Enjoy our worst-quality audio yet! Coming to you directly from the world's most echo-y kitchen and from atop the world's creakiest Ikea kitchen chairs in their new Chicago apartment, Finn and Theo are back at it again with the strong coffee and stronger opinions. Talking points: fruit syrups (again), a woman unwittingly punishing her children with 3 lukewarm milks, a funeral for the Very Berry Hibiscus refresher, crossing mountains for coffee, several guest opinions by Feta. 

We recorded this episode in May but we had to wait until December to release it so that none of you were tempted to order this disappointing frozen sludge. Enjoy 27+ minutes of Finn and Theo absolutely disparaging the new Starbucks strawberry funnel cake Frappuccino. Other talking points: missing the s'mores Frappuccino, cakepops are a young man's game, and wondering what kind of drink requires you to hide your face from God? 

The frequently-alluded-to-but-previously-unheard episode 4 has finally been excavated and processed for human consumption. A blast from the recent past, Finn and Theo of July 2020 discuss new covid measures at the farmers market and taste-test Chicago's infamously nasty liquor of choice.  Music by David Combs Cover Art by Emily Timmer

It's some good old fashioned coffee talk with your favorite queer (ex) baristas! We talk the  2021 pistachio line, reminisce on the 2020 butterscotch latte, and discuss other seasonal items from that flighty temptress, the Starbucks siren. Other talking points: Theo attempts to describe how a tuberculosis test works with half the facts and none of the terminology, "I went to school for eight years to be a zoologist and all I do is blow polar bears and all I got was this stupid t-shirt," and world's saddest six-word Vaseline stories. 

It’s our first episode of the new year! Recorded NYE and delivered fresh to you from our team of drowsy, cheese-and-champagne-stuffed editors. This week we refer to the household cats as “the dirt worst” and Feta retaliates by utilizing his noisiest toy throughout the recording. We discuss grade school teachers, resolutions, ‘“where did Jesus die?"“, improper mask technique, and starting an Onlyfans. Happy New Year, Petty Thieves!

Listen. We promised we would get the episode out before election day. We never promised that it wouldn’t sound like we recorded underwater. We lost a lot of content to audio booboos. Don’t worry, it wasn’t any better than what made the final cut. It’s season 2 with your favorite petty thieves and we discuss fall drinks, bird tongues, cat cereal, and gen eds. The MEEP gets added to the shitlist. Music by David “Spoonboy” Combs, cover art by Emily Timmer.

Two episodes in one year??? That’s our new best record!!! The petty thieves are back with their review of the holy land: the newly opened World’s Largest Starbucks Reserve in Chicago, Illinois. PETA makes it onto our shitlist. We dicuss our first actual petty thefts on the air. Theo promotes some local theatre. Music by David “Spoonboy” Combs, coverart by Emily Timmer Redbubble promotion link: tiotheo.redbubble.com

It's here! The only podcast that can subvert your expectations by having a second episode. Finn makes their radio debut and we tackle trash snacks, Methdonald's, Thanksgiving atrocities, and more. Music by David "Spoonboy" Combs, cover art by Emily Timmer.

For this, our inaugural episode, Theo flies solo and tackles tiny pumpkin controversy, Thanksgiving traditions, the flavors of Autumn, and niche gifts to get the folks who have everything in the upcoming holiday season. Music by Spoonboy