The ole' paragraph stacker Dan is back with Memphis Paul to mock the silliness that is our times. On the agenda this week, but not necessarily in this order:

1. Searches found the Titan debris field, but Gordon Lightfoot is dead. Who will write the song of this disaster?

2. Dan taste's the Grimace's blood in McDonald's Grimace birthday shake.

3. Can anything save Turner Classic Movies?

4. Get to the 'choppa: Helicopter parents in the workplace.

5. Will Lil' Penny coach Memphis with Penny Hardaway suspended?

6. Cubs and Cards play in London, where we hope they stay.

7. Some guy for the Marlins might hit .400, but probably not.

8. Cage match: Zuckerberg vs. Musk. Who would win?

9. Other unmemorable nonsense.