After a brief hiatus to digest all the fucked up shit going down in the Middle East, the boys are back and more Roargasmic than ever! Before podding, Uncle Brother sent an email to Deano and Impossible Lomas, asking the following question: Are the Lions elite, and if so, what kind of elite are they? Now, first, let's recognize that this is the first time in recorded history that the words "Detroit Lions" and "elite" have been used in the same sentence that wasn't some kind of sick joke. Uncle Brother meant that shit, and for good reason! The Lions are now 5-1, tied for the best record in the whole league, and have been dominating teams at home and on the road. In short: What the hell is going on? We turn to a newly revealed scripture, The Ben Johnson Chronicles, for answers, and find some! Ben Johnson has truly been chosen by Dan Campbell to lead the Roar to the promised land. We're already fearing the day he leaves to take a head coaching gig elsewhere. Anyhow, we pretty much skip over the Carolina drubbing and focus on the road win at Tampa. We thank the football God and the ghost of Bobby Layne that Baker Mayfield throws a shitty deep ball. We mourn the loss to injury of David Montgomery and his battering ram of a body but marvel at the Lions' ability to adapt and overcome. We celebrate The Block that Craig Reynolds put on some sorry Tampa Bay Fuckaneer who thought he was about to push the Sun God out of bounds. And by the way, all hail the motherfucking Sun God! Finally, we can't help but admit that the Lions are playing at elite level on both sides of the ball. The defense, which we assumed would still suck at least some donkey balls, is feasting on finer fare! We make predictions for next week's road game at Baltimore, with Uncle Brother blasphemously picking the Roar to Lose! We love you Uncle Brother, but fuck you! And, of course, we conclude with a silky smooth harmonized ROAR, the starting note of which nearly caused Lomas to go falsetto. Until next week, Roar Nation!

That keening, otherworldly sound you heard Thursday night? The one that echoed across the land, an arresting amalgam of joy, relief, euphoria, insanity, and release after 7000 years of ineptitude ... That, my friends, was the sound of Roar Nation experiencing a collective ROARGASM the likes of which has not been documented since 1957. Holy shit, right? The absolute and total beatdown that transpired Thursday night at Lambeau gave us so much to talk about that we didn't even bother revisiting Deano and Uncle Brother's pilgrimage to the holy of holies known as Ford Field last Sunday to witness in person the Lions thoroughly dominate the Falcons. No, it was all we could do to fit all all we had to say about what transpired in Green Bay into a 1.5 hour Roargasm session. If you listen to this podcast, you already know what happened. There's no way these meager show notes can capture just how fucking good it felt to watch the Detroit Lions not just beat but EMASCULATE the Packers on national tee vee. How to put this? After shaking off the early pick, Jared was in total command, slicing apart the Packer's D with what can only be described as arrogant disdain. David Montgomery and his massive guns and the O-Line had their way with the Packer's D-line, running the ball right down their fucking throats. The defense, meanwhile, made supposedly hotshot QB Jordan Love look like a girl on some Div III team that decided, sure, why not, let's put her in. It'll be cute. Plus, it's hard to overstate just how satisfying it was when the cameras showed GB fans wearing those stupid cheesehead things looking very, very sad. We know how that feels, don't we, Roar Nation? And we also have 0% sympathy for Packers fans, who've had it coming for literally decades. Bottom line, we went Kobra Kai on their ass. NO MERCY! Let's all enjoy a cozy weekend, curled up with The Book of Jared, watching all the other teams beat the shit out of each other as we experience multiple and ongoing Roargasms and look forward to next Sunday, when we shall avenge last season's drubbing at the hands of the Carolina Panthers. Until then, ROARRRRRR!

With the disappointment of a tough loss at home still fresh, Impossible Lomas and Uncle Brother pod it out to hash out their feelings and try to figure out what the hell happened against the Seacocks. Deano? No Deano, who was dutifully observing the 2nd day of Rosh Hashanah. A few takeaways ... The Lions offense is for real. The defense, which has improved from historically the worst ever to just plain bad, still has a long way to go. The Seacocks are better than their 1st game loss suggested. We need someone other than Hutch to get pressure on the damn quarterback. Jahmyr Gibbs is dynamic but it's not yet clear what his role will be. Every team deals with injuries, but fuck. We lost a lot of guys. Anywho, the Lions are 1-1. Could be worse. If they lose two in a row at home, we'll most likely enter full-blown panic mode. But for now, we are doing our best to stay calm. Let's all try and keep our shit together, Roar Nation.

O-Line Frank Ragnow is brave and stout Protects his quarterback He opens up great big holes For the Lions rush attack He snaps the ball straight and true Each and every time Mighty Frank will never break Here on the O-Line   O-line O-line   On the right side you will find A man named Penei He guards his position Each and every play If you try to bull rush him He’ll beat you every time Big Penei will make you pay Here on the O-line   O-line O-line   Taylor Decker is a fixture Here on the O-line He’ll pancake block you oh so hard He might break your spine At 6 foot 7 300+ Taylor’s quite a load Yes he’s of mighty stature A sight to behold   O-line O-line   You may well have never heard Of left guard Jonah Jackson But when you see him do his thing You’ll surely see much action A man of pride and honor too Jonah is no joke Just ask the defensive line who he’s blown away like smoke   O-line O-line   Hala-pooli-vahti Vaiy-tie Is last but not least 6 foot 6 322 pounds He is quite a beast And a valued member Of the O-line brotherhood Defensive linemen must beware ‘Cause he’s pretty fucking good   O-line O-line

ROAR! 🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁 We are, indeed, built for this shit! Holy fucking shit. We won on the road against last year's Super Bowl Champs, on Thursday night, against the best QB in the league. Uncle Brother, Deano, and Impossible Lomas barely hold it together as they attempt to express their feelings about what is easily the best and most significant win in Lions history since the last time they won a playoff game a billion years ago. We rock out to the new smash hit from Blandino Records, "Don't Sleep on Jared!" We experience the glory of Uncle Brother's newly penned prayer praising Dan Campbell, complete with Kedusha-style toe raises. 🙏 We listen, awestruck, as Lomas recites from the newly revealed Chapter 89 of The Book of Jared, which amazingly predicts the victory over the Chiefs of Kansas City. We also marvel at the size of Dan Campbell's balls (non-donkey variety) for pulling off a fake punt on the Lion's second drive, from their own 17 yard line. We very much like Jahmyr Gibbs and his great potential. Deano legit drops $300+ on Lions gear and tickets, while we record. We don't give any shits that the Chiefs were missing Travis Kelcey and Chris Jones. Lomas is concerned that when the Lions win the Super Bowl, the city of Detroit will be burned to the ground. We sing the praises of the O-line and gain newfound appreciation for dominant, mistake-free O-line play. We flub the episode ending 3-part roar, turning instead of a 5-part harmonized studio version. And we end with a glorious reprise of "Don't Sleep on Jared!" We're 1-0, y'all! Let's fucking go! ROARRRRR!

After a long hibernation, the RAA crew is back for season 5 of ... The Roargasm! Yes, the podcast has a new name for a brand new era of Detroit Lions Football! Uncle Brother Ted kicks things off on the right note with a sultry intro, followed by a brand new, bright and shiny piece of liturgy, intoned by the ever-roargasmic Deano Blandino ... In turn followed by Impossible Lomas reading from a newly revealed chapter of The Book of Jared. We look ahead with a mixture of great anticipation and trepidation to the Thursday Night tilt against the mighty Chiefs. Do the Lions have a chance to pull off a major upset on the road to kick off the 2023-24 season? No, but overall we're bullish, perhaps foolishly so, on the Lion's overall prospects. Lomas goes so far as to predict a playoff victory! Oh, sweet, sweet Lomas, you gentle and good-natured giant of an O-lineman, God help you. Anyhow, as usual we fill a solid 2 hours with heartfelt confessions, utter nonsense, speculation about who might make "the leap," more nonsense, the season's first Holocaust reference, and so so much more. And, of course, we get the band back together for a pretty solid three-part harmonized roar. Let's go, Roar Nation! This is it!

RAA is truly at a crossroads, folks. Never have we podded so long and so hard, and never have we ended the season on such a note of optimism and high hopes. We begin this radical episode by dispensing with the Serenity Prayer altogether, and instead recite a Psalm of Jared and listen with rapt attention as Uncle Brother Ted recites from a recently revealed chapter of the Book of Jared. We then proceed to talk for a solid 2.24 hours ... and here are the things we DON'T even get around to discussing: a breakdown of the game; Hutch's 2 sacks and generally awesome performance; the Sun God's leg catch; Jared's sweet bomb to Khalif Raymond, the hook and ladder play. What do we talk about? It's kinda hard to describe ... Everything and nothing. In large part we marvel at the nature and depth of our feelings about this team. For the first time in our collective memory, the Lions are a young, hungry team on the way up, with a dynamic and colorful head coach and an offensive coordinator whose play calling is a thing of wonder. Yes, the defense is still very much a work in progress, but with 5 picks in the first round, including the Rams' #6 pick, the Lions are poised to upgrade at multiple positions, especially linebacker (sorry, Anzalone!) and run-stopping D-linemen. And safety. And another corner.  Bottom line, for the first time in a very, very long time, the Lions are fun and easy to root for, and we are genuinely excited for next seasons. We're also entirely uncertain what this means for RAA as a program. The liturgy will almost surely be amended. The core principle that The Lions Will Always Suck will undergo rigorous examination during the offseason. And we shall search within ourselves to discover the true path forward. Until then, fellow roaraholics, we leave you with one final, heartfelt RRRRROOOOAAAARRRRR!

We came. We saw. We kicked Da Bears ass! And by "we," I mean both the Lions and the RAA crew, plus fellow roaraholics WorldWide Dock and Big Don. That's right, friends ... we journeyed to the inner sanctum known as Ford Field and not only lived to tell the tale but roared ourselves silly as we witnessed the Lions absolutely stomp the shit out of the Bears. Huge thanks to Big Don for footing the bill. Attending an NFL game these days requires mucho dinero, especially for good seats. And our seats were plenty good. Unlike the lawless, post-apocalyptic vibe of the Silverdome, Ford Field is a classy joint, although, as Uncle Brother notes with vehemence, the food options are less than awesome.  Anyhow, we discuss Jared Goff's continued excellence within the Lions system. We marvel at how easily the Lions scored against an admittedly pathetic Bears defense. We throw a bit of cold water onto the proceedings in recognizing that the Roar run defense still sucks donkey balls (it gave up BIG runs to Justin Fields) and are not particularly sanguine at the Lions prospects against the Packers at Lambeau, outdoors, in sub-freezing conditions. But until then, we will continue reading from the Book of Jared, reciting the Serenity Prayer, and rolling with the ups and downs of this crazy-ass season. ROAR!

In the aftermath of the Lions deflating loss to the Panthers, we attempt to return to RAA core principles, beginning with an extra-long serenity prayer. But the question remains: were the Roar simply overdue for a ball-sucking game amidst a run of really good football? Or were we once again sucked in by a handful of wins, only to be donkey kicked in the teeth by the cold reality that The Lions Will Always Suck? There's only one way to find out ... But going to the game against Da Bears this Sunday! That's right, bitches ... Thanks to the largess of Big Don Feldman, the RAA crew, plus WorldWide Dock, will enter the inner sanctum of Ford Field to behold the Roar's response to getting eviscerated by the Panthers. If the Lions win, we shall rejoice. If they lose, we may not all make it out alive. Wish us well, fellow Roaraholics! We'll see you on the other side.

We're all in, folks. All the fucking way in!  In this unprecedented 10th episode (we usually bottom out around episode 6, when it's clear that the Lions will be sucking donkey balls for the rest of the season), we open with a new addition to the liturgy, immediately followed by a Hillel vs. Shammai-level theological debate over the merits of the new prayer. Lomas reads from the recently discovered Book of Jared, a divine text chronicling the inspiring story of Jared Goff's call to glory. We get into the weeds of the Lions thrilling road win against the Jets and offer thanks to the Ghost of Bobby Layne for the suckiness of the Jets offense. The Jets defense is no joke, though, and so we offer yet more thanks for the brilliant play calling of Ben Johnson on 4th and 1, resulting in a spectacular, game-winning TD. All we know at this point is that if the Roar win out and make the playoffs, we'll be in offering up our first born territory. Until next time ... ROOOOAAAARRRRR!