Today I am talking about the main thing that keeps people pleasers and perfectionists from setting boundaries – fear! I am going to walk you through a mindfulness practice to help you feel more relaxed as you can build the courage to confidently set boundaries and say “no” when you need to. Join me in this episode to learn how you can stop letting fear get in the way of not only boundary setting, but pretty much anything that stops you in your tracks.    In this episode: Debunking a common myth about boundaries How awareness puts you in a position of power Mindfulness exercise that desensitizes you to discomfort Freebie:From Shaky to Confident – Free guide to calming the F down! https://subscribepage.io/KNF3Nq   Links: Like what you hear? Let’s talk for a few to see how I can help! https://calendly.com/vicki-46/20min Join the email community! subscribepage.io/L8inBl   Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/ Website -  https://powertothepleasers.comYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q

One of my pet peeves started this episode topic off – how social media posts about “boundary setting” are full of shit. Thankfully I have resolved my irritation, and I am sharing how you can as well. I’d like to invite you to bring your OUTSIDE voice back into the rotation. Well, actually it’s the INSIDE voice that I am calling OUT. This is all the things you practice saying in the shower or in the car and you never can imagine saying them IRL out loud. I’ve got some good ideas about how you can make the IRL thing actually happen. What makes this episode worth listening to: I ask you some super thought-provoking questions right at the beginning Why you’ve said this more than you’d like to admit - “I’d never say that to their face!” How to start moving the big boulder of FEAR that keeps you silent and resentful. All the ways we can hang out and get to know each other: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/ Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@powertothepleasers2020/videos   Another way we can hang out - - - we can work together! Like in real life! Schedule a time to talk and see if what I offer matches what you want to feel better about! https://calendly.com/vicki-46/20min

Decisions scramble people pleasers. We want to make sure everyone is happy with what we choose, but that will never happen. Hard to hear, but it’s the truth. Harder to hear is the reality that we, as pleasers, do not often consider OURSELVES when it comes to making decisions. We get lost in what other people want or what others are doing. No rocking the boat right? In this episode I share how I got totally lost and made a stupid decision that I still live with today. Not an earth shattering one, but one that got my attention and basically that is the main point of this episode – attention and awareness. Enjoy listening to me completely forget my mindfulness practice and get caught up in belonging with the group.   Highlights and take aways from this episode: Link to mini course on decision making using Internal Family Systems. https://powertothepleasers.thrivecart.com/no-more-back-and-forth/ A simple 4 word mantra to guide you in decision making. The super power of getting comfortable with discomfort.   Links: Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk! https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p   No More Back and Forth – A mini course on Decision Making using Internal Family Systems https://powertothepleasers.thrivecart.com/no-more-back-and-forth/   Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/ Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q

Fear of conflict is on every pleaser and perfectionist’s list of “I-wish-this-wasn’t-such-a-big-deal-for-me”. It’s time to break this mountain of fear down! Because it is O L D!I’ll share a few reasons this fear has taken over, where it came from and then give you skills to move through fear (really any kind of fear) so you can feel more solid, more capable and more adult like when you need to have a conversation.   Links: Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk! https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p   Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/ Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q

Cut to the chase episode using mindfulness to work with negative stories that cause us to waste time and energy replaying past events. This is a common sticking point for people pleasers - over analyzing past conversations and worrying x10 that we upset someone or we were selfish and dominated the conversation. Listen to this short episode to find out how to work with this runaway train of worry thoughts and ease up on yourself. Peace out Pleasers! Links: Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk! https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p   Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/ Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q

It’s so easy to get caught in the decision making dilemma of – do I choose what is best for the other person or do I choose what is best for me?People pleasers live in an inner tug of war with their pleasing side wanting to keep the peace and their fledgling boundaries side wanting to protect their time and energy. How do we get you off of this back and forth decision making conundrum? Today I share how you can stop the fighting and start listening to these different parts of your personality. Things to watch out for in this episode: How to change your inner critical voice to a guiding consultant voice. How to shift your feelings of shame and fear around anger to being more appreciative of its message. The coupon code for the FREE mini-course on decision making for people pleasers! *Good for 48 hours from recording of show – March 13, 2024*https://powertothepleasers.thrivecart.com/no-more-back-and-forth/?coupon=REEL24   Links: Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk! https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p   Connect with Vicki:Join the email community: https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/ Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q

Guilt is a killer for people pleasers. We hate feeling it but we feel it all the time. Even when we haven’t done anything! And guess what? Most of the stuff we do isn’t bad enough TO feel guilty about!!! The habit of Guilt is messing with your ability to set boundaries plain and simple. It's making you believe you are harming someone when you aren't - you are just setting limits. And everyone has the right to do that.  Today I share how we can lean into guilt and learn from it. Yes, that sounds horrible and no it won’t be half as bad as your mind makes it out to be. Which is my whole point with guilt in the first place! Your mind and your avoidance of conflict are screwing with your perspective. Can you tell I get fired up about this topic?   Also discussed in this episode: Two new ways of looking at this dreaded emotion. How empathy makes you feel guilty when you don’t have to. Guidelines and mindful questions to help you surf the wave of guilt instead of it pulling you under. *Can be used for any difficult feeling*.   Connect with Vicki:Join the email community: https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/ Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q

It’s pretty easy to lose ourselves in a relationship with an emotionally immature parent. Their need for our emotional soothing trains us to pay close attention to their moods and behaviors instead of stay in tune with our own experiences. Today we go back to basics and turn our attention towards our own internal experiences. It’s time to re-learn who we are from the foundational ground up!   Also discussed in this episode: The connection between not knowing yourself and a lack of self confidence. How self knowledge is vital for clear decision making. Mindfulness practices for the body, mind and heart.   Links: No More Back and Forth The mini course on how to feel more confident in your decision making. I use Internal Family Systems to walk you through the two parts involved in decision making – the pleaser and the boundaries part. Finally break free from the ultimate people pleaser’s dilemma – “Do I choose what is best for YOU or what works for ME?” https://powertothepleasers.thrivecart.com/no-more-back-and-forth/   Connect with Vicki: Like what you hear and want to take the next step? Set up a time to talk! https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p Join the email community: https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/ Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q

Being in a relationship with an emotionally immature parent/person has its challenges. We often feel worn out after interactions because we are doing all the emotional heavy lifting. Let’s give you a break from this weight workout. Today I share how we can take the lead in these interactions and preserve our energy when and if we are around these folks.   Also discussed in this episode: How to let go of the fantasy of the other person changing. Two skills that will keep you from getting caught in their emotional drama. Scripts to help you feel more in the driver’s seat during convos. Questions for determining your personal engagement continuum.   Links: Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk! https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p   Connect with Vicki:Join the email community: https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/ Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q   Unleash Your Authentic Self Guide - https://subscribepage.io/pMJWsW

Our parents are the ones who taught us how to be in the world. How to interact with other people. The rules of life if you will. We gotta take them into account when we get curious about how we became pleasers and perfectionists. Not to blame them, but to get a holistic understanding of our relationship patterns. In this series I break down Emotionally Immature Parenting so you get a chance to understand some significant influences in our relationship development. This episode is the eye opening one. I lay it all out for you and share personality traits, interaction styles and ways to step out of the pattern for a minute and get an outside perspective on some relationship traps you may fall into with your parents. Next episodes are on how to interact with both your parents and other emotionally immature folks in your life and then how to deprogram this pattern for yourself. Learning about EIPs was a huge step in me unhooking from how I related to my parents for a long long time. To our emotional freedom! Also discussed in this episode: The top 4 personality traits of an Emotionally Immature Parent/Person. The DIRECT CONNECTION having an Emotionally Immature Parent has on our people pleasing and perfectionism. An absolutely necessary TRUTHS list to print and repeat to yourself!   Links: Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk about how I can help right here: https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p   Join the email community! https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl   Links to freebies: https://powertothepleasers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/TRUTHS-list-for-Adult-Kids-of-Emotionally-Immature-Parents-2.pdf   Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/vicki.smith.3110/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/ Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q