[2:13 PM]This week on Relationship Advice we dive deep into the definition of trauma and its profound impact on our lives. In this episode, we unravel the essence of trauma, defining it as anything that overwhelms our capacity to cope, persistently leaving unmet needs in its wake. Join us as we explore the lines between the body and trauma, where we experience freezing feelings, securing them in metaphorical boxes, and employing guards.We distinguish between Big T trauma and little t trauma, shedding light on the diverse spectrum of major life events and everyday stressors. Uncover the profound impact of both on coping mechanisms and recovery, as we explore examples ranging from significant incidents like abuse, accidents, or natural disasters to the subtler but equally impactful everyday stressors such as rejection, failure, or loss.We look into the protective strategies of the brain, revealing the adaptive responses it employs to shield us from overwhelming situations and uncover the long-term effects of these protective strategies, dissecting their influence on mental health and coping mechanisms. Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jealousy and envy can feel shameful, but they often reveal important fears, longings, and unmet needs beneath the surface. In this episode, we explore the difference between jealousy, the fear of losing something we already have, and envy, the pain of wanting something we do not feel like we have. We also talk through how to slow these emotions down, bring them to your partner with vulnerability, and move away from control, criticism, monitoring, or resentment. Main Talking Points: Jealousy vs Envy Fear Of Loss Reassurance Seeking Control Patterns Vulnerable Communication Relationship Boundaries Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ Rhythm - Get 15% off + Free shipping the world’s easiest at home blood testing ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In part two of our Emotional Regulation series, we’re talking all about co-regulation — how to regulate with your partner, friend, or someone you trust.While some people naturally want closeness and support when they’re overwhelmed, others need space before they’re ready to connect. In this episode, we break down why both independent regulation and co-regulation matter, how to know what your partner may need, and how to support someone without escalating the moment. Main Talking Points: Co-Regulation Independent Regulation Giving Space Supporting Calm Partner Differences Repairing Together Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, we talk about how couples can use simple “scales” to better understand each other’s energy, desire, and capacity. Instead of assuming what your partner means when they seem tired, anxious, disconnected, or resistant, naming where you are can turn confusion into context. These tools help couples move out of all-or-nothing thinking and into clearer, more generous communication. Main talking points: Energy Check-Ins Naming Capacity Getting Context Importance Scales Avoiding Assumptions Collaborative Language Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ Rhythm - Get 15% off + Free shipping the world’s easiest at home blood testing ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we are discussing what it really means to regulate. You know that feeling when you are suddenly not quite in control of yourself? Maybe your body gets tense, your thoughts start moving fast, your tone shifts, or you feel like you might say or do something you would not normally say or do. That is often a sign that your nervous system is activated and needs support.In this episode, Cayla, Colter, and Lauren break down what self-regulation actually looks like in real life and why it matters so much in relationships. They offer psychoeducation about emotions, the nervous system, and the ways our bodies often communicate to us before our minds can fully make sense of what is happening. They also explore practical tools for slowing down, including breath, movement, body awareness, and learning how to notice your internal cues before things escalate.The conversation also looks at the difference between self-regulation and co-regulation. Sometimes we need to learn how to calm and ground ourselves, and sometimes we need safe connection with another person to help us come back into ourselves. This episode is all about understanding those moments of activation with more compassion, building awareness around your patterns, and learning what helps you return to a more grounded place. Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anger can feel disruptive in relationships, but it often shows up for a reason: it signals that something important feels blocked, unfair, or violated. In this episode, we explore how anger can either push partners into blame, shutdown, and disconnection, or help clarify needs, values, and boundaries when it’s expressed with regulation. The goal isn’t to get rid of anger, but to understand it, lower its intensity, and communicate it in a way that keeps both people connected. Main Talking Points Anger’s Function Window Of Tolerance Blocked Goals Pursue And Withdraw Naming Anger Repairing Conflict Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If there is one thing to know about boundaries, it is that a boundary is not about what you need somebody else to do. It is about what you are going to do in response to somebody else’s behavior. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren discuss boundaries from a psychotherapeutic lens and give tools for how to better communicate boundaries. Main Talking Points:  Our bodies are the indicator for when we need to set boundaries. Boundaries exist on a continuum, not as binary bookends. Communication of boundaries should be specific to the prioritized need. We should approach boundaries with grace, generosity, and curiosity. Give Me Discounts! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, the crew dives into the “withdrawer” role in relationships and how rigid, all-or-nothing responses can quietly create disconnection. They unpack why withdrawers often appease, shut down, or avoid conflict altogether — not because they don’t care, but because disappointing their partner feels intolerable. The conversation explores healthier alternatives to passive or rigid boundaries, including slowing down, using buffer statements, getting curious, and learning how to tolerate discomfort without punishing each other. Main Talking Points: All-Or-Nothing Thinking Passive Boundaries Buffer Statements Tolerating Disappointment Vulnerable Curiosity Flexible Responses  Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Vacation stress usually isn’t about the trip itself — it’s about the unspoken expectations couples bring into it. In this episode, the hosts unpack the conversations that can completely change the tone of a vacation before you ever leave the driveway: money, planning, intimacy, parenting, downtime, technology, and more. They explore how different nervous systems, personalities, and expectations can either create connection or turn a “dream trip” into the same fight in a different location. Main Talking Points:  Vacation Expectations Planning Differences Money Conversations Parenting Stress Intimacy Pressure Technology Boundaries Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we are joined by Trevor Hanson who shares his personal journey from anxious attachment and relationship struggles to becoming a therapist focused on helping others build secure attachment. He emphasizes that real transformation comes through emotional experiences—not just information—and outlines a structured approach to rewiring attachment patterns. Through practical tools like self-validation, inner child work, and community-based healing, he shows how people can create lasting security in relationships more efficiently than traditional methods. Main Talking Points Anxious attachment patterns Emotional experiences heal Four healing pillars Inner child work Self-validation tools Repetition rewires brain Connect with Trevor: Website Instagram Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link!If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices