One hundred episodes. Two and a half years. This is the moment when we pause and look back, say thank you, and close this chapter that is so dear to our hearts. Amanda and Kyle take a trip down memory lane, pay tribute to guests who came on the show, and share two important letters - one to the person who made this show possible, and one for you: the people who made it real because you showed up, week after week. Much love to each of you. Stay on the journey with Amanda as she pivots to...

We've been crying for days, and we're not done yet. In this penultimate episode, Amanda and Kyle reflect on 2.5 years and nearly 100 episodes of The Cult I Left Behind — what it cost, what it gave back, and what they know now that they didn't when they hit record for the first time. Amanda shares what this show taught her about her own healing, her foundational wounds around family and belonging, and a moment at the dining room table that gave her something she'd waited almost 40 years for. T...

Many of us who were raised to be good little girls are facing some hard realizations these days. This episode is a stark look at the links between cults, high-control religion, and sex trafficking rings, and their impact on girls and women. Amanda grew up inside the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) cult, a high-control religious system where girls were trained to be compliant, deferential, and self-policing. Being “good” meant protecting the system. It meant absorbing harm quietly. I...

We're focusing on our little family this week, but will release back-to-back episodes to make up for the delay. See you in a week! Support the show

Fear lives in the stories we tell ourselves, the categories we cling to, and the way we decide who is safe and who is “other.” In this episode, Amanda and Kyle examine how fear quietly shapes worldviews in cults, families, belief systems, politics, and everyday thinking. Amanda reflects on a question listeners have asked for years: How did your parents end up in a cult? Her answer is simple, but unsettling: fear. Together, Amanda and Kyle explore how fear and high-control systems operate in s...

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We’re often told that exposure leads to change. That once harm is named, brought into the light, or made public, something will finally shift. But that hasn’t been Amanda's experience. In this episode, Amanda and Kyle talk through why exposure alone rarely produces real change and why, in many systems, it actually becomes a substitute for it. They look at how harm can be acknowledged over and over without anything structural changing, how public reaction creates the feeling of accountability ...

In 2024, as public conversations about abuse, grooming, and accountability unfolded again and again, Amanda found herself watching familiar patterns repeat. These patterns felt uncomfortably close to the high-control religious world she thought she had left behind. For Amanda, this was not just cultural commentary. It was personal. In this episode, Amanda and Kyle step away from sensationalism to offer something different: structure. Using the cases of Jeffrey Epstein and Bill Gothard, Amanda...

The holidays come with an expectation of joy. For many people, that expectation can feel impossible. In this quiet, honest conversation, Amanda shares a truth she’s been sitting with for a long time: healing doesn’t automatically make you receptive to happiness or joy. When your nervous system formed in trauma, joy doesn’t arrive on command, and it often can’t depend on other people or outcomes you can’t control. Together, Amanda and Kyle talk about trauma and the weight of holding other pe...

In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into moral scrupulosity OCD and how it has shaped Amanda’s life. She shares openly about the intense anxiety and compulsive behaviors she developed growing up in a high-control religious environment under Bill Gothard’s IBLP cult. These patterns looked like “perfectionism” on the surface but were actually rooted in fear, uncertainty, and shame. Amanda discusses the research connecting high-control religion to obsessive-compulsive symptoms and explai...