“They’re heeeere.” Who’s here? “KAAAAAAHN!”

It’s June 4th, 1982 and the boys are taking on the suburban spooker, POLTERGEIST, the Shatner shout-fest, STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KAHN, and the Gene Wilder/Gilda Radner shit-show, HANKY PANKY. “Warp speed, Mr. Shalit, to Episode 77 of Opening Weekend!”

Handfarts, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the USS Matisa.  

Way back in June of ‘82, young Dan wasn’t the fully formed Trekkie we all know and love and occasionally make fun of. But soon enough he’d be getting ready to explore the universe…of Energy, that is, at the newly opened Epcot Center! While young Carol Anne was being chased down by vengeful spirits in “Poltergeist”, young Fred was being chased down by vengeful (and possibly anti-Semitic) 6th graders. And who was dealing with a worse case of mistaken identity? Gene Wilder mistaken for a murder suspect by Richard Widmark in “Hanky Panky” or Kenny Rogers mistaken for the lead singer of Survivor by 5th grade Jason O’Connell? 

Grab your carbon paper, turn up the volume on 2XL and get ready for the Kobayashi Maru that is Episode 77 of Opening Weekend!