People tend towards two errors. They think they have to be SO unique and special…or they think they have to conform to all the standards around them. Hyper-individualism, uniqueness taken to its extreme, will leave people feeling isolated, burdened, and vulnerable to relapse. Hyper-conformity, especially to unhealthy group and society expectations, can also steer a person towards all sorts of unhealthy, burdensome life narratives that can also leave them vulnerable to relapse. Jeremy Jones is a therapist, community builder, and DND gamemaster in New Mexico, with years of experience facilitating recovery groups. He and I have a delightful dialogue about uniqueness, normality, and the human balance between them. Some notable notes -  “What does it mean to experience uniqueness to the point of isolated suffering, that we are too unique and do not feel that there is either a place where we can be accepted, or where we can belong?” - Jeremy poses a really good question. We further ponder, Where does uniqueness act as a barrier to recovery? What is the cost of an attitude expressed as, “Why do I need to hear from others about their experiences when I know exactly what I’ve experienced?” Jeremy points out, when we experience mutual vulnerability, or a willingness to put ourselves on the line, it’s the full acknowledgement or acceptance that we can be hurt or healed simultaneously. Rhys observes that focusing on differences tends to prevent a relationship. Focusing on what is held in common, tends to bind people together. He further reflects that, “When I hold on to my uniqueness, I feel like I’m holding onto something special, even if it’s my badness. I feel reticent to let anyone be as bad as me, because that’s the thing I have to hold on to that makes me special, or gives me worth, or makes me memorable.”  And when we consider growth in general, “Getting through a thing, rather than just past it, emphasizes that we are on a journey, and we are on it together.” Jeremy reminds us, “We have all lived and survived the worst day in our lives so far. How might we recognize that in every single person that we meet? That this person has already survived the worst day in their lives so far?” We often carry the burdens of uniqueness because we like the idea of being in control of our lives…until we are then also entirely responsible for all the consequences of our actions. Rhys reflects on his journey into the Orthodox faith and the relief and freedom he found when he was no longer tasked with inventing and reinventing his own worldview and value system from scratch. The challenge with uniqueness is that saying, “I’m unique,” usually also means having to say, “I’m special! I’m extraordinary!” The reality is that if you actually are extraordinary, then that will be readily obvious, without you trying hard to show it.  “When we think we are special, we don’t want to learn from other people, because what do they have to offer? And that’s such a limitation that we put on ourselves, to not believe we can learn from anyone.” But to be perpetually a learner…means we can always learn! This podcast relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to learn how to partner with the vision of this show! Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at @newpattrencounseling and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions! Jeremy Jones can be found at www.thinkingaboutthoughtscounseling.com and on instagram @tatcounseling    #recovery #recoverywork #sobriety #sobrietywork #addiction #addictionrecovery #thinkingerrors #cognitivedistortions #automaticnegativethoughts #imunique #normal #individual #hyperindividual #hyperindividuality #conformity #hyperconformity #relationships #community #tradition #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #orthodoxchurch #easternorthodxchurch #easternorthodoxy #learning #growth

We often talk about the “parts” of our individual systems, and today we talk about the “body part,” in particular. I caught up with Jenny Hayo, a practitioner and teacher in the wisdom traditions. She is certified in Hakomi, Internal Family Ssytems, and Yoga, and centers an ongoing, dynamic, and gentle awareness of the physical body at the core of any emotional and psychological work. In this conversation, we start with our mutual love and appreciation for the IFS model of understanding a person, then I ask Jenny about why the body matters, what it means to remember your body, and how to go about cultivating a greater awareness of the body. “The more awareness you have, the more knowledge you gain, and the more knowledge you gain, the more choice you have,” says Jenny, on why we should listen to our bodies.  We reflected on the body’s crisis response system, and remark that we have lots of choices we can make throughout the day before we ever get to “The Crisis Choice,” which can often be associated with acting out.  When we talk about practicing body awareness, and developing new daily habits, Jenny refers back to the Old Yoga Wisdom to say, “Start where you are,” and “Start small.” She recommends being gentle and noticing a few ordinary sensations. Describe aloud the sensations you feel. Don’t try to be fancy about it.  She further recommends the book, Meditating with the Body, by Reginald Ray This podcast relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to learn how to partner with the vision of this show! Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at @newpattrencounseling and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions! Jenny Hayo can be found at www.jennyhayo.com.  #ifs #inernalfamilysystems #hakomi #somatic #somaticexperiencing #yoga #yogapractice #body #bodypart #emotion #awareness #mindfulness #practice #spirituality #healing #trauma #mentalhealth #counseling #therapy #sobriety #presence #orthodox #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #compassion

            Why should we talk about money in recovery? More specifically, how does it further a person's spiritual, mental, emotional, relational development to bring awareness and insight to finances?             Further, what is Stewardship? And what can we learn about it from Lord of the Rings?             Dino Biaggi is a self-identified fan about being deliberate about life. He is a husband, father, Christian man, and the Financial Literacy Manager at Birch Community Services, a Sustainable Families Program, in Portland, OR. He supports families pursuing fiscal and financial health. Paired with donated household items and food, his team at Birch aims to "Teach a person how to fish," and in this way support families in becoming the answers to their own challenges.                                         Rhys and Dino talk about what financial health is, beyond merely having a good budgeting app. We talk about family vision, core values, and wise practices to keep in mind as we navigate 60-100 financial choices per day.             Along the way, we muse on how one's relationships with work and money closely interact with our experiences of stress and trauma, and thus can eerily mirror a person's addictive, compulsive, and obsessive relationships with alcohol, drugs, and pornography. Turns out that our insecurities and inner narratives have a huge impact on what we do with our finances.             Embedded in our conversation about finances, is a discussion about Stewardship - that notion of seeing one's self as entrusted with resources, and managing them well. We make overt references to Denethor, the Steward of Gondor, as a really BAD example of a Steward.             Dino also points us to several Biblical passages, most notably the famous Gospel "Parable of the Talents," which offers a model of stewardship done well.               We discern that financial health cannot be reduced to a simple checklist of Do's-and-Don't's, nor is it as simple as having a well-formatted budgeting form. And yet, Dino still offers a few bits of initial advice on how to begin becoming intentional about your finances and family values, in a practical way.   This podcast relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to learn how to partner with the vision of this show!   Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at @newpattrencounseling and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!   Dino Biaggi and Birch Community Services can be found at  - www.birchcommunitservices.org.     Dino references the following authors: David L. Bach, author of the "Finish Rich" book series. Beth Kobliner, author of "How to Make Your Kid a Money Genius, Even If You're Not."   Rhys further recommends the book, "For Love and Money: Exploring Sexual & Financial Betrayal in Relationship," by Debra L. Kaplan   #sobriety #sobrietywork #recovery #addiction #compulsion #trauma #narrative #innernarrative #money #finances #fiscal #stewardship #work #debt #savings #spirituality #spiritualdiscipline #gospel #bible #newtestament #parableofthetalents #jesus #christian #christianity #orthodoxy #orthodox #orthodoxchristianity #birchcommunityservices #bcs #family #familyvision #familyvalues

When you notice that you tend to end up as the Pharisee in one of the Gospel parables…what do you do about that? Welcome to our most ecumenical episode ever! Mary-Kate grew up Catholic, then married a Baptist, and now is being interviewed by Moses-Rhys who is Orthodox. We start off talking about Orthodox Christian weddings, and go from there to reflect on our spiritual heritages, our journeys towards greater closeness with God, what do we do with the Bible, and finally - the difference between healthy spirituality, and spiritualizer parts. As counselors, we talk about the relationship between spirituality and psychology, where they work together, and where they see things differently. We also look at how healing seems to happen, or rather - how it sometimes doesn’t seem to happen. Sometimes it seems like “praying more” doesn’t actually fix our problems. Moses-Rhys brings in reflections on the Gospel story of Jesus and the Woman Caught in Adultery. Mary Kate brings insight from the parable of the Good Samaritan. We talk about the “Spiritualizer Parts” which we describe as those efforts we make to be righteous, and make sure everyone else is righteous too…but without a total compassion. We ponder this daring idea of getting to know why we sin or act out, rather than jumping straight to punishing ourselves. Moses-Rhys shares about how his own struggles with “Sinful” sexual behaviors and thoughts have morphed from hating himself into being able to show love to a high-school aged part of himself that, back then, never felt seen. Mary Kate reflects on her “Pious Part,” who can be internally viscous, and causes anxiety in church, and who is in conflict with a more joyful and exuberant part of her. This leads her to reflect on the writings of St. Paul about the Body being made of many members. This is typically understood as referring to the Church as a whole, but Mary Kate supposes that it also describes the inner life of an individual as well. This leads to discussions about Passion, the nous, and pursuing the Inner Stillness. Mary Kate also reflects on the hazards of following Parts and thinking it’s the Holy Spirit, while offering the more reliable approach of discerning the voice of God in the compassionate calm. Bible Passages referenced John 8(The Woman) Luke 10(The Good Samaritan) I Corinthians 12(The Many Parts) Also referenced, the book, Altogether You, by Jenna Riemersma. This podcast relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to learn how to partner with the vision of this show! Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at @newpattrencounseling and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions! Mary Kate Sowell can be found at Abundant Life Counseling Services, abundantlifecounseling.com in Austin, Texas. #orthodox #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #catholic #catholicism #ecumenical #ecumenism #theology #bible #scripture #spirituality #spiritualizer #ifs #internalfamilysystems #parts #healing #counseling #therapy #mentalhealth #addiction #trauma #childhood #family

In this episode, I share personal reflections on my Lenten Rigor for this year(Going to Matins every morning that I can, which is something like going to a meeting every day). I reflect on the intrusiveness of a sobriety built on adding something into my life as the inverse of focusing on subtracting something. In week one, I was excited. By week two, I'm tired, and questioning the worth of it.  But I suspect that, with both the sober life and the spiritual life, the points of early fatigue are just when I need to push forward. This is what it feels like to have my life shaped by something. This is what it means to identify a value, and live by it, even at great cost. If this sort of conversation is helpful for you, please consider supporting the work of this podcast through dollar support at patreon.com/outercircle, and through rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on Apple, Itunes, Spotify, Youtube, and more. Follow me on instagram at @newpatterncounseling for even more updates. As always, I love your comments and feedback. Thanks for listening! #sobriety #spirituality #lent #fasting #matins #recovery #discipline #spiritualdisciplines

What's the most important component of good, healthy, long-term sobriety? Hint - it's not abstinence. It's also not self-care, boundaries, or good communication. It has something to do with self-reflection, self-awareness, and community. In this episode, I say that forgiveness and confession are the most vital components of sobriety. This tends to be true of the spiritual life as well. If I can forgive, and move on from bitterness, and let go of resentments, then I am free from how others burden me. If I can take ownership of my actions and their impact on others, and confess my sins, and disclose my secrets, and declare in the open how I have harmed others, then I am free from the paralysis of having to stay shamefully hidden, and I am empowered to repair what I broke, reconnect with people, and move on toward thriving. In this episode, I also muse on the concept of Self-Forgiveness. At this point in my life and career, I don't believe "Self-Forgiveness" is a viable concept, at least not in the Orthodox Christian Church. There is forgiveness of others, and there is confession of one's own sin, which then invites the forgiveness of others. In this, forgiveness assumes a community, and cannot be effectively done by a individual. If this sort of discussion is helpful for you, please join the community at patreon.com/outercircle. You can also follow me on instagram at @newpatterncounseling.com. I'd love to hear from you! #sobriety #spirituality #recovery #recoverywork #forgiveness #confession #forgivenesssunday #forgivenessvespers #orthodox #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #lent #greatlent #community #church #counseling #mentalhealth #therapy

Rhys and Beth won the lottery...to an Internal Family Systems Level one training! From there they became friends and colleagues that talk about the Self, the Soul, and the Nature of Healing. In today's conversation, Beth shares part of her story of being healthy, then becoming sick, then learning to find an inner spiritual health that leads to outer healing. She and Rhys(also known as Moses) reflect on how their spiritual practices and the IFS framework have revolutionized their approaches to healing and to recovery. As part of our discussion, we offer a more in depth description of how the IFS framework conceives of a person. Each individual is a system of Parts(Manager Protectors, Firefighter Protectors, and Exiles) that is governed and nurtured best by the person's core Self. As we talk about this "Self," and what it is, we ponder over how the IFS concept of Self mirrors how some spiritual traditions conceive of the soul.  At the end of it, we highly recommend getting to know your system and your parts. And not just getting to know, but getting to love every single part of you. This podcast relies on the partnership of listeners - especially with dollars! Please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle to learn how to partner with the vision of this show! Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.patreon.com/outercircle and on instagram at @newpattrencounseling and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions! Beth Piazza-Bonin can be found at her practice website https://www.pathofthehummingbird.org/. You can also follow her podcast at www.100percenthealing.com #spirituality #self #ifs #internalfamilysystems #parts #trauma #healing #100percenthealing #recovery #sobriety #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #christianity #compassion #love #curiosity #rhyspasimio #newpatterncounseling #outercircleinnerstillness #pathofthehummingbird #counseling #therapy #mentalhealth

Always be a learner. Always be a beginner. Go back to Basics. Blessed are the Poor in Spirit. Be like the Publican, not the Pharisee. All these ideas are variations on the theme of remaining humble and bravely acknowledging what you don't know and where you fall short. If you can do this, you can always learn, always grow, and always work towards repairing damage you may have caused. Today's reflection is drawn from the parable of the Publican and the Pharisee, commemorated in the Orthodox Christian Church just three weeks prior to the beginning of Great Lent. This ancient parable is not just a cornerstone of the spiritual life, but has a wealth of insight for the sober life as well. If this kind of conversation is helpful to you, please consider liking, sharing, rating and reviewing the show. Please also join our community through patreon.com/outercircle, and follow further updates and news on instagram at @newpatterncounseling.com. Rhys Pasimio can be contacted through www.newpatterncounseling.com #greatlent #repentance #jesusprayer #pharisee #publican #humility #sobriety #learner #basics #recovery #recoverywork #counseling #mentalhealth #therapy #spirituality #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristian #orthodoxchristianchurch #rhyspasimio #newpatterncounseling 

I'm releasing this about a week late, but this is a reflection inspired by Zacchaeus Sunday, commemorated this year on January 29. In preparation for Great Lent, we talk a lot about repentance, and Zacchaeus certainly is a brilliant example of radical and healing life change. The story of Zacchaeus also offers some metaphors and other insights useful to both spiritual growth and the sober way of life. In this little story, we can consider how we cope with insecurity, facing up to harm we've caused others, healing and welcoming back our exiled parts, forgiveness, amends, and finding community. Let me know your thoughts on this discussion! Please join the podcast community at patreon.com/outercircle, follow on youtube, and on instagram at @newpatterncounseling. Thanks for your support! #sobriety #sober #soberwayoflife #zacchaeus #zacchaeussunday #lent #greatlent #orthodox #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristian #healing #exile #ifs #bible #newtestament #rhyspasimio #outercircleinnerstillness #newpatterncounseling

As we approach Great Lent, Rhys reflects on seasons of sobriety and the spiritual life. He contemplates the daily, weekly, annual, and crisis rhythms of heightened clarity and profound struggle, especially as outlined in the liturgical year of the Orthodox Christian Church. When we know that at point in the future we will struggle or encounter crisis, how should we best prepare for these times? What is the best use of the insights gained in the peaceful times? Rhys talks about the impermanence of struggle...and of prosperity, and how in order to navigate periods of crisis, struggle, and suffering, we need to have already been practicing good spiritual and sobriety disciplines ahead of time. For more information, and to support the podcast, please visit patreon.com/outercircle, or www.newpatterncounseling.com, or follow on instagram at @newpatterncounseling. #seasons #sobriety #spirituality #orthodox #orthodox #orthodoxchristian #orthodoxchurch #liturgicalyear #lent #greatlent #feasting #fasting #spiritualdisciplines #habits #crisis #struggle #suffering #recovery #recoverywork