"So who's Alan Beggarit?" they asked... "Well..." said Mam... "it's a spoof of Alan Bennett and his excellent 'Talking Heads' monologues which although parodied here are much admired by the person responsible, Neil Baxter". "Neil Baxter?" I said, "what kind of a name's that - it hardly demands attention does it?" "No..." said Mam as she drained the last of the tea in her cup, "he's nought special... a chap from Wigan - you know, the place famous for pies and rugby" "Now why would I be aware of that?" I said, "you know pastry gives me heartburn and I'm not a one for anything more active than the occasional Crown Green, so I'm hardly going to know about sports as such." "You know" said Mam through tightened lips.. which isn't easy with the older style of dentures... "maybe I shouldn't say this... your my son and I DO love you... but you ARE a bit of drip really, aren't you?" "I didn't say anything..."