Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting presidential candidates. Interrupting presidential canSHUT UP MAN. No matter how bad you expected the first presidential debate to be, it was worse. It’s almost impossible to talk about anything Trump or Biden said because you couldn’t hear it. Which is a shame, because there are things worth discussion. Eric and Joe try their best. The New York Times drops a major piece on Donald Trump’s taxes. Their big story is the wrong story, and the actual big story is that there’s more evidence that Trump’s presidential bid wasn’t an earnest attempt to win the White House. Illinois House Speaker Michael Madigan has a challenger as suburban House Rep. Stephanie Kifowit launches a bid for Speaker. Is this the year the reign of Madigan finally ends? Hockey is over, baseball playoffs are underway and football is in full swing – all without, or mostly without, fans in attendance. People shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss sports as unimportant in our lives, and we should definitely care about what we’re missing out on. And finally, the Irish Supreme Court has ruled that Subway’s sandwich bread doesn’t actually meet the legal definition of bread. No word on if McDonalds meets the legal definition of Irish food. Or the legal definition of food in general. Where’s the justice?  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

RIP RBG. The untimely passing of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is, for the stability of our political system, just that: untimely. Strap yourself in for the most starkly naked displays of lying, hypocrisy and exercise of raw political power you’ve ever seen. Or as it’s known it Washington these days: Monday. Fresh off acting like a normal human being in reaction to RBG’s death, President Trump says he can’t guarantee he’ll accept a peaceful transition of power. Yes, Trump is unconventional, but his unconventional handling of softball questions to make them nightmares is truly a terrible superpower. The audience for Fox News is overwhelming Republican, while the audiences of MSNBC and The New York Times are overwhelmingly Democratic. In other news, water is wet, the sky is blue and Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead. The NHL puts out an ad that highlights how physical toughness is a part of the sport. Some people get mad, because we can’t have nice things anymore and they were shocked to learn that there’s gambling going on here. And finally, Taco Bell has launched their own wine, a Jalapeño Noir to pair with their Toasted Cheesy Chalupa. They do know most people get drunk before eating Taco Bell, not during it, right? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If a major Middle East peace deal falls in the woods and there’s only minimal media coverage of it, does it make a sound? No idea, because that question doesn’t make any sense. But the Abraham Accords are a huge deal. And get this: you can acknowledge both the flaws of the Trump administration’s approach to foreign policy in the region and the huge success that just happened on their watch. Try it. It’s not hard. Joe Biden, in trouble Hispanic voters in Florida, tries to give those voters what they want. And apparently he thinks what they want is the 2017 Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee reggeton hit “Despacito” streamed in his iPhone, followed by a speech from 1990s pop star Ricky Martin. Because, obviously. A new poll on the political and demographic makeup of sports fanbases tells us more about people’s ignorance of how polls work than it does about the political and demographic makeup of sports fanbases. Borrowing a dormant idea from The Fifth Column podcast, Eric and Joe debut a new segment of the show: Some Idiot Wrote This. First up, a take about Big 10 football returning to play that’s so nuclear you can’t stare directly into it or you’ll be blinded. And finally, Red Lobster introduces the Dewgarita, a Mountain Dew margarita. There aren’t enough Cheddar Bay Biscuits in the world to make that sound appealing. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Donald Trump talked to Bob Woodward for his upcoming book on the Trump presidency, “Rage.” This raises a very interesting question: WHY!? Over the course of those interviews Trump apparently admitted to downplaying the seriousness of COVID-19 and had nice things to say about Kim Jong Un. Is anyone shocked? Not if you’ve been paying attention. Will it matter much? Of course not. It’s 2020 after all. Eric saw a movie in the theater for the first time in what feels like an eon. And there are identity politics changes coming to the criteria a movie must meet to win a Best Picture Oscar. We’re sure there’s no way this ends up working out poorly at all, no sir. Fireworks from a gender reveal party start a fire that is currently burning down about half of California. You know another way to have a gender reveal? Just have the baby. That’s almost certain to not to burn anything down. At least we hope it’s not. And finally, Phil Collins is running for President as the candidate of the Prohibition Party. No, not that Phil Collins. But this one did get his political start here in Illinois. We know he’s running against all odds, but that’s the chance he’s gotta take. We know you’re thinking that there must be some misunderstanding, that there must be some kind of mistake. But it’s true. At least we’ll always be in his heart. Okay, we’ll stop now. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Trump travels to Kenosha to visit business owners. Biden travels to Kenosha to meet with Jacob Blake’s family. The question, as always: will any of it matter? Meanwhile, Trump proffers conspiracy theories to Laura Ingraham while Joe Biden stumbles through a speech. Only two more months of this, right? It’s the blowout heard ‘round the world. Nancy Pelosi gets her hair did in violation of California COVID-19 policy, gets caught, and promptly employs the Marion Barry defense. How big of a problem is it when our politicians constantly break their own rules? College football is back, thanks primarily to the University of Notre Dame. (If you listen closely you can hear Joe rolling his eyes.) A true American hero takes up the fight against the lie that are boneless chicken wings in Lincoln, Nebraska. And finally, Taco Bell to tank more menu items like the Mexican Pizza – and surprisingly *not* because of woke reasons. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

With the Republican National Convention having drawn to a close, what is the state of play? What looked just a couple of weeks ago like it might be a Biden blowout could be tightening thanks to an underwhelming DNC, a successful RNC and continued civil unrest in the country. Eric and Joe walk through how the narrative of the election is changing. Another police-involved shooting is caught on video. But this time, it’s not in a major city. It’s in Kenosha, Wisconsin – a city of 100,000 people in a state that both Trump and Biden need to win. Is the burning of Kenosha a turning point in how we deal with civil unrest? NBA players walk off the court in protest. Okay, fine. But now comes the enforcers of the new norms who want to make sure they get a harrumph from you and every other pro sports league, too. Just don’t ask them about China. You’ll be made to care. Gov. Pritzker’s new mask mandate requires you to wear a mask when interacting with waitstaff at restaurants. No word yet on if you have to wear it while chewing. And finally, McDonalds reveals new Spicy Chicken McNuggets. Wendy’s twitter smacks them back down. You take a shot at the queen you best not miss. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Democratic National Zoom Call Convention is here and gone. Hey, Bernie, you’re on mute, you’ve got to take yourself off mute. On the upside, it made the 90 minute speeches last only 90 seconds. The downside? Those 90 seconds were still agonizing. The Republicans will have their turn next week, and the beatings will continue until morale improves. The GOP nominates two legit conspiracy theorist crazy people for Congress in Marjorie Taylor Greene and Laura Loomer. At least one of them will join the more subtly crazy people in the House in January. Goodyear apparently bans MAGA gear at work. Will Trump supporters now go slash their tires like they smashed their Keurigs? Cincinnati Reds broadcaster Thom Brennaman drops an anti-gay slur on a broadcast and we watch his career go down in flames before our very eyes. Cubs broadcaster Mark Grace is bounced for calling his wife a dingbat, prompting at least one dingbat “journalism” think piece. And finally, Burger King in Belgium has created facemasks with your order on them so you don’t have to open to mouth to let people know you made the mistake of eating at Burger King. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joe is out and Eric is joined for the program by Jonathan Greenberg. It’s Kamala! Biden picks a completely craven, unprincipled, totally self-interested person who basically called him a racist rapist. That’s always want you want in your second in command. But the question is, does it even really matter? Riots and looting hit Chicago again, this time with an even more tenuous to protest topics like police brutality. Gee, it’s starting to seem like the rioting and looting never really had anything to do with these big, important causes in the first place. Another NBA dope plays the moral equivalency game between the US and China. The Big 10 postpones college football. Will Purdue fans notice? It looks likes likely than ever that we’ll have football of any kind this fall. And finally, Jonathan gives all of his best and worst food takes as Eric marvels at the market coordination of Chinese restaurants. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Another major interview for President Trump, another crazily poor performance. What is it about Trump that prevents him from crushing even the softball questions in otherwise challenging interviews? And why does Trump’s team keep putting him in these no-win situations with competent interviewers? It’s Covid Regulationplaooza, which replaces Lollapalooza, since that was canceled by Coronavirus. Restaurants won’t seat large families together because of table limits, LA threatens to turn off water and power to houses breaking social distancing regulations, and Nashville arrests a man for not having a mask probably because he also doesn’t have a home. Are we going to stop getting dumber about this stuff at some point? The 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger comedy classic KINDERGARTEN COP is canceled because it glorifies “over-policing.” But not for transphobia, which is kinda surprising. The Chicago Teachers Union does what it does best: hold the city of Chicago hostage. A strike threat causes Chicago Public Schools to cave immediately to start the school year with all distance learning. And finally, a man has marital problems for decorating a room in his house in 1990s Taco Bell style. If he sought a divorce, how could anyone not take his side? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

President Trump tweets a suggestion of delaying the November election. Is this one of those things we’re supposed to take seriously but not literally? It would be nice if he could delay sending such tweets out. Does this add fuel to Joe’s theory that Trump will drop out of the race before election day? Gov. Pritzker announces the cancellation of IHSA sports. Will they come back by spring? Is there a sport seemingly more tailor-made for spreading a communicable disease than football? Is there any chance the NFL plays a full season, even considering that they obviously don’t care a wit about the health and safety of their players? Baseball is back, but with the distractions of bizarre virtual fans, weird crowd noise, empty stadiums and social justice virtue signaling. Hockey is back, too, and seemingly pulling off this return better than expected. Covington high schooler Nick Sandmann is (probably) a multi-millionaire at 18, thanks to settling parts of an enormous defamation lawsuit against CNN and the Washington Post. Would you endure what he did for that big of a payout? And finally, Eric and Joe discuss fast food restaurants that they have blacklisted, never ever to eat at under any circumstances. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.