Most people have seen at least one Godzilla movie. Everyone's heard the unmistakable roar. But the first (and Charles thinks the best, much to Joseph's chagrin) is the original, the Numero Uno, the Ichiban: Gojira 1954 from Japan, directed by Ishiro Honda! This mean-ass monster, conceived and hatched in the ocean depths during the aftermath of the initial terrors of the Nuclear Age, spawned it all -- countless sequels, reimaginings, and reboots over the past 60 years. No CGI here, just a guy in a rubber suit stomping on miniature cities, and we (make that Charles) couldn't be happier. Joseph just rolls his eyes. Godzilla theme by Akira Ifukube. Remake Schmemake theme music by ⁠⁠⁠⁠JuliusH⁠⁠⁠⁠ from ⁠⁠⁠⁠Pixabay⁠⁠⁠⁠.

The English counterpart, The Grudge, takes us to America--no, wait. This remake takes place in Japan as well, in a similar house, and helmed by the same director, with the same murderous trio of obake! The only difference is that now there are a bunch of American expats around who are even less able to cope with it all. There's Sarah Michelle Gellar's pensive and perplexed expressions (which she refined during the Buffy years), Bill Pullman's brief but effective cameo, and plenty of floating black Medusa hair. There are also spooky eyes...thanks to Grace Zabriskie's Thousand Yard Stare™️! Remake Schmemake theme music by ⁠⁠⁠JuliusH⁠⁠⁠ from ⁠⁠⁠Pixabay⁠⁠⁠.

Nobody does horror quite like Japan, and it's fascinating to see the original Grudge before the Americans got ahold of it. This also serves as a reminder of the importance of full disclosure in real estate! Join us as we watch various unfortunate well-meaning Nihonjin try to cope with a raven-haired glottal fly wraith mom, a catty kid in eyeliner, and a nail-biter of a dad. And if the visuals don't creep you out, the soundscape surely will. Bonus: Charles thinking he has even a rudimentary command of Japanese, and his husband Tom setting things right. Soooo desu. Themes from Ju-On by Shiro Sato. Remake Schmemake theme music by ⁠⁠JuliusH⁠⁠ from ⁠⁠Pixabay⁠⁠.

In keeping with Disney’s trend (for better or worse) of remaking its animated features as live action/CGI curiosities, we jump now to 2017 with Beauty and the Beast! Gasp and recoil with us as we take in Emma Watson’s two (perhaps 2.5) expressions and stooped shoulders, the monochromatic color palette, and the scary facelessness of the enchanted objects. Were those spoilers that we didn’t like it as much? Find out here! Belle music by Alan Menken, lyrics by Howard Ashman. Remake Schmemake theme music by ⁠⁠JuliusH⁠⁠ from ⁠⁠Pixabay⁠⁠.

DaBoyz are back after a loooooong hiatus! And for our reintroduction to our worldwide audience (hello Yemen!), we chose Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, the groundbreaking animated feature from 1991 and the first animated film to be nominated for the Academy Award® for Best Picture! Join us as we discuss the splendid artwork, the Many Faces of Belle, and Jo Anne Worley’s star turn as the Wardrobe (among other attractions, of course). Unfortunately, we also discover that Charles is completely unable to say the name Cogsworth. Belle music by Alan Menken, lyrics by Howard Ashman. Remake Schmemake theme music by ⁠JuliusH⁠ from ⁠Pixabay⁠.

Joseph finds Julianne Hough rather...brazen?  Charles finds...Andie MacDowell.  'Nuff said. Footloose words by Dean Pitchford and Kenny Loggins, Music by Kenny Loggins.  Let's Hear It For the Boy Words by Dean Pitchford, Music by Tom Snow.  Almost Paradise words by Dean Pitchford, Music by Eric Carmen.  Dancing in the Sheets words and music by Dean Pitchford and Bill Wolfer.  Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Charles remembers when Footloose came out in '84.  He was in college and didn't see it.  Joseph saw it on Betamax as a youngster.  But the soundtrack was ubiquitous, inescapable, and enjoyable to listen and dance to.  And now, finally watching the movie after all years, the one question on Charles' mind is "Where's the dance?" This big dance-filled extravaganza turns out to be -- well, not that.  Some close-ups of feet, an angry warehouse pound-fest, a two-left-footed montage, and a final breakdance-off appear to be about it.  The rest is...well, we love us some Dianne Wiest! Footloose words by Dean Pitchford and Kenny Loggins, Music by Kenny Loggins.  Let's Hear It For the Boy Words by Dean Pitchford, Music by Tom Snow.  Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Take a sip of an adult beverage every time Charles says "horrifying!" He's mostly sorry for the repetitiveness, but sometimes there's only one word that truly does a feeling justice.  There is plenty of horror here, specifically of the body kind that only David Cronenberg can deliver. Experience oodles of errant skin appendages, a plethora of melting extremities, and buckets of digestive enzymes!  And be horrified. Be very horrified. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Yes, it's campy, but we love (Charles loves) The Fly!  Vincent Price has only a supporting role but lends his--ahem--"highly cultured" presence to the proceedings, and this film actually vaulted his career.  A strawberry blonde actress is given awkward-scene-after-awkward-scene to play, but acquits herself, if not admirably, at least memorably.  Special kudos go to Emma the maid, who has all sorts of indignities to suffer, including cleaning a guinea pig's cage every minute!   And the "Heeeeelllllp meeeeeee!!" scene is not to be forgotten.  We give you all the buzz on this horror classic. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

From 1932’s What Price Hollywood?, to A Star Is Born from 1937, 1954, 1976, and now 2018!  This classic story of boy meets girl/girl gets famous/boy hits the skids never dies--it just gets a new Oscar-winning single.  This time it’s the one and only GaGAAAAAA (more on that later), also winning our hearts and pleasing our ears, along with the hard-to-understand Bradley Cooper and the impossible-to-understand Sam Elliott.  So break out the subtitles and join us “in the shal, -al, shal, -al-low!”  (Also stay tuned for our Babs and Ga-GA mashup at the end!) Evergreen Music Barbra Streisand, Lyrics by Paul Williams.  Shallow Music and Lyrics by Stefani Germanotta, Mark Ronson, Andrew Wyatt, and Anthony Rossomando.  Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.