Potentia Podcast, Series 2, Episode 2 Following the success of series 1 of the podcast, lasting one minute per episode, we have increased to two minutes for series 2. In this episode, we discuss the reason for suffering and start to forgive and self-comfort. There is no need to expect yourself to be your best self all the time.  This is not to say that you get to make excuses for your past mistakes, whether they were deliberate or accidental mistakes.  Instead, you begin on the path towards forgiving yourself for making them.  You might begin by saying "I am learning self-forgiveness". Perhaps there is a place in your body clenched and storing feelings of anger, shame or guilt?  Notice where your attention is drawn to, within your body.   Perhaps move your attention into this area of your body or gently become aware of a realisation that it is natural and human to make mistakes - What if life is like a school? What if your moments of suffering are the lessons?  Maybe there were reasons or difficulties you faced?  Maybe, just like other normal people, you have issues with behavioural control? How did you develop these traits?  Could some of your ancestors have been emotionally reactive? Did your past negative experiences cause you to feel distress, and did that distress cause your negative reactions?  Every one of us can name a million mistakes we made and people we hurt. We did the best we could with the knowledge and pain we felt at the time.  Every day we learn a little better. Ask for help from your Higher Self to be more self-nurturing.  This is a process, a path we continue along.  We will not arrive at destination self-nurture, instead, in each moment, we can ask ourselves to nurture more and criticise less.  We are in school and that's great. 

Potentia Podcast, Series 2, Episode 1 Following the success of series 1 of the podcast, lasting one minute per episode, we have increased to two minutes for series 2. In this episode, we discuss the value of relapse and recovery. Why is relapsing valuable for recovery? We always worry that we are not enough, not good enough, not strong enough, not kind enough.  We worry that when we slip up it is proof of how terrible we are. Slipping up is  a good thing – recovery isn’t a continual incline, but has natural peaks and troughs, forming tension.  Tension creates intrigue, it makes it interesting – it helps us show what we are made of.  The proof of being good enough? Repeatedly pulling yourself back together again. You don’t have to be perfect.  You don’t even have to be stronger than you are.  People in recovery don't have better willpower than you.  Things will get bad, they will get better, and they will get bad again, and all you ever need  do is get back up. No matter how low you feel, how badly you slip back, bringing yourself back up again, makes blaming yourself or others unnecessary. If you blame yourself, you will prove your own theory of being useless, by doing the one thing that messes up your own life most.  Self-blame becomes an EXCUSE to self-harm and continue the suffering cycle.Not that you can stop the suffering cycle – just that it is a good thing.  Suffering creates tension and leads to growth.People in recovery do not have more willpower than you.The person you are interested in romantically hasn't texted - you can go all "there's something wrong with me", or you can choose not to make assumptions.  Being proactive, you might accept that sometimes people want to do things that don't involve having their phones at their hips.  You can say ok, this will happen at times, and plan for the next time you don't get an instant response.  Our lives do not always go as we would like, but sticking to routine and playing the long-game do usually bring better results than old patterns of brattish behavior.    When it seems like you have hit rock bottom, accept that this too shall pass.  It’s ok. Breathe. Believe.  You will gain the best support from yourself.  Use every opportunity to come back stronger and more determined.  Use any tension that life throws at you to push back and recover more quickly. You can be secure in the knowledge that you don't need to avoid the knock-backs or even resist them, all you need to do is get back up.  After suffering comes recovery, after recovery comes growth.  When you accept this, no matter how down you are, you’ll never feel that you’ve let yourself down.You are exactly what YOU need:  Someone who knows how to find the tiniest spark of light and point yourself in that direction. REWARDING YOU FOR YOUR LOYAL SUPPORT The two minute podcast is the free version - we have added a five minute version on our Patreon page for our level 1 supporters.

Episode 5 of our ongoing podcast.  Refers to episode 4 so you might want to recap that one first. The form below might raise your awareness of the skills you can be proud of.

This morning, as I stood looking at the beautiful ocean, my attention was briefly diverted by spinal pain.  Chronic pain is something I face daily, and in that moment I reminded myself that the pain’s intensity could never exceed the intensity of my gratitude.  Gratitude for life, gratitude for feeling my body, as paralysis would be so much more severe.  Gratitude for being IN that moment, with all its forceful energy.  At the weekend, I met my friend in a café – something else to be grateful for as cafes are just reopening after lockdown. This particular friend’s father survived the holocaust. I grew up around older relatives who were also holocaust survivors. My friend sipped her tea and asked me “What is it about the survivors of something so awful, that they dress so immaculately and have done so well for themselves? I literally never met a single survivor who hasn’t made a success of their lives!” My instinctual response to this fascinating question was, “Gratitude.” People have likened lockdown to the second world war, which is insulting when you consider what some of these tremendous elders experienced in the war itself. Health is in everyone’s thoughts presently, as the world wonders if it is getting back to normal or awaiting another quake of health scares. The lesson in all this is, to my mind, gratitude. Life conjures lessons for us, and when we don’t learn them, it brings them back louder, harder, in other forms. If complacent generations don't learn gratitude, what harsher lessons are in store? I didn’t choose to feel chronic pain every day, yet I choose daily to feel gratitude more intensely.

Judging our negative feelings is probably the biggest cause of distress for most of us. Sit with what you feel and say, "this is the time for sadness", while giving yourself an emotional hug or even a massage. The more you experience negative emotion, the better equipped you become to deal with them in the future.

Most humans genuinely want to help others.  Paid mentors, of course, have chosen their profession.  Choice of profession is often relevant to life experience. As our podcast explains, if you can't afford a mentor, this is no reason you should miss out.  Friends can help.  You can even reciprocate. Behind some of the most monumental figureheads, are mentors who encouraged them to reach their potential.  set your intention Consider what you want at the outset. When you choose your mentor, what do you want to achieve and just as importantly, how do you want your mentor to help you achieve it?  Honesty can be both a blessing and a curse.  Are you currently thick-skinned enough to take complete honesty from your mentor?  Be precise in your request - if you want absolute honesty, ask for it.  If you want continual encouragement regardless of opinion, ask for that.  You are the creator.  Consider how much can be gained by expecting your mentor to lead the way.  Two good examples of this are the sponsorship system in Alcoholics Anonymous, and the coaching system at Trichotillomania Support.   Those who expect to quit an addiction by waiting for their sponsor to take action, will wait forever.    When a mentor is not appropriate It is not a good idea to enlist a mentor if you already have another mentor for something else.  Finish working with that mentor or work with an absolute maximum of 2 at a time.  Mentorship is not helpful if you expect the mentor to put in more work than you yourself can do. Ask your mentor to help you take consistent, active steps in a growth direction. Mentorship creates productivity levels beyond working solo. It does not alleviate the need for work.

An introduction to Potentia Podcast, covering what to do if someone upsets you. ONE MINUTE podcast to ease your mind and raise your game. Its official, today we go live with our first EVER podcast, discussing the age-old question of how to get rid of anxiety. An exciting moment for the coaching.care team, we bring the podcast to you not as our own dream, but requested by our community. Thank you so much for supporting us.