Today let’s talk about Self Discipline as an expression of self -care and self-respect and not self-punishment  Question: what do you feel when you hear self-discipline? Do you feel free, knowing you can rely on yourself, Or do you feel dread because it’s hard for you?  I am asking because if we oppose SD with SL - and I see some people do this- we miss out on the benefits of self discipline, freedom, ease, self esteem, growth, good habits, better focus.  In this podcast I will also talk about Mental discipline. Tough love Self discipline not only to do but also to not do, meaning rest.  What is self love? S-PARC  -patience -acceptance -respect -care  When you approach yourself with these in mind you will create a loving relationship with yourself.  I see people talk negatively about self-discipline but does it even make sense to counter-pose it with self-love? Something about it never clicked for me. Those two things are not even up for comparison,  SD is the action we take to make a wish a reality.  SL is how we show up to it.  There is always someone trying to break your self-discipline, usually the people can’t commit to themselves so they don’t like when you commit. And they may want to convince you to overindulge in a substance or activity that would break your self-discipline. They think it is self-love. But you know self-discipline is self love.    If you can’t tell OI from SL, think of the long-term consequences. If I do this activity every day for months, will it create something positive or something I don’t want?    Just because there is a hot dog in front of you and you want to lose a few pounds, it doesn’t mean to love yourself is to NOT eat the hotdog.  It could be a time when it feels right. At this moment you may decide this is the best thing you can eat now.    But we all know what happens when we eat too many hot dogs… There comes the point when the next hot dog will be self-abuse, not self -care.    I also saw that depending on how we understand self love and self discipline we can use them both to harm ourselves or to help ourselves.    After I clarified what self-discipline means to me, what self-love means to me, I saw that they can be one and the same thing.    What do you believe about self-discipline? And are the beliefs helping you or hurting you?  Do you bully yourself into sticking to self discipline?   Does it affect you negatively if you don't do it perfectly?  How would you feel if you knew you could create great results and self-discipline did not have to be perfect.   The most important in my book is Mental discipline In fact if there was one most important gift I could give to every human is the awareness and ability to manage their mind. Whatever action is self discipline, first there is mental discipline. Because our life is the evidence of our thinking.    Quality for thinking.  It doesn’t mean thinking perfectly to have only useful thoughts in the mind. It means being aware of the useless thoughts coming up, and knowing what to do about them.  Lack of mental SD can look like this:  We let ourselves to be caught in a cycle of useless thoughts that keep us confused. You know your thoughts are useless if they prevent you from making decisions, and taking action. We need to recognize what’s happening, why, and clean up the thinking. 1.Think on purpose.  Once we understand that all the results in life will in the end come from our thoughts, we realize that one thought can change the trajectory of our path and the many paths we have in all the areas of life.  One thought can separate us from taking one more step to succeed One thought can separate us from forgiveness One thought on a repeat can make us feel miserable and overeat   2.Mental discipline is another way to predict the future.  Not literally. Think about something that is ahead of you. You may be afraid things will not go the way you want. And you are being reactive to what you don’t want before… You create the images in your mind reacting to them. Mental discipline means you create them in the way you want. And most importantly, you decide ahead of time what you will be thinking and how you will want to feel ahead of time in those situations. We may not be affecting directly what others will do, but we can decide ahead of time who we will be in the situation. 3.Another example of Mental discipline, is the ability to stop the downward spiral of negative thinking. When you think something is wrong with you, how you failed in the past  your brain starts looking for more evidence. Our brain is great about finding the evidence of what we believe. The brain wants to scare us, it wants to keep us alert to potential danger.  And here we go on a downward spiral, and before you know it you are convinced nobody likes you, and you will die alone, in hell. How much time you spent on it. But when you manage your mind this doesn't happen as often or as deeply. You are able to catch it faster. Ok Brain I know what you are doing, let’s find the evidence of something that is to the contrary of this negative thought.  You are able to catch the Ts and laugh at your own mind trying to scare you. And then skillfully lead the thoughts to a constructive path.  4.Next - mental discipline is asking ourselves useful empowering questions.  Look at these thoughts:  What if I try this and I fail?  How am I ever going to do this?  What if I ask for it and they will laugh at me?  The undisciplined Mind doesn’t see the ? at the end of the sentence.  And when we start answering the questions we will notice some questions are useless. There is no way to win with them. We need to ask better questions to actually get out of the loop of confusion and inaction.  TOUGH LOVE  Self Discipline equals freedom. A field manual. - book by Jocko Willinck Mental discipline can look like tough love. Simple.  You ask how do you start exercising - you start exercising  How do I stop procrastinating? You stop procrastinating, here and now.  No wasting time arguing, you said you will do it, and you do it, you don't give yourself time to argue with it. For me It works perfectly well with physical discipline,  Like Daily QiGong. When I almost skipped I got out of bed to do it.  But tough love will not work in creative work.  Sometimes we need another type of approach, more friendly and curious. Suppose you have trauma and blocks from being overworked. Burnout from doing and giving too much. From fighting for survival. From being a workaholic. Being a perfectionist. Tough love won't be the best choice. The gentle way works better.  Sometimes you first need to recover.  Your mind will still need self-discipline, but this time with a bigger dose of self acceptance and self care. Accept:  “this is the state of my body and my nervous system. Not best and that’s ok”. And care - “this time I need to take care of myself first.” You become serious about your wellbeing and wellness. It’s not easy for everyone,  In fact it can be really uncomfortable to put yourself first.  The new area of growth is not to work more and do more. It is to stop the action, stop the work at 6 pm and not 10 pm. It’s uncomfortable at first, like not taking another client or another assignment. Now the self discipline is about scheduling quiet time to tune in, exercise, to listen to your body and soul. For me the tough love is not working here:  Consistency in creating something that requires thinking, to put out there, is an area of growth. That means I suck at consistency (podcast)  Ask me for anything else that doesn't require thinking and I will do it twice in the given time, but as soon as I need to think and create consistently, I turn into a mule - an animal famous for its stubbornness. If you do anything creative, you know: self-discipline in creating is harder than in consuming information.  It’s harder to write a book than read a book.  In this case mental discipline means uncovering the thoughts and beliefs and feelings that make it hard. Self inquiry done in an intentional useful way. I don't like comparing but it’s good to put things in perspective.  Think about the people who need to be self disciplined under extreme conditions. Courage, readiness, superhuman abilities, and we - in the warmth of our homes in cozy blankets complain it’s hard to stop drinking wine or eat cookies or to get up and move. It sounds pretty ridiculous. When you are functioning pretty well a little bit of tough love can dramatically speed up your results.  Is it really hard to do something for my own good and own goal?  This rather sounds like a luxury and privilege. Haha! What an amazing benefit of freedom: to work deliberately on something that is basically FOR ME.  And I know that our minds will make it hard. When you are going through sugar and flour withdrawal, your mind will tell you it is a nightmare, and it still can be an expression of your care and love for yourself. Expression of freedom: that you can do it.  Discipline equals freedom. You have it on schedule.  No decision fatigue trying to decide what to do now.  Discipline equals freedom, because once you do a certain thing for 21-66 days, the action is delegated to the subconscious mind. From that point it’s on an autopilot. with some things we want that. That action becomes easier. And the conscious mind, the part that is doing the hard thinking, is freed up to do something else.  What would you like to delegate to the subconscious?  In other words, who would you like to become? Do you want to become the person who goes on a beautiful walk and then creates first things in the morning? Or someone who checks what others write?  Do you want to become the person who creates a caring ritual for herself in the evening instead of scrolling the phone?  Self discipline is keeping yourself in the highest regard - Brooke Castillo  How? Get coached. Coach yourself. And if you want help from me … positivelyrebellious.com  

Is weight loss a shallow goal? Not if you see what it takes to overcome limiting beliefs, change the habits and stop emotional eating. These four women did a lot of inner work to face very different challenges and obstacles - they did the deep work to step into their power, make different choices in order to lose weight. 

Obviously, we want to feel all the good feelings. But what is the purpose of negative emotions? Where do they come from? What to do about them, and what not to do because it backfires.  What do feelings have to do with real life? They are the reason we want anything. Or do anything. They decide about our entire experience of being alive!   You may say: Don’t we have bigger things to focus on and to learn about? Money, relationships, spirituality?  When you want to make more money, why is it? It’s because you want to feel secure, safe, accomplished, acknowledged, able to buy things, and empowered. All of these are feelings.  When you are in conflict with someone, why do you want to repair that relationship?  It’s because you feel hurt, misunderstood, rejected, resentful, maybe entitled to better treatment - those feelings do not feel good. And you want to feel peace, respect, love, harmony.  Even when the biggest struggle seems to be only in your mind. It’s a problem because of the feelings. Maybe you feel conflicted, alone, confused, bored, lost, maybe you feel shame. All of them are feelings and you know things are right when you feel: clear, right in your own skin, self-acceptance, you feel open and grounded.  In those three examples, feelings are what create the difference. Yes, things may change outside of you but the quality of the entire experience depends on how you feel.  What feelings have to do with daily life? They are equally important in small situations in daily life. Just recently I had a talk with a landscaper next door. In this 10 min conversation we managed to talk about feelings. I wasn’t the one who started. Because I was aware how my negative feelings can impact the result I want to create - I was able to manage my mind within 3 minutes.  Part 1 Where do Feelings come from  In episode 5 I talked about the model we use to overcome limiting beliefs and change our life for the better. Feelings are a part of it. They come from our thinking.  But it is normal, this is what we always do: we say that we feel a certain way because of what someone did or said, because of what’s going on, because of everything external. That’s likely going to continue in all daily conversations. But when we want to be aware and direct our experience and understand ourselves why we do what we do. We need to look at what we are thinking that leads to certain feelings.  I love this example: If you don't love yourself, you will interpret others actions or words as not loving. But If you love, like and respect yourself - you will have no issue with what someone did or said, being at the healthiest place, it will be neutral to you. In fact you may not even notice.  If we can keep attributing our emotions completely to the circumstances and other people, government or the weather, we will delegate responsibility for our emotions, we will be an effect of the world around us. And this can lead us to blaming. and disempowerment. we will keep waiting for circumstances or others to change so we can feel better. But they don't.  There is a space between what other people do and our feelings.  This is a space for making their actions mean something. And each of us will make it mean something else.  Let’s take apart this situation. I’m going to put it into the mental model, because every situation has 5 elements. Circumstances, Thoughts, Feelings, Action, Result.  I talked to a woman who said was mad because….. her husband had work events as a part of his job, while she was staying home with kids.  Let’s be more precise. This woman thought she was mad because her husband participated in the events.  What is really the cause of her feeling mad?  Was it her husband attending networking events?  Husband attending networking events is a neutral fact, until she had a thought about it.  We discovered her real thought was “he is having fun, he doesn’t care about us” That Thought made her Feeling mad  This is important to know because that feeling affected how she acted towards him, and herself.  As you can guess she didn't act lovingly towards him. She expressed that madness, maybe also jealousy, she told him you don’t care.  As a result she made sure he didn't have fun, she certainly didn’t, and she acted towards him like she didn’t care.  Her emotion didn’t come from him being away, but from how she thought about it.  Not everyone would agree with her. Not every wife would have the same reaction.  Another person could think: I’m glad I’m home to put kids to bed, I’m glad I have more time for myself. I’m glad he has this job, he is so good in this role.  So when you think about your emotions and where they come from, make sure you separate facts from thoughts.  To do it, describe the situation factually, without opinions and adjectives.  Here is another real-life example:  My friend told me a story where she thought the fact was "That woman attacked me." We discovered it is a thought. Because when she described the moment as a fact, as other people would observe it from the outside.  It went like this:  She came close to me at the bar and said “How are you doing? It's horrible what happened to you 5 years ago.”  My friend interpreted it as an attack because of that person's way of being loud, pushy and b/c of the memories of how she hurt her years ago. But in that moment the fact was she asked a questions (being herself)  When my friend separated the thoughts from the facts she said: oh wow, it’s possible she actually cared. “It’s possible she cared” was a thought. “she attacked me” was also a thought One situation, two thoughts, two, so dramatically different feelings.  When you know… you apply it in life.  In the situation with the landscaper   It was strange to be aware of what's going on with my feelings from the moment I noticed the trash on our side and being aware that what I feel will affect the result of this conversation.  You know how you clean up your yard and the next day, they do landscaping next door and blow all the leaves on your place? SO I was addressing that. And in the 10 min conversation, he and I talked about lots of feelings.    F: defensive, attacked, attacking, frustrated, willing, respectful.  From the moment I saw the trash on our side. Through the few min when I found him I went from mad to decisive and cooperative. When I was about 10 yards from him I knew I needed to take care of my feelings before my actions (meaning speaking) because it will influence my final result. So I changed my feeling to be more cooperative.  By the end I realized that my cooperative feeling was not quite sincere; there was still underlying righteousness. And he pointed out that he sensed it.  Part 2  The purpose of negative emotions. (Feeling better is not always the goal.) The goal is to be fully human. being always happy may not be.  Just because we have power to change our feelings by changing our thoughts doesn’t mean that the purpose is to go from one extreme to another. It doesn't mean you should aim for happiness all the time.  Sometimes the painful F is the healthiest response of a healthy functioning human. If someone you care about gets sick - you want to feel concerned or determined to find a solution. When someone you love dies, you want to feel sad; you want to feel grief. Anything other than this would be unnatural.  Negative makes positive possible. You know the difference, you know the contrast . An authentic human life consists of positive and negative; some say it’s 50/50. We want to rebel against it. We always want to feel good. And that backfires. I also rebel against it, and when I do, I extend my own pain.  We feel negative emotions in situations when personal safety is threatened. It is time to run, not think happy thoughts. We feel uncertain or uncomfortable when we are learning a new skill - pushing the limits of our mental or physical abilities. This is the time to expect discomfort. After all we make new connections in our brains. It is uncomfortable. But you want the skill, and the pain may be the price to pay.  Part 3  What to do with the feelings You learned that it comes from thoughts but it’s not about "thoughts swapping."  Often the most authentic thought leads us to painful feeling.  And lying to yourself will leave you feeling cheated or that there is something wrong with you.  So this is the hardest part but most useful.  Feel the feelings Do not: resist, avoid, react But instead: allow, process, feel Reacting is not the same as allowing.  Reacting means you act out the emotion. While allowing means you process it on the inside - It is not the same as suppressing. (Suppressing is denying and has nothing to do with processing. ) FEEL IT.  So you are at a place where you feel discomfort. See what is so hard about it. How does it feel in your body? Describe the feeling moving through you. Don't think for a moment about the story, the reason why you feel the feeling. Focus on the sensations and vibrations in your body - because this is what feelings are. And let it flow. Emotion wants to be in motion. It doesn't like to be held in place. If we get stuck in negative emotion, it’s not by some outside force but because we make it happen - I made a video about being stuck in negative emotions. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtnBHn6JzcI I mentioned in the beginning that We destroy our lives, wallets and health if we want to run away too fast from the negativity. Because we want to feel better asap, we reach for substance, gambling, food, shopping, scrolling to get the dopamine hit, and we don’t even look at the cause of the feelings. We don’t acknowledge what’s happening within our minds. In a way instead of becoming more aware , we become unconscious.  And the process of change is the process of expanding awareness.  Once you process the feelings take a look at your thoughts, how your thinking created this feeling, Because it might happen that the thought didn't even tell you the truth about the situation. So question. Byron katie yourself: Is this absolutely true? Who would you be w/o this thought? Is this useful?  Another helpful method is Equal air time  There is a thought that creates painful feeling.  It is so true to you you don't want to give it up. But there is also a different side of the situation. We are often so scared of the future, by our own imagination, that we don't see that we are ok in this moment. A negative thought can cover the whole sky of our mind. And... what else can you notice?  I am scared of the flight but I’m safe now.  I’m scared of the medical procedure but I don’t feel pain now.  I am stressed and I will have 30 min today to relax  I am afraid and I am healthy now People do things wrong, and many people do things right  Conclusion Questions to ask your self and journal about:  What do you want to feel on a reg basis And what can you think to feel it?  Who do you rely on to make you feel something and how can you release them from this responsibility and take charge of what you feel. Release them from the T what they should be doing and decide what you want to be thinking.  positivelyrebellious.com 

How do we increase the value of something we do or have? When you appreciate something you increase its value in your eyes.  When it has higher value in your eyes, you treat it as an asset, you take care of it, invest in it -  you actively help it to increase its worth. When do we think of appreciation? When we talk about the appreciative mindset and when we talk about the increase in value of money, investments, real estate.  One has to do with mental attitude, the other with finances. But I put those two things together in my mind when I was asking myself: how do I  take advantage of the time and freedom I have, and I saw those two kinds of appreciation have more in common than it may seem.  I recalled a conversation I had with an investor who is very good at increasing the value of the assets he has. He isn’t only waiting passively for the circumstances to increase the value of what he has (like demand, economy, jobs) He also actively improves the value  of the assets by seeing potential in them and improving them. This work has value for others.  Strange topic for a personal development podcast? It helped me to connect the dots.  You can tell the difference between people who appreciate themselves and those who don’t. People who appreciate others and those who don’t. Some people are always ready to settle for breadcrumbs while others will only consider the whole loaf. I know we can see the breadcrumb people in a better light as more humble but I’m not sure if they create what they truly want for themselves  And you can see it clearly how sometimes people don’t appreciate their life, bodies, time they have on earth. Waste time, they don’t seek to use and improve their skills, they don’t see themselves as worthy of their own attention and care, they poison themselves, they accelerate their aging.  Here i don't want to talk about how to change that, this naturally would require a personal reawakening, and a total change of mindset (and we know it happens) . I give the examples to illustrate how you can tell who appreciates and who doesn’t.  When you see a person who appreciates himself or herself: they use their time in a worthwhile way, they  appreciate the skills they have and they invest in improving those skills. Hence not only they benefit but many others benefit in many ways from their skills.   I want my dentist, my doctor, and my hairdresser to keep improving their skills and knowledge because I will benefit from it.   Definition of Active appreciation  Is something we do to increase the value of who we are, what we have, what we do. And as the result we create more value, we increase the worth of our skills and assets in monetary and many non monetary ways. Who we are  in our roles and jobs (not as human beings - because that value never changes.  I'm on a road trip now and we visited many towns and cities and you can tell if there is no appreciation. Where there is no appreciation it leads to depreciation. There is lack of care, trash, graffiti, run down buildings, uneven sidewalks, and general sense of sadness. Because there is no beauty.  Such a city will not attract tourists, businesses, or an influx of money, it will not attract people who want to live there and do their part in taking care of the place.  The opposite of appreciation is lack of care, lack of attention and neglect.  How does it relate to personal development and our skills? how can we appreciate our non material assets so we actively raise the value of those assets?  Example: The present moment.  The moment I have now will have less or more value to me, depending on how I choose to see it. Do I choose to notice it? What do I think  and feel about it? What will I DO consciously from that place, not being on autopilot? Which usually means, being caught up in worry, anxiety about something coming up, self criticism. Appreciating the moment increases its worth to me now.  How exactly does it fit into a model? (from Episode 5 ) Take anything, take any of your relationships, your goals, or your skills.  C- goal: a book desire to write + a talent  T- you can have many thoughts about it. Let’s look at those that create a problem that means don't contribute to effective work:  It will never get done, who needs another book, there are plenty of books written on this subject, I’m a fraud trying to talk about it, people will think I got it figured out and I’m still a hot mess. It’s not good enough.  F- discouraged  (some thoughts will cause you to feel regret, panicked, rushed) A- how do you like to work on something when discouraged? You may look into the past, devalue the idea, devalue your talent, devalue your time you have in the month to come, maybe even denying you have time, not looking for opportunities to create the time in your schedule. Overeat and find ways to make yourself feel better temporarily R- book not written, work not progressing, nothing created - no value for you or anyone. I know well that you will have dozens if not hundreds thoughts about any given subject. This is just a drop in the ocean of those thought.  Intentional thinking how active appreciation shows up in the model:  C- goal: a book desire to write + a talent  T- I will get it done at the right time  F- openness  A- open your eyes to the time available, create spaciousness when it comes to creative thinking, freedom of choice when and how you will get it done, think positive thoughts about you, your talent and your book idea. Hence valuing all of it. Schedule and write from a place of fulfillment and responsibility to your idea.  R- progressing work, growing body of work. Better appreciation for the idea, skill, yourself, and your future reader, and sense of worth.  Self appreciation is not selfish, there is always someone on the receiving end.  Someone who benefits.    By valuing what we have or do we increase it’s worth because our thoughts that focus on appreciation, create feelings that lead to actions that increase the worth of the assets. Remember to look at the worth way beyond monetary value. If you think there is room for you to have more self appreciation, especially when it comes to getting your creative things done and if on top of that you see that your creative frustrations lead you to overeating - you are at the right place. I help to address both and create success in both areas. Go to Positivelyrebellious.com and schedule a free consultation. Thank you for listening! 

Why are you not acting on your creative ideas ? As creatives, why do we delay creating, why are we not happy with how little we do?  How creativity and our story about it affects our self esteem. What happens when we make a decision to follow our ideas and inspiration.  And the undercurrent of personal growth that happens as we work on our art.  You may remember a time when you were so busy with work or family obligations. You were dreaming about a time when you’d finally focus on writing, making art, studying. And maybe the time has already arrived for you, you are in a comfortable place in life when you don’t need to chase anything, you could focus on yourself now, but you got caught up in other people's ideas of what to do with your time. Your schedule is full but it doesn't fulfill you. There is still a craving you don't tell anyone about but it comes up  Do you remember the moment when your schedule got freed up. Think about the intensity of that emotion. You were excited about the time you have. Still, maybe you were not so intentional in creating a new plan that would include making art.  It happens When we are swamped and suddenly we have more time, we don’t know what to do with it, we start looking for things to do.  Where will the fulfillment come from?  It will not come from the pleasures of consuming.  If you are looking for a deep experience you need to go within and start creating something.  There are only so many book you can read, then comes a moment when you need to write something, if writing was your dream. There are only so many paintings you can see, at some point you need to start painting, if painting was your dream.  An archetype is written into your soul, you cannot not express it.  Even if you think of the pleasure of witnessing nature  One of the deepest experiences is contact with nature, and specifically being alone in nature. No matter how healing, balancing and necessary it is for us, there comes a moment when the wave of wonder slows down and we just want to do something. By nature we are co creators.  We need the balance of giving and receiving, doing and being.  If you don’t follow the creative voice for a longer time, and your ideas come to mind, you may feel a range of emotions, from a subtle sense of resignation to panic. Because time passes by. So what exactly are you waiting for? More time? More assurance? More skills? Guidance, permission? Who decides that you are ready?  For many people it is often about the time. We feel guilty about spending time in solitude, which is need to go to the magic land for the ideas to unfold, so we participate in social and we don't set boundaries we don't create new rules, new schedules, nobody is preventing us from it, only we are, but the longer you wait the more you will resent people that actually are not stopping you from it, you don't know exactly how to express the need. To not offend anyone, as if that is a given.  Something else is also waiting underneath the call from your creative self.  And that inner need to grow and evolve.  WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU COMMIT  If you start imagining what to create , the vision may be exciting , and once you commit you will notice . Expect an emotional rollercoaster before you settle into the new rituals.  That means tomorrow morning you need to get up and do something towards it and make a step forward. Often we dream of the big picture, big dreams realized but it does not happen without the daily work in the small picture.  It is not obvious that you will follow the creative voice.  You may regret not using your talents and at the same time not be willing to do the daily work.  Tell a story you really want to tell yourself. Example: blaming others for lack of time vs being clear that you are choosing not to create time, you are choosing to spend it this way.  Do you feel the difference? One pictures you as a victim, The other gives no clarity. and invites you to take responsibility.  You can absolutely work on feeling satisfied w/o doing anything beyond what you do now. You can just exist. This can be your work.  But my guess it you will be uncomfortable because the voice is calling you to create something Here is the thing though the work is waiting for you no matter what you choose. you can choose making art... discomfort of creating and facing the hard parts. you can choose not to create and face the discomfort of regrets, and then you will do the mental work on overcoming the regrets.  the difference  The discomfort that you will feel on the creative path will be serving your evolution. in contrast to the discomfort of giving up On your potential .  We tend to look at our life in this short period of time and have an opinion about it. If that opinion is negative, if you think........ lift above the timeline of your life and look further into the past and acknowledge you were incredibly creative before, and think about the future; how much time you still have to make something meaningful. How are you defining yourself? Can you give yourself credit for what you have done already?  The art is a tool of personal growth. So when you are called to do some art the art will have uncomfortable moments, because your art is a tool for your personal growth. You are not only working on the paragraph, you are not only working on the section of the canvas, you are facing your doubts, will they like it, and you get lost and you find yourself.  You are working on the art, and the art is working on you, asking more of you. And when you put more into it -  this is how you get more out of life. What are the next logical steps to take?  We tend to seek comfort, but once we are comfortable how do we make sure we feel alive? 

Today I want to talk about the foundation of creating awareness.  Once we know how our mind created what we have, we can start building on purpose what we want. This is also the foundation of coaching. It’s a mental model that simplifies everything. This tool is so versatile. People use it to lose weight, improve relationships, make more money and move forward with acceptance despite everything they face. And we use it also to feel more authentic and accepting of ourselves and out life.  There are 5 things in the universe. 5 things in any situation. 5 things in any relationship, the same 5 things in the weight loss process, or money making process.  We can classify everything we come across into 5 categories that influence each other. Circumstances - facts everyone would agree on Thoughts about the situation. Thoughts create  Feelings - because w/o a thought, there is no feeling.  Actions or lack of actions  because our actions are driven by our feelings  Results - the direct effect of the actions and lack of actions.  I want to talk more about each of them but it’s always helpful to give a real life example.  When you separate what you think about a situation from the cold facts about it something happens in that moment  Maybe you feel unmotivated because you think it’s such a hassle to go to the gym The cold facts are:  C- gym on your schedule. T - it’s so hard to go to the gym  F - unmotivated  Action - not going, negative self talk  thinking how hard it is to lose weight R- make it harder to exercise and lose weight What are we in control of ? The thought.  C- gym on schedule  T - I cannot wait to go to the gym  F- excitement  A - keep showing up every day in the moment more energy to go to the gym, did not waste time on overthinking.  R - you are showing up and make it easy for yourself to exercise Let’s look closer at each part of the model, and the relationship between the parts of the model, because magic (aka awareness) happens when we realize it.  Circumstances  Everything we can’t control: weather, other people and their actions, their words, our goals, current weight, diagnosis, everything that happens in the world and we can’t control, including our past.  The C is neutral. This doesn’t mean we feel neutral about it, it’s neutral in a way that it exists. Everyone would agree on it.   When we say:  it’s hot - it is subjective. It's a thought. What is a fact about the situation?  It’s 98 F But then one person will say it’s too hot, another person may say it feels just right.  Or you may be feeling offended because you think “this person is disrespectful” You can see this guy as disrespectful, and maybe most people would agree with you. And it may be shocking to you that we cannot classify it as a fact.  "He is disrespectful" is a thought, because there is an adjective. Now when you try to describe the person using only facts, you could say:  He doesn't say hello when he walks into the office.  Or he didn’t return your call in 5 days.  Or he didn’t hold the door for me Whatever the situation, now do you see that he is disrespectful is an opinion. And when you see just the facts, you have so many options to think about this person.  In the end you are the one that deals with the results of your thinking and feelings. When it comes to people that we are triggered by- the result is that we spend way too much time thinking about them. They spend too much time in our head and we invite them to our mental space.  Another example of Circumstance The past - what do you think about your past?  Sometimes we are not very happy it. We look back and feel resentful, regretful, shame, hurt.  You can also feel positive feelings like gratitude, appreciation, relief, and we never consider those feelings a problem.  The past is done. But you have the power to change how you think about the past.  There is no upside in feeling guilty, resentful, or regretful about the past. If we think the thoughts that make us feel resentful, we create more resentment now, and tomorrow this moment will be in the past.  And looking back spending energy on resentment, you create more and more of it, more of what you don’t want.  Thought - About the facts. Sometimes things happen fast and you don’t realize you have a thought. But you will quickly create meaning for the situation. Like in situations dangerous to your personal safety. No matter how long we study the model, we will continue talking about the facts, using thoughts, thinking we are describing the facts. It’s natural, we are adding descriptions and words indicating our feelings about the fact. We describe events as wonderful, fun, or terrible, frustrating, scary.  I have been using the model intensely since the beginning of 2019 and I still do it all the time. But when I know my story doesn’t serve me, when the negative emotions take too much energy, I have to write down the model. And check what are the facts.  When you give yourself space, maybe when you meditate, you will notice you can observe your thinking. There is an observer or watcher within; this gives us an incredible power of choice.  You can think and you can observe your thinking - and it’s happening within one brain. Feelings.  Whatever we think creates a feeling. There are no neutral thoughts.  You already know you can choose what to think about the circumstances.  Now you see the consequences of the thoughts. In your body. Feelings are vibrations in the body. When you feel love you feel expanding energy and lightness, when you feel scared you feel contraction, tingling in your chest, when you feel worthy you may feel this elevating energy, feelings are felt in the head, chest, shoulders, back, abdomen, legs…  Feelings will drive our actions.  Usually when we don't take action it's because we feel dread, discomfort, we feel unmotivated, and why do we feel it? Because we think it will be hard. It will take too much effort, or we'd rather do something easier now. I talked about discomfort in my first episode, it’s such a deceiving emotion, because of the discomfort of doing or not doing. No way to avoid it either way, and discomfort is the currency to our dreams,  I want to mention it is possible to use the model against ourselves..  For example I should be thinking something more positive. Etc. I shouldn't be feeling so bad since I’m doing the work.  You cannot force yourself to think something you don’t really believe.  We need to tune in into the new thoughts we create because you need to believe them. If you force yourself to a positive t you don’t believe - you will feel miserable.    So take small steps towards better and believable thoughts.  If you are not feeling better.. Well.. sometimes the goal is not to feel better.  The goal is to have a full human experience and often it is not pleasant. In the moments when we say goodbye... We want to feel sad, in some moments you may want to feel quiet within.    So we know that feelings drive our actions.    If you wanted to write a chapter of your book today, what would you need to feel?  Inspired? Determined? Uncomfortable? Always. Focused?  What do you need to be thinking to feel it?    Maybe “this is something people want to read This will give someone hope I need to share my story I have three hours for my best work. I can do this. "   I can be uncomfortable and still do the work.    All helpful thoughts.  Unlike unhelpful thoughts of this sort.  "Who needs another book! Nobody needs this book.  I will never write as good as such and such.  Who am I kidding? " Can you feel the difference? Do you realize now how powerful feelings are in whatever we want to create?  The later t’s will not lead to action that we want to take to create the results we want.    The action, directly affects the results,  Directly affected by the feelings. If you are not doing something you promised yourself, check what your feelings are. And then observe what you are thinking. Examples of actions are: calling a customer, or not, preparing your food, cleaning, or not, meditating, exercising, overeating, overthinking, procrastinating, worrying (though it is also a feeling it can be action when you indulge in it.  Willpower: take action without addressing T and F  The last part is the Results.  Examples of result are: specific numbers on the scale.  Finished program.  50 pieces of art completed  Published book.  Getting married.  Being hired.    We want those things because of how we think they will make us feel.  The focused work lies in managing the mind daily. If you want to have a book published a year from now, maybe today you need to create one page or one chapter. This one chapter, when completed - is the result you want to have accomplished today. And the thought leading to the right feeling and action may be different than the thought leading to the published book.    Whatever you think will be evident in the result.   

Obstacles to mindset shift and manifestation  In the previous episodes I talked about changing the mind, how we need to change our thinking if we want to create something new, reach goals, lose weight, and have a better relationship.  In this episode I want to go through the obstacles, ways we sabotage the transformation. Simply put, the obstacle is another contradicting thought.  Between the wish to have something new and the manifestation of it there is a space, and your old identity will have a lot to say in that space. You will be falling backwards… Your survival mechanism will have a lot to say…. Between the desire to change something and the moment when you start showing up in a new way -  there is a space, you need to do things in this space to create what you promised yourself.  So what are the  ways our own mind is slowing down the process of change, even the change we desire. Let’s find out.  1. Not practicing long enough. Quitting on the change.  I know it can be very frustrating. Things are not happening, you have a goal and it doesn't happen. But it means you didn’t happen to it, you didn't practice long enough, tweaked We practiced this old thinking for a long time, and the brain learned, delegated it to the subconscious, to be efficient and it runs on the autopilot, this is why it is hard to change.  To change, to become who we want to be according to our intentional vision for the future. we have to stay aware of the mind, rehearse the new thought, practice until it is on an autopilot and the brain to be efficient delegate it to the subconscious mind,  2. Practicing thoughts you don't really believe. Remember practicing affirmations in the 80’s 90’s ? After a while you would give up because it was like telling yourself lies. But the key to them was to create a believable statement, believable thought. Often they were about self love. If you can’t believe I’m lovable as I am. It is easier to say: I open myself to the possibility that.. I am lovable as I am . Or it is possible that I am lovable.  There is a skill to leaving behind the old thoughts and thinking,  believing something you never believed before. Imagine there is a gap in between where you are now with your goal and where you will be once it’s done.  You need to create a bridge. The bridge is a thought. You may think I am getting this done. But more likely with goals that take longer,  the bridge has many supporting parts on it.Many supporting thoughts bridging thoughts that will get you from one side to the other side. You need to believe every one of them. And if you don't, maybe you went too far and need to take a few steps back and create different thoughts.  3. Looking into the past for proof. Not focused on the future. But I was never able to do this. This requires a leap of faith. A combination of learning and trying things.  Instead of looking into the future be inspired by what the future may hold when you hold the vision of the new belief  The new thought doesn't stick because We look to the past for proof of what is possible. We think that the future will be a continuation of the past. We drive forward looking backward. We don't create the future  intentionally in our mind.  4. You are undecided. You confuse the universe or yourself in the same sentence  You say you want something but maybe not,  but maybe you do.  I want a Porsche but wait maybe I just can live with a bike  I am going to Canada, or no, maybe to Mexico. Universe: I have been working on the ticket for you and you keep changing the mind. I have been aligning the things for you to have the Porsche but if you are fine with a bike, ok then!  Staying in indecision takes a lot of energy. It keeps us where we are, tired of going back and forth.  5. You can’t tell apart the thoughts coming from the primitive brain and evolved brain. And should I add, mostly the thoughts coming from the primitive brain will not get us what we deliberately want to create.  You consciously want to write a book.  You will have a lot of thoughts. All over the place. Some of them will help you write the book. Others will keep you stuck in the draft stage. Forever.  But when we know what thoughts come from the primitive brain and what comes from the evolved brain the solution is clear.  The brain operates in the motivational triad: preserve energy, avoid pain, seek pleasure. Creative work is effort. Putting your work out there may potentially create pain of facing opinions and judgements. So the brain will offer you thoughts like “You don’t need to work on it now. You still have time! There is something more important to do now. Aren’t you hungry?” And you often will believe them, unless you remember where they come from.  Do the work now. Delay gratification.  Instant gratification. Delay work.  6. We fall off the wagon and make it mean something instead of getting back on it.  Fall off the wagon, thinking you need to start anew.  Life will happen while building new habits and a new mindset. Are you really going to beat yourself up every time there is a break? Keep building upon what you have. Practice makes it permanent.

I love this quote Hafiz: The words you speak become the house you live in.  If so… it is even more true that the thoughts you think become the house you live in.  You can't run away from your thoughts, they are always there.    Today I want to talk about Mindset. Mindset being a collection of thoughts. The house you live in.  Mindset is affecting how we experience life and what we create in each area of life.  If you don't like the experience that your mindset is creating - what can you do?  In this episode I want to share real life examples of the impact of changing just one thought, few thoughts, or the mindset in a specific area of your life.  And coincidentally, I recently thought of this metaphor in a coaching session, Changing the mindset is like tearing down an old house and rebuilding it from the bottom up. It was a client who had decades of belief and thoughts that created extra pounds she didn't like it. She doesn;t want to keep it so she can't keep the thoughts that cause it.  She was passionately sharing  how she cannot change the thoughts…but these were only few thoughts. To undo decades of beliefs we need to change the mindset. And luckily even if people have no patience for this, I have patience for both of us.  So I was sharing how now we are taking down the old house, (5th week) old mindset and we are building a new one. Now we have the mess, construction going on, dust.. The thoughts that she said she couldn't change were part of the construction mess. (if it was a real construction it wouldn’t happen ) We are already building something new, but we are stumbling upon some mess that is still there. She already lost weight. Already is thinking in a different direction, meaning already adopted some new thoughts, but some are still in the way.  So 10  min later we loosened up the roots of the negative thoughts and  The following week she was so glad that I didn’t let her believe the BS . But only several days ago, she was sure this was the truth about her. To move from 200 to 150 you will need to change the mindset, one T at a Time, , not just one T.  Also if you are a drinker, procrastinator or chocoholic and you want life free of alcohol, procrastination or chocolate and sweets - it’s a mindset change.     One indicator of transformation is how the emotions change, I mean there is no drama if you don't want to change anything right, we simply don't know how addicted we are to something unless we remove it.  But when you initiate change you have more negative emotions especially when you want to use willpower to change. you may go back to the habit, then you struggle again. And then… if you practice new thoughts, slowly the urges become less urgent, the desperation less desperate and frequent. You become more free. And one day you realize you say I don’t eat chocolate. I don’t drink alcohol, I am a nonsmoker. I am getting things done.  I trust myself. You start defining yourself as a new person.  Unthinkable.  It happens because you practiced. The new skills.  In other cases it's like painting  a room. (here I give an example of transforming my resentment)  And sometimes it is a correction of one thought. Like moving furniture around. Still you walk in and it feels different.  EXAMPLE so simple, you may not believe it is impactful but check it for yourself.  we share how much you have to do...   come across as a complaint (...)  When you realize you don't have to. But you choose to, or you  want to.  The energy changes instantly for most of us.  Two basic powerful steps we need, to start changing the thoughts .  Empty your mind.  See what thoughts are you thinking.  2. Separate facts from thoughts… Now this is tricky, and it is good to have some help here.  What are facts? Facts are the past, other people, weather, things everyone could agree on,  proven, diagnosis, physical condition.  Even though you want something that you can’t have with that thought. FIRST powerful shift happens  when we realize that it is a thought  And thoughts are optional.  When you realize what are the facts and only facts in the situation without all the story judgment, adjectives and opinions. you can see the situation with new eyes, with a new mindset.  What happens with the deeply rooted thoughts.  First when you know they are thoughts - this loosens them up a bit. When you ask yourself good questions - they loosen up even more.  What is this thought creating - you realize that it is taking you in the opposite direction to your goals. How do you want to think about this situation - it is often a surprise that this is an option.  Example - a woman shares with me she regrets purchasing an equipment because “it wasn’t worth it” (cont) Another thing that is helping to loosen up the deep negative thoughts is focusing in the right direction.  Very often we believe the thoughts because we have huge evidence for them in the past. We have the proof.    But what we want is different, what we want is in the future, we don't have proof for it yet, We need to create the evidence,  So instead of focusing on the past we need to start focusing on the future   Imagination, exploring a possibility and practice  believing, you see-  it starts with a new thought.  Again we need to be deliberate about it. Because focusing on the Past - doesn't require energy, it’s like falling into a downward spiral. focusing on the future - required more energy from the brain. More thinking.

You hear them from people around you every day.. . "I can't... I have never done it before  I am just not good at this  Things like this don’t happen to a person like me… All the good ones are taken".  In this episode let's take a look at limiting beliefs.  1) What are they? 2) Where do they come from, how do we make them stronger.  3) How to find your own limiting beliefs 4) How to transform them 5) Practice them If a Limiting belief is limiting our potential, then the opposite is expansive, freeing expanding, elevating, amplifying, simply  empowering beliefs. There are few fast ways to change them but most likely it will take time and conscious effort.  The evolution of thinking is the most natural thing, and maybe the most rewarding.  I know that, if I traveled to the future 10 years from now, the most disappointing thing would be to see that I haven't changed.  Limiting beliefs are thoughts that pretend to be true.  Beliefs are just thoughts. It may seem they are facts, but they do not need to be facts at all, for us to be deeply convinced of them. Yes, even when those beliefs limit us.  Limiting beliefs prevent us from taking action that would bring us fulfillment. Keep us small.  How come?  If beliefs are thoughts, naturally they create a feeling, an emotional state, and everything we do, or don’t do, every action we take or don’t take is driven by our feelings.  So it’s clear: when you have a thought that you can’t do it - you won't try it, and the result is that you don’t have it. If you believe you don't deserve something, even if it comes to you, you will either not see it, or you will lose it. Often they become a part of your identity.  2.Where do the Limiting Beliefs come from  They come from strong emotional experiences,   Repeated things we heard, the reality we lived in.   Event - to which you attached a negative meaning  The stronger ones may come from childhood. But we can create limiting thoughts and beliefs in adulthood as well. We could be creating limiting beliefs all day long.  They come from a disempowering interpretation of personal experiences.  3) HOW TO FIND your limiting beliefs in your head.  (beliefs are thoughts)  Look at the area of life that is not working, that you are not satisfied with. Journal. Stream of consciousness writing. Empty the brain.  It’s like cleaning up a messy drawer with socks. We need to empty it, select the old ones and throw them away, and decide what you want to put back in. Why would you keep old socks, that don't look good, if you can afford to 100 pairs of new socks,   How to change them?    This is not about swapping thought A better feeling thought. Steps.  Often trasfmorming one limiting belief to empowering one doesn't happen in one step.  Actually what is closer to practice and we see in casual coaching is that we choose a thing that feels better, you try it you see its impact on life and you can open up to even better thought and even better, and this is how you create better results. Create time and space to contemplate the beliefs, put them against the scale of life. Is it worth it to carry them  all these years.  So How to transform limiting beliefs   Mind management. Become aware of the thought, see what it leads you to.Steps. One little improvement at a time.  5) Then go out to the world and test it  Practice the new thought. Like a new habit.  The limiting belief will try to call you back.  You will want to fall into the past thinking. It will give you more reasons it was right.  By making an effort you will get out of the rut.  Until one day this will be your new reality 

In the episode I mentioned this guided meditation  https://insighttimer.com/joannazajusz/guided-meditations/inner-mastermind-speak-to-your-guides-and-mentors ___________________ It was midnight sometime in 2012  I was sitting in my haunted house where I lived alone.  It was a time when I was  into metaphysics and Universal laws. And I thought... Well all the limiting beliefs, self  sabotage, laziness …  come from within. they often started decades ago, we still  carry them with us into the future… like it’s our job.  What if we could stop dwelling and instead created a spark of change within, a rebellion against the negativity , to create  a better life.. So that would be what ?  That would be a  positively rebellious act.  ______________ In this episode I want to talk about closing old chapters in life and opening new chapters in life. And I think there are  Four THINGS that are significant in the process.  Self care Inner trust Shift from emotional childhood to emotional adulthood  Discomfort.  Ability to recognize what type of discomfort we are dealing with People start new chapters in life for many reasons. Sometimes an idea of creating a change comes from deep knowing that you are wasting your life in the current  situation, it comes from deep knowing  that you have more potential. That you can do better than this .    You start having visions of a more fulfilling, peaceful or exhilarating life. And those visions don't want to leave you alone.  Often the new chapter starts from  a need to repair yourself . It is truly a healing journey. Many p[eople talk about pain on the level of their soul.  The actual words I heard often are “my spirit told me to do this, if I stayed there, I’d die” Before you open one chapter you may want to close the old chapter  But how does it start?  There has been a tipping point. When Enough is enough.  There has to be willingness to take some risks.  Sometimes you may not be ready but you are pushed off the cliff , you got fired from a job you hated, your spouse surprises you with divorce papers,  and you need to find some footing asap.  Whether you are initiating the change or life initiated it for you..  It is important to start making choices from a place of self respect, Self care, self acceptance.  No you don’t need to be great at it right from the start. Or you wouldn't be here. I think the whole  life is a process of self acceptance.  But in the painful moments you really see with more clarity where the self love has been missing.  And because for years I have been face to face with people in these situations I know this is beautiful process or reclamation of  Hope,  self love, acceptance, and self  respect.  we feel raw and alive at the same time.  I don't know how anyone would skip this part. Because learning self acceptance, self care, self respect is not only a gift to yourself but also to anyone you meet on your path, anyone you are connected with .  Because you carry yourself differently you communicate differently and act differently and that may spark more self love in another person.  I think if every person had more self care acceptance and respect that would heal the world. On every level, globally.  Back to starting a new chapter...  It’s interesting that we may be stuck in one way of thinking and as soon we want something bigger, we are forced to open our eyes to more truth, to different perspectives. and when you are open  and do the inner work a veil of illusion is lifted , you move forward, you step into more empowered self , And then you make another discovery, another veil is lifted  and so on.  It is like peeling the layers to your truth,  Seeing the limiting beliefs  for what they are:  lies that pretend to be true.  One of those revelations is moving away from emotional childhood to emotional adulthood.  This alone can be incredibly empowering :  when we stop blaming others for our situation and take responsibility for it.  Even if someone is objectively responsible for your situation, as it happens in families, you have childhood wounds - often we grow up waiting  for the same people to change and to apologize and  repair everything.  But They often the last people that would do it,  They didn't do their healing, so we may be waiting forever.  Instead we can Learn emotional adulthood stop blaming others , and take responsibility for our happiness, and start showing up for ourself.  You stop looking backwards and finally start looking forward.  Another important thing that needs to happen in a healing journey when you start a new chapter, is the ability to  trust yourself.  Of course we ask around, we wander, get lost, sometimes people get stuck in the phase of “tell me what to do'' whoever, please tell me what to do. As if the random person knew what’s better for you. You may seek people who have more authority, teachers, spiritual guru, psychics. And it's good to learn, but still the choices must feel integral to you, even if you were to make another so called mistake or a detour, it has to be our choice.  So how do you know if the guidance comes from within or others.  One of my most favorite ways to get in touch with my soul is guided meditation. The kind that leaves a space for your mind to fill in.  So I wanted to create a framework for it and I made the “inner  mastermind”  and the way I use it is, I  go into it with a specific question, famous people, teachers, guides, show up and they talk and give me ideas.  Moving forward You started the  journey you felt energized and inspired and then you hit a block and then another... You may take it as a sign to go back, to stop, you may make it mean that it wasn't a good idea. So much opportunity to start a drama.  It also may be a sign to pivot, it may be another opportunity to expand your mind, if you struggle with something,  there may be  a thought that is not serving you, and you can change your thoughts to other thoughts that are true but give you a better feeling.  Or you can also ask yourself, what is wrong with discomfort?  Why do you resist it?  Maybe nothing went wrong. Maybe that discomfort should be there because this is the discomfort of growth.  One of the misconceptions is that if we are on the right path it should always feel good. This thought creates more suffering for us.  For today I only want you to walk away with the ability to tell apart what kind of discomfort you are dealing with.  There is a discomfort of stagnation And the discomfort of growing You  felt discomfort in the chapter you are leaving behind.  It was the discomfort of keeping yourself small, discomfort of halting your potential , discomfort of trying to stop the life force within from blooming and flourishing.  When you leave that behind you start experiencing the discomfort of  learning, trying new things, doing something for the first time,  It is the sort of discomfort that is improving your self confidence, self esteem and its discomfort of stepping in your fuller potential.  You want to feel this discomfort.  So you see the difference . One is an act of self betrayal,  the other is totally worth it.