.837 --> 0:00:21.242I'm Lindsay and this week we are overthinking a lot of things like just look at the title because I lumped this into a lot of things for the new year.0:00:21.799 --> 0:00:26.981If you have just made your way to my podcast, thank you.0:00:27.001 --> 0:00:28.342I appreciate it so much.0:00:29.662 --> 0:00:30.863Let me tell you a little bit about it.0:00:30.983 --> 0:00:36.385This is a self-help podcast that doesn't take itself too seriously is what I like to say.0:00:36.685 --> 0:00:45.569I launched a book last year about this time, Overthinking in Your Underwear, and this kind of just continues the conversation with you guys.0:00:46.803 --> 0:00:52.508So the book is a self-help podcast that kind of takes you through my personal growth journey.0:00:53.369 --> 0:01:05.080And that's what I'm continuing to do here, just kind of sharing personal stories and personal advice in a way that's easy and accessible, not obsessible, but maybe.0:01:06.201 --> 0:01:13.407What I like to say is outside of clinical talk and spiritual wackery, it's just kind of straightforward and to the0:01:13.999 --> 0:01:15.259So I hope you like it.0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:22.321You can go back and listen to some episodes from last year if this is your first time here or just let's roll now, you know.0:01:23.621 --> 0:01:30.363Occasionally I bring on experts or friends that I think have had some experience in whatever we're talking about.0:01:30.383 --> 0:01:35.725And sometimes it's just, you know, me rolling solo like today.0:01:36.525 --> 0:01:41.006So first of all, I just wanted to talk about a little bit of a rut I had.0:01:41.832 --> 0:01:42.853in the middle of December.0:01:42.953 --> 0:01:47.055So ruts are just getting down a little bit.0:01:47.155 --> 0:01:50.417And I wanted to talk about that because it happens to all of us.0:01:50.977 --> 0:01:56.760And what happened was I got sick in the middle of December.0:01:56.780 --> 0:02:03.704And for all of my chronic illness babes out there, I feel you.0:02:04.940 --> 0:02:11.604I have chronic migraines and with it comes a lot of fatigue and nausea.0:02:12.584 --> 0:02:16.066And sometimes I can't get out of bed for a long time.0:02:16.627 --> 0:02:19.508And it was about two weeks that I was down.0:02:20.389 --> 0:02:25.112And it can really get to you, you know, physically and emotionally when you feel like that.0:02:25.552 --> 0:02:29.334And I'm not asking for a pity party because I know people have.0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:31.360way bigger things than that.0:02:31.460 --> 0:02:34.561And I'm grateful that it's only what it is.0:02:35.241 --> 0:02:46.244But when you feel like that, sometimes what happens, and this is what happened to me, like the physical part starts to wane and you start to feel better.0:02:46.264 --> 0:02:49.265And then you're battling the emotional part, you know?0:02:50.873 --> 0:03:00.544you're battling the emotional part of, okay, I know I'm physically feeling better, but I feel really down now just because I'm trying to like wrap up my body again.0:03:00.724 --> 0:03:05.469Sometimes I think like some of the medicine that I take for my migraines gets me down too.0:03:06.250 --> 0:03:08.673So I had to like, I felt like,0:03:09.796 --> 0:03:17.959start from square one, maybe not square one, but go through a lot of those practices that I have talked to you guys about.0:03:18.139 --> 0:03:26.243I literally went back and listened to that seven steps to happiness that I shared with you guys.0:03:26.383 --> 0:03:30.324And I was like, okay, what do I need to do to get happy?0:03:31.144 --> 0:03:32.345In that, I say something that it0:03:33.569 --> 0:03:39.471I think is so important, which is build a foundation where happiness can find its footing.0:03:39.491 --> 0:03:42.192And that one is the most important.0:03:42.312 --> 0:03:44.813And it's really just like creating happiness habits.0:03:45.793 --> 0:03:57.077And I had to just remind myself, get up, go to yoga, eat good food, get good sleep, do these things, and you will feel better.0:03:57.238 --> 0:04:01.099And one thing I did that I think helped me was0:04:01.641 --> 0:04:04.622It was just a Monday, which Mondays are never good.0:04:05.503 --> 0:04:10.985And I said to myself, okay, do the things you know you need to do, those happiness habits.0:04:11.825 --> 0:04:15.767And by this time next week, you might feel bad for a week.0:04:15.847 --> 0:04:17.968Just don't overthink it.0:04:18.268 --> 0:04:19.008There's that word.0:04:19.488 --> 0:04:20.329Don't overthink it.0:04:21.309 --> 0:04:25.331But by this time next week, I guarantee you will be better.0:04:25.371 --> 0:04:30.613There's no way you're going to feel as bad as you feel now if you do those things.0:04:31.763 --> 0:04:32.263And I did.0:04:32.283 --> 0:04:35.405I got up and went to yoga, even though I didn't want to.0:04:35.426 --> 0:04:41.129I ate good food, even though you want a pizza when you feel like that.0:04:41.149 --> 0:04:44.271I was productive, all the things, right?0:04:44.572 --> 0:04:46.273All the things you know you need to be doing.0:04:46.433 --> 0:04:47.674I don't drink anymore.0:04:47.854 --> 0:04:51.636So it wasn't a matter of like, okay, don't drink.0:04:51.716 --> 0:04:56.520But if that is a place you are in where you're trying to pull out, I would say do not drink.0:04:57.360 --> 0:04:58.381Drinking is a depressant.0:04:59.443 --> 0:05:00.965So I did those things.0:05:01.245 --> 0:05:09.633And a week later, I am not saying that I was like at my all time best and feeling the happiest I've ever felt.0:05:09.753 --> 0:05:11.635But I was like, I moved the needle.0:05:11.715 --> 0:05:13.457I definitely moved the needle.0:05:14.708 --> 0:05:24.259And that was a great lesson on just the power we have, that we are in control and that our happiness habits work.0:05:25.140 --> 0:05:28.183And so I kind of just was like, OK, let's keep going.0:05:28.303 --> 0:05:29.525Let's keep doing this.0:05:30.125 --> 0:05:30.226And.0:05:33.088 --> 0:05:37.389Happy to report I'm much better, feeling good physically and emotionally.0:05:37.849 --> 0:05:42.490But I just wanted to share that with you to let you guys know we all get in ruts.0:05:42.650 --> 0:05:58.354We all get in low places, and we all have to kind of do a reset, whether it's like kicked off from a physical illness or an emotional thing from a breakup or something that happens within your family or a job setback.0:05:59.014 --> 0:06:01.616We all get in those places.0:06:02.097 --> 0:06:25.314And we have to just kind of start those happiness habits over again, whether it's exercising, doing a gratitude list, talking to ourselves in a positive way, eliminating things that bring us down, whether that's drinking every night and you go, well, why am I drinking every night when I know that I'm in a low place?0:06:25.414 --> 0:06:28.637Why am I adding something to myself that's making me feel worse?0:06:29.215 --> 0:06:35.641which kind of brings me to, um, the next topic of this podcast, which is dry January.0:06:35.781 --> 0:06:39.805So we are in that month of dry January.0:06:39.845 --> 0:06:43.908So I wanted to do a little topic about drinking, um, today.0:06:43.928 --> 0:06:47.632And if you've listened to this podcast, I talk about drinking a lot.0:06:47.692 --> 0:06:49.093I mean, you might say I'm obsessed with it.0:06:50.313 --> 0:06:55.014Dry January came about because it was a, I'm going to get this wrong.0:06:55.054 --> 0:06:56.615Cause I'm not looking it up right now.0:06:56.675 --> 0:06:58.235I just kind of know this fact.0:06:59.436 --> 0:07:01.576It was a campaign by.0:07:03.157 --> 0:07:06.238Like stop drinking UK or something.0:07:06.258 --> 0:07:14.620And their campaign was dry January, like go dry in January to get people to quit drinking less.0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:17.121It was like the British council of alcohol or whatever.0:07:17.973 --> 0:07:20.474Lots of times things kind of catch on.0:07:20.514 --> 0:07:26.436They kind of catch on in the culture and even spread over here to the United States.0:07:26.496 --> 0:07:29.617And we go, well, where did this come from?0:07:29.637 --> 0:07:32.298It kind of seems like it's something that's around all the time.0:07:32.318 --> 0:07:35.699And it was actually an advertising campaign.0:07:35.894 --> 0:07:43.250He was kind of saying dry January is great to remind people about the effects of alcohol, about the benefits of going dry.0:07:44.030 --> 0:07:54.978But at the same time, if you're just not drinking in January and then saving up, saving up, saving up, and you can't wait to go crazy in February.0:07:55.738 --> 0:08:11.080it's really not doing you any good and it's you know you really are you know drinking just as much the other 11 months of the year and you're sitting there in january thinking about all the things you're going to drink in february0:08:12.101 --> 0:08:13.022It's really not that great.0:08:13.442 --> 0:08:27.173If you're taking this month to kind of reset and think about how you're going to mindfully drink the rest of the year, if you're thinking about maybe resetting and revising your relationship with alcohol, great.0:08:27.294 --> 0:08:40.204That's really, I think, I'm sure what the British Council of Alcohol had intended when they started this, not that people would take a break and then, you know, have a go all out wild February.0:08:40.532 --> 0:08:45.288Um, so to back up just a little bit, to tell you a little bit about my relationship with alcohol.0:08:47.579 --> 0:08:51.942I am one of those people that is just not a good drinker.0:08:52.745 --> 0:08:57.988I do not think I'm an alcoholic per se, but I am a bad drinker.0:08:58.388 --> 0:09:02.191And I say this quote a lot because I thought it was really poignant.0:09:02.371 --> 0:09:09.716I was having a conversation with my therapist years ago, and I was telling her yet another story about, well –0:09:10.336 --> 0:09:13.518I blacked out and then I did this and it wasn't great.0:09:13.538 --> 0:09:16.539And I was like, I mean, you know, I drink all the time.0:09:16.599 --> 0:09:21.481It's not like I go home and drink a bottle of wine every night.0:09:21.521 --> 0:09:22.722I'm not a daily drinker.0:09:23.102 --> 0:09:24.943I'm clearly not an alcoholic.0:09:25.183 --> 0:09:30.265And she said, you can have a problem with alcohol and not be an alcoholic.0:09:32.688 --> 0:09:40.085I was like, and that hit me, and that hit me really hard, that statement, because I was like, I do have a problem with alcohol.0:09:40.825 --> 0:09:42.085but I'm not an alcoholic.0:09:42.265 --> 0:09:47.627And I had always kind of equated all of the things you need to be an alcoholic.0:09:47.647 --> 0:09:51.988You need to have, do you need to have, do you need to drink a six pack a day?0:09:52.408 --> 0:09:54.368Do you need to drink alone?0:09:54.388 --> 0:10:00.570Do you need to, you know, have alcohol affect your job and affect your relationships?0:10:00.650 --> 0:10:08.372Do you need to have all of this like checklist that we see all the time to be considered quote, unquote, an alcoholic and have to give up drinking.0:10:09.244 --> 0:10:10.645And no, that's not true.0:10:10.825 --> 0:10:14.106You can just have a problematic drinking.0:10:14.206 --> 0:10:16.427You can just have a problem with alcohol.0:10:16.527 --> 0:10:20.969You can just be not a good drinker and decide this doesn't suit my life.0:10:21.049 --> 0:10:22.510This isn't who I want to be.0:10:22.590 --> 0:10:28.173This does not make me the best version of who I want to be and decide that you don't want it in your life anymore.0:10:28.253 --> 0:10:32.515And that's where I came to with it was I have a problem with alcohol.0:10:33.235 --> 0:10:37.717And if there's something that I have a problem with, I do not want it in my life anymore.0:10:38.837 --> 0:10:52.863So I had kind of gone through my life and my, you know, 18 to 30 years old drinking, you know, at the same pattern and at the same rate I saw the people around me.0:10:54.304 --> 0:11:02.287My best friend who's been on this podcast is four inches taller than me, five inches taller than me, six inches taller than me.0:11:02.487 --> 0:11:03.608She's a lot taller than me.0:11:04.148 --> 0:11:05.549She's a lot taller than me.0:11:06.090 --> 0:11:11.715I was always trying to drink as much as she could drink, as much as she drank, because I really didn't understand when we were younger.0:11:11.735 --> 0:11:16.920I didn't understand that she was metabolizing things differently than me.0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:23.646Even without height and weight, genetically, you can just metabolize alcohol differently.0:11:23.706 --> 0:11:28.290And I think I just metabolized it differently and didn't handle alcohol well.0:11:29.827 --> 0:11:31.909It was not something that I could handle.0:11:31.930 --> 0:11:34.392I'd have a drink and I could immediately feel it.0:11:34.993 --> 0:11:36.314It made me feel bad.0:11:36.335 --> 0:11:37.356It gave me headaches.0:11:37.436 --> 0:11:38.197I had hangovers.0:11:38.257 --> 0:11:40.039I mean, I don't even know why I ever drank, okay?0:11:43.219 --> 0:11:45.781It was really just something that did not suit my life.0:11:45.961 --> 0:11:47.142I would black out.0:11:47.282 --> 0:11:50.004I would feel really bad about myself the next day.0:11:50.024 --> 0:11:51.925I would wonder what I said.0:11:51.945 --> 0:11:53.166I would wonder what I did.0:11:53.186 --> 0:11:55.167I would put myself in harm's way.0:11:55.287 --> 0:12:01.171There's a story that I have told on the podcast about I passed out in a cab.0:12:02.032 --> 0:12:05.674The next day, I didn't know how I got to my apartment.0:12:06.294 --> 0:12:11.398And I found out later that the cab driver and a neighbor had to walk me to my apartment, essentially.0:12:12.439 --> 0:12:16.622And that really, you know, all turned out well.0:12:16.722 --> 0:12:25.648But what really scared me was that I was in such a state that I was incapacitated in the back of a cab and I did not know how to get myself home.0:12:25.728 --> 0:12:31.673And that's a really scary thing to be at a place to put yourself in as a young woman.0:12:31.968 --> 0:12:36.891So that really scared, I really scared my, I really scared myself sober.0:12:36.931 --> 0:12:37.431I'll tell you.0:12:37.451 --> 0:12:41.373Um, I realized it just was not for me.0:12:41.493 --> 0:12:41.893Okay.0:12:42.293 --> 0:12:48.396So I got to the place in my thirties that I just realized,0:12:49.253 --> 0:12:55.060you know, I think I tried maybe to do, I'm going to have a drink here or a drink there.0:12:55.221 --> 0:12:59.326And I'll be honest, I would go out for happy hour and I'd be like, I'm going to have one drink.0:12:59.826 --> 0:13:00.800I'm going to have one drink.0:13:01.062 --> 0:13:03.485And I was just never someone that could have one drink.0:13:03.805 --> 0:13:10.772I would have two drinks that would turn to five drinks and it would just, it would end up at the same place that I was before.0:13:11.252 --> 0:13:17.379And I remember sitting there and telling myself, okay, you can go out tonight and have one drink.0:13:17.659 --> 0:13:18.780You can have one drink.0:13:18.980 --> 0:13:23.805But if that one drinks turns into four drinks and you're hungover tomorrow,0:13:25.058 --> 0:13:25.779You can't have any.0:13:25.979 --> 0:13:29.942Like it's, this is a trust exercise that you have with yourself.0:13:30.022 --> 0:13:36.027And that's something that I talk about a lot too, that like self-trust is the most important trust you have in your life.0:13:36.127 --> 0:13:38.069It is the most important thing you have in your life.0:13:38.129 --> 0:13:41.152And if you can't trust yourself, you don't have anything.0:13:41.252 --> 0:13:43.073And it really affects your self-worth.0:13:43.974 --> 0:13:46.556And I didn't trust myself for a long time.0:13:46.616 --> 0:13:50.259And I can't tell you how badly I felt about myself.0:13:51.420 --> 0:13:52.321The feeling of,0:13:52.834 --> 0:13:54.395I'm going to go out and have one drink.0:13:54.615 --> 0:13:56.375And I knew I was lying to myself.0:13:56.515 --> 0:14:00.217And I did not trust myself that that one drink wasn't going to turn into four.0:14:01.558 --> 0:14:03.218That was a horrible feeling.0:14:03.338 --> 0:14:08.060It was a horrible feeling not to trust yourself.0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:10.521And I went through that for a while.0:14:10.601 --> 0:14:12.462So I said that you could have a one drink.0:14:12.562 --> 0:14:14.323And then I knew I was lying.0:14:14.343 --> 0:14:16.383I knew I was lying.0:14:16.443 --> 0:14:20.185I knew I couldn't trust the most important person in my life, which was me.0:14:21.666 --> 0:14:22.606And I go out.0:14:23.474 --> 0:14:27.636and I'd have one drink, and the one drink would turn into four.0:14:28.216 --> 0:14:32.018And the next morning, I'd wake up, and I'd have a horrible hangover.0:14:32.058 --> 0:14:33.919I just had these horrible hangovers.0:14:34.086 --> 0:14:36.545And like I say in the book, the worst part wasn't0:14:37.175 --> 0:14:43.802the physical feeling, it was the emotional feeling that I had broken a promise to myself.0:14:44.463 --> 0:14:46.945That was a horrible feeling that I couldn't trust myself.0:14:47.045 --> 0:14:51.610And it actually seeps into every other part of your life when you think, well,0:14:52.611 --> 0:14:58.653If you go out with a guy and you say, well, I'm not going to call him back, you don't really trust yourself.0:14:58.713 --> 0:15:00.074Your word means nothing.0:15:00.614 --> 0:15:04.555You think, well, I don't trust myself about the drinking.0:15:04.615 --> 0:15:08.117I don't trust myself not to text him back if I say I'm not going to text him back.0:15:08.637 --> 0:15:09.637I have a work project.0:15:09.697 --> 0:15:11.438I say I'm going to get it done on by Friday.0:15:11.458 --> 0:15:12.058Well, I don't know.0:15:12.118 --> 0:15:12.838Am I going to do that?0:15:12.878 --> 0:15:14.259I'm not a trustworthy person.0:15:14.379 --> 0:15:17.420I am not a trustworthy person when it comes to me getting0:15:18.281 --> 0:15:25.044when it comes to me relying on myself and your self-trust, I cannot even tell you how important it is.0:15:25.644 --> 0:15:26.404And it takes time.0:15:26.505 --> 0:15:30.246It takes time to build that up and earn it back once you've broken it.0:15:30.718 --> 0:15:37.405So after I realized, I finally got to the point, when I finally got to the point where I said,0:15:38.906 --> 0:15:43.388Clearly the one, clearly this just having one drink doesn't work.0:15:43.848 --> 0:15:45.669Clearly you're not a trustworthy person.0:15:47.190 --> 0:15:50.632Clearly this doesn't, clearly your word means nothing.0:15:51.632 --> 0:15:53.693You're going to have to go, you're going to have to go nothing.0:15:54.494 --> 0:15:59.496Um, I, I did and I said, okay, I'm, I'm done.0:15:59.696 --> 0:16:00.397I'm done with this.0:16:01.117 --> 0:16:05.419So I quit drinking and at first it was hard.0:16:05.707 --> 0:16:10.156But it was hard because situationally,0:16:11.753 --> 0:16:19.258drinking alcohol is so woven into the fabric of our lives and our society, as you guys all know.0:16:19.718 --> 0:16:23.861I mean, everyone says, let's go grab a drink.0:16:23.921 --> 0:16:24.922Do you want to have a drink?0:16:24.982 --> 0:16:30.645I mean, whether in a dating situation, people want to have a drink, let's have a drink.0:16:30.805 --> 0:16:33.827If in a girlfriend situation, let's have a glass of wine.0:16:34.208 --> 0:16:35.368Let's have a wine night.0:16:35.749 --> 0:16:37.029Let's get, let's get drinks.0:16:37.290 --> 0:16:37.590And it's0:16:38.350 --> 0:16:50.301So awkward, I'll just say it's so awkward to not drink in a society that holds alcohol up as hero.0:16:50.761 --> 0:16:53.023It is very, very awkward.0:16:53.483 --> 0:16:59.949So at the beginning, I didn't at the beginning, I didn't know what to do.0:17:00.009 --> 0:17:01.270I'll be honest.0:17:02.031 --> 0:17:05.314You go out to happy hours and I say this in the book.0:17:06.389 --> 0:17:12.471In the beginning, you have to tell every person you ever happyed your hour with that you don't drink anymore.0:17:13.432 --> 0:17:17.614Every person that you used to, I mean, we all have those party friends.0:17:17.694 --> 0:17:18.794We all have those.0:17:19.834 --> 0:17:26.837We all have those friends that we used to go out and drink with and used to stay up late and order another bottle and get another round.0:17:26.917 --> 0:17:28.358We all have those friends.0:17:28.438 --> 0:17:32.480As great as your friends are, I think they're taken aback.0:17:32.540 --> 0:17:34.601And I understand why that's hard for them.0:17:34.661 --> 0:17:36.882And they kind of go, oh, okay.0:17:36.902 --> 0:17:37.862All right.0:17:38.643 --> 0:17:40.864And at first, it's very hard.0:17:41.184 --> 0:17:43.045And eventually...0:17:44.925 --> 0:17:45.986Eventually they get it.0:17:46.086 --> 0:17:48.327And I think at first they don't really believe you.0:17:48.447 --> 0:17:50.389They don't really trust you because you know what?0:17:51.229 --> 0:17:52.530You don't really trust yourself.0:17:53.251 --> 0:17:54.211And then they get it.0:17:54.311 --> 0:18:00.015They get that you really are going to order water or deny the drink or just have a Diet Coke.0:18:01.179 --> 0:18:06.602And before the waiter can even give you the wine list, they say, she just doesn't drink.0:18:06.602 --> 0:18:11.701And sitting through those social situations and those happy hours, they're itchy.0:18:11.861 --> 0:18:14.263I have to tell you, it's itchy at first.0:18:14.403 --> 0:18:14.944And you're like...0:18:15.744 --> 0:18:18.066I don't know what to do with my hands.0:18:18.266 --> 0:18:19.327I don't know what to do.0:18:19.547 --> 0:18:21.189Like, this is very weird.0:18:23.471 --> 0:18:24.151It's awkward.0:18:24.912 --> 0:18:29.236Now I will, let me just tell you now, I don't find it awkward anymore.0:18:29.396 --> 0:18:31.378A few years later, I don't find it awkward.0:18:31.418 --> 0:18:32.719I always order a Sprite.0:18:33.259 --> 0:18:37.123I kind of like nurse the Sprite or I have a Diet Coke.0:18:37.543 --> 0:18:40.566And those aren't things I normally drink, like just in my everyday life.0:18:41.808 --> 0:18:43.690So they're kind of fun, I guess.0:18:44.932 --> 0:18:46.453I love to have an appetizer.0:18:46.473 --> 0:18:51.819So I'm just like, those are my treats and I'm eating my appetizer.0:18:51.839 --> 0:18:54.482I'm drinking my drinks.0:18:54.963 --> 0:19:00.249I'm drinking my sugary drinks while my friends are having their cocktails.0:19:00.449 --> 0:19:01.930And that's fine for me.0:19:02.031 --> 0:19:02.891And I don't feel...0:19:04.643 --> 0:19:06.145I don't feel awkward about it.0:19:06.405 --> 0:19:12.431Now, I'm also at an age where happy hour really is a few hours.0:19:13.512 --> 0:19:17.275If it was longer than that, I'm not going out till two in the morning with anyone.0:19:17.335 --> 0:19:21.439I'm not staying up till, I'm not going, I'm not bar hopping and going out till midnight.0:19:21.499 --> 0:19:22.080So if you're at0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:43.894you know, if you're 25 and you're trying to stop drinking, I have a lot more sympathy for that because I have a lot of sympathy for you because I understand that, you know, your friends will start happy hour and then they want to go to the next bar and they want to go to the next bar and they go to late night bars and they want to go to after bars and keeping that momentum and keeping that energy is really, really hard.0:19:44.915 --> 0:19:46.656Whereas I'm at the age where0:19:47.544 --> 0:19:51.848My friends and I go to happy hour or dinner, and it's a few hours.0:19:52.209 --> 0:19:54.351And they want to go home.0:19:54.451 --> 0:19:55.512They have families.0:19:55.612 --> 0:19:57.034They have work the next day.0:19:57.154 --> 0:19:58.015We're all busy.0:19:58.275 --> 0:19:59.897We are all in our 40s.0:20:00.978 --> 0:20:04.602No one's staying out until 2 in the morning, no matter if they're having cocktails or not.0:20:04.678 --> 0:20:08.341But if you are younger, I understand how that's so hard.0:20:08.501 --> 0:20:10.783And what I will tell you if you are younger,0:20:11.211 --> 0:20:12.031Go to the happy hour.0:20:12.432 --> 0:20:13.172Go to the party.0:20:13.632 --> 0:20:18.034When it gets to be 11 o'clock and your friends are staying out till 2, go home.0:20:18.514 --> 0:20:25.857I mean, if you want to stay out and you have fun being sober and dancing till 2 in the morning and it's no problem, absolutely do it.0:20:26.418 --> 0:20:29.939But if it's 11 o'clock and it's painful, go home.0:20:30.239 --> 0:20:31.660You're not going to miss anything.0:20:31.845 --> 0:20:33.716If you've been someone who's drank, and I'll tell you as someone who's drinking, no one really even remembers.0:20:34.036 --> 0:20:35.137No one is going to remember.0:20:35.217 --> 0:20:41.321I mean, I've been in those situations and I've ducked out and my friends have said the next day, they think I'm there.0:20:41.542 --> 0:20:42.843They go, oh, do you remember this?0:20:43.123 --> 0:20:44.204Oh, were you there for this?0:20:44.464 --> 0:20:47.046Oh, did you do this?0:20:47.086 --> 0:20:48.126Did you go with us there?0:20:48.166 --> 0:20:49.507Did you go with us to the next bar?0:20:49.547 --> 0:20:51.569And I'm like, I went home at 11.0:20:52.149 --> 0:20:53.290They don't even remember.0:20:53.530 --> 0:20:54.251Like, don't.0:20:55.057 --> 0:20:58.199make yourself think you have to stay up for your friend's blackout.0:20:58.339 --> 0:20:58.879You don't.0:20:59.539 --> 0:21:00.320Go home at 11.0:21:00.440 --> 0:21:04.622When you're ready to go home, it's completely fine, right?0:21:04.902 --> 0:21:05.942You don't have to stay up.0:21:06.238 --> 0:21:14.943And I will say the quitting of the drinking is one of the best, if not the best thing I have done for myself.0:21:15.304 --> 0:21:16.044It really is.0:21:16.644 --> 0:21:17.825If you are struggling with...0:21:19.454 --> 0:21:30.706anxiety or depression, self-worth, and you're drinking too much, it is the one thing you can do to really shift things.0:21:31.226 --> 0:21:32.668I can't emphasize it enough.0:21:32.800 --> 0:21:41.108I don't mean to get on a soapbox, but I just want people to know it's such the secret sauce that you can do to really change things.0:21:41.308 --> 0:21:42.108It really can.0:21:42.149 --> 0:21:43.430I mean, it gives you clarity.0:21:43.450 --> 0:21:46.712It gives you, it alleviates depression.0:21:46.733 --> 0:21:50.376Oh, I held up my thumb and it did a thumbs up.0:21:50.536 --> 0:21:51.577How strange.0:21:51.857 --> 0:21:52.544Okay.0:21:52.544 --> 0:21:56.451And for me, you know, you make all these mistakes when you're, for me, someone who's like an overthinker, like a big time overthinker.0:21:56.471 --> 0:22:02.136And when you're drunk, you do these things that are outside yourself and you feel bad and0:22:02.716 --> 0:22:25.705you said something stupid or you hook up with a guy that you shouldn't and then the next day you're beating the next week you're beating yourself up you feel terrible you're overthinking how you acted it takes so much time and so much effort to get yourself back on the right path like you're always correcting for the mistakes you made on the weekend how can you ever get yourself0:22:26.265 --> 0:22:29.893on the right path if you're always correcting for the mistakes you made on the weekend.0:22:30.294 --> 0:22:32.840I mean, I just don't, it just, it doesn't work.0:22:32.940 --> 0:22:33.622It does not work.0:22:34.729 --> 0:22:41.511So I also think that the not drinking was such a crucial element to the self-trust.0:22:42.111 --> 0:22:43.792The self-trust took time.0:22:44.752 --> 0:22:54.895It took time for me to believe that I really wasn't going to drink when I went out to a happy hour or I had to go to a Christmas party or whatever it was.0:22:55.255 --> 0:22:57.615It took time for me to earn that trust.0:22:58.075 --> 0:23:02.617But with every kind of event or social gathering or whatever it was,0:23:03.977 --> 0:23:07.883I earned my trust back in little increments and elements, right?0:23:08.384 --> 0:23:12.189So I started to trust myself and that felt so good.0:23:12.330 --> 0:23:18.278And that did so much for my self-worth and it bled over to other elements of my life where I trusted myself.0:23:19.280 --> 0:23:24.664I knew my word had weight and I knew if I said I was going to do something, I was going to do it.0:23:24.984 --> 0:23:36.191And before I didn't know that, before I didn't believe that because I had lost so much, I had lost so much trust and I had lost so much credibility with myself.0:23:36.640 --> 0:23:53.948If you're trying to quit drinking or smoking or anything and any kind of addictive behavior, a little bit of advice that I can give is in the book I have, I always have like these exercises that go with things.0:23:53.968 --> 0:23:59.091So take a blank sheet of paper and write down at the top like0:23:59.551 --> 0:24:00.172quit drinking.0:24:00.772 --> 0:24:05.736And on the right side, write down everything you get from, from stopping drinking.0:24:05.776 --> 0:24:07.037What would you gain from it?0:24:07.118 --> 0:24:07.778What would you gain?0:24:08.679 --> 0:24:12.962Clear head, better sleep, more self-confidence.0:24:13.543 --> 0:24:15.865Maybe I would perform better at work.0:24:16.125 --> 0:24:17.646Maybe I could get to work earlier.0:24:18.227 --> 0:24:19.648Maybe I could start working out.0:24:19.728 --> 0:24:21.029Maybe I could work out better.0:24:21.289 --> 0:24:22.910Maybe I'd lose weight.0:24:24.051 --> 0:24:25.472Maybe I'd have less anxiety.0:24:25.892 --> 0:24:32.755And then on the other side, write what you would gain from keeping your behavior.0:24:34.376 --> 0:24:36.156Social situations are easier.0:24:36.477 --> 0:24:38.677I'd still have wine night with my friends.0:24:39.335 --> 0:24:46.680Uh, you know, just write down what you gain from quitting and what you gain from keeping it and then see how it, see how it weighs out.0:24:47.320 --> 0:24:47.881And you know what?0:24:47.981 --> 0:24:51.483Maybe wine night with your friends outweighs all the benefits.0:24:52.296 --> 0:24:53.698I'm not here to tell you anything.0:24:53.718 --> 0:25:02.386And you'll get to the point where one side weighs out the other and you'll decide what's best for you and your life.0:25:02.927 --> 0:25:10.895But I think kind of seeing that on paper can sometimes push you in one direction or another, or at least help you see the benefits.0:25:11.796 --> 0:25:13.698And I think when it comes to0:25:15.487 --> 0:25:23.672Addiction or drinking or behaviors that we all know, you know, we all know drinking is a bit of has its downsides.0:25:25.516 --> 0:25:27.717It's very personal.0:25:27.777 --> 0:25:32.318It's not like I drank through my 30s thinking, this is a great behavior.0:25:32.398 --> 0:25:33.499I should continue this.0:25:33.539 --> 0:25:36.260You just get to the point where you're like, enough is enough.0:25:36.320 --> 0:25:37.400I've had enough of this.0:25:37.920 --> 0:25:39.221I'm ready for something better.0:25:39.241 --> 0:25:45.683So it's all just very personal when you decide that you're done with something.0:25:45.883 --> 0:25:47.944It's the same with a partner, right?0:25:48.024 --> 0:25:51.965When you're done with a problematic partner, I'm done with this.0:25:52.005 --> 0:25:53.486My friends can tell me for years,0:25:54.941 --> 0:26:13.875that this is this should be over that this is enough that you that you're going to be better off but not until that moment that it really hits you that you've really reached your limit are you going to stop for yourself right so it's the same with drinking it's the same with smoking it's the same with whatever it is it's all so personal and you really can't do it for someone else you know um0:26:13.875 --> 0:26:15.483It really is just something that lives with you in your life and you have to figure out what's best for your life.0:26:15.860 --> 0:26:18.505So those are kind of my thoughts on alcohol and dry January.0:26:18.565 --> 0:26:19.967I'm sure I'll talk about alcohol again.0:26:19.987 --> 0:26:20.848I'm obsessed with it.0:26:20.888 --> 0:26:21.248Sorry.0:26:21.268 --> 0:26:24.872And thanks so much for overthinking with me this week.0:26:24.913 --> 0:26:27.536And until next time, wishing you all good thoughts. 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