Murderous turns, musical twists, and misogynist twerps.  DEATHTRAP, VICTOR/VICTORIA, and PORKY’S gave March 19th, 1982 a whodunnit, a who-is-it, and who-grabbed-it; all wrapped up in one Jazz-Hot new episode of OPENING WEEKEND!

Ah, the halcyon school-days of 1982: playing Star Wars in the backyard, acting out cowboys and Indians, drawing cartoons on the front-lawn with your friends, getting your wang violently tugged by an angry gym teacher as you stick it through a hole in the girls’ locker room. As a 4th grade castrato dressed as a California miner once sang, “Those WERE the days, my friend.”  While the Porky’s gang was trying to get some T&A, 3rd grade Dan was trying to get some G&T - reading German literature, struggling to play Othello and other obscure board-games, and MOST importantly, trying to cast a good backyard “Lobot.”  On the eastern end of Long Island, Michael Caine and Christopher Reeve play a deadly game of cat and mouse to see who can write a hit play. And just off the Ronkonkoma line,  Jason O’Connell and his doppelgänger, John O’Donnell play a deadly game of tracing paper and pencil to see who can draw a better Hulk.  Oui, Julie Andrews may be the toast of gay Paree, but wait till Robert Preston gets a load of Fred’s politically incorrect 4th grade singing cowboy. And co-starring Alex Karras as “Episode 43 of Opening Weekend!”