Lawyer Rick joins Mikey and Ian, which immediately turns into a debate over $17 cigarettes, selling out, and why radio keeps replacing actual personalities with bland garbage between tampon commercials. Florida contributes a machete duel over an ex, listeners drag us back through foot Parmesan and Stroke’s first bidet blast, and some guy named Chatty bravely discovers that the joke podcast is, in fact, a joke. Then everybody compares the first major news story burned into their brain, from Challenger and Oklahoma City to O.J., Princess Diana, and Boston. Ian ranks songs that were better than the movies written for them before Rick explains why cropped texts, accidental Venmo payments, unpaid boss messages, and a neighbor’s camera can all become expensive lessons in acting like an adult. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸Your shirt drawer is full of cowardice. Fix it with something loud enough to disappoint your family: https://www.nottds.com/store/Tell us the thing you can’t admit to anybody with your phone number saved. We’ll drag it into public like responsible adults: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2Follow, subscribe, and leave a review so strangers know this disaster has witnesses: https://linktr.ee/nottdsThe audio is irresponsible enough, but the uncensored video on Patreon includes the faces everybody made while defending bidets and machete duels: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShowNot-That-Damn-Show podcast Mikey Ian Rick lawyer legal-advice Patreon cigarettes Chicago radio terrestrial-radio Cumulus iHeart syndication Waffle-House hurricanes Mexico-Beach machete-fight Florida Old-Sac foot-fungus bidet ICP Faygo GWAR banana-slugs frog-venom Challenger OJ-Simpson Princess-Diana Oklahoma-City-bombing Boston-Marathon-bombing songs-better-than-movies Lose-Yourself Decode Space-Jam Eye-of-the-Tiger Stayin-Alive Footloose Maximum-Overdrive St-Elmos-Fire Kiss-from-a-Rose Mortal-Kombat private-texts defamation Venmo working-off-the-clock security-camera privacy-fence

Stroke christens his new Florida place by testing a bidet live on camera…because apparently unpacking boxes was too normal. Then a sold-out, 105-degree Boardwalk show turns into a debate over what could make you walk out of an event.WTF News brings us an Utah bride who tried to torch her Mormon wedding venue with a stolen BIC lighter and a tampon, New Jersey cops dressing like clearance-bin shrubs, and Katy Perry getting rolled around inside a giant inflatable water bottle like a panicked gerbil. The confessions somehow make all of that feel classy with accidental sibling nudes, AI romance, ChapStick in an ass, adult onesie poop chutes, and a shower-head enema that went exactly as badly as it sounds. Also, Stroke bought a $2.40 doll named Clearance, so naturally we may have a new mascot. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸Your closet is already full of bad decisions. At least make one of them branded: https://www.nottds.com/store/Got a secret, a crime-adjacent hobby, or a bathroom experiment nobody asked for? Dump it anonymously here so we can ruin it publicly: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2Follow, subscribe, and leave a review before the algorithm assumes you have standards: https://linktr.ee/nottdsThe uncensored video is on Patreon, where you can actually watch Stroke discover a bidet and meet Clearance in all his $2.40 glory: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShowNOT-That-Damn-Show Americas-Loudest-Podcast comedy-podcast bidet live-bidet Stroke Florida hot-tub alligators George-Lynch Lynch-Mob Boardwalk sold-out concert-heat 105-degrees walkout loud-concert hearing-damage political-rants Utah-bride LDS-church tampon-arson relief-room lawn-spikes kids-bikes KFC AR15 Popeyes condom-chicken New-Jersey shrub-police distracted-driving Katy-Perry water-bottle crowd-surfing anonymous-confessions sibling-nude AI-flirting emotional-cheating ChapStick skeleton-xylophone adult-onesie poop-chute shower-enema Clearance Target-doll

On todays episode of Not That Damn Show we started with Dammits asking the important questions: who should pay for the condoms, whether Matt’s karaoke date is about to become a terrible decision, and why we call an animal a pet when “pet” is also what you do to it.Then your comments dragged us back into last week’s horrifying racist and sexist commercials and one of our favorite radio pranks, when a fake cat meow had people pulling over their cars and trucks looking for an animal that wasn’t there.After that we tried to figure out what actually counts as flirting. Hearting stories? Touching somebody’s arm? DMs? A “work wife”? Then we got to the fact that 26% of people think flirting with AI is cheating, which somehow turned into OnlyFans, live cam models, strip clubs, and why paying for one specific person changes the whole argument.Also video of a woman on a cruise ship scraping foot fungus off with a communal fork 🤮Reno Craigslist closed things out with hour-long bl*wjob requests, a debate over bisexual versus pansexual, and a guy trying to film POV oral with Meta glasses. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸👕 Buy some NTDS shit. Unlike cruise-ship silverware, we can reasonably promise it hasn’t been used to scrape fungus off somebody’s foot. https://www.nottds.com/store/📩 Got something fucked up you absolutely should tell a therapist instead? Send it to us first. Excellent judgment. https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2⭐Follow. Subscribe. Leave a review. Help America’s Loudest Podcast continue spreading into random states where we have no business being. https://linktr.ee/nottds🎥 The uncensored video on Patreon has all the faces that audio mercifully protects you from, including the reaction to that goddamn foot fork. https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShowNTDS NotThatDamnShow podcast Mikey Ian Jen flirting cheating AI ChatGPT Grok Gemini work wife work husband OnlyFans Pornhub live cam strip club condoms dating karaoke stoner thought cat meow radio prank cruise cruise ship foot fungus foot cheese communal fork Reno Craigslist porn glory hole MetaGlasses POV blowjob pansexual bisexual friend zone Sun splash SantaCruz Boardwalk KyleSmith girlfriend effect footCOVID barefoot bathrooms relationships jealousy digital cheating

Let’s say you’re a virgin in your mid-20s and decide the best solution is spending $1,500 at a legal brothel.Bold strategy.Now imagine getting home afterward and thinking, “You know what? I need to leave a Yelp review.”That’s where we begin.We also found a married couple who went to the same brothel FOR DINNER and were significantly more upset about missing ranch than the fact that they were eating chicken strips surrounded by prostitutes.Then Florida brought us a fake dick abandoned in a police car, Nana Squeeze Ass, two school principals getting separate DUIs in the same vehicle, and a 75-year-old man pepper-spraying children who wouldn’t pet his dog.Stroke also tells the story of getting attacked by a herd of lesbians.And then we watched old commercials about racist toothpaste, sexist coffee, Bill Cosby warning people about drugs and AYDS helping people lose weight. The past was weird.Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸👕 Buy some merch before we actually make the “DON’T EAT HOOKERS” shirt and your family starts asking questions: https://www.nottds.com/store/📩 You’ve clearly got something fucked up you haven’t told anybody yet. Ruin our day anonymously here: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2⭐ Follow us. Subscribe. Leave a review. Five stars preferably, unless you also spent $1,500 and expected sex lessons: https://linktr.ee/nottds🎥 Watch the uncensored video on Patreon and actually see the moment “a herd of lesbians” becomes part of the English language: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShowNOT That Damn Show Americas Loudest Podcast DUI checkpoints humanoid teacher classroom robot robot sex porn industry VHS Beta Blu-ray HD DVD brothel reviews Sherrys Ranch Alice Little legal sex worker Las Vegas brothel French dip ranch dressing brothel food losing virginity male virgin prostitution sex worker Dont Eat Hookers Thunder Valley buffet pocket shrimp karaoke Patreon Florida Man fake penis Whizzinator drug test suspended license police car dildo Florida vanity plate Squeeze Ass school principals DUI pet store pepper spray lesbians herd of lesbians poorly aged commercials vintage commercials McDonalds commercial Maxwell House coffee sexist commercials Bill Cosby drug PSA AYDS diet candy Johnson and Johnson Johnson motors Darkie toothpaste Birds Eye faggots faggots and gravy British food groaty dick

Family is important. Apparently not important enough to ask your brother to donate sperm without turning every future Christmas into a psychological hostage situation.We also learned that powdered corpses used to count as medicine, a frightened whale can blast three gallons of intestinal “Ink”, and one German man somehow found room for 278 genital piercings. Then a rabid bat landed on a teenager’s face, Mortimer wiped his ass with a turkey sandwich after shitting on a wall, and Russia held a wedding for two robots because gay people apparently still asked for too much. Ian finishes the job by explaining why your two-hour wait, weak drink, missing TV channel, and sweaty table are absolutely not his fault, even though it is actually 100% his fault. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸👕 Buy a shirt before we turn the turkey sandwich story into one. Your dignity is already gone, so dress accordingly: https://www.nottds.com/store/📩 Confess whatever disgusting decision is keeping you awake. We’ll keep it anonymous and still judge it loudly: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2⭐ Follow, subscribe, and leave a review so the algorithm stops treating us like a plumbing company nobody wants to inherit: https://linktr.ee/nottds🎥 Watch the uncensored video on Patreon and see every face made during the sperm-donor debate. Audio alone cannot capture that level of regret: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShowNOT That Damn Show podcast Boardwalk karaoke Orangevale karaoke Coors Light family business inheritance plumbing company teacher career sperm donor brother family sperm donation infertility donor anonymous sperm donor turkey baster pregnancy rabies bat Canadian rabies death bat exposure rabies symptoms Mortimer turkey sandwich public indecency robot wedding Russia humanoid robot marriage Robert Matilda robots teacher student scandal OnlyFans teacher restaurant tipping server complaints restaurant wait weak drinks slow food service restaurant television restaurant temperature powdered human corpses corpse medicine whale diarrhea genital piercings System of a Down Chop Suey watermelon vegetable Eiffel Tower expansion campfire stress relief manzilian waxing adult virginity Filipino hooker confession weight loss pills Ozempic generation marijuana confession masturbation addiction drug recovery confession

Stroke went to the Mayo Clinic, surrendered 32 vials of blood, and learned he has a tropical parasite that may have been living inside him for years. Most people would process that information privately. We immediately asked him to inspect his poop and send pictures if anything worm-shaped appears.That somehow wasn’t the strangest part of the show.Ian explains why calling yourself a “regular” does not magically earn you better service, a better table, or the right to jump an hour-long karaoke line when you tip like somebody’s disappointed uncle. Fair point, honestly.After that, the internet takes over. A sign-language lesson accidentally teaches kids how to say “nut in my mouth,” a nervous woman stutters into the worst possible word during a public meeting, and a bison sends an old man high enough to briefly qualify as weather.The Dammits close things out with toxic advice, including trusting every fart and shitting your pants to avoid a ticket.Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.👕 Your closet looks like it has given up on you. Fix that humiliating situation here: https://www.nottds.com/store/📩Tell us the thing you’re too embarrassed to admit to anyone with your real name attached. We’ll handle it irresponsibly: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2⭐ Follow, subscribe and leave a review so the algorithm stops treating us like three men yelling inside an abandoned Chili’s: https://linktr.ee/nottds🎥 Watch the uncensored video on Patreon and actually see the bison launch Grandpa into another zip code: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShowNotThatDamnShow podcast Mikey Stroke Ian parasite MayoClinic liver transplant transformer DNA test clue worms poop entitled customers restaurant servers karaoke regulars tips Boardwalk WashingtonDC Minneapolis voicemail disability UPS driver dog pitbull emotional support animal radio lottery DigitalDump signlanguage ShaniaTwain divingboard bison attack fatcop toxic advice Everclear fart tickets JehovahWitness comments

This is not a normal episode. After a heartbreaking loss in the NTDS community, we’re going live to talk, listen, and try to make sense of something awful together.If you’re struggling or thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 in the U.S.

We brought in the spouses for this episode and within five minutes we were trying to launch a diabetic pee whiskey brand called “The Sweetness”From there, things somehow got worse.We talked about the Folsom Rodeo skydiver who almost got turned into a patriotic tent stake, Mikey’s deep hatred of birthday sombreros, and whether a UPS driver throwing a box at a charging dog is self-defense or proof that humanity peaked with caller ID.The confessions went from stolen doorknobs to a fake-burned-down Disneyland to butt douching, because the internet has given anonymity to exactly the people who should not have it. The Jenn still found time to make everyone guess whether strangers were siblings or dating, which is apparently a game and also a warning label. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.👕 Buy a shirt so strangers know you make questionable entertainment choices on purpose: https://www.nottds.com/store/📩 Got a secret so stupid it deserves witnesses? Dump it anonymously and let us ruin it with commentary: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2⭐Follow, subscribe, and leave a review so the algorithm stops pretending it has better taste than you: https://linktr.ee/nottds🎥 The uncensored video is on Patreon, where you can see the spouses, the regret, and whatever faces happened during “diabetic pee whiskey”: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShownot that damn show spouses lunch lady kyle mandy jen diabetic urine whiskey sweetness pretty penis folsom rodeo skydiver crash sombrero birthday el tapatio ups driver dog box dog attack ketamine confessions doorknob disneyland moist mushrooms tool aftershock shower head enema coffee enemas bukaki baby shower ian 90s list fireworks gingivitis strep penis lizard spouse sibling dating

The whole gang is back, which means the episode immediately goes off the rails and never even pretends to recover.It starts with Patreon math, starving African podcasters, Fourth of July jello shots, and the uncomfortable realization that OnlyFans has better analytics than most businesses. Then Random Facts shows up and ruins everybody’s day with pearlfish living in sea cucumber butts, tapeworms growing 30 feet, itchy organs, sled dog mascara, and Aztec priests wearing human skin until it rotted off. Cute little family show.The Dammits also delivered. Snow White got exposed as a dwarf-house trespasser. Jesse called in about bowling (we think) and maybe peeing on a police station…. or a PlayStation. We’re not really sure. Then what’s Your Damn Problem hit us with a dying ex wanting one last weekend and a wife asking for an open marriage after her husband’s accident.WTF News brings us a pastor beating a guy’s ass, a missing giraffe, fentanyl “sugar,” and a White Claw truck crash.Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸👕 Buy the shirt before it disappears and you have to explain to strangers why you missed your chance to wear something stupid on purpose. https://www.nottds.com/store/ 📩 C Got a secret, confession, disaster, or life choice that would make a therapist quietly close their laptop? Send it in and let us drag it through the mud lovingly. https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2 ⭐ Follow, subscribe, and leave a review so the algorithm knows we’re not just yelling into a digital trash can for cardio. https://linktr.ee/nottds 🎥 The uncensored video is on Patreon, where you can see every dumb face we make while pretending this is a respectable operation. https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

We took a week off, came back with three hosts, and immediately started doing math on how this show costs about 75 cents an episode, which somehow turned into us being the cheapest whores in podcasting.Mikey went to San Francisco for his birthday, saw lowrider gangsters blasting Miley Cyrus like the founding fathers intended, and somehow came home angry about some lying table-stealing breakfast goblin at Hot Off The Griddle in Rocklin CA.Then Random Thoughts went completely off the rails with beavers, claptor, golden retrievers as middle management, Hitler as a gay panda, and the question of whether ghosts are dumb for hanging out in cemeteries.Ian also ranked his 90s crushes and you’ll never guess who number was 🙄Then the Damnits confessed to Lance Bass AOL catfishing, sauna cum vapor mythology, fake zebras, Scotland’s unicorn problem, and the kind of sex logic that makes you want to stare directly into the sun. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸👕 Buy the shirt before we change our minds, lose interest, or get distracted by a fake zebra. https://www.nottds.com/store/📩 Send us your worst confession. Not your “I ate the last cookie” nonsense. We want the kind of story that makes your ancestors request a name change. https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2 ⭐Follow, subscribe, and leave a review so the algorithm knows we’re not just yelling into a haunted basement. https://linktr.ee/nottds 🎥 Watch the uncensored video on Patreon because some facial reactions deserve to be witnessed like a public safety warning. https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow not that damn show america’s loudest podcast mikey ian jenn damnits patreon cheap whores boardwalk freedom weekend fourth of july drinks line dancing dwight anthony san francisco pier 39 haight ashbury lowriders party in the usa miley cyrus free bird wonderwall creed karaoke birthday fathers day hot off the griddle breakfast table party of eight restaurant confrontation oysters mongolian barbecue random thoughts beavers golden retrievers middle management claptor juniors hold my beer hitler furry gay panda ghosts cemeteries skip legs cloned dick bigger tv five minute crafts nineties crushes winnie cooper alicia silverstone pink power ranger tia carrere hilary duff melissa joan hart lucy lawless christina ricci topanga lance bass aol catfish helsinki sauna girls gone wild komodo dragon reindeer narwhals zebras scotland unicorn dirt squirrel florida man waffle house batman captain america leonardo the poon wolf everything is fake and gay