was 34, I lost my job. I was unprepared for the emotions that would come up – not only mine but that of my family. About a year later, my wife told me one summer evening that our marriage was over. When I was 41, a major shift of management at my place of work resulted in many sleepless nights and emotional roller coaster with fear riding in the front seat with me. I decided to leave this position and focus on my kids. When I was 43, my daughter Zoi ended her life. And, just last month, I learned that my dog Bean – my 9-year old basset mix - she was diagnosed with Lymphoma. In the early days of any loss, your emotions are wreaking havoc on your mind, body and spirit. 200,000 years ago, we relied on our emotions to survive. We developed our fight or flight mode. And, that mode exists in us still today. But here’s the good news: Counter to our fight and flight mode, we also have a calm and connect mode that we have access to as well. In those early days of loss, being able to move from the from the fight or flight mode to a sense of calm and connect internally is essential to helping us get through this stressful and very difficult time. And so how do we do move from the chaos to calmness? We do that through breathing. In her book “Breathe” Dr. Belisa Vranich shares how a simple lower body breath can lower stress levels, and we can bring ourselves down emotionally and off the emotional roller coaster. And, she suggests 5 of these lower body breaths to help us do that • First, place your hand on your belly. • As you inhale through your mouth, expand your belly. Feel the air fill your lungs completely. • On the exhale, squeeze your belly to your spine. So, whether you’re going through a loss yourself or you know someone who’s going through a loss, breathing allows you to move from chaos to calm pretty quickly. We don’t have to stay on the emotional roller coaster for very long. As you move through these early days of your loss, a lot of emotions will continue to come up. I promise you that the more you breathe properly, the more likely it is that you will be able to stabilize those ups and downs. Let’s continue to walk together. Email: [email protected] Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

Episode 8 – The Life After Death Podclass – Closing the Gap Between Love and Loss Download PDF companion: www.erichodgdon.com/LADPodclass Loss is loss. It could be a job, a relationship, your retirement, a loved one – even a pet. So, what do we do when the gap is created between love and loss? By August of 2012, I had been living on my own for 7 years after my divorce and I felt it was time to find a 4-legged companion. The moment I saw Betty, I knew she was the dog I wanted to adopt. When I lost Zoi six years ago Bean was probably one of the best things in my life at the time to help me through those early days. Bean showed me that Love is present even in the worst of times. For the last 8 years, Bean has been one of the best dogs I have ever been around. She continues to show me that love exists always. In February of this year I was traveling to Florida for work and, and when I got back home, I picked up Bean from my parent’s house. Later that night while I was scratching her neck I felt bumps that I hadn’t felt before. It got Bean into our vet thought it was most likely lymphoma. When she said that, I went into a blur… It seemed like everything changed with Bean. I started thinking about how I felt after I lost Zoi and the pain just flowed in. I was treating her like the gap between love and loss was already there. For anyone listening to this episode, we’re already in that space of missing our loved one so much. So how do we navigate our way through that? Months before this, I was missing Zoi and having a hard time feeling like there would be a gap if I let Zoi go. A coach, Brenda, gently reminded me that the gap already exists… but then quickly asked me “what it look like when you fill the gap with living your life again?” And, it didn’t take me long to answer that For the sadness with Zoi, that’s all I needed to focus on to change my perspective on it. To focus on filling the gap with love. And It’s exactly what I needed to be reminded of with Bean. Here's the thing: The gap between love and loss is real. Author Steven Pressfield wrote “The opposite of fear is not courage, it’s love.” And I believe that this quote is appropriate for those who are grieving a loss. As much as we feel fear in grief, what pulls us out of the abyss - is reconnecting with love. Not love for things like money, reputation, and our own agenda, but rather love of others and of yourself. Courage is what lights your way through the abyss. If you’ve lost a loved one: • Your path through the abyss is lit with the courage to take each step forward. • Plant the seed of “Better days are ahead” • Remember – Just keep going. If you’re supporting someone else: • Walk with them on their journey • Help them to close their gap by sharing your scars with them. • Lead them in a way that they see love is abundant, even now. Show up! The opposite of fear is not courage, it is love. The courage to keep going right now, when it hurts the most. Let’s continue to walk together. Email: [email protected] Zoi's Story: youtu.be/ihp1_szQlM8 Website: www.erichodgdon.com Instagram: @ericbhodgdon

First responders are faced with many challenges. And at the end of the day they roll up their fire hoses, hang up their utility belts and guns, or park the ambulances and go home. For some, they have a hard time processing what they see and experience. For some, it’s not just a job. And, for the citizens, the second responders, we too may face challenges that require resources to help us process what we experience in traumatic situations. In this episode, Eric and guest Garrett Te Slaa discuss how first responders and second responders can find resources to help process what is experienced. It’s not just our job to help out, it’s a commitment to the communities we serve and are a part of. Don’t miss this episode! Garrett’s contact information: Podcast: www.thesquadroom.net Insta: @thesqudroom Eric’s Information: -Eric's website: www.erichodgdon.com Insta: @ericbhodgdon -Eric's book: A Sherpa Named Zoi - www.erichodgdon.com/Book