Why does Madison Beer’s beauty make us feel so insecure? Why does Hollywood demonize hyper-femininity? Why do we have a love-hate relationship with girly girls? With trending TikTok topics like "not like the other girls," "that girl," "pick-me girls," "pretty privilege," I've been trying to understand conversations around conventional beauty and femininity and why we’re often so quick to assume and react negatively to those who embody these characteristics. Through media and research dissections and some personal tea spilling, I unpack the downstream effects of a patriarchal system — one that breeds divisive media narratives, setting strict boundaries for girlhood and positioning femininity as a flaw. Constant exposure to these portrayals causes us to internalize these misogynistic biases in our everyday thoughts and behavior. In a society where a woman’s worth is closely tied to her appearance, I recognize social advantages tied to conventional beauty and femininity while pivoting the discussion to explore less glamorous aspects of these traits within a patriarchal hegemony. Make sure to subscribe for more episodes. Follow me on Instagram @onedayatatime.mp3 or @valgfong and TikTok @valerie.fong. Show Notes: 0:42: Intro (TikTok trends, personal story that inspired this ep, disclaimers, etc.) 6:18: Why do movies teach us to hate pink? 7:30: The separation of femininity from feminism: how feminist movements shaped our perceptions of girlhood 10:00: Who is the girly girl? What gendered tropes teach us about hyper-femininity 13:37: Girls we love to hate: 3 myths about the hot mean girls 14:10: #1: She’s an attention whore or a bitch.. 15:12: Girly Girl vs Not Like The Other Girls Girl 16:54: #2: She’s a threat.. 18:52: #3: She’s not the brightest (the dumb blonde) 22:50: Objectification 24:12: Career and workplace challenges: retaliation, girl-on-girl resentment, and male-dominated industries 27:47: Case study #1: Hedy Lamarr - beauty before brains 29:09: Harmful forms of attention: victim blaming and harassment 30:44: Case study #2: Stop blaming Madison Beer for your insecurities Sources: Harpin, J. & Holland, S. (2012). Who is the ‘girly’ girl? Tomboys, hyper-femininity and gender. Journal of Gender Studies. Rosida, I., Ghazali, M. M., Dedi, D. & Salsabila, F. S. (2022). The Manifestation of Internalized Sexism in the Pick Me Girl Trend on TikTok. Alphabet Journal. The Take. (2020). The Girly Girl Trope, Explained Hanke, A. (2022). How Hollywood demonizes ultra-femininity. Medium. Huizinga, M. (2022). In Defense of the Mean Girl. Cafe Hysteria. Chel Writes. (2023). “I’m not like other girls”. Medium. Iversen, K. (2014). How Girls Explores and Explodes the Myth of Pretty Girl Privilege. Brooklyn Mag. Weiss, S. (2016). Blondes Aren't Dumb, Science Proves Once and for All. Glamour. Morosini, D. (2020). The Dumb Blonde: Where Did The Stereotype Even Come From?. Refinery. THIRTEEN - New York Public Media. (2018). Hedy Lamarr and Howard Hughes' Relationship. PBS. ItzKeisha. (2022). Stop blaming Madison Beer for YOUR insecurities. YouTube. Shanspeare. (2021). how hollywood demonizes ultra-femininity. YouTube. Elle Literacy. (2021). how high school musical demonizes femininity - a Sharpay Evans deep dive. YouTube.

Welcome to the first episode in my Friendship series! With a growing list of responsibilities that demand our time and attention in our 20s, it’s so important for us to practice intentionality and self-reflection when we define our inner circle of friends. Today, I’m delving into things we should consider when making, maintaining, and outgrowing friends. Through personal anecdotes and reflections, I uncover the spectrum of friendships, from one-sided relationships to social media connections, convenience friendships, and childhood bonds. Discussing the impact of these diverse friendships on our lives, I share my opinions on recognizing who we should keep around and when when a friendship isn’t serving us anymore. Show Notes: 0:42: Reflecting on Changing Friendships in Our 20s 2:36: Adult Challenges and Reevaluating Our Inner Circle 5:32: One-Sided Friendships: The Lack of Reciprocity 9:15: The Social Media Illusion: Quantity ≠ Quality 10:32: Friendship Spectrum: Convenience vs. Emotional Bonds 13:18: Childhood vs. Adult Friendships: Growing Apart 16:26: The Evolution of Friendships throughout your life: Central or Peripheral 18:44: Outgrowing Friends & When to Move On 21:00: The Essence of Healthy Friendships: Authenticity and Safety Make sure to subscribe for more episodes. Follow me on Instagram @onedayatatime.mp3 or @valgfong and TikTok @valerie.fong.

"Have you eaten yet?” For Asians and Asian Americans, food serves as a cultural symbol of love, care, and community. However, this emphasis on food coexists and clashes with the beauty standards and idealization of thinness that are upheld within those very same cultures. Today, I’m highlighting the complexity of balancing cultural experiences around food with pressures to conform to social expectations of beauty. The very individuals who force-feed us out of love are often also the first to point out any weight gain. Asian Americans face an added layer of complexity, as they navigate balancing the social expectations of both Asian and Western cultures. Recounting my own experiences growing up as a chubby girl in an Asian household, I candidly address the enduring psychological effects of this dynamic, including shame, emotional turmoil, disordered eating, and body dissatisfaction. Resources: Smart, R., Tsong, Y. (2014). Weight, Body Dissatisfaction, and Disordered Eating: Asian American Women’s Perspectives. Asian American Journal of Psychology. Zheng, M. M. (2022, August 28). The Pressure to Be Thin. Sixth Tone. Lin, A. (2020, April 3). Let’s Talk About Body Image For Asian American Women. Study Breaks. Show Notes: 1:46: Cultural Symbolism of Food 2:06: Divergent Messages on Food and Body Image in Asian Cultures 3:00: Content Warning: Discussions on Disordered Eating, Food Anxiety, Body Dissatisfaction 3:21: My Personal Frustrations with Food, Weight Gain, and Family while Growing Up 5:10: Effects of Familial Pressures 7:54: Chapter 1 - Cultural Symbolism of Food in Asian Cultures 12:46: Chapter 2 - Social Emphasis on Thinness and Pressures To Conform 20:46: Emotional Challenges and Psychological Effects 22:47: Chapter 3 - Reconciling the Divergent Messages 23:40: Need for Culturally Sensitive Resources and Interventions 24:37: Carving a Path Towards Self-Acceptance and Empowerment Make sure to subscribe for more episodes. Follow me on Instagram @onedayatatime.mp3 or @valgfong and TikTok @valerie.fong.

Our 20’s are all about embracing the flirty, fun moments and exploring what we truly want in a partner... What they aren’t about is being narrow-minded, investing time and energy in one-sided relationships, and losing ourselves during the chase. Oh, and let’s not forget the dangerous game of comparing our relationships to those of other people. To help you navigate all the crazy, fun, delicate.. sometimes traumatic.. art of dating, I’m sharing insights on how we can confidently build healthy, mature relationships while staying true to our values and sense of self. Show Notes: 4:00: How and where to meet new people 8:06: Being open-minded about the kinds of people you date 9:50: Being upfront and honest about what you want out of a relationship 12:07: Playing games and “the chase” 14:58: Knowing whether or not you’re ready for a relationship 17:25: The consequences of using relationships to validate ourselves 18:47: Stop comparing your relationships to other people’s 20:28: Don’t let others dictate how you feel about your relationship 22:03: The importance of frequent and honest introspection 22:58: Why you shouldn’t settle 27:41: Why you shouldn’t change yourself for others Make sure to subscribe for more episodes. Follow me on Instagram @onedayatatime.mp3 or @valgfong and TikTok @valerie.fong.

If you’ve been online at all this year, you’ve probably heard of #EldestDaughterSyndrome, a viral TikTok and Twitter trend shedding light on the heavy but invisible burdens that the eldest female sibling often shoulders for her family. In this episode, I dive into the unique challenges and long-term psychological impacts of this family dynamic, drawing from my own experiences as the eldest daughter in an immigrant family. Together, we’ll examine the negative feedback loop that “parentification” fosters and uncover themes of self-sacrifice, navigating high family expectations, and guilt. I’ll also share strategies for self-care, setting boundaries, and cultivating a healthier sense of self. Sources: Morgan, M (2023 March 6). Are You Okay Or Are You An Eldest Daughter? Refinery29. Butt, M. (2023, March 23). Think Being an Eldest Daughter Is Bad? Try Being From an Immigrant Family. Vice. Valenzuela, D. (2022, November 16). Have You Been a Victim of Eldest Daughter Syndrome? Katie Couric Media. Make sure to subscribe for more episodes. Follow me on Instagram @onedayatatime.mp3 or @valgfong and TikTok @valerie.fong.

Today, I’m honoring AAPI month by sharing my experience as a young asian american woman navigating my first corporate job and how my identity has affected the way I show up at work. Join me in unraveling the model minority myth and reveal its pervasive influence on the expectations, perceptions, and representations of AAPI professionals. Diving into the myth's impact, we uncover its constraints on career growth and mentorship, while highlighting the importance of disaggregation and actionable strategies for fostering inclusive, equitable workplaces. Resources to learn more: Budiman, A., & Ruiz, N. G. (2022, October 10). ⁠Key facts about Asian Americans, a diverse and growing population⁠. Pew Research Center. Coqual (2023, January). ⁠Strangers at Home: The Asian and Asian American Professional Experience⁠. Chui, M., Ellingrud, K., Rambachan, I., & Wong, J. (2022, September 7). ⁠Asian American workers: Diverse Outcomes and hidden challenges⁠. McKinsey & Company. Make sure to subscribe for more episodes. Follow me on Instagram @onedayatatime.mp3 or @valgfong and TikTok @valerie.fong.

With the recent buzz surrounding her Eras Tour and her split with Joe Alwyn, Taylor Swift’s name has been all over the news lately. So, in this episode, I’m channeling my inner Swifty and exploring the narrative and lore of Taylor Swift’s iconic eras. From her country days to her pop star reign, we’re analyzing how Taylor has evolved as an artist, what characterizes her different media personalities, and what they represent. I also unpack my theory that everyone (yes, everyone..) is in a Taylor Swift Era, whether they realize it or not. Tune in to find out which era I’m in right now (and figure out which one you’re in) <3 Make sure to subscribe for more episodes. Follow me on Instagram @onedayatatime.mp3 or @valgfong and TikTok @valerie.fong.

Do you ever scroll through Instagram or LinkedIn and feel like you’re falling behind in work or life compared to everyone else? Today, I’m unpacking that feeling and discussing how social media often corners us into a comparison trap. Although we know these picture-perfect posts don’t tell us the whole story, we still can’t help but make judgments about how we measure up — catapulting us into a vicious cycle of envy, insecurity, and even imposter syndrome.. Joining me (as my first ever podcast guest!) is my bestie, Max Johnson! We’re sharing some of our own experiences dealing with internet discouragement and helpful strategies for shaking off negative thoughts to feel secure and confident in your own journey. Make sure to subscribe for more episodes. Follow me on Instagram @valgfong and TikTok @valerie.fong.

The Empire State. The Big Apple. The City That Never Sleeps. New York has long been romanticized by media as a symbol of American dreams, a city of endless opportunities where everyone is beautiful and everything is possible. This mythos has recently experienced a huge resurgence thanks to day-in-the-life TikToks and other glamorized social media portrayals. But these images simply don’t capture the full picture. Today, I challenge the mythos of NYC and share a more nuanced, personal view of the NYC experience. Make sure to subscribe for more episodes. Follow me on Instagram @valgfong and TikTok @valerie.fong.

Welcome to the debut episode of One Day At A Time with me, Valerie Fong! In this episode, I dive into a topic that hits close to home for many of us: the unexpected loneliness that often follows college graduation. Drawing from my own experiences, I share practical tips and strategies to help you navigate this difficult but common stage of life. If you're feeling lost or disconnected, you're not alone. Join me as we take this journey together, one day at a time. Make sure to subscribe for more episodes. Follow me on Instagram @valgfong and TikTok @valerie.fong.