Parental Development
Parental Development
Dr. Leah Featherstone & Beka Dean
Parenting is one of the hardest jobs we'll ever have. Dr. Leah Featherstone, clinical psychologist, and her sister, Beka Dean both grew up in a very traditional, conservative family, with a parenting style to match. Through her education and experience, Leah has moved away from that approach and now uses principles of attachment, relational neurobiology, and positive parenting to raise her own kids. The sisters talk through this new approach, with the goal of promoting cooperation and enhancing relationships between adults and the children they help to nurture, support, and raise.
No Means No
This episode talks through the difficult topic of sexual abuse of children; sharing some difficult statistics.  To start to think about how to protect our kids and teach them that they are in control of their bodies and their level of comfort matters, Leah gives suggestions to start conversations about body autonomy.  While "stranger danger" is commonly how parents talk to their children about safety, the data shows that most abuse is perpetrated by those in close relationships with children.Understanding that body autonomy and choice does not just happen when our kids become teenagers, it instead needs to start when our kids are young. In addition to this resource, Leah talks about the importance of teaching our kids that they do not have to hug, kiss, or be near people they're uncomfortable with. This can help build the skills of listening to their 'gut' and coming to believe that we as parents will always validate and listen to how they want their body to be interacted with and make sure they feel safe and connected in the process.Subscribe, rate, and review us on Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram
Dec 22, 2021
49 min
Tell the Truth
Almost all adults value honesty in our relationships but sometimes our discomfort makes us say dishonest things to our kids. Having conversations about adult topics is hard, including sex, race, gender norms, politics, etc. Leah talks through different ways to have some of these conversations in honest ways, while also taking into account children's age and developmental level. It's important that in our honesty we give our kids space to challenge our beliefs and values, while also influencing their development in these areas. Honesty can get even more challenging over the holidays. What do you tell your kids about Santa?! And what about that darn elf!!!Subscribe, rate, and review us on Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram
Dec 15, 2021
47 min
Another One
You all asked so many great questions, we had to record a bonus episode to answer them all!! This episode covers questions like: How do you start? What do you do when your kids talk back? How do you handle family members who might not agree with your approach? What about those crying babies? Do you pick them up? We hope this has been helpful! As Leah mentioned, there are many books that might help give you more insight into this style of parenting. The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, andThe Power of Showing Up.Subscribe, rate, and review us on Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram
Dec 9, 2021
1 hr 2 min
Questions Answered
You asked, we answered! This Q&A episode covers lots of different topics, including letting your kids dress themselves, how to change a nighttime routine, timeouts, incentives/bribing, and so much more!! There were so many great questions we couldn't even get to them all, so hopefully this gives you some additional insight and help in navigating this new parenting style.Subscribe, rate, and review us on Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram
Dec 8, 2021
53 min
One More Thing I Wished I'd Said
In this episode, Leah finishes explaining Polyvagal Theory, and how the ladder helps us understand the state we and our kids are in - Safe and Connected, Fight or Flight, or Collapse/Shut down. The sisters talk about the importance of us staying in "Safe and Connected" so we can bring our kids with us, into the only state where they can actually hear us, listen to us, follow directions, and solve problems. We must pay attention to and insert cues of safety for our kids, such as tone of voice, posture, and facial expressions.It's important  that we remain a safe place for our kids, so we can hear the "stories" they tell themselves so we can correct them, validate them, and help them problem solve situations that are uncomfortable or difficult. As parents, we have to remain curious to uncover what their behavior is actually trying to communicate, and trust that if it doesn't make sense, their nervous system is doing what it thinks is best to keep them safe.Subscribe, rate, and review us on Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram
Dec 1, 2021
53 min
She Blinded Me With Science
In this episode Leah really nerds out on the neuroscience associated with this type of parenting - did you know we have more than 5 senses?!   She discusses several different theories and research, including the science of interoception, Allan Schore's paper on regulation and attachment, and Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory. While this information may be difficult to take in and fully understand, it also supports many of the ideas and interventions associated with parenting our kids from this perspective. We want our kids to feel safe and connected, recognizing that the concept of neuroception means we're constantly scanning for danger. As parents, we don't want to be a sign of danger or feeling unsafe, requiring us to look at our response to our kids differently.Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!We're planning a Q&A episode!! Send us your questions to [email protected]!!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram
Nov 24, 2021
47 min
Things You Can't Control
In this episode we talk more about examples provided in previous episodes, discussing the need for parents to "control" their kids, and a different way to view this goal through this new lens. The new goal becomes to help support, understand, and validate feelings to reach our goal. This work is hard, and if you try to do too much too soon, it can be overwhelming. Leah walks through small steps to begin this work and start to make small changes, really focusing on what are non-negotiables, and letting go of how those non-negotiables are met. Finally, we discuss the difference between boundaries and rules, focusing on what parents can change for themselves, not based on behaviors that they have no control over in their kids.Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!We're planning a Q&A episode!! Send us your questions to [email protected]!!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram
Nov 17, 2021
40 min
Mind Your Manners
In this episode we talk about all the controversial topics - apologies, sharing, and saying please and thank you! Not surprisingly, Leah does this a little differently and offers a different perspective of ways to actually teach our children how to empathize with others, be thankful, and learn how to engage with their friends in healthy ways. Ultimately, we're unable to control what our kids say, so we can use other methods to teach this, such as modeling and stepping in to do it for them. Everything we teach is interconnected, with the goal of empowering our kids and teaching them skills to navigate big emotions and tough situations!Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!We're planning a Q&A episode!! Send us your questions to [email protected]!!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram
Nov 10, 2021
36 min
Regulate
In this episode we discuss this powerful video of a dad coregulating his toddler through a tantrum, and how important coregulation is to help our kids to learn to self-regulate as they age. We discuss how mirror neurons impact our regulation and the development of our kids, and how negative behaviors change as kids age, and their brains develop - from the bottom up! Kids who are not processing emotions in a developmentally appropriate way may mean they haven't had the opportunity to learn how to experience and survive their emotions in a way that promotes their regulation skills.Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!We're planning a Q&A episode!! Send us your questions to [email protected]!!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram
Nov 3, 2021
46 min
Get Yourself Right
In this episode Leah talks through a real world example of this type of parenting and discipline in action. This leads into a discussion about power and control between kids and parents and the need for parents to do their own work to be able to manage their own regulation needs. Ultimately, we need to focus on our relationships with our kids, NOT their behavior!Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!We're planning a Q&A episode!! Send us your questions to [email protected]!!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram
Oct 27, 2021
51 min
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