The Bialy Pimps
The Bialy Pimps
Johnny B. Truant on Podiobooks.com
Life is good at Bingham's Bagel Deli. The loathed customers are dealt the poor treatment they seem to deserve, bad rap music is played loudly, and The Rat is killed often enough to stem his immortality. And the insane homeless regulars -- like drunken Little Johnny Redbeard -- keep life interesting. But when a rival tricks the crew into thinking that the deli's closure is imminent, they do the only logical thing: instead of giving up, they decide to go out in a blaze of glory, handing their customers the humiliation and abuse that the pesky social contract had previously forbidden. But as insults turn to assaults and snide remarks turn to harassment and pro wrestling moves, a strange thing happens. Business goes up -- way up -- as people come back in droves, begging for more. But the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long, and as pop-culture welcomes the parody musical group "The Bialy Pimps" and its frivolous merchandising machine -- and as the crew pushes to see how much bad behavior society will accept -- the violent road to fame begins to feel like a runaway train, out of control and headed for destruction… The Bialy Pimps is a tale that could only be spun by the twisted, vaguely profane mind of outspoken blogger Johnny B. Truant. Combining hilarity with questions about conformity and whether the tail or the dog is the one doing the wagging, this story can't help but raise a question for the reader: If the rest of your friends decided to submit to the Face-Kicking Machine, would you do it too? ABOUT THE AUTHOR Johnny B. Truant is the author of JohnnyBTruant.com, a popular blog with a fiercely loyal readership that covers entrepreneurship, outside-the-box thinking, and human potential. He is also a regular contributor to premier business blogs Copyblogger and Problogger, the director and MC of the Virtual Ticket program for Blogworld, the world’s preeminent blogging and new media conference, and the creator of The Badass Project, a nonprofit organization dedicated to eliminating excuses and profiling people with disabilities who make most so-called “able-bodied” people look like total wimps.
TheBialyPimps 24
With the deli destroyed and closing, Dicky, escaped, revels in his accomplishment for a while before things turn bad. The fame wheel turns and the crew moves on, but the Anarchist arranges a reunion that is also a tribute. A new venture is begun as time marches inevitably on.
Jun 2, 2012
39 min
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When Dicky's plans go mysteriously awry, the rats sieze their chance and thousands of them begin the Great Rat Uprising. The crew is temporarily protected from the melee but sees their safety dwindling as Philip makes an infuriating but lifesaving discovery about the depth of the store's ghetto nature. The force protecting Bingham's is revealed.
Jun 2, 2012
35 min
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Philip flips from fun harrassment to all-out assault to try and finally rid the place of idiots, to finally show them that he truly means business and is determined to get a reaction no matter what. Meanwhile, Captain Dipshit arrives with police in force and Dicky locks the doors to have his say on a soapbox in the lobby, with his finger on a big red button. 
Jun 2, 2012
35 min
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With plans for the New Year's Gala underway, the crew begins to resent the agents and the fans and fame and make plans for a return to a rebellious normal. When their subtle sabotage is foiled, Philip commands Tracy to brave the basement to locate an ancient weapon of Bingham's lore.
Jun 2, 2012
35 min
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With the rat-videotaping plot no longer an option, Tony rails at the loss of his camera and Dicky goads him and Captain Dipshit into a plan for revenge. Darcy sees the irony of fame, and the way the crew set themselves free and had run right back into bondage. Angela suggests a huge New Year's Eve bash and Tracy realizes that something important has slipped by him. Once in the deli, enacting their latest scheme, Dicky breaks from his accomplices and sets up his destructive true scheme.
Jun 2, 2012
41 min
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While Tony is discovering that his plot and his property have been taken away from him, one of Jenny's sarcastic dreams comes horribly true. Despite an air of tragedy, the fame train rolls on, with the crew seeing what ridiculous merchandising the Bingham's-hungry masses will actually buy. Philip and the Anarchist, sensing an end to the phenomenon begin to wonder what will happen next.
Jun 2, 2012
34 min
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The debut of Bricker's bestselling book causes waves with Slate and the slicer while Philip and the Anarchist develop a troubling drug habit. The rats mass in the lobby and set a date for their overthrow. Roger goes on a mission to foil Dicky's plans, but Dicky, who watched as the rats gathered in the lobby, begins to see that his current plot was inadequate anyway, and begins to formulate a much worse one. Meanwhile, lawyers finally arrive at Bingham's, with surprising results.
Jun 2, 2012
46 min
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The crew is rattled by a shocking discovery involving Army Ted and the mysterious, magical campus math tutor bandit. Meanwhile, Tony is secretly enacting Dicky Kulane's sabotage plan. The Anarchist begins to question his decision to attend grad school and is subsequently harassed by Army Ted in a nighttime encounter, while Roger casts his suspicions on Tony and his intentions.
Jun 2, 2012
30 min
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The Face-Kicking machine sees its improbable and unadvisable debut as the crew pulls out all of the stops. Beckie delights in the creation of the sadistic paging system shock collars. When Army Ted claims responsibility for keeping lawyers and police off the crew's collective backs, Beckie finally stalks him to his house and uncovers the truth. While the rats begin to mass and the fame train rolls on with the crew's MTV parody video debut, the Anarchist begins to have doubts about the future of the deli and of himself.
Jun 2, 2012
49 min
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Ignoring Wally and choosing to stay in chaos for the 60 Minutes interview, the store preps for national fame. Roger tries the rival Big Bagel Bill's bagel deli and overhears a sinister plot. After their national debut and seeming approval from the world, the crew kicks things up a notch and unleashes new levels of customer humiliation and abuse.
Jun 2, 2012
32 min
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