Hey, woah, bro! What you got there, bro? A hammer, bro? What are you, some kind of Hammer Bro, bro? Are you gonna hit me, bro? All because I pulled a harmless little prank, bro? It was just a prank, bro! Just because I turned your dad into a pig, bro? Just because I pig’d your dad, bro? You’re gonna hit me with a hammer, bro? Not cool, bro. Bruh, bro… I don’t really know how to transition from this terribly stupid bit into actual information, bro. This episode covers chapters 4-6 for what it’s worth, bro. We laughed and we cried, bro. Much like how I’m gonna cry if you keep swinging that hammer, bro. C’mon, bro. I just don’t underst- We’ll see you next time as we wrap up Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (bro)

2023 was the year of a lot of things. Playing Smashterpieces games was not one of them. We’ll be back soon with more Paper Mario (I promise).

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! ACTUALLY IT’S THURSDAY! THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY! ARE YOU READY FOR A BRAWL? A BOUT? A GOD DAMN DONNYBROOK? YOU’RE IN THE PIT, AND IT’S TIME FOR THE TITLE MATCH! IN ONE CORNER THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE SHINING, THE SPECTACULAR, THE FEATHER BOUND, THE BIRD, RAAAAAAWK HAAAAAAWK! IN THE OTHER CORNER THE MYSTERIOUS MUSTACHIOED MENACE AND HIS SON, A LITERAL INFANT BORN HALF AN HOUR AGO! IT’S THE GREAAAAT GONZALES! IN TONIGHT’S MA- *ahem* oh god, it turns out screaming for an entire one of these descriptions does not do good things for the throat. This is part one of our discussion on Smashterpiece #47: Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. It covers the start of the game to the end of chapter 3, so I hope you’re ready to hear about why we miss the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, why we did not enjoy playing Bad Pikmin, and why it’s time to RAAAAAAWK. Or something like that. I don’t know, I’m not a lawyer. We’ll be back soon with Part 2 of our discussion, which will cover chapter 4 to the end of chapter 6!

Space Log #223: We’ve landed on Planet Zebes but we have lost our power suits, and therefore have lost the shell that protects our small and fragile human bodies. Worry not, though, as the hard shell on our hearts still remains. Well, mine does, I can’t actually speak for Matt. Sadly this particular hard shell is only metaphorical, as the heart is also squishy and made of pierceable flesh. I admit that maybe buying the cheapest pistols at Space Costco for our emergency kit was not the smartest idea, but I will never say out loud that Matt was right when he yelled at me for buying them. The guy at the store said these were the ones we wanted! We’re fine. It’s fine. Anyways, that’s not what this log is actually about, we’re actually going to talk about Smashterpiece #46: Metroid: Zero Mission. How does it compare to the original? What about to other remakes in the series, such as the remakes of Metroid II? How is the new section at the end? THE GUNS ARE FINE, STOP WHINING OR I WON’T GIVE YOU ANY MORE DISCOUNT SPACE RATIONS. THEY WERE ON SALE. Join us next time as we flatten and fold into the world of Smashterpiece #47: Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door

I wanna be the very best, or at least passable in the eyes of my peers. See, that’s the difference between you and I. You pick a Charmander because it’s the only one that gets to learn fly when it’s fully evolved, but that’s just the easy route. It works, yeah. But have you ever considered a Squirtle? It’s the only one that doesn’t get any dual typing at all, that’s the true patriot’s path. Back in my day we had to evolve uphill both ways, you damn kids have it too easy, everybody should have to suffer like I did. What was I talking about? Oh right, this episode is talking about Smashterpiece #45: Pokémon FireRed and LeafGreen, our first real Pokemon game. Things did not go according to plan. That’s another thing you young’uns don’t get: plans! And home ownership! Anyways we’re joined by our friend Devon as we delve into the region of Kanto for a remake of the original Pocket Monster collecting games. Who are you? Where are my teeth? Join us next time as we return to Planet Zebes but this time for the first time in Smashterpiece #46: Metroid: Zero Mission

Say fellas, did somebody mention the Door to Darkness? Pokemon is coming.

Did you know that dogs can’t look up? This implies that the Doomslayer, who also cannot look up, is in fact not a person but a dog. The evidence is out there, mostly on Mars and in Hell, but it is out there. Don’t believe me? Have you ever seen the Doomslayer eat food? Of course not, cause he’s eating his dog food in secret to throw you off the trail. Wake up, sheeple! The government doesn’t want you to know! The Doomslayer is a dog! Anyways, we’re here to talk about Doom. Not 2016, that’d be silly. We’re talking about the ORIGINAL Doom. You know, the one where you can’t look up BECAUSE THE DOOMSLAYER IS A DOG. Join us next time as oh god we’re playing that? No, god no, what hath we wrought?

Welcome to FASCAR, the channel where we talk about Fast Cars. Today we’re gonna talk about the fastest cars of all, the ones of the legendary F-Zero Grand Prix. They go very fast. They go extremely fast. Think of the fastest thing you know. A beautiful stallion? Faster. A regal cheetah? Faster. A tuned-up racecar? Faster. A jet like from that one movie? FASTER. The speed at which my life has fallen apart and my family has left me so I’m stuck here in this dark room writing podcast episode descriptions trying desperately not to let it set in but it gets harder to do so every day? Somehow even faster. You can hear all about these speed demons in this episode discussing Smashterpiece #44: F-Zero GX. What do we think about the story mode as opposed to the Grand Prix? What makes this game so special in the world of racing games? Where’s your closest F-Zero AX machine? All that and more in today’s episode! (NOTE: We do not know which F-Zero AX machine is closest to you personally, that would be weird) Join us next time as we set off on our first proper Pokémon adventure in Smashterpiece #45: Pokémon FireRed/LeafGreen

As I sit here on this battlefield, I think long and hard about the cost of this war. The lives lost (statistically like 7 or so), the wives widowed (I actually think our army only had three married people in it and two of them were married to each other), the blood spilt (this game is rated E for Everyone so honestly there really wasn’t any now that I think about it), the time taken (okay yeah this one checks out)… Was it really worth it? What were we even fighting for? I suppose if I had to come up with an answer it’d be that we were fighting for Smashterpiece #43, Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade. An era has finally come to an end, and it needs much discussion. How do the last few maps of the game hold up? What are some of the major differences between the ends Eliwood and Hector’s routes? Is Ninian Roy’s mom or did we all get it wrong? What even is a dragon, anyways? All this and more in today’s episode. Join us next time as we go way too god damn fast in Smashterpiece #44: F-Zero GX

Despite our many objections, another year has come and gone and time continues its merciless march forward. You may be tempted to feel anxious about the endless cycle of mortality slowly walking you towards a cliff, but we have just the remedy for that! Two guys talking about video games they already talked about on a podcast! Then looking forward to the next year, as if any of this matters. Well, it matters to us, so don’t go spoiling our good time! We thank you for your support in 2022, here’s to more progress on this daunting list in 2023. We’ll see you again soon for our final episode on Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade!