In this week’s episode I talk about whether we should make our children say sorry, please, thank you or excuse me. We want our kids to grow up to be polite, considerate and respectful to others We are brought up in a society that expects children to be well behaved, that judges parents (or parents feel judged) if their kids aren’t polite. Children learn from what we do. So if we are polite, thank people when we mean it, apologise when we’re wrong, they will learn to do it too. This episode is about so more than teaching good manners. It is about understanding our children’s true nature, what motivates their behaviour and trusting ourselves to trust our children. Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass. Follow me on social media: www.instagram.com/PamParentCoach www.fb.me/PamParentCoach www.pamtheparentcoach.com

Dealing with a grumpy child after school can be hard work. You want to connect with them after being away from them for several hours, you want to find out how their day has gone, but instead you are met with grumpiness, aggression or meltdowns. In this week's episode I talk about why our children struggle so much after school or childcare and what you can do to support them. It is so important to understand what our child is trying to communicate in their difficult moments. They truly don't want to be grumpy or angry with us. They want to be loving and cooperative, that is their natural state of being.  But holding it together all day in school is hard work. You are their safe person so when they see you, all the emotional upsets come tumbling out sometimes as tears, sometimes as grumpiness or aggression.  Once we understand what is going on then the next step is how we can support our children to offload whatever big feelings they are carrying with them so they can get back to enjoying life.  I share some tips and tools for you to use to connect with your child and support them with their feelings.  Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass. Follow me on social media: www.instagram.com/PamParentCoach www.fb.me/PamParentCoach www.pamtheparentcoach.com

Ever wondered how you can have more peaceful, playful mornings - without all the tantrums about getting dressed, brushing teeth and eating breakfast? In this bonus episode from a Facebook Live I did this week for the Hand in Hand Parenting Facebook page, I show you how the Hand in Hand Parenting tools can inject connection into your days so you see more smiles instead of struggles in the mornings. Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Masterclass: Why your kids won't listen and what you can do about it.  Follow me on social media: www.instagram.com/PamParentCoach www.fb.me/PamParentCoach www.pamtheparentcoach.com

Whining can be one of the most annoying and frustrating things for us to deal with as parents. It often feels like our children are doing it because they know it annoys us so much! And once it starts it feels like nothing will solve it. As always when our children’s behaviour is tricky, it’s good to look behind the surface behaviour. All behaviour is communication. It is our job to decode the signals a child is sending us. They don’t have the cognitive skills to have a measured conversation with us about what is going on for them. That would be so much easier for us to navigate. If we could decode their behaviour, the whining is a signal that a child is feeling alone and powerless. They have been overtaken by these feelings and even when we offer them our presence, they are unable to let us in.  These feelings are getting in the way of them feeling your offers of connection. So what our aim is to find a way through to our sweet child inside who just wants to feel all ok again. We need to find a way for them to feel our connection. In this week's episode I offer a few suggestions of how you might re-establish connection when dealing with a whining child. Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Masterclass: why your kids won't listen and what you can do about it. Follow me on social media: www.instagram.com/PamParentCoach www.fb.me/PamParentCoach www.pamtheparentcoach.com

Today I'm talking about how we can parent in a gentle and respectful way without being permissive. It is possible to model good boundaries and limits with our children without harshness or punishments. In fact, setting limits early and often can strengthen our relationships and develop our children's emotional intelligence. Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass.​

Are you struggling with your child's aggression? Maybe it is directed towards you, a sibling or at other children in childcare or school. We often try explaining, reading stories about "gentle hands" or punishing our children for their aggressive behaviour. But the key to stopping aggression lies in the feelings driving the behaviour. Find out how to support your child so they can let go of aggression. Thanks for joining me. If you want to learn more about this approach to listening to feelings and supporting our children to heal from their difficult experiences, then you are very welcome to join my next Peaceful Parent Masterclass.​

When I first became a mum, I held a cultural belief that bedsharing was wrong / dangerous etc. After 3 days of sleep deprivation, I was bedsharing and continued to bed share for several years. There are lots of advantages to bed-sharing But as your child grows you might not enjoy bed sharing any more for many reasons You can’t sleep Child is noisy or moves around a lot You want some personal space You just want to say goodnight and be on your own until morning You can transition your child to sleeping on their own in their own bed all night without doing them emotional harm. I’m talking about children over the age of 1 years old. I think under this age they need a lot of closeness, attention, on-demand feeding etc. Different for every child - high needs, premature, traumatic birth, medical issues, stress in the family - they might benefit from extra closeness There isn’t a right age or a right time - that is your decision - best to check in with yourself - are you getting resentful, check in with your child. Are they very rigid? It is ok to put your need for sleep first - weeks, months and years of disturbed sleep take their toll. By paying attention to your own needs you can show up in the best way possible as a parent You could co-sleep for years because that’s what you think your child needs to feel loved and secure but be resentful and worn out Or maybe your child has been sleeping in their own bed for a while but bedtime is a nightmare, or they come into you in the middle of the night. It is possible to support your child to sleep all night on their own. Will they be upset about it? Yes!! That is ok If they are upset it means they have some big feelings about separation that they’re holding on to. In fact, you can help them let go of these feelings, support them to have the confidence to sleep all night I love what Marion Rose, Aware Parenting says that Children need 3 things to sleep well: Tired Connected Relaxed Over the course of days, weeks, months, children experience all kinds of feelings - fear, disappointment, frustration etc. All those feelings get packed away in their emotional backpack and that can get in the way of them feeling relaxed enough to sleep. If we can listen to those feelings of upset whenever we can, that is going to help our children let go of emotional tension and be relaxed enough to sleep well. Children can become very rigid in their bedtime routines and that is a way for them to keep the emotional backpack closed up tight But the thing is, that makes it harder for them to sleep. So they might insist that you read a certain number of stories, then you have to sing a song, then rub their back. They must have their special teddy or their blanky etc etc. So what can happen is we play along with this extravagant system in the hope they will get to sleep when what they might actually need is for us to set a limit on some of those things, that will allow them to actually feel their feelings instead of hiding them away in increasingly difficult ways. 5 tips to support your child to sleep well. Propose a change in the bedtime routine Listen to feelings Get emotional support yourself It’s ok not to be consistent - take a break when you need to and pick it up again Balance it all with lots of connection - special time, physical play Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass.​

How do we encourage our children to be honest with us? How do we make it safe for them to come to us when they do something wrong or mess up? How do we make sure they grow up to be adults who take responsibility for their actions? There are lots of different types of lies It is helpful to remember to come from a place that your child is a good kid. It they are struggling, let’s look below the surface and see why. What is driving that behaviour? So that’s the thing, we as parents have fears as parents about lying. That affects how we respond to our kids. We are often coming from a place of worry and fear. Important to take a reality check at this point and remember that adults lie all the time. When was the last time you told a social lie to get you out of something or a white lie to your child? So it can be confusing for our children. On one hand we might tell them “you know you can tell me anything”. But we have to back that up with our reactions when our kids do share something with us - no matter how big or how small. If we have a big reaction or even a subtle reaction - our kids pick up on that and they will change their response next time. The most important thing for a child is our love and approval. If they sense we don’t approve or we’re going to withdraw, then they panic and don’t think well.  So if your child tells you something, or isn’t able to own up to something. If they do something wrong, take a breath and try not to overreact, remind yourself they are a good kid doing their best.  I try to respond by saying “I’m really glad you told me that, now we can figure a way to sort it out together. It’s always better to tell me when something goes wrong so I can help you” There are a few different types of lies. Let's look at them and the needs underlying them:  1. Deny doing something Often when a child denies something, we want them to admit to it - too much pressure on them, afraid of losing our approval or love 2. Fantastical, exaggerating. Often the unmet need is seeking attention 3. Sneaky behaviour eg taking food, sneaking screen time. The unmet need is not feeling safe to tell us how much they want something 4. Not telling us they did something wrong - eg. spilling cereal down the wall when they aren’t meant to be eating in their bedroom - Often they are afraid of the consequences, high expectations of letting us down. 5. Pretending they’ve done something when they clearly haven’t Eg yes I tidied my room (when they haven't). They might feel overwhelmed, weight of expectation, afraid to ask for our help 6. Bragging - competitive, child wants to be seen as good. What can help: How we respond in the moment Or if we overreact we can repair Don’t back them into a corner Special Time - build up the connection / level of attention / approval can do forbidden things ​Setting limits calmly and with connection Being willing to listen to our children’s upset Listening time for us - so we can respond kindly Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass. Follow me on social media: www.instagram.com/PamParentCoach www.fb.me/PamParentCoach www.pamtheparentcoach.com

This is a bonus episode from a Facebook Live I did on the main Hand in Hand Parenting Facebook page. Today we're talking about the difference between regular play and Playlistening. All types of play are beneficial to kids but Playlistening can support your child to offload tension, build confidence, heal from fears and feel your love. It allows you to strengthen your relationship with your child, have fun with them, build cooperation and set limits without shame or blame. So join me as I talk more about Playlistening and give you lots of helpful ideas to get creative with play. Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass. Follow me on social media: www.instagram.com/PamParentCoach www.fb.me/PamParentCoach www.pamtheparentcoach.com

The thing about boredom is that it is definitely not about having nothing to do. I'm sure your house is full of games and toys and things to do. Feeling bored is a sign that your child is running low on connection. I'm sure you have tried making suggestions of things to do. These suggestions fall flat because your child has lost their sense of connection, they aren't able to think well and they aren't able to be curious and interested in the world around them. So what can you do? Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass. Follow me on social media: www.instagram.com/PamParentCoach www.fb.me/PamParentCoach www.pamtheparentcoach.com