Sitting still should be the easiest thing in the world, right? But for a lot of people, it's maybe the hardest.This episode moves into the third mixed state: stillness and intimacy — safety plus shutdown, immobility without fear. What actually makes it safe to sit still, use the restroom, or fall asleep at night. Why meditation, yoga, and even bedtime can feel dangerous for someone who lives in flight, fight, or freeze. And what changes the moment a safe person joins you in stillness.This is Episode 12 of the Stuck Not Broken audiobook — Book 1, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm.🛏️ Sponsored by Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com and use code STUCK for 20% off.👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Wrestling with your kids. Trash-talking during a pickup game. Screaming through a game of tag. On paper, those look like danger cues, so why do they feel so good? Play is what happens when your safety state and your fight-or-flight mobility switch on at the same time. Here's what's actually happening in your nervous system when you play, why the game changes the moment it moves from the living room to online voice chat, and what it looks like when a kid mobilizes with no safety behind it at all.🛏️ Sponsored by Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com and use code STUCK for 20% off.👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Freeze is not the same as shutdown, even though people use the words like they mean the same thing. Shutdown is a limp collapse. Freeze is tense: all the energy to run or fight, with a body that can't move. It's the gas and the brake at the same time, and it's underneath panic, phobias, and that flash of rage that comes out of nowhere. Here's what's actually happening in a freeze, how to come out of one in the moment, and why a long-held freeze has to be thawed slowly rather than forced.👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Sometimes the body's answer to too much isn't panic, it's the opposite: going quiet, going numb, wanting to disappear. That's shutdown, the bottom of the Polyvagal ladder, and it's where a lot of what gets called depression actually lives. Here's what it feels like from the inside, why your body would ever reach for it, and the slow, gentle way back up. No pushing through, no forcing it.👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Anxiety and anger can feel like opposites, but they are two sides of the same state. Fight or flight is your sympathetic nervous system mobilizing to protect you: flight shows up as anxiety and worry, fight as anger and irritability. This one is about what that state feels like, what it looks like in a person's face, breath, and voice, and why a system built for short bursts can leave you feeling stuck when it stays switched on. Courtney's story picks back up here too, and the day takes a turn.👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Safety is the state where life feels workable. Not perfect, just manageable. It's the top of the ladder and the place we're all reaching for, so this episode is about what it actually feels like in your body, what it looks like on someone's face and in their voice, and what it really takes to get there. You'll also meet Courtney, whose story we follow throughout the states from here.👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

You're getting things done. Answering texts, making dinner, showing up. But underneath it you feel wired and flat at the same time, like you're watching your own life through a foot of glass. That's functional freeze: your gas and your brake pressed at once, and "functional" just means you're still getting through the day while it runs. In this episode I break down what freeze actually is, how it's different from burnout, depression, and shutdown, why the two obvious moves (pushing through and checking out) both backfire, and one small orienting practice you can try today to let the brake come off a little.👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Ever notice your thoughts get meaner when you feel bad, and softer when you feel good? That's not a coincidence, and it's not a flaw in you. "Story follows state" means the story in your head comes out of the state your body is in, not the other way around. Once you catch it happening in real time, a dark story starts to lose its grip.👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Ever notice your thoughts get meaner when you feel bad, and softer when you feel good? That's not a coincidence, and it's not a flaw in you. "Story follows state" means the story in your head comes out of the state your body is in, not the other way around.👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

You can't just decide to calm down, sorry to say. The Polyvagal Ladder is a simple metaphor for how your nervous system moves: safety at the top, fight-or-flight in the middle, shutdown at the bottom, one rung at a time. Once you can see which rung you're on, a lot of the reactions you've beaten yourself up over start to make sense, and stop feeling like proof that something's wrong with you.the Polyvagal Current - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/polyvagal-current👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you:👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start 📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books 🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach 👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.✅ Crisis resources:National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741Call 911 for an emergencyThis and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)